Are there things that you should take to your grave ? Is it necessary to the human condition to expose everything you know ? This is what I think when I see certain things in the news. There are people telling about things that happened to them twenty five or thirty years ago. They say they needed to " share " to find closure. The bad things that happened to these people may have been traumatic and/or lifechanging. I can understand the need to " share. ". But what about other things ? Things that make no difference now and only cause harm or unrest. Perhaps it is words that were spoken or a perceived slight of some kind. Should we " share " those type of things as well ?
It appears to me that we are living in a "tell all" time. It has progressed to a point where we are encouraged to reveal the tiniest details of our lives and indeed, details about others. In a lot of these instances it looks like the person doing the telling is doing so for profit of some kind. There is an expectation of compassion, and I feel an expectation of compensation. There are commercials for law firms that reinforce the compensation angle.
I am often left with a question. Am I supposed to feel sorry for you ? Is that the real reason you are telling these things ? Well, let me tell you this. Bad things happen to good people. That is a part of life that is unpleasant. The ambiguous actions of others cannot be accounted for. When those actions injure you it is natural to want revenge ( compensation ). But what of those actions that there is no compensation for ? What of those minor infractions or bad decisions ? Do those type of things need to be exposed to the world ? I just don't think so. I think there are secrets to take with you to the grave. A good friend, spouse or life partner will do that. It is a matter of trust. Isn't that why they say " take you into my confidence ? " That is because I can be confident that you will not tell.
All this " telling " nowadays reminds me of the story of the boy who cried wolf. Do they still teach children that story ? Yes, it will get you attention and sympathy to tell these things. It may get you financial compensation. You may gain some pity from others, even strangers, if your story is good enough. That is all well and good if you wish to be viewed as the victim. Playing the victim role is popular I'll give you that. It requires little effort. Surrender seldom does. Maybe that is the reason. The effort required to maintain integrity being too difficult to sustain.
There are those that will say I come from the old school of thought. I can see their point of view. It is apparently at odds with what they were taught. I was taught that some things are best kept to yourself. If speaking out will do no good for anyone other than yourself, keep silent. Learn from whatever experiences you have and try not to repeat the bad ones. It is up to you to find " closure " with whatever issues you may have. There is no one that can " fix " you. Others may influence your responses, if you allow that, but they have no cure. To put it bluntly, get over it !
In the end we only need to co-exist with one other. That other, is our conscience. If we do nothing contrary to our conscience we have nothing to confess. That is the long and short of it. The telling of what others have done serves no constructive purpose, that is, unless your conscience requires that. Then, if that is so, you should review the necessity of that action. Will that action result in a benefit to others ? If you believe it to be so, by all means tell. My point is, not everything is like that. There are secrets I will take to my grave, fortunately they are few. It does take an effort. The temptation to " surrender " those secrets can be a powerful magnet. The surrender to that temptation would only provide a temporary solution however. I dislike being a victim ! I will not make myself such. I will not allow you to do that either. And that is the struggle.
It appears to me that we are living in a "tell all" time. It has progressed to a point where we are encouraged to reveal the tiniest details of our lives and indeed, details about others. In a lot of these instances it looks like the person doing the telling is doing so for profit of some kind. There is an expectation of compassion, and I feel an expectation of compensation. There are commercials for law firms that reinforce the compensation angle.
I am often left with a question. Am I supposed to feel sorry for you ? Is that the real reason you are telling these things ? Well, let me tell you this. Bad things happen to good people. That is a part of life that is unpleasant. The ambiguous actions of others cannot be accounted for. When those actions injure you it is natural to want revenge ( compensation ). But what of those actions that there is no compensation for ? What of those minor infractions or bad decisions ? Do those type of things need to be exposed to the world ? I just don't think so. I think there are secrets to take with you to the grave. A good friend, spouse or life partner will do that. It is a matter of trust. Isn't that why they say " take you into my confidence ? " That is because I can be confident that you will not tell.
All this " telling " nowadays reminds me of the story of the boy who cried wolf. Do they still teach children that story ? Yes, it will get you attention and sympathy to tell these things. It may get you financial compensation. You may gain some pity from others, even strangers, if your story is good enough. That is all well and good if you wish to be viewed as the victim. Playing the victim role is popular I'll give you that. It requires little effort. Surrender seldom does. Maybe that is the reason. The effort required to maintain integrity being too difficult to sustain.
There are those that will say I come from the old school of thought. I can see their point of view. It is apparently at odds with what they were taught. I was taught that some things are best kept to yourself. If speaking out will do no good for anyone other than yourself, keep silent. Learn from whatever experiences you have and try not to repeat the bad ones. It is up to you to find " closure " with whatever issues you may have. There is no one that can " fix " you. Others may influence your responses, if you allow that, but they have no cure. To put it bluntly, get over it !
In the end we only need to co-exist with one other. That other, is our conscience. If we do nothing contrary to our conscience we have nothing to confess. That is the long and short of it. The telling of what others have done serves no constructive purpose, that is, unless your conscience requires that. Then, if that is so, you should review the necessity of that action. Will that action result in a benefit to others ? If you believe it to be so, by all means tell. My point is, not everything is like that. There are secrets I will take to my grave, fortunately they are few. It does take an effort. The temptation to " surrender " those secrets can be a powerful magnet. The surrender to that temptation would only provide a temporary solution however. I dislike being a victim ! I will not make myself such. I will not allow you to do that either. And that is the struggle.
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