I have pulled out the past for several years now. Old photos and memories. I have researched the family tree and discovered my ancestors. I have written ,examined and contemplated the roots of my raising. Through social media I have reconnected with those of the past, at least the ones still living that is, apparently there is no wi-fi in heaven. If there was my dad would be all over it. I have surrounded and immersed myself in the past. Now I sit here, look around, and wonder.Should I just pack it all away ? Put it in a box for sometime in the future. To what purpose was all this done ? At the moment I am satisfied with what I have found. Perhaps I have turned a corner. I can't see the road ahead and am not sure where I'm going. To be more correct about it, I'm not sure where I went.
If I learned nothing more, I learned that we only have today. Nothing is promised that can't be taken away. The only exception to that rule is the past. The past is unchanging. The only thing we can do is remember and interpret the past. We can review. That is the attraction of the past, it is permanent. I also learned you cannot share the past. That is called telling stories. For that is all they are to those that didn't share your experience, a story. Those that know you, and care for you can feel empathy or share in your happiness, but it is still a story to them. It is not their past.
And I learned that their are two things we all want in life. We all want to love and to share. We all need that someone to love, that person to admire. The person we love the most we would surrender ourselves to and they would not accept that surrender. That is why we love them. We all want to share. We want to share our lives with someone, and everyone. It is only in the manner of sharing that we differ. Those are things we want. We also have needs. Needs are a different animal altogether. When needs aren't satisfied we become disturbed. We become uneasy. Needs are both big and small. Both are important. There are different degrees of want, but not of need. That is the distinction.It is a distinction that can become confusing. Our wants cannot always satisfy our needs. That is the confusion. It is a part of the human condition. We don't always know what we need, but we also don't always know what we want either
And so, as I contemplate just why I spent these years doing what I did I am left with that question ? Did I fill a want or a need ? If it is just a want I would have to say I have satisfied that. If it was a need, I still need it. That would have to be so, wouldn't it ? Wants come and go, needs do not. Or do they ?
If I learned nothing more, I learned that we only have today. Nothing is promised that can't be taken away. The only exception to that rule is the past. The past is unchanging. The only thing we can do is remember and interpret the past. We can review. That is the attraction of the past, it is permanent. I also learned you cannot share the past. That is called telling stories. For that is all they are to those that didn't share your experience, a story. Those that know you, and care for you can feel empathy or share in your happiness, but it is still a story to them. It is not their past.
And I learned that their are two things we all want in life. We all want to love and to share. We all need that someone to love, that person to admire. The person we love the most we would surrender ourselves to and they would not accept that surrender. That is why we love them. We all want to share. We want to share our lives with someone, and everyone. It is only in the manner of sharing that we differ. Those are things we want. We also have needs. Needs are a different animal altogether. When needs aren't satisfied we become disturbed. We become uneasy. Needs are both big and small. Both are important. There are different degrees of want, but not of need. That is the distinction.It is a distinction that can become confusing. Our wants cannot always satisfy our needs. That is the confusion. It is a part of the human condition. We don't always know what we need, but we also don't always know what we want either
And so, as I contemplate just why I spent these years doing what I did I am left with that question ? Did I fill a want or a need ? If it is just a want I would have to say I have satisfied that. If it was a need, I still need it. That would have to be so, wouldn't it ? Wants come and go, needs do not. Or do they ?
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