Sunday, May 31, 2015

Thoughts on George

 There are events that just fill your thoughts. This past week it was the passing of my wife's Uncle George. I have written several times about him, and this loss, yet it still doesn't seem enough has been said. I even wrote a eulogy for George. I didn't give the eulogy or publish the eulogy anywhere but wrote it for myself. I did read it to my wife. Still, I feel compelled to talk about this. I just can't seem to get past the fact of his death. It is just a remarkable thing, unexpected, yes, but the man was 94. At ninety four it was an accident in his home that took his life. Perhaps that is what is so unexpected. Had he been sick or in " failing " health it would have been less of a surprise. He was neither. I figured Uncle George would live forever.
 His passing did not make me any more aware of my own mortality that is not what I feel. I am not sad for his passing, he is at rest. His was a good life, a long life, but it was, in the end, his life. Which one of us can say how much he enjoyed it ? Can any of us know the truth of his life ? That he dealt with more struggle and strife than most of us can imagine is without question. I think his passing has left me with more questions than answers. Is it those questions that occupy my thoughts ? If they are I don't know the questions, or the answers ! Death is such a mystery. Or could it simply be that I want to know more ? I only knew him in his later years and not all that well. That he was an aging Uncle I knew well, but of the man, little of substance. I know nothing of his deepest thoughts. How many of our friends and loved ones can we say that we know that about ?  The depth of friendship or love can not be easily measured. There are those that can enter your heart with a few words and others that do not gain entry with a book. Uncle George entered mine with a smile and a hello. I wasn't ready for him to say goodbye. I didn't get to decide however, that was not up to me. That decision has been made. I must live with that.
 With this writing I have reached a conclusion. Not an end, just a conclusion they are different things altogether. My conclusion is I didn't know nearly enough about Uncle George. There are still things I want to know. That is why it is not an end. I will not forget about him. Isn't it strange how the ones that affect us the most are sometimes the ones we know the least about ? Stranger still, they are sometimes the ones we visit the least, or ask the fewer questions of. I am left with questions, questions that only Uncle George can answer. I'll just have to wait for those answers. I'll get them when the time is right. For now my eyes are shielded and my thoughts open ended. It is the exposing of human frailty that makes us human, the lack of it, immortal. In one of life's ironic twists it is our frailty that makes us human, it is our humanity that makes us immortal.

  1. Humanity (virtue) - Wikipedia, the free...

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    Humanity is a virtue associated with basic ethics of altruism derived from the human condition. Humanity differs from mere justice in that there is a level of ...

Saturday, May 30, 2015

A quiet presence

Yesterday afternoon and evening I had an obligation. I attended a viewing for my wife's Uncle George. Personally I dislike the whole idea of a viewing, and if I had my way I would not participate in any of them, including my own. All the mourners gathering around and saying how " good " the deceased looks. Well they don't look good, they look, deceased. Phrases like, he or she is at peace now or they are in a better place, do little to assuage the anguish one feels at their loss. I can understand and appreciate the sentiment but I find it of little comfort. The only comfort I can see coming from that is that it is expected. The expected can be a relief in times of sorrow or tragedy.
 As I sat there I did view Uncle George. I thought about his words and actions while he was with us. I couldn't help but think, as I always do at these things, how strange it all is. The dearly departed propped up in a box on display. Folks enter and go to the side of the deceased. Most just stand there and stare. A few will kneel down and offer a prayer. After a minute or so they wander off to join the others. Soon there are groups of people talking about various topics almost oblivious to the fact that a dead person is in the room ! You would think that it would be the focus of attention, I mean, it is not a natural and normal thing., I'm not sure about others, but I find my attention drawn to that. And even more strangely I found myself doing the same. I would forget for just a moment or two. Perhaps that is the real reason we have these " viewings. " They help us deal with that absence.
 I know that you don't go to these viewings for the deceased. You go to show your respect to the friends and family remaining. In a way we go to show others how much we cared about that person. That is the intent. It is a moral obligation that should be fulfilled. Convention dictates that. It is the custom. It is a custom I find unsettling. Today I will attend his funeral. Today, as I always did, I will once again say. " see you later Uncle George. " I believe that I will see him again when the time is right. All things happen for a reason and all things in time. Uncle George was a confirmed bachelor for 94 years. He is at home now with his parents and the others that he loved. He is not gone, just in a different place.
 Now there is one thing that Uncle George would want you to know. He was a contestant on The Price is Right with Bill Cullen in 1961. That was something he was very proud of. Yes, he won the showcase ! A car, furniture, dishes, jewelry and a mink stole. Uncle George never missed an opportunity to tell you, or anyone that would listen, about that. To him it was a crowning achievement ! The fact that he reveled in it so pleased me to no end. This was a man that had served in World War Two but never mentioned that. A man that worked all his life and spent 70 years of that life in the same house. There were still dishes in the cabinet that he won on that show. He had used them every day since 1961. In the last fifteen years of his life he was blind and partially crippled. He still lived alone, without assistance. Oh, they were those of us that went and did his grocery shopping and took him to the doctor but he did his own laundry, cooking and took care of himself. An independant man that lived life the way he wanted to. That was Uncle George and a contestant on the Price is Right. On the show, and in life I would say he won the " showcase " by showing all that knew him what it means to be true to oneself and to one's friends and family. Uncle George, a quiet presence that will be missed.

Friday, May 29, 2015

Under control

 Well it got hot and humid here in Greensboro. It was bound to happen, what with the world turning and all, plus global warming. Anyway, I am not complaining I haven't forgotten the long cold winter. I'll take the heat anytime. It is just that I do believe all things in moderation. The forecasters say we will get a cool down in a few days and temps will be below the norm.
 Now I had to break down and get the air conditioner out of the attic. Yes, I still use window units and they do the job nicely. They also do a nice job on the utility bill ! That thought was going through my mind as I switched it on. I began to think about when I was a kid. We didn't have any air conditioning ! Fact is, I didn't know anyone that air conditioning in their home. I had heard some wealthy people that lived uptown did but never actually saw that. Fans were the order of the day. Dad had a couple cars that had air conditioning in them though. I remember a used Cadillac, about a 58 I think that had that luxury ! I do remember buses and trucks having a small fan mounted on the dash and that was pretty convenient ! The summers back then were hot and humid too, we just didn't know to blame it on cans of hairspray and stuff like that. Shoot, we just figured it was summer and the sun had some role to play in all of that. Well, whatever the case was or is it is hot and humid.
 Growing up I recall trying to sleep when it was like this. I would throw off all the blankets and just lie there. It was very uncomfortable and just sticky. The fan did help but usually not enough to make it comfortable. There were times when we slept on the porch to get some coolness. Those hot ,humid nights filled with the sounds of the night creatures sure could be long. Seemed like you would never get to sleep, although you felt so tired. Thing is, we survived. We made do with a fan, or on a good night a gentle breeze. Thunderstorms were a welcome relief also. Nothing like a cool rain and a stiff breeze to cool things down. Thinking back on it now it almost makes me want to experience that again. Ah, nostalgia. But, no wait a minute, I do want that air conditioning ! All things in moderation my friends, let's not get carried away.
 Yes I have grown spoiled over the years. I can't imagine having to do without air conditioning completely. I will complain about the cost and hesitate, but I will give in. The flesh is weak my friends and air conditioning a tempting mistress. I have grown soft and subject to the frailty of age. Climate control is what man has always sought and we still do. We have mastered the climate indoors and now have begun to worry about the global climate. I expect we will try to control that as well. We humans are control freaks ! If we are not careful we will control ourselves right out of existence.
 It is funny how we tend to look back upon those times as , the good old days. The memory of them is somehow comforting, even though we were uncomfortable at the time. Gee, remember when you had to get up, walk all the way across the room, just to answer the phone ? And you didn't even know who was calling ! Yes they were the good old days alright. Well, we got that under control too.

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Help Yourself

 God helps those who help themselves. That is what I was always told and what I believe to be true. I believe it simply because we are responsible for our actions and as a consequence the reactions we generate. It certainly appears straightforward and simple enough to me. Yet all I hear about is what " help " is available. There are programs and products galore that promise to help. Ten step programs and counseling sessions, psychoanalysis and drug therapies. There are programs that give you money and assistance, there are programs that provide free food and clothing. There is even a program I heard of that will give you a car !
 Now I'm not opposed to charity. The Bible tells us charity is synonymous with love. We should help our fellow man. The surest form of help is not in giving the person everything, but teaching them how they can " earn " the things they need. Wants are another topic and will not be addressed here. It is in showing the person that they can " help " themselves by their own actions, that the situation changes. Change must come from within. You can not obtain change through the efforts of others , only through your own. That is nothing new, even all the counselors and head doctors acknowledge that. That is the truth behind that old saying. You must help yourself to receive the help of God. What is God's help ? Understanding is what the help of God really is. When you begin to understand, you begin to act and do things correctly. The Bible tells us all how we should act, it is an explanation, an understanding.
 In this modern enlightened time man's arrogance has grown proportionately with his technical knowledge. We tend to believe we know it all and can explain it all. That is part of the reason we believe we can " help " others, when in actuality they need to help themselves. We have reached a point where many believe they are as God. The doctors handing out their prescriptions and therapies. The establishment of " programs " to guide you along your way. In truth they do little but make you dependant upon the program or prescription. They are only successful when what happens ? The person changes their behavior, and change must come from within. They must achieve a level of understanding.
 I'm not turning into some kind of evangelist and  telling you God is the only way. What I am saying is I call that power God. The power resides within each of us to " help " ourselves. Even the addict knows what they are doing is wrong, but feel helpless to stop it. Why this feeling of helplessness ?  It is what is being taught. There is nothing wrong with accepting help from others, but you should not be seeking or expecting that help either. The world owes you nothing. Playing the victim is the easier role no doubt about it. The garnering of sympathy is an easy crop to harvest.
 Look all I'm trying to say here is, until we start teaching " help yourself " again the problems will continue. We need to teach self reliance. Self reliance begins with self confidence. Self confidence comes from understanding. Understanding stems from knowledge, but is not the acquisition of knowledge. It is putting that understanding into practice that gains results. Positive results come from positive action. That is God helping those that help themselves. You may call it something else but the result is the same. 

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

An unusual delivery

 Yesterday I did something I hadn't done in quite some time, I wrote a letter. Yup, I sat down and wrote an actual letter with pen and paper. I can't remember the last time I had done that. I have written cards and a brief note or two but a letter ? Well, it felt rather satisfying to do so I must admit. The reason for doing so was a simple one. The person I was writing to does not have a computer or cell phone. No e-mailing or text messaging for him. He does have a landline phone but due to a time difference it is hard to connect. I just received a card of condolence from him regarding my brother and felt compelled to respond. An old and dear friend well deserving of a polite and considered response.
 I do not have any stationary so I went to the pharmacy. The Greensboro pharmacy is much like the drugstores of old in that it has many other necessities there beside filling your prescriptions . In fact, it is one of my favorite places to shop. To my surprise they didn't have stationary either. Legal pads and such but no stationary. So I settled for a legal pad and a box of plain white envelopes. I'm certain my friend will not mind one bit. I was reminded of writing those letters home when I was in the service, I used a legal pad most of the time then too. Stationary was a bit fancy and seemed like you would have to be a bit of a dandy, or a girl, to use that. Strange how I felt like I wanted to use stationary now and had none of those feelings. In fact I felt just the opposite, like I wa being crass by using a pad ! How uncivilized of me.
 I sat down to write and memories of English class came back. Put the date in the upper right hand corner. What salutation shall I use ? Indent the paragraphs. I used my trusty old Bic pen. The Bic Stic. It is what I used in high school and still what I prefer today. Smooth writing and good for shooting spitballs too. I decided to write in cursive, in keeping with this feeling of nostalgia. I'm fairly certain it will be decipherable. If nothing else it will present a challenge to my friend. I'm certain he hasn't received any hand written letters in a while. They are, after all, becoming a thing of the past.
 My letter wasn't very long and said little. I did find it quite a natural thing to do though, not at all uncomfortable. It was like riding a bicycle, you never forget. How many letters I wrote over the years I was in the Navy I can't say, but they were numerous. Back in my day we didn't have e-mail or cell phones to stay in touch with. Most often I had to find a phone booth if I wanted to call home. Phone calls were the rare thing, letters the expected. I remember the expectation of getting a letter. I also remember the sorrow when one was not in the mail.
 In closing I would say this is an ironic situation. I'm writing a blog about writing a letter. Writing about writing. Back in the day we would say, I'll write you and you knew what that meant. You might say, I'll call, but then you had to be more specific  That was so I could be sure you would be home, where the phone was. Now we say I'll text you or shoot you an e-mail. We are not concerned with details. Whenever. Also just a bit impersonal I would say. It took me twenty minutes or so to write that letter and that twenty minutes was spent thinking about my friend. I then walked over to post office to mail it out. I'm thinking he will be surprised to get a letter. Not a card or a note, an actual handwritten, in cursive, honest to goodness letter. Felt good to me, hope he enjoys it. 

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

A world without George

 He was here for ninety four years. What can be said of him ? He was a loyal son, a veteran and a good man. Brother to my wife's mother, he was just Uncle George. A quiet unassuming man that asked for very little in life, but gave life his all. I only knew him in his later years, when failing eyesight and a crippled leg had somewhat reduced his mobility, but not his spirit. On occasion we would go and visit with Uncle George in his row home in Baltimore. It was a home he had purchased prior to world war two and spent the rest of his life in.
 There are people that come into your life through the back door. Uncle George was like that. He lived alone when I first met him, his mother and father having passed on. He had no brothers and sisters to share in that sorrow. He was the last of the line from that blood. There were many nephews and nieces and brothers and sisters to his mom, but still, for the most part, he was alone. Do not feel sorrow for him I believe it is what he wanted. Never once did I hear him complain or sound bitter about his lot in life. He was a man that was just grateful to be here and had a gentle spirit. He knew his place in the world and was comfortable with that.
 When the news came of his passing on the 24th of May 2015, I was struck with one thought. Now I must live in a world without George. It is a sadder world now, more somber. Somehow in a field of flowers just the one is gone, and I notice it. I feel the loss of it and mourn. I take comfort in knowing he is not alone anymore for I am sure he has joined his family once again. His eyesight has been restored and vigor is in those legs. Saturday we will lay him to eternal rest and the world keeps turning round. His presence will remain however, that quiet peaceful soul. Uncle George showed us all how to live in dignity and accept whatever fate awaits. He was true to the very end, true to his spirit and true to his ideals. Much can be learned from his example.
 Sadly, or perhaps fittingly, I can't seem to recall our last visit with him. I wonder what words were spoken. what was the last thing said ? That was the way of Uncle George he spoke his truths quietly. I am left forever with a vision of that man. A man that had tales to tell if you would but listen. A man that enjoyed life and the people in it. A man that took delight in the company of others but lived alone. An enigma. I am left with but one question, what of a world without George ? I am much the better for having known this man and am grateful. 

Monday, May 25, 2015

A solemn obligation

 A solemn obligation. That is what those that defend our freedom pledge.That is what they agree to. On this Memorial day let us be aware no soldier ever gave his life. It was taken from him ; violently. He fought to keep it with his last breath. It was not a sacrifice : sacrifices are offered. Their lives were taken. It was a duty,a promise fulfilled, that solemn obligation kept.
 History tells us that the beginnings of this special day of remembrance began in Charleston, South Carolina following the civil war. Two hundred and fifty seven Union soldiers had been placed in a mass grave. The grateful " former " slaves exhumed those bodies and gave each and every one a decent and proper burial. Their debt of gratitude satisfied, they gathered not to mourn, but to celebrate ! For as George Patton put it, " it is foolish and wrong to mourn that such men died, rather we should thank God that such men lived. " That is the sentiment that should be expressed. That is what we celebrate. We celebrate not that which was lost, rather we celebrate what was gained.
 When our children ask us why we celebrate memorial day that is the lesson that should be taught. We are grateful for our freedom ! Just as those freed from the bondage of slavery celebrated their freedom, so should we. The sentiment is the same. We should be thankful that such men lived. We must never forget those that fell so that we can stand ! Did they want to die ? Of course not, that goes without question. So why would they go to war ? That is the question you should ask yourself on this day.
 War and the fighting of it is a young man's endeavor. The spirit of youth is what drives their actions. It is only with the hopes,dreams and aspirations of the young that wars are won. Why do young men go to war ? The answer is as varied as the reasons for the war itself. Some go for glory, some go for God and country. All go for an ideal, their ideals. Even though they are aware of the possible cost, they will risk all. All feel an obligation, a solemn obligation to do what is asked of them. The motivation for answering that call is not as important as the act itself, and that is the idealism of youth. It is that spirit that we celebrate. We celebrate the benefits of their actions, regardless of their motivations. A noble deed or the acts of the young and foolish ? Old men in their wisdom will debate that forever, The wisdom of age was only gained by the efforts of the young and that should not be left out of the discussion.
 As we remember those that died in the various wars and conflicts keep in mind their average age is less than twenty five. Just young men not yet in the prime of life. The prime of our lives is generally thought to be in our thirties and forties. We tend to think of them as old soldiers. That is only because we have lived to be old ourselves. Their deaths seem so long ago, even when their death was not. It is only when we have lost one close to us that our thinking changes. It is then that reality stares us in the face. It is then that we too must struggle with that solemn obligation. We must remember that soldier fulfilled his obligation, We must do the same. To honor their memory. That, is our solemn obligation. 

Sunday, May 24, 2015

What do you think ?

 What do you think about the Uniform Holidays Act ? It was signed in 1968 but didn't take effect until 1971. It's stated purpose was to establish  more three day weekends for Federal employees. In other words, to benefit government employees. Well sir, I don't like it. Didn't like it back in '71 and still don't like it in '15. I guess you could say I am a traditionalist. I don't like the government reassigning holidays to suit their wants. Let the chips ( holiday ) fall where they may I say.
 I do think this reassignment of celebration somewhat diminishes the focus. I mean, look at tomorrow for instance. What is it that we are celebrating ? Yeah, and how many reminders do we see that it isn't national barbecue day or the " official " beginning of the season. The official date is May the thirtieth. that date was chosen by General Logan as Decoration day because no major battles during the civil war occurred on that date. Now it is just the last Monday in May. The reason, it is more convenient. A reflection of our priorities ? It has been that way since 1968.
 Now don't get me started about Sundays either. I am a big supporter of the " blue " laws. I'm sure some of you remember those. I think it is a fine idea and a fitting gesture. Oh I know the religious connotations behind these laws but what is wrong with a day of rest ? I mean no one ever came and forced you to go to church ! At least not since the Puritan days anyway. Social pressure may have influenced some to attend for appearances sake, but what harm did that cause ? In my opinion might do some of these heathens some good ! I do believe it gave the workers something to look forward to. If nothing else, it provided a time for family. Mom and Dad didn't have to go to work and no " activities " were scheduled for that day. No sporting events or other things to distract. You might say it forced us to spend time together.  It did afford us the opportunity to refresh our spirits. It is my thinking that is some of what is missing in society today.We just need to slow down a bit, take a day off and relax. I believe we are forgetting how to even do that !
 I just believe that dates were chosen for a reason. Certain things happened on certain days, or in the case of Memorial Day, events didn't happen. I believe those dates should remain observed not shifted to be convenient. I realize all that I say was said in 1968 and has been ever since. Once my generation passes, I expect silence will follow on this topic. The actual dates and events are in jeopardy of passing along with my generation. They will just fade into three day weekends. The only thing keeping those dates alive will be the opportunity for commerce. What items can we sell in conjunction with this ? What " sales events " can we promote ?
 I say let's repeal this Uniform Monday Holiday Act ! Let us return the celebration where they belong, on the day they fall. When our soldiers and sailors died in battle they didn't wait for the weekend ! Let's reinstate the blue laws. One day of no commerce and a day of rest for the workers can't be a bad thing. Doing these things may refocus us as a nation. We should be UNITED it is in our name. These things promote unity. This uniform holiday act and removal of the blue laws has led to division. It is keeping our families apart. That's what I say. What say you ?

Saturday, May 23, 2015

A new friend.

 I have a new friend. I haven't known him very long and don't see him often. His name is Oliver and he is almost two. Sure we have a bit of an age difference, about sixty years, but he doesn't seem to mind. I find him a joy to be around. I'm thinking he like me too. He was here yesterday for a few hours and we played trucks and bought a balloon. We had a fine time, Oliver even got in a nap, one of my favorite things to do. As we went to buy a balloon a couple people asked me who he was. My answer was a simple one, he is a friend of mine. Some seemed surprised and I wonder why that should be so ? Can't we all be friends ? Oliver is friendly with everyone, the innocence of childhood, and I find that refreshing. He doesn't say much yet, just a few words, but you can often see the excitement in his eyes, especially when a big truck goes by. Now there is a guy just enjoying life. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all do the same ?
 I have grandchildren and love them all very much. I enjoyed them all as they were babies and growing up. The love for your grandchildren is an inherent trait. They are, after all your legacy. They are a piece of you and carry your heart with them. Oliver now is just a friend, that is all. We are in no way related except that we are both humans. I chose Oliver as a friend. You could say he didn't have much of a choice and be correct about that. I do believe he is warming to the friendship though. Hey, we shared M&M 's  and cheese curls. I admit to having my granddaughter Morgan change his diapers, friends only go so far ya know, and it is good practice for her. I had her do that for her own good because that's what Grandpa's do. Call it instruction. It's a win-win. Oliver gets clean diapers and Morgan get practice. See how that works out ?
 In my sixty plus years I have met a lot of people. I am not one to make friends easily. I should say, I am not one to call you a friend readily. I love to talk to people and share stories. I was in the Navy for twenty years so you can imagine how many guys I have met and worked with. There are not many I would call friends. Shipmates and acquaintances certainly, but not friends. Certain people I seem to make some sort of contact with and they become friends. It is a rather rare occurrence for me, probably something to do with me, and not them. But with Oliver I feel that connection. It must be some sort of cosmic connection. Is he a soul I have encountered before ? Could be, if you want to believe in the mystic. I wouldn't say I am a believer, but I wouldn't rule it out either. I do not believe it would be in opposition to my Christian beliefs.
 I am looking forward to seeing my little friend again. When the time presents itself I will be ready. You cannot force these things and create an unnatural situation. Oliver is my friend and shall remain forever so. Oh, he will grow and move on, no doubt about that. I welcome that growth as well. If I can be of help on the highway I do so gladly. For now, for today, he is just a friend of mine. It was good to see him, glad he stopped by.


Friday, May 22, 2015

Trinkets

 The most difficult things we do are those we tell no one about. That always seems to be the case. Doing the right thing, and making the moral choice is easier, when we get credit for it. Isn't that the truth of it ? We don't mind making the inconvenient choices ,quite as much, when we get praised for those choices. Doing the right thing solely for the sake of right is just not as rewarding. Not one of us wants to admit to that, but it is the truth. We want our rewards now. It is the basic nature of man to want those rewards immediately. It is the struggle between receiving those rewards and doing what we know to be right, that causes the difficulties in life. The feeling of being unappreciated or put upon is not a comfortable one. It is our religious beliefs that promise us the big reward. The catch is we have to wait for it. Good things come to those who wait. Isn't that an axiom you have heard all your life ? I know I have along, with patience is a virtue. The first I am undecided about and find debatable. The second I agree with totaly. Patience is indeed a virtue as it brings calm to your life. The opposite of calm is frantic and I hate that feeling.
 We are told that we should not tell about the good deeds we do. To do so is bragging or seeking rewards. When we do tell, and we do not get the " reward " we expected, it leads to anger or disappointment. We can feel hurt. When that happens we can become cynical or jaded. Those feelings will inhibit our growth. We become bitter and spiteful. We begin to get reactions in a negative way. Over time the negative becomes normal. We seek the drama. We will be heard even if we have to shout ! There is no calm.
 It is my thinking that it is this struggle that we are facing everyday. In years past we were taught to be patient. We were told all things in time. Today we hear more about being proactive than reactive. We are told if you want something, go for it. Grab the brass ring ! Ours is a more aggressive attitude. And we are being taught that our rewards should be received right now ! Sadly, many are being taught that the only rewards are those on this earth. With the removal of the " big reward " we are settling for the trinkets. Much like the trinkets you receive at a carnival game, of questionable value. They are only given as incentive and not reward. That is true in life as well. As you settling for incentives ? More money, more fame, more popularity, more material things ? Or are you the one waiting on a reward ? It is a lonely and sometimes frustrating wait. Oh, the rewards do come in unexpected ways. They may come as a fulfillment of someone else's need, but they come. Do not seek the incentives, they have nothing to do with reward. Reward can not be held in your hands but must be felt in your heart. It is that feeling, the " peace of God that passes all understanding " that is the reward, do not settle for trinkets.

Thursday, May 21, 2015

What's the alternative

 It does little good to ask the questions, if you can't decide upon the answers. That is a major problem in this country right now. Everyone is questioning everything, not a bad thing in and of itself, but answers are not forthcoming. At least the answers that prove to be uncomfortable or inconvenient are not. Those are the answers we seek justification for. One popular method of doing that is to legalize whatever behavior is currently in question. If it is legal, it isn't wrong ! Right ? Wrong, being legal does not make it moral. Just because it is legal that doesn't make it right. Being legalized is an attempt at justification and a form of forced acceptance. The intent being to suppress opposition to the action and in essence enforce a different standard of moral behavior. That is the goal of a dictator, state the law and the people comply. Fortunately we live in a constitutional republic where the voice of the people is the ultimate power. Our problem begins when we listen to the wrong voices. The voice we should be listening to resides within ourselves. We are born with that voice. James Monroe knew that and even included that fact in the writing of the constitution. Today, too many are listening to the voices of others, others with agendas of their own. Call it political correctness, call it being enlightened or call it whatever else you please, too many are just repeating the logic and rhetoric they hear on television and social media, their thoughts not their own.
 Christianity is on the decline in the United States. The research proves this out. With this decline there is a correlation to a rise in " traditional " immoral behaviors and practices. Gambling in the form of lotteries and casinos. Children born out of wedlock. An increase in the use of drugs both legal and illegal. Homosexuality and bisexuality being portrayed as " normal " behaviors. And I would say in general an abandonment of a basic rule, do unto others. It is okay to do unto others if it benefits you and you don't get caught at it ! The reason for this decline is a simple one, we don't like the answers. It is an inconvenient truth. But further than that is the removal of fear. Without fear we make fearless choices. Sounds like a great idea doesn't it ? The fact is, it can get you killed. Man requires fear to survive. That is a simple fact. Christianity teaches us that there is more than this world and our actions here determine that future. That is the inconvenient truth that many wish to avoid. They do so at great risk.
 To take a more pragmatic approach the data supports Christianity as a social compromise. There was less crime and more social order when Christianity was widely practiced. In short, most agreed upon the answers. The questions were still being asked and growth occurred. Now when the answers are not forthcoming a degenerate effect is being felt. It is not a belief, it is a fact. The abandonment of a moral code, and that in essence is what Christianity is, without a replacement surely leaves a void. What is replacing Christianity ? That is the question you should be asking ?
   

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Enough

 Bottle Fish,blowfish or puffers ? What did you call them ? Something else maybe. I called them bottle fish most of the time. I went to Wikipedia to see what they called them and the variety is amazing. What surprised me even more was that one variety is the second most venomous creature around, second only to the golden toad ! Those things can kill you. Well, not in three mile harbor they don't ! I couldn't begin to count the number I personally removed from Gardiniers Bay. I remember catching them right off the dock down to the harbor. And there is only one harbor where I grew up. Now if I was going to another spot I would have to specify, like the commercial dock. That was a dock, not a harbor, although you could dock your boat at the harbor. But all of that is not the point. I was talking about bottle fish.
 The only way I remember having eaten them was in a salad. Dad said those bottlefish where a poor man's lobster. After Mom boiled them and made them into a salad, I was a believer. Freshly made and chilled it is delicious ! They had several other advantages as far as I was concerned. First they were easy to catch. Handline, cane pole or fishing pole made no difference. Bait could be just about anything, shoot I've had them bite an empty hook. They were plentiful, at least in the 1960's they were. I know for a fact that between my Dad, brothers and I we caught over a hundred in a few hours. Throwing them into the buckets in the boat. Sometimes they would puff up and we would pop them them. Sounds cruel I know, but we would just poke them with a knife to deflate them. Get a lot more in the bucket that way. Cleaning those fish was a simple matter as well. Drive a nail in a tree and leave it sticking out some. Cut that fish behind the gill, slam it's head on the nail to hold it, then just peel that skin right off him ! That skin was like sandpaper though and would make your hands sore. It always did but I never could get much done with gloves on, still can't. After removing the skin gutting and chopping the head off was easy enough. Now you are good to go.
 It has been at least forty years since I had Mom's bottle fish salad. It sure was a fine meal. We always used that salad to make sandwiches. Toasted bread and a little lettuce, now that was, as the sayin' went " fittin' " Some fittin' Bub ! I did buy some frozen bottle fish some years back but it just wasn't the same. Mom told me how to make it but it just wasn't right. I expect that salad will remain forever as a part of lore for me. It will be nothing more than a memory. That's alright, I enjoy just the thought of it. Sometimes the memory is all that is needed. Sometimes the memory is enough.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Through the peep holes

Funny how most of us think of museums as dusty,musty old places. I mean museums in general of course, not art galleries or the Smithsonian Institute. A great number of us would never think of going to the museum unless to take the children for " educational " purposes. That is what we always say anyway. More times than not it is because it is raining, or the weather is cold and we are just looking for cheap entertainment. It also affords us the opportunity to appear intelligent and wordly. We like to do that in front of the kids. But just what is a museum ? Webster's dictionary ( online ) defines it as ; " a building, place, or institution devoted to the acquisition, conservation, study, exhibition and educational interpretation of objects " When you put it that way, it sounds like home. Aren't our homes the museum's of our lives ? I feel they should be.
 You know how some  homes just feel so inviting ? I believe that is because you are being included in their lives. If you know this person well, the objects surrounding you are familiar to you. If you are just getting to know this person, those same objects invite. They are like the person, interesting. It is true a great deal of the objects " acquired " have little meaning to anyone else but they are conserved nonetheless. That is the little curiosities we see in a museum. Other objects will be of interest in a historical perspective. Old graduation pictures, events from years ago, and even the fixtures in your home add to the conversation. There will be a few " standouts " the main attractions if you will. Those are our most treasured " acquisitions " still, I believe it is the little " hidden " objects that contribute the most. It is those objects that are the " peep " holes to the person. It is those things that the person cherishes outside of the spotlight that really tells you about them. It is the interpretation of the object that reveals its character, or theirs. Give the curator the chance to explain the meaning and you will gain insight into that person. It is also what makes a home inviting, curiosity. Isn't that why you go to the museum ?
 This idea of my home being a museum came to me as I was writing yesterday's post. I at first thought I didn't want my home to look like a museum. It doesn't. It does have a lot of " objects " in it. I am certainly the conservator of those objects. I often study and interpret them. I admit I don't think of them in exactly that way, but you get the idea. Those objects change in meaning and value over the years. They are not looked upon in the same light. Most have a story to tell. Might be a short story, but a story. Some objects lose their value or meaning and are discarded. That is also a part of life. Not everything belongs in a museum. And for me, the best museums allow us to touch and hold the objects. To really study them. Museums are for history, yes. But let us not forget that yesterday is history as well.
 It is for these reasons that I have changed my thinking. My home ( building,place or institution ) and my home seems like an institution at times, a mental one, is the place where I conserve,study,exhibit and occasionally give a educational interpretation of the objects I value. That pretty much defines a museum according to Webster ! So yes, I believe our homes should be the " museum's of our lives ". It is only in the conservation of these objects that we will be conserved as well. Maybe not the entire collection but a few precious objects. So when you come to visit me I welcome you to my life. Some of the things you will see may be old and worn but then again, so am I. That doesn't mean they don't have plenty of life left in them. There are stories to tell. The " museum " may be a little disorganized and even dusty, but my " museum " is always open. Nothing fancy here, just me. Look closely on the shelves and walls there are peep holes everywhere. I can tell you what I see through them, but I want to know what you see as well. Maybe I'm missing something.

Monday, May 18, 2015

wants and needs

 I have pulled out the past for several years now. Old photos and memories. I have researched the family tree and discovered my ancestors. I have written ,examined and contemplated the roots of my raising. Through social media I have reconnected with those of the past, at least the ones still living that is, apparently there is no wi-fi in heaven. If there was my dad would be all over it. I have surrounded and immersed myself in the past. Now I sit here, look around, and wonder.Should I just pack it all away ? Put it in a box for sometime in the future. To what purpose was all this done ? At the moment I am satisfied with what I have found. Perhaps I have turned a corner. I can't see the road ahead and am not sure where I'm going. To be more correct about it, I'm not sure where I went.
 If I learned nothing more, I learned that we only have today. Nothing is promised that can't be taken away. The only exception to that rule is the past. The past is unchanging. The only thing we can do is remember and interpret the past. We can review. That is the attraction of the past, it is permanent. I also learned you cannot share the past. That is called telling stories. For that is all they are to those that didn't share your experience, a story. Those that know you, and care for you can feel empathy or share in your happiness, but it is still a story to them. It is not their past.
 And I learned that their are two things we all want in life. We all want to love and to share. We all need that someone to love, that person to admire. The person we love the most we would surrender ourselves to and they would not accept that surrender. That is why we love them. We all want to share. We want to share our lives with someone, and everyone. It is only in the manner of sharing that we differ. Those are things we want. We also have needs. Needs are a different animal altogether. When needs aren't satisfied we become disturbed. We become uneasy. Needs are both big and small. Both are important. There are different degrees of want, but not of need. That is the distinction.It is a distinction that can become confusing. Our wants cannot always satisfy our needs. That is the confusion. It is a part of the human condition. We don't always know what we need, but we also don't always know what we want either
 And so, as I contemplate just why I spent these years doing what I did I am left with that question ? Did I fill a want or a need ? If it is just a want I would have to say I have satisfied that. If it was a need, I still need it. That would have to be so, wouldn't it ? Wants come and go, needs do not. Or do they ? 

Sunday, May 17, 2015

Welcome Home

 Today is National Candle Lighting day for our fallen servicemen. This is an event started by and sponsored by from the Warfront to the Home Front. All that is being asked is to light a candle in memory of all the fallen soldiers from the Revolutionary war to the present day. It began at 12AM and continues until 12AM tomorrow. I will be participating. I think it is a wonderful gesture. I especially like the idea that it is basically a private thing. What I mean is, there is no public display. That ,to me, strikes at the heart of the matter. We should do these things from our hearts and as a sincere tribute, not as a " everyone else is doing it " type of thing. Doing something for appearances sake. All too often the true meaning of the moment is lost in the celebration or ceremony. And so today I will light a small candle and keep it burning .
 I have done much work on my family tree and discovered many who served. I have also been fortunate in that all that I know served, returned home. I know that many thousands did not. It is those that did not return that we are thinking about today. I would add, especially those that never returned to their home soil. How many lie in foreign ground ? So many left unvisited and forgotten. It was their sacrifice that retained our freedom. That their mortal remains should not have been brought home saddens me. I light my candle to show them the way.
 A few weeks back, for no particular reason, I built a small stone fireplace. It was just a project I had in mind and thought to give a try. When I was building this I hadn't heard of this National Candle Lighting day. Looking at the fireplace I have built, and with this day in mind, I was reminded of an old familiar term, Hearth and Hone. What images does that phrase conjure up ? For me it is a brick fireplace at the end of the room. On each side of that fireplace where shelves, shelves holding books and the usual bric a brak. I remember popping corn in that fireplace and warming myself on a winter day. What image would those fallen soldiers see where it their Hearth and Home ? That is what this day is going to mean to me. A silent introspection and remembrance. Not sadness, but reflection. An appreciation. Welcome home boys, I'll build a fire for ya.

For Hearth and Home 

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Personal service

 About four and one half years ago I wrote a small blog about the Dugan man. To my amazement it remains my most viewed posting. Somehow people are still finding that post out there in cyberspace I can only assume those in space want donuts and cake too ! And I have to add they were the best, ever ! There will never be another to replace them. They went away back in '66 and will never be seen again. I will add that Entenmann's comes close, but even their quality has diminished somewhat. I've been led to believe they don't  make a walnut cake anymore. What's up with that ? Ah, but that Dugan Brothers bakery was the very finest. I had a plastic truck, the Dugan Bros use DIVCO trucks. I remember it well and wonder whatever became of it. I'm certain Grandmother Bennett bought it for me.
 I am fascinated that so many would remember and look up the Dugan man. As I said they went out of business in 1966. That would mean that the majority of those that worked there have to be gettin' on,as the saying goes, or gone. I'm near 62 and remember the Dugan man back in the late fifties or early sixties. It must be nostalgia that is the driving force behind this. I understand the Dugan brothers covered quite a large area in their heyday. The number of deliveries per day was quite large, literally thousands. I have always thought of them as " local " boys and I'm sure most their customers did too.Well, the driver probably was, and we interacted with those drivers at least once a week. They became like part of the extended family, like the milkman or the postman. Yes, but that was back in the day of personal service and personal relationships. It was a wonderful time to grow up. I remember the man delivering coal to grandma's house. We always stopped to chat and have a laugh or two. He would back up to the coal bin, that was on the back of the house, and just dump some in from his truck. A couple of ton, give or take a hundred pounds. No one really paid very close attention. You might say business was a bit more relaxed that it would be today.
 It was indeed a smaller world back then. A more personal world I would say. We did our business with a more one to one approach. Relationships were formed  Although I can not recall that man's' name, I knew the Dugan man. We must remember he was an adult and I just a child. I would have addressed him as Sir or Mister, that was the first names for adults back then. Unless it was a lady, then yes Ma'am was appropriate. We gave those " delivery " men, doubt any ladies ever delivered Dugan products, Christmas cards and offered them a cold drink of water. We asked about their families and genuinely cared about them. Should they not show up as expected, we became concerned. Not angry that they didn't come, concerned, and that was the difference from then till now. And maybe that is why so many remember the Dugan man and all those others. We miss our friends. Those friends that used to " visit. "
 I think it began when we built the first supermarket. That happened first in the big cities and spread. After world war two it really took off. When we developed the means to transport large volumes of groceries, especially fresh fruits and vegetables along with fresh milk and frozen products, it really spread out. That began the demise of home delivered goods. It was less expensive, volume usually is, but quality suffered. No matter, cost and convenience rule. Door to door salesman are a very rare thing today. Unwelcomed, for the most part, and a dangerous business these days. I certainly wouldn't want to do that. I chuckle when I see ads for PEAPOD. Home delivery of groceries, an old idea recycled and repackaged. Funny how life really is a circle in a number of ways. I wonder if the PEAPOD delivery man is always the same guy. Might be, but I'm doubting that. I wonder too if anyone knows his name. Will supermarkets ever go the way of the Mom and Pop stores ? A memory and your groceries just get delivered from a warehouse ? Would be cheaper, maybe delivered by drones ! I miss the Dugan man.

Friday, May 15, 2015

possibilities

The last few years I have found myself drawn to the mountains. This is a strange thing considering who I am. I was born on an island and spent twenty years in the Navy, you would expect I would long for the sea. I do, on occasion feel that attraction, but the mountains seem to be calling. I know little of the mountains and that way of living. I never was much of a hunter or outdoorsman, as they call it these days. Still, I feel drawn to the mountains and an image of life that probably doesn't exist I'm afraid Hollywood and television may have implanted a false notion or two in my mind. I would like to find out though.
 I expect, like a lot of folks I dream of having a log home on the mountaintop. A mountain stream to fish in and woods to roam. The neighbors are far away and I am isolated from the world. Not too isolated however, I can easily reach town or a hospital. My cabin has a large fireplace to keep me warm. Well, I'd use that when the electric went out and my backup generator failed. I mean, you have to have the Internet for God's sake ! I'm not grizzly adams. But I do find myself longing for a bit more freedom. More of a freedom from government than anything else. Unfortunately this independence isn't free. It would take a good bit of financial freedom to live that experience. Well that is what the lottery is for, dreaming without expectation. Yes, dreams do come true, but not very often.
 I believe I would be happy up on a mountain somewhere, just me and the misses. I am not much for shopping,going to the movies or in general, going out anywhere. I do not think I would miss any of that. I do like to fish but hunting is another thing altogether. I am not opposed to it, just seems like a lot of unnecessary work to me. I can see myself wandering through the forest carrying a rifle for protection, but not really wanting to shoot anything. I'm not sure what I would spend my time doing really. I mean, you can only fish for so long. Just living on a mountain sounds exciting but I guess it could get old. That and it will get cold. Then cabin fever may strike. Funny but I don't think that would be an issue for me. As long as I had food to eat,books to read, paper and pen and the internet; I'm good. I don't need television, I could do without that entirely. I would like the news and the internet would provide all that I wanted to know. Of course I wouldn't know whether it was true or not, but that is no different than watching FOX news.
 I am being drawn to a different dream. There was a time I dreamed of going home. After many years I have come to realize that you can't go home. Home is in the past and unless things change drastically, time travel just isn't possible. Home is not a place, but a memory. And so having come to realize that I find myself drawn to another illusion. The only difference being it is a possibility. I have never lived on a mountain or in a cabin. That experience may lie in the future. And the future holds many possibilities. The fact of the matter is, it is possibilities that drive us forward. Maybe I will win that lottery one day and give it a try. It's a possibility. In the meantime I have my memories to keep me refreshed. Memories are the drink of water on the road of life. In a strange way they are the only reality, they are what was. We can't know what is to be.     

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Fad,fashion or foolish

 I have never been one much for fad and fashion. Oh, I have purchased certain articles of clothing that would fall into that category but I'm speaking in general terms. I have pretty much adopted my " style " of dress and seldom deviate from it. Jeans and a tee shirt or for more formal occasions, a shirt with a collar. Dress slacks are for my " black tie " events like funerals or weddings, also for attending church services of any kind. My wardrobe hasn't been updated since the 1980's. Following my retirement from the Navy I took to wearing a ball cap. I still wear one everyday. A hat is the one accessory that I am always looking at. A man should have a good hat. I just have not decided upon a style. Now Merle Haggard always has a great hat. Doesn't matter if it is a fedora or a stetson his hats always look cool. It is one of those mysteries to me, how does he get such great looking hats ? Must be something to do with being rich,famous or a great songwriter. I'm none of those so maybe that is why no great hat. And it is this acquisition of a hat that led me to thinking about fashion.
 Is there an age where we shouldn't wear the current fad or fashion ? Is there a point where you just look foolish ? I have always been a bit self conscious about what it is I was wearing. Clothes make the man you know. Well clothes do give the first impression, even before you speak. Appearances can be deceiving. As for me I don't want anyone being deceived by my dress. What you see is what you get. Or is it ? That was the moral of the story in Clothes make the man. We are what we believe ourselves to be. In fad and fashion however it is what we want others to believe about us. If I want you to think I am a certain " personality " I can alter my dress to appear as that. Am I current and cool ? For me, I really could care less. It does seem to be of importance to some people and I wonder why. Is it a lack of self assurance or esteem ? Perhaps it is an abundance of both. I just don't know.
 Working in retail I see a parade of people every day. And believe me it is a parade and it includes clowns ! That website, the people of Walmart is an excellent example of what I'm talking about. Do some people not own a mirror or have an honest friend ? I can find no other reason one would go with the appearance that they do. But putting aside the outlandish I am thinking about fad and fashion. Take yoga pants as an example. Certainly body type plays an important role in pulling off that look. Would age play a role also ? Even should that " mature " lady have retained the shape would you consider it, shall we shall, less than discreet ? Would you form an opinion based on that decision to wear them ? What about a fifty something guy in skinny jeans ? That is the type of thing I am thinking about.
 The clothes we wear certainly influence what people think about you. I don't think anyone would dispute that. We hear it all the time, dress for success. The way we dress may get us the job and much more. Is that fair ? Probably not, but few things in life are. I think for me though that altering my dress to impress you would be practicing a form of deceit. It would take an effort on my part. I would feel a certain degree of discomfort in doing so. I admit if I had the funds to do so I might give it a shot, as an experiment of sorts. Move to a new location where you are unknown. Change your dress and manner of speech. Might be interesting but very difficult to pull off.
 Back to my original thought. Is there an age where we should avoid the current fashion ? I think so and for only one reason. I believe at some point we should become comfortable with who we are and what we appear to be. Of course I could be completely wrong about the whole deal. Maybe you should. Maybe it is a reflection that you are constantly changing and adapting to new ideas. Maybe it shows the world that you are current. Or maybe it just makes you feel young. If that is what you choose to go with, more power to ya ! Me, I'm comfortable just the way I am.  

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Out with the tide

 Having been born and raised in what is now known by many as " The Hamptons " I feel somewhat qualified to write about it. It is true that I haven't lived there in over thirty years and so am not current. But this also gives me an objective view. I view the East Hampton that I knew and love as a sort of " Mayberry. " It really was like that in many ways during the fifties and sixties. Sadly Mayberry was discovered. The thing is it had been discovered at least a hundred years before I was born. The artists came first, to paint and to absorb the ambiance. The artists were followed by the wealthy people that wanted a getaway from the stifling heat of the city. A place to decompress and relax. They built their mansions on the ocean front, a mini Newport. It wasn't much of an inconvenience and they brought money with them. Money that was sorely needed during the cold winter months. They were tolerated and, to a degree, given concessions in exchange for that money.
 The idyllic little fishing village that we remember never really existed, at least not in my lifetime. Yes there was a few families still fishing the bays and the ocean. A few still managed to survive in that fashion. Those families had done so for generations. Those families also took advantage of the wealthy whenever possible. Perhaps advantage was the wrong choice of wording but they certainly made money from those wealthy people. Some mowed the grass or did other landscaping functions. Some became " house watchers " over the winter months. The local stores benefitted immensely from their presence.
 Time moves forward and so does technology. It became possible to commute back and forth to the city. The train and the automobile became rapid methods. In the sixties I remember " Dashing Dan " an advertising gimmick on the Long Island Railroad. It did show the trend for commuting on a daily basis. Commuting became a necessity to earn the money required to live in the Hamptons. The city still holds the financial centers and that is where the money is. This isn't just a " Hamptons " thing. I see it happening right here in Greensboro. Commuting from the small town to the larger town for the same reason. Then those making a larger income buying and building their " rural " dream. Here it is farming but few true farms exist anymore.
 The reality of the situation is this, without the money the town wouldn't exist. It is not possible to sustain a town, whether it be the Hamptons or Greensboro, with the same methods as fifty years ago. For East Hampton the fishing days are over, at least on a commercial level, and in Greensboro it is the farming. It is an evolving process and uncomfortable to those of us that remember the old ways. We all want for our children and grandchildren that which we had. That is to say, our youth.
 There is a great deal more to this but it is something you already know. That doesn't make it any easier to accept. I recall seeing, written on the tailgate of a fishing truck, Hard Times. Yes it was hard times back in the good old days. We do have a tendency to forget about that. It is hard to watch the times change. To see the ship we sailed go out with the tide. We know she will never return but will make landfall in a foreign place. Then the cycle begins anew. 

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Inconvenient

 How much are we going to allow as a matter of convenience ? It is that very reason I see used to justify the changing of law, the way we treat each other and the way we do business. It is easier. It is more convenient to allow than to correct or enforce. This attitude will lead to the eventual demise of good law and order. How inconvenient that will be ! But let us not worry or think about that right now, that takes effort.
 Consider the marijuana situation. It is being legalized for convenience and for profit. It is too difficult to enforce the law. How many times have you heard that ? It is taking law enforcement officers away from their job. Isn't their job enforcing all laws ? Apparently not, only the ones that prove convenient. But pot has medical uses. So does a myriad of other drugs. Drugs that require a prescription. That seems inconvenient, why not just legalize them all. That way, no prescription required, now that's convenient ! But it is not pot I am really concerned with, it is the logic behind the whole deal.
 How about another situation justified by this logic. The unwed mother, or any woman that doesn't wish to give birth. I mean, how inconvenient is that ? To have to raise a child ? We can just abort it. Now, that is a convenient solution isn't it. We eliminate the requirements for the women's health to be in jeopardy, or any other consideration, other than convenience. Well using birth control or " gasp " abstaining altogether may prove to be inconvenient. We can then justify the action as being a " right. " Taking a life because of inconvenience seems justified doesn't it ? I get to choose. It is my right.
 There was a time in America when business was suspended on Sundays. That allowed time for the shop owners and workers to attend church services, if they wished. Well turns out it was an inconvenience to those that wanted to shop. Those laws were either modified or eliminated altogether. So now we can have all commerce,all the time. Now that's convenience. Never mind those people that have to work during that time, they can change their schedules or just find another job !
 We have reached a point in time when we need to screen passengers before boarding airplanes. Now that is an inconvenience, but everyone agrees a necessary one. Well, sorta. You can get a pre-screen pass or some such thing that removes that requirement if you fly frequently. You know, to make it more convenient. Those that don't fly often can be inconvenienced, that's alright. It is okay as long as it doesn't happen often. That's because frequent travelers would never be terrorists or suffer mental issues.
 Today it is all about speed and convenience. If it can't be done fast and with minimal disruption we avoid it. Isn't that why we carry credit and bank cards ? Just swipe and go baby. We say that it is for safety but really it is for convenience. Disregard the fact that there are fees associated with that, Consider the stuff we take with us on an outing. Depending upon the location and the length of the stay it may include, chairs,cooler,umbrella,blankets, a wagon for carrying it all along, with our smartphones or tablets. We expect clean restroom facilities everywhere we go. We expect trash receptacles, conveniently placed close at hand. If they are not we throw our trash on the ground ! Too inconvenient to pick it up and take it with us.
 That is my mini rant for this morning. I become upset with those that think everything should be provided for them. Those that feel any inconvenience is a personal affront to their freedom. If we don't change that attitude just how will we all get along ? There are times the things we do are inconvenient. That is not always justification for changing them. There are times when I feel " put upon " just being polite ! I try not to change though. It would be easier to just tell you what I think but that would be an inconvenience too. It would only add to the problem.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Keeping secrets

 Are there things that you should take to your grave ? Is it necessary to the human condition to expose everything you know ? This is what I think when I see certain things in the news. There are people telling about things that happened to them twenty five or thirty years ago. They say they needed to " share " to find closure. The bad things that happened to these people may have been traumatic and/or lifechanging. I can understand the need to " share. ". But what about other things ? Things that make no difference now and only cause harm or unrest. Perhaps it is words that were spoken or a perceived slight of some kind. Should we " share " those type of things as well ?
 It appears to me that we are living in a "tell all" time. It has progressed to a point where we are encouraged to reveal the tiniest details of our lives and indeed, details about others. In a lot of these instances it looks like the person doing the telling is doing so for profit of some kind. There is an expectation of compassion, and I feel an expectation of compensation. There are commercials for law firms that reinforce the compensation angle.
 I am often left with a question. Am I supposed to feel sorry for you ? Is that the real reason you are telling these things ? Well, let me tell you this. Bad things happen to good people. That is a part of life that is unpleasant. The ambiguous actions of others cannot be accounted for. When those actions injure you it is natural to want revenge ( compensation ). But what of those actions that there is no compensation for ? What of those minor infractions or bad decisions ? Do those type of things need to be exposed to the world ? I just don't think so. I think there are secrets to take with you to the grave. A good friend, spouse or life partner will do that. It is a matter of trust. Isn't that why they say " take you into my confidence ? " That is because I can be confident that you will not tell.
 All this " telling " nowadays reminds me of the story of the boy who cried wolf. Do they still teach children that story ? Yes, it will get you attention and sympathy to tell these things. It may get you financial compensation. You may gain some pity from others, even strangers, if your story is good enough. That is all well and good if you wish to be viewed as the victim. Playing the victim role is popular I'll give you that. It requires little effort. Surrender seldom does. Maybe that is the reason. The effort required to maintain integrity being too difficult to sustain.
 There are those that will say I come from the old school of thought. I can see their point of view. It is apparently at odds with what they were taught. I was taught that some things are best kept to yourself. If speaking out will do no good for anyone other than yourself, keep silent. Learn from whatever experiences you have and try not to repeat the bad ones. It is up to you to find " closure " with whatever issues you may have. There is no one that can " fix " you. Others may influence your responses, if you allow that, but they have no cure. To put it bluntly, get over it !
 In the end we only need to co-exist with one other. That other, is our conscience. If we do nothing contrary to our conscience we have nothing to confess. That is the long and short of it. The telling of what others have done serves no constructive purpose, that is, unless your conscience requires that. Then, if that is so, you should review the necessity of that action. Will that action result in a benefit to others ? If you believe it to be so, by all means tell. My point is, not everything is like that. There are secrets I will take to my grave, fortunately they are few. It does take an effort. The temptation to " surrender " those secrets can be a powerful magnet. The surrender to that temptation would only provide a temporary solution however. I dislike being a victim ! I will not make myself such. I will not allow you to do that either. And that is the struggle. 

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mother's Day

 This being Mother's day my thoughts naturally turned to my own Mom. I thought, what could I say about Mom that hasn't already been said ? There just isn't much left to say, now is there ? And there aren't enough words to say it. Mom gave me life. And that is just the beginning of the story. I've known her for almost 62 years now, a tad more if you count being in the womb. We have gone through a lot together, birth was a little traumatic, but Mom has tried to keep me calm ever since. She has been there for me whenever I called. Even when she was momentarily forgotten, or underappreciated, she was there. Mom, a constant presence. I am a part of her and she is a part of me.  As I sat and thought about Mom I looked at the pictures on my wall. One of my favorites is two Moms. Agnes and Lucy. Agnes is Mom to Lucy. They are my Great Great Grandmother and Great Grandmother. Now Agnes would have been 66 years old on the first mother's day and Lucy 34. Great great Grandmother Agnes had eight children. Lucy was mother to three girls. Her own daughter Clara, my grandmother, passed shortly after my father's birth and Lucy became mother to him. Yes, Mom's are like that. Mom's know no generation or time. They just love. I could sit and count the number of descendants from Agnes and Lucy but that number is not important. Agnes had a mom too.
 Her Mom would wait for her husband to return from whaling. So, even though we may think of it as a more modern thing, her Mom, Sarah Ann, had to be Mom and Dad to Agnes and her three brothers.
 Now my own mother's mom came here from Sweden when she was fifteen years old. She was dispatched to care for a sick aunt. Long story short, she had ten children of her own. She had three of them before Mother's day became a holiday and seven afterwards. Three children before 1914. We tend to think of 1914 as ancient history, but it really isn't. It was world war one. Grandma had seven girls and five became mothers. Her three sons all married what would become Mothers. And, as the Bible might say, Mother's begat Mother's. They also begat Dads. Yup, you would have to say Mom's play a pretty important role in the world.
 So today was declared Mother's Day by Woodrow Wilson in 1914. It is fitting that we should have such a day. It really should be everyday. We say Happy Mother's Day. We should all be happy ! I say, thanks Mom ! 

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Too much,too soon

 After writing about heroes a little bit yesterday, and their influence upon us, I began thinking about the kids. The thought came to mind, are we teaching our children too much,too soon ? Could that be the cause of some of the issues we are experiencing ? Knowledge is a good thing right ? Can it be harmful to teach the children too much,too soon ? What could be wrong with that ?
 The things I am thinking about however are not really knowledge based. Teaching our children to read and write, that sort of thing is essential. What I am thinking about is more in the line of Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. I believe that kids should believe in that sort of thing, for a while anyway. It is a presentation of what may be possible. Given time, children figure it out for themselves. What's the hurry to remove those dreams ? All too often today the very existence of God is questioned, What are children to think ? Is that why so many feel there is no place to turn ? So many without hope ? It is a thought that scares me and I fear for the future.
 Setting aside the fictional characters of our childhood is a natural part of growth. We determine for ourselves the reality of the situation. Were we disappointed ? I don't think I was. I do think I thought what a cool thing my parents had done for me in perpetuating the myth. Had me fooled ,for a little while. It was the lesson that was learned that was of importance. All things are possible, if you believe. Will all things happen ? No, learned that lesson too. And we learned to accept that, be grateful for what we did receive, and move forward. It is a lesson we weren't aware of at the time but a lesson that follows us in life.
 The same was true of our real life heroes. We looked up to them and tried to be like them. Whether that hero was Mom and Dad or some sports figure, we wanted to act like them. The difference back then was we didn't hear every little detail of their lives. Dads were Dads and Moms were Moms. It isn't quite so clear today. Children were to be seen and not heard ! Children were not privy to " adult " conversation. Adult conversation was about money, or other personal issues and of no concern to children. That is as it should be. Let adults deal with adult issues and the children with childhood. What was wrong with that ?
 I think that today we tend to teach the children to be leary of anything they can't see. In other words, a lack of faith. We teach them to seek only the facts. And we tell them, all the facts. Perhaps we are telling too many facts ! Too many, too soon. I believe we should give the children more time to fully understand the facts before we affirm those facts. Children know a whole lot more than we often give them credit for. Is it because we feel we need to show our superiority ? Just who are we trying to impress ? Think about when you were a child. You knew about certain things but didn't let Mom and Dad know that. Why ? The reason was a simple one. You didn't feel it necessary to state the obvious. There are some things that do not require discussion. Discussion is normally the result of doubt. When we doubt we talk about it. If we talk about a subject long enough we can find justification for just about any action. We can find others to support whatever view we wish to take.
 It is a funny thing about knowledge. The more you know, the less you think you know. Knowledge should lead you to explore  the possibilities. But knowledge needs a foundation and that foundation should be faith. Faith in yourself and faith in your fellow man. Teaching our children to not trust their fellow man and make decisions based solely on the facts is not conducive to growth. We need hope and faith. Yes and the Bible also says, Charity. These three, and the greatest of these is love. That is why we should provide heroes for our children. From heroes we learn Faith, acquire Hope, and learn to love. Heroes have faults, we learn that over time but more importantly , we learn to love them despite their faults. We try to be them and our faults come to light. Then we learn to love ourselves despite our faults. And it is only when we learn to love ourselves, that we can truly learn to love another. Did we love our heroes ? No, I would say we admired them. And from admiration comes love. 

Friday, May 8, 2015

Flawed heroes

 Alex Rodriguez has broken Willie Mays home run record to move to #4 on the all time list. The Yankees have stated they will not pay him a six million dollar bonus because they feel his use of performance enhancing drugs destroyed the marketing possibilities. I agree that he should not receive that bonus but for a different reason. He cheated ! For me it as simple as that. The fact that he is not the only one makes no difference to me. To say, everyone was doing it, as a justification is just nonsense. As my Dad would have said, if everyone jumped off the bridge would you do that too ? The logic that everyone does it is flawed logic. And for the record I would never allow Pete Rose in the hall of fame either.
 I can't help but think what a shame this is. I have written about heroes before. What heroes do the children have now ? The ball players are investigated for drug use. The musicians use drugs. Our religious leaders are being attacked. The president, whether you like his politics or not, is constantly besmirched in the media. The police are portrayed as the " bad " guys and not to be trusted. The schools are full of bullies and the teachers are being questioned. Where are they to turn ? Our service members are looked down upon as either uneducated or baby killers. 
 When I was growing up, we had heroes. Were those people without faults ? Of course not, but we didn't know that. Even in the case of fictional characters their faults were not shown. John Wayne never cheated. The Lone Ranger did what he did because it was the right thing to do. Father knew best, and Leave it to Beaver to do the right thing in the end. Our stories had morals to them. Morals were taught as ideals and to be emulated. Excuses were not tolerated, nor forgiven. Dad would say, " this is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you. " I knew exactly what he meant, he was disappointed in my actions but punishment was forthcoming. Just getting caught and admitting to the action did not justify that action,even if the whole world was doing it ! 
 In 1973 Willie Mays played his last game. He is still known as the say hay kid. An icon of baseball noted for his fielding and hitting. That happened forty one years ago. What will people say about Alex forty one years from now ? That he cheated. It is that simple. There will be an asterisk by his name that will forever taint that accomplishment. There will always be a But. What a shame. Can Alex ever achieve hero status ? Not in my book he can't. Were heroes manufactured back in the day ? The argument could be made that indeed they were. The omission of certain facts and details in their lives kept that image alive. Was it a bad thing, a deception ? No, I don't think it was. Children are dreamers and need dreams. If those heroes of old provided that dream. that inspiration, what was wrong with that ? We all grew up to understand that man has weaknesses. We all grew up to also understand that shouldn't prevent you for attempting to live that dream. Cheaters never win. That is what needs to be the lesson in all of this. In the end it doesn't matter how much money or fame you have if you don't have integrity. The heroes of old went on a handshake and their word. It was enough. 
 

Thursday, May 7, 2015

The noblest of deeds

 I went to the pharmacy yesterday to buy a mothers day card. Mom lives in Florida,as most retired New Yorkers of her generation do, and so I had best get that thing mailed. Yeah, Mom doesn't do e-mail or anything like that. I think she is a little scared of the whole internet and computer thing.She will barely touch a cell phone. Yes it is definitely snail mail for her. As I looked through the cards, the selection wasn't that great this year, I was thinking about all the cards and letters I have mailed her over the years. Mom is a saver and I'm certain she has a few that meant something special to her stashed away. I keep cards around for a few months before throwing them out. I know Mother will be expecting her card.
 After paying for the card, not a very elaborate or particularly fancy one, I was thinking about the price of that card. Four dollars and nineteen cents. A stamp to mail it is forty nine cents. You might as well say five bucks ! That reminded me of when I was in school. I would save my lunch money, fifty cents a day, and use it at Ross M Fanning jewelers on Newtown Lane. Mrs. Fanning was also my sunday school teacher and allowed me to " pay on time " at her store. If I took that fifty cents every day for two weeks that amounted to five dollars. Now five dollars would get you a pair of earrings or maybe a necklace. Oh they weren't 18 karat gold or anything but they wouldn't turn your ears green either. Mrs. Fanning would throw the wrapping in for free ! I figured it was because I was " special " but in reality she did it for all the kids. Thinking back on that makes me smile. Seems like quite a few of the adults I knew had ways of making you feel special. Mrs. Fanning took you into her confidence saying, don't tell anyone, this is between you and I. I made sure to make that " payment " every day so as not to disappoint her. 
 After writing in the card and mailing it I wondered how many cards are being mailed for this holiday. I began to think about all greeting cards. The best answer I could find estimates that the mailing of greeting cards has reduced, in the United States, by about 1.3 billion since 1993 and the introduction of e-mail. The card companies claim to be making a comeback and are not in any danger of collapse. They have had to diversify a good bit though. And I ran across an interesting little fact in the process, the average home will go seven weeks, on average, before getting any handwritten correspondence of any kind. It was once, twice a week. Yes, it is due to all the electronic mail and social media that we use instead. A good portion of letters that we write we now print off the computer as well. About the best you can hope for is a signature. The times they are a'changin'.
 So I wrote a few endearing ( I hope ) words inside the front cover of that card. A Hallmark card because I care enough to send the very best. Funny how that campaign sticks in my head and how effective it is. I feel cheap sending anything less than a Hallmark, and isn't that silly ? It is the thought that counts ! I had better think Hallmark though. I admit that I look for my birthday card and Christmas card to come every year. I watch for a note or a letter from my best friend, who also doesn't do social media, although he may call. The grandkids, as far as I know, very rarely get a piece of mail that is personal correspondence. I wonder if that will change for them or will it always be electronic communications ? You can't seal a tweet with a kiss ! It is also difficult to "scent" an e-mail. 
Waiting for the mail. It can be a frustrating experience as there is nothing you can do, but wait. It does teach patience though. I order things online occasionally and find myself looking for the mailman. Well, maybe it will come tomorrow. That's the thing about the mail, you never know. You have to plan ahead, get that card or letter mailed in time, and you have to wait for it to arrive. It could be days ! 
 In this modern world of rush,rush,rush, we can learn a lot from the mail. Oh, and that five dollars that it cost to buy and mail that card ? It is worth every cent, just like skipping lunch for two weeks. It is Mother's day and she does deserve the very best, as do all our friends and relatives. Taking the time to pick out a card, write in it, and mail it shows that you thought about them. And that is the true purpose of those cards and letters. It is the thought that counts but it is the investment of your time that adds value. Giving your time and attention to others is the noblest of deeds.

"The human contribution is the essential ingredient, It is only in the giving of oneself to others that we truly live."  ----  Ethel Percy Andrus  

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

A different time and place

 It is a different time. You hear that phrase used  to explain our actions. There is no denying the validity of the statement, it is a different time. In thinking about that this very morning I wondered just what is different about this time, this time being the present day. I would say that at some point in my lifetime we all began to become a little more defensive, a little more frightened of the world. And by the world, I mean our fellow man. There is a lot more distrust today than there was fifty years ago. Not to say that it isn't warranted, but it is more evident. Some would say we are not as naive as we once were. That claim can be made and it is valid. We are certainly more generally informed about the character of man. It is that " reporting " that we see on the evening news and in the last decade or so,on social media. It is that " reporting " I believe that has lead us to this place we are now.
 The news was reported fifty years ago that is true. It's primary means of distribution being the newspaper and television. Both of those mediums exercised a great deal more " censor " than they do today. The content and method of reporting has changed drastically over the years. There are no forbidden subjects today and no one is untouchable in the news. Even the images we see are more plentiful and graphic. Is it any wonder we have become, if not frightened, leary ? For children this world is a scary place fraught with danger. They are taught that from birth ! Adults are not to be trusted, the police are not to be trusted, other children are not to be trusted and teachers are not to be trusted. Just who can you trust ? Some are even being taught to not trust in God ! And that is why the attitudes that we see exist. It is survival mode. You can see evidence of that in the television shows being aired and the movies being made. There is no more Spin and Marty or Nancy Drew, no more good vs evil and good always wins. Oh, it is a different time.
 When we begin with the assumption that we must be on our guard, at all times, our interactions with others will be different. If we are not with those that are to be " trusted " we are then coming from a different place as well. It is something I have noticed in my everyday interactions at work. A friendly smile or greeting on my part is often met with either no response, or one of a guarded nature. This is especially true with the younger crowd. Those of my generation or older react in a different fashion altogether. Generally speaking they will reciprocate in kind. I can only assume it is a product of their upbringing and the social climate in which they were raised. Yes, I think we ( my generation and before ) are a different breed of turnips. Naive and too trusting ? I wouldn't say that but prone to giving the benefit of a doubt. Often shocked by what society does today but that is true of each generation. Man is continually adapting.
 I was fortunate to be raised in a place and time that was far more gentle than it is today. The attitude was also different. I was taught to be a bit more trusting and to have faith in my fellow man. Yes, I knew there were bad people out there that would do bad things to you. I wasn't bombarded with all the negative however, it was balanced with the good. Wrongdoers were punished, if not by law, by society as a whole. Your reputation was a vital aspect of your acceptance into society. It was not easy to remain anonymous back then, no facebook or twitter accounts to hide behind ! Was I just a country bumpkin ? On one level you could say yes. Still I joined the Navy and went off to see the world. I have managed to survive all these years despite that country raising. Was I ever taken advantage of ? Certainly. Do I have regrets ? None.
 There are many factors that influence this attitude of today. The least of them is not the media. In my opinion it is just too much information. Do we really need to report each intimate detail of every bad event that takes place ? I understand it is this reporting of the juicy details that drives the ratings. The ratings drive the revenue. Nothing new about that. What has changed is what the news people are willing to " sell. " There is little that they won't write about. Consider this, during his presidency how many were accusing Kennedy of infidelity ? Compare that to when Clinton was president. How many knew the FDR was crippled ? Today they would have his x-rays on the evening news. In fact they did have the x-rays from Clinton's prostrate on the news ! When I was a kid they wouldn't have even said the word prostrate ! That is the type of thing I am talking about. I believe it is this constant barrage of " reality " that is the primary cause of today's societal attitude. Consider the " reality " shows themselves. Are they real ? I don't think so, but they are portrayed as such, they are even called that ! And just what behaviors are shown in this shows ? So that is what the world is like ?
 The removal of trust in your fellow man, combined with the removal of faith can only lead to the destruction of that society. We can see that degenerative effect right now. Examples abound if you just look. I just feel that it is better to have high hopes and experience an occasional disappointment than the other way around. It can be a depressing situation.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Closure

 I saw a brief article about a survivor of the Kent State massacre. For those of my generation we remember that horrible incident that took place in 1970. Protesting students began throwing rocks and bottles at the National Guard that was there to control the protests. The end result was the killing of four students. A very sad and tragic occurrence. I recall a big discussion of these events taking place at my high school. An assembly was called and the event reviewed. I do not recall much of what was said but I remember being at odds with the common response. In short, I wasn't much of a hippie or liberal back then, and remain that way to this day. I don't believe the reaction by the guard was the correct one, but it was understandable. This article was addressing " closure " for that event. It has been forty five years.
 It is this " closure " that I am thinking about today. It is a concept we hear a lot about today. That wasn't always so, but is more of a modern notion.. The question is, just what is this closure that we are required to seek ? Closure implies an answer has been found. The case is closed. Or is it obtaining a satisfactory explanation for the event ? The problem lies in there is no answer or explanation. This closure is always associated with the ambiguous. There is no answer, or the interpretation of the action is open to discussion. No universal answer is forthcoming. Past generations dealt with this with an attitude of, time heals all wounds. Wounds "close" internally first. Accept what is, and move on.
 How did we arrive at this point ? Is there a commercial interest in all this " obtaining " of closure ? Funeral homes, social workers, counselors and therapists would certainly be interested in this. There is the implied obligation to obtain closure. It is also implied that this closure can not be obtained without outside help.  Why should that be so ?  True " closure " is unattainable. We each must cope in our own fashion. There is no fixed answer. Grief and sorrow will remain with us always. That is a normal and natural thing. To completely forget or dismiss such grief would be an abnormal reaction. Today we talk about the injury incessantly. We are made to feel that we must show this grief and sorrow over a prolonged period of time. We are even lead to believe we must never "forget." We should hold vigils and erect memorials for these events to serve as reminders. These same vigils and memorials may serve to continually expose the injury. To incite rather than to heal.
 It is my feeling that this constant reopening of the wound leads to infection. Infection leads to sickness. Sickness can be mental or physical. A constant picking at the wound is not beneficial.
I do not think we obtain closure,rather we learn to live with the injury. It does no good to rally against the past. You can not change the past. If you are expecting personal closure due to the actions of others, you are going to be disappointed. They can not change the past either. Why do we now insist upon probing the wound ?  Should we not just treat the initial injury and move on ? You can not make memories or feelings just go away. You need to learn to live with them. Repeating how ugly the scar is will not provide relief, but instead have the opposite effect. Attempting to find " closure " the answer or explanation to completely ambiguous situations is  a self fulfilling prophecy. Closure will not be obtained.
 All this talk of closure. What I believe we should be doing is just turning the page. The story isn't over and it isn't just about you. Bad things happen to good people. Life will deal you sorrow,grief and disappointments. There is injustice,hate,bigotry and intolerance in the world. It is also a part of your world, deal with it. The pitiful cries of, I need closure are causing dependence. Where there is a dependence there is aneed. Where there is a need, there is someone to fill it, for a price. Always has been and always will be. You can allow this " need " to become crippling or learn to move on. It is alright to carry sorrow,grief and regret with you. They are tools to be used for the future. You should not attempt to dismiss them, but learn to use them.