In doing the family tree one encounters obstacles. Most can be overcome with enough research and searching for the facts. There are those things that will never be completely known or understood. Those are the things that were taken to the grave. Family secrets untold and never discussed. Those little mysteries open to speculation and conspiracy theories. All families have them.
I was considering these things the other day. My mothers generation was different from mine. During her time there were quite a few things one did not talk about. Divorce and unwed mothers were on the top of that list. The old saying, don't air your dirty laundry, was the rule of the day. My mother still does not reveal certain " secrets " even though they are no longer really secret. I would suppose that has been so deeply ingrained in her that it will never change. My Grandmother had other secrets that were not spoken off. My Grandmother would tell you it is not nice to speak ill of the dead. Also deceased children, lost to childbirth or infant disease, where not spoken of. It was best to not stir up those emotions.
My own generation has secrets as well. There are topics we avoid and seldom voice an opinion on. The " enlightened " ones of us will argue that point saying it isn't so, but I know it is. I also think there are certain things that are best left unsaid. Leave that dirty laundry where it belongs, out of sight. There is a related saying about that," it'll all come out in the wash." I've always taken that to mean, these little secrets have a way of resolving themselves.
People have always gossiped. They always will. I can not imagine a time when we will not. It is a part of being human. Mostly it is done to reinforce our own beliefs in our own appropriate behavior. The pointing out of flaws in others make us feel better. Isn't that the real reason ? We are seeking affirmation of our action or lack of action. I don't condone it, but I do it. To try to deny that would be a lie. I do try to keep it to a minimum. But the things I am talking about are not necessarily gossip items. I'm talking about highly personal items. Personal lifestyle choices, medical issues and mistakes we may have made. Should all those things be open and shared freely ? I don't think so. Some things are just best left alone. When the repeating of the " secret " can accomplish nothing constructive, why do it ? Another common catchphrase comes to mind, " too much information. " Yes, I think you do not need to know every thing.
It is my thinking that this willingness to talk about everything and anything is a result of our own insecurities. We are somehow seeking to place the blame elsewhere, or receive reassurance that whatever it is is alright and acceptable in society. We don't want to carry that burden on our own shoulders. I do think you should have to carry the burden of your actions, and you, and you alone are responsible for them. To do otherwise leads us to dependence. And I see a dependent society looming before me. We are becoming too needy. All these things do go in cycles and I'm thinking it will change. Those that are being drained to fill the needs of others will become tired of it. The shifting of philosophies will occur. All this telling of everything is just a part of that process. We are in the phase of telling everything that is wrong with the world and searching for answers. That is why the advent of all these causes and litigation. The real answer lies in personal accountability. Shoulder your burdens and just move on. The answers lie within yourself, quit talking about it and do something about it. And some things there are just no answers to.
I was considering these things the other day. My mothers generation was different from mine. During her time there were quite a few things one did not talk about. Divorce and unwed mothers were on the top of that list. The old saying, don't air your dirty laundry, was the rule of the day. My mother still does not reveal certain " secrets " even though they are no longer really secret. I would suppose that has been so deeply ingrained in her that it will never change. My Grandmother had other secrets that were not spoken off. My Grandmother would tell you it is not nice to speak ill of the dead. Also deceased children, lost to childbirth or infant disease, where not spoken of. It was best to not stir up those emotions.
My own generation has secrets as well. There are topics we avoid and seldom voice an opinion on. The " enlightened " ones of us will argue that point saying it isn't so, but I know it is. I also think there are certain things that are best left unsaid. Leave that dirty laundry where it belongs, out of sight. There is a related saying about that," it'll all come out in the wash." I've always taken that to mean, these little secrets have a way of resolving themselves.
People have always gossiped. They always will. I can not imagine a time when we will not. It is a part of being human. Mostly it is done to reinforce our own beliefs in our own appropriate behavior. The pointing out of flaws in others make us feel better. Isn't that the real reason ? We are seeking affirmation of our action or lack of action. I don't condone it, but I do it. To try to deny that would be a lie. I do try to keep it to a minimum. But the things I am talking about are not necessarily gossip items. I'm talking about highly personal items. Personal lifestyle choices, medical issues and mistakes we may have made. Should all those things be open and shared freely ? I don't think so. Some things are just best left alone. When the repeating of the " secret " can accomplish nothing constructive, why do it ? Another common catchphrase comes to mind, " too much information. " Yes, I think you do not need to know every thing.
It is my thinking that this willingness to talk about everything and anything is a result of our own insecurities. We are somehow seeking to place the blame elsewhere, or receive reassurance that whatever it is is alright and acceptable in society. We don't want to carry that burden on our own shoulders. I do think you should have to carry the burden of your actions, and you, and you alone are responsible for them. To do otherwise leads us to dependence. And I see a dependent society looming before me. We are becoming too needy. All these things do go in cycles and I'm thinking it will change. Those that are being drained to fill the needs of others will become tired of it. The shifting of philosophies will occur. All this telling of everything is just a part of that process. We are in the phase of telling everything that is wrong with the world and searching for answers. That is why the advent of all these causes and litigation. The real answer lies in personal accountability. Shoulder your burdens and just move on. The answers lie within yourself, quit talking about it and do something about it. And some things there are just no answers to.
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