I saw a brief article about a survivor of the Kent State massacre. For those of my generation we remember that horrible incident that took place in 1970. Protesting students began throwing rocks and bottles at the National Guard that was there to control the protests. The end result was the killing of four students. A very sad and tragic occurrence. I recall a big discussion of these events taking place at my high school. An assembly was called and the event reviewed. I do not recall much of what was said but I remember being at odds with the common response. In short, I wasn't much of a hippie or liberal back then, and remain that way to this day. I don't believe the reaction by the guard was the correct one, but it was understandable. This article was addressing " closure " for that event. It has been forty five years.
It is this " closure " that I am thinking about today. It is a concept we hear a lot about today. That wasn't always so, but is more of a modern notion.. The question is, just what is this closure that we are required to seek ? Closure implies an answer has been found. The case is closed. Or is it obtaining a satisfactory explanation for the event ? The problem lies in there is no answer or explanation. This closure is always associated with the ambiguous. There is no answer, or the interpretation of the action is open to discussion. No universal answer is forthcoming. Past generations dealt with this with an attitude of, time heals all wounds. Wounds "close" internally first. Accept what is, and move on.
How did we arrive at this point ? Is there a commercial interest in all this " obtaining " of closure ? Funeral homes, social workers, counselors and therapists would certainly be interested in this. There is the implied obligation to obtain closure. It is also implied that this closure can not be obtained without outside help. Why should that be so ? True " closure " is unattainable. We each must cope in our own fashion. There is no fixed answer. Grief and sorrow will remain with us always. That is a normal and natural thing. To completely forget or dismiss such grief would be an abnormal reaction. Today we talk about the injury incessantly. We are made to feel that we must show this grief and sorrow over a prolonged period of time. We are even lead to believe we must never "forget." We should hold vigils and erect memorials for these events to serve as reminders. These same vigils and memorials may serve to continually expose the injury. To incite rather than to heal.
It is my feeling that this constant reopening of the wound leads to infection. Infection leads to sickness. Sickness can be mental or physical. A constant picking at the wound is not beneficial.
I do not think we obtain closure,rather we learn to live with the injury. It does no good to rally against the past. You can not change the past. If you are expecting personal closure due to the actions of others, you are going to be disappointed. They can not change the past either. Why do we now insist upon probing the wound ? Should we not just treat the initial injury and move on ? You can not make memories or feelings just go away. You need to learn to live with them. Repeating how ugly the scar is will not provide relief, but instead have the opposite effect. Attempting to find " closure " the answer or explanation to completely ambiguous situations is a self fulfilling prophecy. Closure will not be obtained.
All this talk of closure. What I believe we should be doing is just turning the page. The story isn't over and it isn't just about you. Bad things happen to good people. Life will deal you sorrow,grief and disappointments. There is injustice,hate,bigotry and intolerance in the world. It is also a part of your world, deal with it. The pitiful cries of, I need closure are causing dependence. Where there is a dependence there is aneed. Where there is a need, there is someone to fill it, for a price. Always has been and always will be. You can allow this " need " to become crippling or learn to move on. It is alright to carry sorrow,grief and regret with you. They are tools to be used for the future. You should not attempt to dismiss them, but learn to use them.
It is this " closure " that I am thinking about today. It is a concept we hear a lot about today. That wasn't always so, but is more of a modern notion.. The question is, just what is this closure that we are required to seek ? Closure implies an answer has been found. The case is closed. Or is it obtaining a satisfactory explanation for the event ? The problem lies in there is no answer or explanation. This closure is always associated with the ambiguous. There is no answer, or the interpretation of the action is open to discussion. No universal answer is forthcoming. Past generations dealt with this with an attitude of, time heals all wounds. Wounds "close" internally first. Accept what is, and move on.
How did we arrive at this point ? Is there a commercial interest in all this " obtaining " of closure ? Funeral homes, social workers, counselors and therapists would certainly be interested in this. There is the implied obligation to obtain closure. It is also implied that this closure can not be obtained without outside help. Why should that be so ? True " closure " is unattainable. We each must cope in our own fashion. There is no fixed answer. Grief and sorrow will remain with us always. That is a normal and natural thing. To completely forget or dismiss such grief would be an abnormal reaction. Today we talk about the injury incessantly. We are made to feel that we must show this grief and sorrow over a prolonged period of time. We are even lead to believe we must never "forget." We should hold vigils and erect memorials for these events to serve as reminders. These same vigils and memorials may serve to continually expose the injury. To incite rather than to heal.
It is my feeling that this constant reopening of the wound leads to infection. Infection leads to sickness. Sickness can be mental or physical. A constant picking at the wound is not beneficial.
I do not think we obtain closure,rather we learn to live with the injury. It does no good to rally against the past. You can not change the past. If you are expecting personal closure due to the actions of others, you are going to be disappointed. They can not change the past either. Why do we now insist upon probing the wound ? Should we not just treat the initial injury and move on ? You can not make memories or feelings just go away. You need to learn to live with them. Repeating how ugly the scar is will not provide relief, but instead have the opposite effect. Attempting to find " closure " the answer or explanation to completely ambiguous situations is a self fulfilling prophecy. Closure will not be obtained.
All this talk of closure. What I believe we should be doing is just turning the page. The story isn't over and it isn't just about you. Bad things happen to good people. Life will deal you sorrow,grief and disappointments. There is injustice,hate,bigotry and intolerance in the world. It is also a part of your world, deal with it. The pitiful cries of, I need closure are causing dependence. Where there is a dependence there is aneed. Where there is a need, there is someone to fill it, for a price. Always has been and always will be. You can allow this " need " to become crippling or learn to move on. It is alright to carry sorrow,grief and regret with you. They are tools to be used for the future. You should not attempt to dismiss them, but learn to use them.
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