Explain it

Random thoughts and memories, that is what my title is and what I write about. The random thoughts part is not as difficult as writing the memories. I have found that my memories are more little snippets in time, rather than an era. I have, and have shared, a few of the lengthier memories, the stories as it where. But, there are those little pieces of memory that are difficult to record. Those memories do not contain enough material for a story, just a simple sentence. It is those glimpses that form the body of memory. Perhaps that is why when we see the onslaught of dementia or Alzheimer's disease it is those little pieces that go missing first. A persons name, or the street where you live may go missing. It is a sad and terrible thing. I find it frightening to think about. 

Each memory is uniquely mine. Even when I share my memories with others that were there, the memory is somewhat different. Talk to your sibling about a specific incident and you will quickly find the truth in that. My sister is two years my elder and grew up in a different world. We shared a lot of things but many we did not. It is a matter of perspective really. Being a little older she had information about certain things that I did not. Later in life, I had information about things that she did not. Sometimes when we compare notes, the results are surprising. 

There are small moments of accomplishment that I remember. They may or may not be significant to others. There are also moments of disappointment or regret. The things I can't take back. Those things are all memories too. I am surprised to learn that I perhaps don't have as many stories as I thought I would have. I'm thinking all my best stories I have already told. It could be that more stories are " cooking " and just not ready to be shared. There are some memories like that I believe, shared too early they can cause harm. And there are memories that should only be recorded in a private journal. I have given that some thought as well. In fact I wrote about that. The issue I have with a " tell all " journal would be ensuring it was not read until all the parties in that journal where dead and gone. A couple generations at least. At that point they would certainly be without harm, old memories.

All those little snippets of memory do form the basis for my thoughts. Why should I remember a particular moment over another ? Yes, if the one moment was particularly eventful it makes sense, but that is not always the case.Yet, in a way I guess it is. Those events when retold  may not hold any significance but they must have at the time. No story there, but a memory nonetheless. Were I able to gather all those random thoughts and memories together in a single volume I would then have the basis for a complete journal. It would prove interesting, I think, to a future generation. It would be an explanation of a life lived. Now that would have to be the " private " part of the journal. The explanation. I'm thinking that is the real story. It would take nerve to write and even more nerve to be completely honest in that explanation. That does beg  a question however, " can we explain our own actions ? " Sometimes I just don't know what I was thinking about.