A lasting impression

Yesterday I wrote about a person from my past. In reading the comments about this person a few things became evident. Some people disliked this person, a lot. Others found this person amusing and some were somewhere in the middle. My own contact with this individual was limited so I reserved judgement. Those comments did make me think however. It occurred to me that we seemed to have quite a cast of characters back in the day. At least it seems that way. I began to wonder why this should be ?
All those people possess a common trait, strength of character. They were all confident of themselves. True that some may have been artificially reinforced in their belief, but confident they were. They all had something to teach us. These characters had a role and it was more than to amuse. There was an honesty about them and definitely a lack of pretense. Two strengths worth emulating.
I, along with others, were often amused by their antics. Sometimes it was just the way they dressed and at other times there outlook on life that provided this amusement. They had the power to illicit sympathy at times, and at others raise my ire. The one thing that could be counted on was, they were consistent. If these people had been wealthy we would have labeled them  "eccentric."  They were not, so we just called them characters. A string of names goes through my mind. I'm sure most have passed on, but their memory lives. I knew some of their stories, heartbreak and loss, and others I have no clue. There were some that were just labeled as being a bit "simple ", not a politically correct description, but accurate. There was also little attempt to intervene with these peoples choices. There was no pressure to conform like there may be today. They were just accepted as they were.
Maybe it is just nostalgia, or maybe the facts, but I believe there were far more characters back then than there are today. It seems we are quick to intervene these days. We offer our " help. " We try to make these people conform to our standards, even when their standards are not necessarily in conflict with our own. We want them to march to our " drummer. " We can't seem to just let them be. I do wonder why this should be so ? What has changed that compels us to act in this way ? I don't have an answer for that.
Now, there are a few characters left around. I'm hopeful there always will be. I know we can never return to the past, but we can learn from it. And from these characters we should learn about self confidence. They were all self confident and had no shame in them. There were what they were and were proud of it. I think that is the most important lesson to be learned from these characters. To remain true to yourself. I would much rather be remembered for that trait than for any artificial gains I may have accumulated. Truth in character makes a lasting impression.

The Dragon Lady

Yesterday I wrote about seeing my life in chapters. I spoke of character development and plot. But there are also the characters in my life that I had nothing to do with other than to observe. I interacted with these characters, sure, but did I have any influence in their development ? The answer to that is a resounding, no. There were just there and not part of the main story. Casual acquaintances.
I was talking with my Mom and one such character came to mind. There are few left in my life that would know this person other than Mom. My wife and children never met her nor any of my coworkers. I'm sure there are those in my hometown that would know this lady but not around here. She was a character I will never forget. Just one of those people that leave a lasting impression. Whether that is for the good or not is subject to interpretation. I would describe her as eccentric.
I came to met this lady in the mid 1970's. I was working as an upholsterer at the time. This lady was the proprietor of a local restaurant and marina. My dad worked for her at the marina. I had heard him speak of her many times and he always referred to her as, the dragon lady. I will not mention her last name to spare anyone that may be a relative. Also I don't know if this lady is still with us or not and I wouldn't disparage the deceased. Actually I found this lady to be very nice,  if not eccentric, certainly different. It was her manner of dress and the make up she wore that gained her the title, Dragon lady.
She was not Oriental in race but seemed to favor that style in dress. She wore long dresses that appeared to be kimonos to me. They were oriental prints and made of silk or satin. She wore her hair piled up on her head but it always looked a little disheveled. She wore false eyebrows and eyelashes. Those eyelashes were glued on and sometimes not quite straight. The eyebrows were obviously not natural. Eye shadow and other make up was applied in what I can only describe as, a liberal fashion. I do recall seeing her after a sail on her boat. A slight gale had come up and it got a little choppy out there. When she stepped of the boat all that make up was running down her face like something out of a horror film. One eyelash was missing and her eyebrows were gone completely. It was quite a sight. In her defense she had just gone through a storm.
Now my father had told the dragon lady about my ability to reupholster furniture. She asked me if I would do a sofa for her. I agreed and she was to supply the material. I told her the required amount and a pick up date was arranged. As I prepared for the job I measured the amount of the material she had given me. It was about two yards less than what I needed. I got in touch with her about this problem.  She wanted to know if I could just upholster the front and sides and leave the back unfinished. I told her I could and her response was, good, it will be against the wall so no one will notice. I was amazed. Surely a women that owns, or least runs a marina and restaurant could afford to have the entire sofa covered. I remember the material well. It was a velvet. The pattern was vertical stripes in what I imagined tiger colors. Black and a sort of golden brown/yellow. Seemed to fit with the dragon lady somehow. The sofa was delivered without the back as requested.
That was the last time I saw the dragon lady as I left the area shortly afterward. I will always remember her fondly. As I said she was just one of those characters you meet in life. Another footnote in my life. I do find it somehow comforting to be able to speak about these little footnotes with someone that knows. I also find it a bit sad when there is no one to share these stories with. I met her but briefly but her memory remains. That is a good thing, don't you think ?

Chapters in Life

I have reached that point in my life where I begin to see it in chapters. There were the early years, school days and young adulthood. There were the middle ages too. Those days were a bit turbulent, at least for me they were. Now I'm reaching the age of enlightenment. That time in your life when you realize you don't know half as much as you think you did. A time for reflection and reconsidering of things. I'm hoping this phase lasts a good while because the next chapters are kinds scary. I just don't know what might be in store. We all know the final chapter, that is pretty much universal, it is just the last few pages leading up to that that has got me worried a bit. Had best be using this time to take inventory, getting your house in order as they say.
When we are children time seems limitless. There is always tomorrow. We tend to move from one moment to the next in rapid fire succession. When we tire, we sleep. Wherever and whenever we choose to do so and sometimes we don't even choose, it just happens. A week seems like a year and years are eons. This changes after high school or when we enter the job force, whichever occurs first. When we have to wait until the end of our shift before we can leave, time changes. Once that job becomes full time, time becomes full as well. A portion of it is no longer ours and so the remainder becomes a bit more precious. Another chapter has begun. We now try to do it all. For many of us the candle is lit on both ends. Work and play sometimes intermingled, sometimes separated, by responsibility. This period may last for years or just a brief passing phase. These chapters in our life are the building blocks for our retirement years. A time when we should be preparing and planning.
I am what you could call semi-retired. Not by choice, but by circumstance. The why of it not being of importance. It just is. I have had a lot more time for review. The reading of the book that has been my life so far. The writing of this blog, for instance, is really just a study. I can look back and turn the pages. Sometimes I find amusement, at others sorrow, but always I find what was. It is just now I can see things with a different light. I can gain a new understanding. I know I can not change the pages that have been written, but blank pages lie open before me. The story is about to take a twist. And I love a good twist in a story. Something that catches you by surprise. When you can say, "I just didn't see that coming. "
Every good story takes time to develop the plot. Character development too, is essential to the story. Good stories take us somewhere and teach us something. Each of our lives in a story. We need to live the story, not tell it. The telling of the tale is for future generations. It is these future generations that should be taken somewhere and learn something from our lives ( stories ). The trick lies in having something to say with your story. The characters have all been developed, but what of the plot ? That is what I have decided needs work, the plot. After all, the plot determines the outcome. I may not be able to define the plot, but I can certainly influence it. Something more to think about. What is your story ?

Polite Company

A television commercial for Capital One caught my attention. I had to wait and listen carefully the second and third times to be sure I heard correctly. Towards the end of their spiel the salesman says, " you get that every damn day. " Excuse me ? I think this may be the first commercial I have seen that included, what I consider swearing. I think it is safe to say we all know another word that usually precedes this " damn " and I don't like it. Not one bit. Brings to mind another common phrase nowadays, " it sucks " and I don't like that either. To me it is just another sign of a deteriorating society. When we start using vulgarities as acceptable forms of speech in the general society, it speaks volumes. No pun intended. I am not concerned with it being contemporary, or in, or whatever term you wish to use to make it sound alright. In my opinion, it just isn't for general use. Perhaps among a bunch of old sailors, bikers and other groups with questionable moral standards, but not in front of women and children. Not in what we call, polite company. I would certainly classify a television commercial as polite. If I was interested in Capital One I can now say positively, not in my wallet !
I expect some advertising " genius " sold this concept to Capital One. Probably telling them how it will attract the younger people, especially the young professionals who are trying to convince themselves that they are not " professionals. " Now everyone is trying to project the image of the " common man ". Being a cultured professional is not in style at the moment. What happened to the marauding Viking campaign ? At least that was mildly entertaining.
This is another example of how this stuff just creeps in. Now children will be saying that and when corrected there response will be, it is what they say on television. I think there is enough stuff already on there that children don't need to be hearing. I know, I know, there hear it at school and everywhere else. True, but doesn't make it right. Once it shows up in something as passive as a television commercial, I think you can say the door is open. Is it really acceptable for everyday conversation now ? Apparently so, but not in my world. I still live in a world of polite company. I admit the courtesy isn't always returned and I have grown accustomed to it. There are occasions and circumstances when I too use vulgarities, I'm not proud of it and try to curb that desire to fit in. I don't always succeed. I do pretty good though, in Polite Company.
I view it as a lowering of social standards. Goes along with the way we now dress for certain occasions and the exercising of polite manners in public. Remember opening doors for the ladies, or the tipping of your hat, cordial greetings exchanged between strangers and consideration for others ? I have noticed this decline in social behavior and the airing of this commercial opens another avenue. What matter of language can I expect next ? Shall we just throw open the doors and all speak using four letters as an adjective ? Hear that enough already. Am I overreacting ? Perhaps one could say that. I am just making social commentary here and you must decide for yourself what is acceptable. For me, the answer is unacceptable ! I much prefer polite company and quiet discussion. Save the expletives for the proper time and place. 

Nuture

It seems to me in our haste to educate, and make our children grown up, we are missing an important element. That element goes by several names, nurturing, care, tend, rear, look after, support, promotion, fostering or development. We are not taking the time or exerting the effort to nurture.
We send our children to nursery school, pre-school, pre-k, and then kindergarten. We sign them up  for all sorts of " activities ".  We have play dates. How many play dates do we make with our own children ? Not many. And many times those times we spend together are doing something that Mom and Dad like to do. Going out to eat, where we push them to act grown up and behave themselves. Going to amusement parks and the zoo. A lot of time spent instructing them on proper behavior in those settings. Do this, don't do that and it usually winds of being a stress filled day for everyone.
The current reasoning is that Mom and Dad both work and Grandma and Grandpa aren't around much either. All the adults are busy with their own agendas. Just too busy. The buying of gifts and letting them just have there way does little. Whenever something goes wrong, the adults are usually looking for someone to blame. The child is seldom wrong and the parents get in an uproar. Their child has been wronged in some fashion. The truth of the matter is the child is only repeating the behaviors they have been taught. And that behavior is all too often, whatever I am doing is more important than what anyone else is doing.
When children are " sent " here and there even with the best on intentions, should we not expect some form of rebellion. I'm sure they feel as though they are just being put somewhere so you don't have to deal with them. Is that " raising " a child ? I don't think so. By placing your child in the care of others in these group settings are we not teaching them to behave in a pack mentality ? Could this be the reason for bullying becoming more of a problem ? These children have to learn some way of dealing with the crowd, some way of gaining attention.
This thinking is not new. I've heard this talked about, even in my mothers time, but it is worthy of thought. I believe this has a lot of merit. I do believe that parents and Grandparents need to make time and sacrifices for there children and grandchildren. The Nurturing of the next generation should be a focus. It is of primary importance. We all need to set aside our own needs and provide for them. There needs are not only, game gear, clothes, and going to amusement parks. There primary need is to be nurtured. They require our support and our guidance. The key there being the word " our. " The nurturing received from others is not nearly as important as that received from parents and grandparents. It is a full time job ! It is easier to make excuses that to make time. I just think we need to make time, put our own needs and agendas aside and raise our children in accordance with our own morals and values. I think there would be a lot less problems in society if we first teach our children to operate independently, before joining the crowd.

No answers

In doing the family tree one encounters obstacles. Most can be overcome with enough research and searching for the facts. There are those things that will never be completely known or understood. Those are the things that were taken to the grave. Family secrets untold and never discussed. Those little mysteries open to speculation and conspiracy theories. All families have them.
I was considering these things the other day. My mothers generation was different from mine. During her time there were quite a few things one did not talk about. Divorce and unwed mothers were on the top of that list. The old saying, don't air your dirty laundry, was the rule of the day. My mother still does not reveal certain " secrets " even though they are no longer really secret. I would suppose that has been so deeply ingrained in her that it will never change. My Grandmother had other secrets that were not spoken off. My Grandmother would tell you it is not nice to speak ill of the dead. Also deceased children, lost to childbirth or infant disease, where not spoken of. It was best to not stir up those emotions.
My own generation has secrets as well. There are topics we avoid and seldom voice an opinion on. The " enlightened " ones of us will argue that point saying it isn't so, but I know it is. I also think there are certain things that are best left unsaid. Leave that dirty laundry where it belongs, out of sight. There is a related saying about that," it'll all come out in the wash." I've always taken that to mean, these little secrets have a way of resolving themselves.
People have always gossiped. They always will. I can not imagine a time when we will not. It is a part of being human. Mostly it is done to reinforce our own beliefs in our own appropriate behavior. The pointing out of flaws in others make us feel better. Isn't that the real reason ? We are seeking affirmation of our action or lack of action. I don't condone it, but I do it. To try to deny that would be a lie. I do try to keep it to a minimum. But the things I am talking about are not necessarily gossip items. I'm talking about highly personal items. Personal lifestyle choices, medical issues and mistakes we may have made. Should all those things be open and shared freely ? I don't think so. Some things are just best left alone. When the repeating of the " secret " can accomplish nothing constructive, why do it ? Another common catchphrase comes to mind, " too much information. " Yes, I think you do not need to know every thing.
It is my thinking that this willingness to talk about everything and anything is a result of our own insecurities. We are somehow seeking to place the blame elsewhere, or receive reassurance that whatever it is is alright and acceptable in society. We don't want to carry that burden on our own shoulders. I do think you should have to carry the burden of your actions, and you, and you alone are responsible for them. To do otherwise leads us to dependence. And I see a dependent society looming before me. We are becoming too needy. All these things do go in cycles and I'm thinking it will change. Those that are being drained to fill the needs of others will become tired of it. The shifting of philosophies will occur. All this telling of everything is just a part of that process. We are in the phase of telling everything that is wrong with the world and searching for answers. That is why the advent of all these causes and litigation. The real answer lies in personal accountability. Shoulder your burdens and just move on. The answers lie within yourself, quit talking about it and do something about it. And some things there are just no answers to. 

Passions

What are the things that stir your passions ? Politics, religion, hot button issues, or the daily news ? Those items, when mentioned, you just cannot resist making a comment on or voicing your opinion. There are a few for me. As a general rule, I have learned to temper my comments, even withhold commenting altogether in certain situations. Still, given the right circumstance and depending upon my mood, certain topics will just fire me up. Throwing caution and good common sense to the wind, my mouth opens up ! I just can't help it.
Over the years I have tried to develop a more moderate approach to these topics. I attempt to just point out the facts in situations and avoid conjecture. This is very difficult when there can only be one conclusion drawn from the facts. That is what gets the fire lit, when the other person just doesn't get it. The obvious response is not forthcoming and they present some lame brained analysis. At least that is what I see happening ! In all fairness I'm sure they feel the same way about me and my opinions. Fuel for the fire.
These issues do tend to define our character somewhat. They are not always an indication of what we actually do in everyday life, but sometimes what we wish we could do. That is why our sentences begin with, " If I had my way or I would ". With most of us these passions don't actually stir us to action. We just like to rant and rave about them. I save my anger or disagreement for the voting booth ! I will occasionally address these things in my blogs.
One thing that annoys me more than anything else is a person that is phony. One that feels compelled to support every little cause that comes along. They will rant and rave and spout forth every piece of rhetoric that is being bantered about on the subject. They continue with this until the next big cause comes along. Then they are " passionate " about that. Drives me crazy. I can be concerned about things without joining a crusade. Not everything need be fought to the death ! I can even feel like some of these causes are nothing but nonsense ! Even when there are entire campaigns being started in support. Not everything that receives support deserves it ! Remember when we thought Leisure Suits were cool ? Just sayin'.
I would say the thing I am most passionate about is being self sufficient. I do not want or expect any handouts from anyone. That one thing in itself lends me to be passionate about a number of things. Big government being the primary impediment to that goal. Not much I can do about that except vote. Now I'm not running off to live on a mountain somewhere and forage off the land, but I do think a person needs to depend upon themselves first. Help from friends is an option and a blessing. It is not a right ! See, I'm getting started already. Along with that is the attempt, by government, to legislate common sense and moral behaviors. Can't be done. Both things are subjective. I tend to stick with the traditional values as taught by my parents and the Bible. Doesn't mean I hate anyone that doesn't, or wish them harm in any way. I just think they are wrong. The thing is don't try to force me to accept your beliefs either. Then I become passionate. It may be the law but I don't have to like it.
It may sound trite but it is something I believe in. You have undoubtedly heard the old adage, " you made your bed, now sleep in it ". That about sums it up for me. To put it in today's  fancy talk, Personal Accountability. What happens to me is my problem and I need to deal with it. May not necessarily be my fault, but it is still my problem. Now there is another topic that will fire me up, blaming others for your own shortcomings. I will add that I have more than a few of them myself. My fault, not yours.
The trick in life is to live to your beliefs, and not to your words. Something we all struggle with. Do our words agree with our beliefs ? I try, but don't always succeed. It happens. If I could only be as passionate about that bit of advice as I am in giving it, I would be better off. Knowing and doing are different things.


  

It's all relative

Two days ago our family gained a new member. Baby Katie entered the world. As the news spread quickly across social media, I received some congratulatory messages. One said, congrats Uncle Ben. Now this didn't come from a nephew or a niece so the implication was understood. Chuckling to myself I returned the greeting with this retort, " that's Great Uncle Ben thank you very much. " Afterward, this thought came to me. Is it Great Uncle or should it be Grand Uncle ? I subscribe to Ancestry.Com so I went there to find the answer. As with most things it isn't as clear or straightforward a thing as one might imagine. Finally I googled it too. The general consensus is, drum roll please, Grand Uncle. In keeping with the practice of being a Grand father I would then be a Grand Uncle. Funny we don't often use those terms much for Uncles or Aunts. It is like cousins, much past first cousins we don't count'em. But that is another blog, figuring that out. Hint, it really isn't that difficult.
I was thinking what a joy it is to be a Grandfather. If it this much fun being a Grandfather being a Great Grandfather is gonna be a hoot ! It even sounds better. Not only are you Grand, but you're Great ! Seems only right that it should be that way with Uncles too. Maybe if we started using these terms more, we would all grow up with a better understanding of family and relationships. How many cousins, first and/or second and thirds might I have known. In the small town where I was raised I'm betting the number would have been significant. Include the surrounding area and we are all just one big happy family ! Wouldn't that be wonderful ? It may even have far reaching social implications. Would you rob your own cousin ? Mug your Great Grand Uncle ? Might even bring some new light onto the subject of interracial relationships. We are more closely related that we might think, or at least that we are aware of. Certain things were not talked about years ago.
That is the funny thing about aging. The older we get ,the more relatives we have. All too often we focus on those we lost, and that is natural, but what if we focused on those we gained ? Should we not try to include them in our lives ? Even if we just do that with a card or letter every now and again. I think most children would be curious about that. How cool would it be to get a card from a Great Grand Uncle ? Wow Mommy, who is that ? Could get the conversation started. Also I find it a comfort to know the family is still growing strong. It is up to us senior members to include the newest members. I would hate to wind up as an photograph and someone saying, " who is that " ? No, hopefully I'll be hanging on the wall watching. Great Grand Uncle Ben or Ben, third cousin,twice removed from Mom's side of the family.

Olly Olly Oxen Free

In the town where I grew up we have windmills. Quite a few of them as a matter of fact. Naturally I was accustomed to seeing them and rarely gave them thought. Having moved from this town the mills were out of sight, out of mind, for a while. Then exciting news that that one of the mills was being restored to working condition. I had been inside this particular mill many times but never had I seen it run. My parents told of it running when they were young, but only for show, grinding a small amount of meal to sell to the tourists. Yesterday a friend posted a short video of this mill being test run. Apparently this saturday, October the 26th, is windmill day. I never heard of that, but it sounds wonderful.
As I watched this video of the arms slowly turning round and round I began to think about what it must be like inside the mill. As I said, it was always static when I was in there, but now it is moving. Oh how the wood must creak and groan, the stones slowly grinding away on the grain. I can imagine those sounds  and the dust that must be created. Surely it would be similar to the sounds of a ship under sail. It was always rather dark in there and in the summer the heat was stifling. I had heard stories of a man being struck by the arm of the mill and leaving him with a crooked neck. Watching those arms turn I can see the danger there. I am left thinking those sights and sounds are not familiar ones to the people now, but once was as familiar as the sunshine. Perhaps old souls will be stirred up along with the ancient dust. A man named Nathaniel Dominy was the builder of this mill and surely his soul rests easy knowing how fondly his work is appreciated. Truly a lasting tribute.
My thoughts began to wander to other sights and sounds that have become unfamiliar. Foremost was the smell of a wooden boat. After a boat has been in the water awhile and the bilge has become seasoned it has a smell like no other. It is a smell I can sometimes bring to the surface of my mind, but as the years go by, it becomes ever more elusive. Remember the sound of the needle when it reached the end of the record ? Coffee perking in the pot. For me, I no longer hear the sound of the whippoorwill in the wood and the surf reaching the shore. Who remembers the dull thud of a window weight  ? The slamming of a screen door. All those sounds in the background unnoticed, until they are gone. The slosh ,slosh sound of an old washing machine. I recall seeing children playing marbles and jacks, putting on their skates. The key going around their neck on a string. Who remembers hearing, " Olly Olly Oxen Free " ?
Sights can be painted,drawn,photographed and described in detail. Smells are something different. They exist only in our minds. They can not be captured easily. A facsimile can be bottled but that is about it. But a smell ,once identified by yourself, remains that way in your memory. No matter the length of time that has passed it remains familiar. With thought it can be recalled as well. If I say leaves burning in the fall, you most likely know that smell. Or do you ? 

Weathering the storm

There are times when the truths of our patents are no longer our truths. It begins in our teenage years and appears to continue throughout our lives. I should clarify that with the statement that it does for most of us anyway. There are individuals that never seem to form their own opinions and blindly follow. That is how prejudices stay alive and perpetuate. Well, they say it takes all kinds to make a world.
It usually begins with fashion and taste in music. We want to be hip and cool. The desire to fit in with the crowd is often stronger than the need to please our parents. We begin the search for our own identity. Some will choose to go with whatever is the current trend and adopt that as their own, while others stay with the accepted styles. In the end we all wind up with a blend that is our own. For some this blend forms quickly and for others the mixing continues throughout their lives.
I was thinking about this more in the vein of our parents prejudices. Now prejudice is an ugly word and brings bad visions and connotations. The prejudices I am thinking about are not the obvious ones like race, religion or nationality. The prejudices I am thinking about are a lot more benign than that. They are the " truths " our parents tell us. Those truths are nothing more than their experiences in life. Some are wise and some are false. These truths are subjective. If a man wears a suit to work, he really doesn't work for a living. He wouldn't know what a hard days work is ! The subjective part being, what is work ? To the blue collar man it means physical exertion. There are those that put on " airs ". They present an appearance that is above their station. The implication being that they are somehow being dishonest. And do not our parents instruct us in our " station " ? Mine certainly defined it clearly enough. You ought not hang out with certain classes of people, those above or below you. Often it was unspoken, but the messages were clear. It is these subtle messages that form our character.
In truth I think most of us filter those subtle messages with our own life experiences over the years. We accept and reject them. We witness the effects on ourselves and others and weigh the choices. The person that has the lower grade point average does have something to say. That " rich " kid is like me in a lot of ways. He really doesn't get everything he wants. Where you lived in town doesn't change who you are, just your experience. Perhaps that is why two brothers can be radically different in their thinking. They are using different filters. One brother adopting an outlook much like your own, and the other seeing it differently.
We can walk the same path but see different scenery. To one it is hot and the other chilly.
I believe our parents told us their vision of the world and gave us their best advice for navigating it. How closely we follow the chart is a choice we make, or perhaps we just get caught in a storm. The righting of our ship defines our character. How we weather the storm. 

Celebrity

Yesterday I attended the Ridgely car show. It was a fund raising event for the Petty foundation as well. Music, food and cars,cars ,cars and motorcycles. A good time was had by all. The highlight of the event, for some, was a signing session with Richard Petty. You needed to purchase a ticket and get in line. I think 500 tickets , the maximum amount, were sold. I happened to be in the general location when he arrived. He was driven to the show in a 1970 Dodge Super Bee with an escort from the State Police. I watched as he got out of the car with his duster jacket and iconic cowboy hat on. He was immediately ushered into the Pharmacy and disappeared.
I looked at him and said to myself, that's Richard Petty alright and my wife says to me, who is he ? She guessed it was Richard because of the advertising. We both laughed and went about our business. Given the chance I would have shook his hand and said hello but I'm not buying a ticket. I'm not impressed a whole lot with celebrities. I'm definitely not standing in a very long line to get his signature. I guess if that sort of thing revs your engine it is alright, but I just don't get it. He was a good driver, but he is just a man.
They had set up a directors chair for him and put velvet ropes around it. He sat up there like a King on his throne and received the people. I wonder how he really feels about that. I would expect it is an uncomfortable thing for him. I'm betting he would rather be driving his car. Just how long he had to sit there and sign a bunch of junk I don't know.
It was all for a worthy cause, The Petty Foundation. It is always a good thing when someone uses their fame for good. He did bring several of his cars along. It was a pretty big deal for the little town of Ridgely. Many years back Roy Rogers visited Ridgely too. Shame I wasn't around for that one.
I do wonder why anyone would pay money for a signature. The man signs things for a living nowadays and the value of that John Hancock is never going to be much. Or is it for the chance to say Hello and maybe shake his hand ? Wouldn't mean much to me if I had to pay for it. A casual meeting on the street would be an interesting story to tell. Guess what, I went to the pharmacy the other day and ran into Richard Petty ! How cool is that ? I'm just sayin'. If that is what you want however, it is your money. There are a number of celebrities and famous people I would enjoy meeting. The thing is, unless I could sit and have a conversation with them I don't see the point. Paying to shake your hand is not meeting you. I want to hang out for awhile and get to know you a bit. Maybe I wouldn't like you much afterward or maybe we could be friends. Isn't that the purpose of meeting people ?
It is unlikely I would ever encounter a celebrity here in Greensboro. Where I grew up seeing celebrities was not an unusual thing. I had them pointed out to me, but never felt the urge to approach them. Well, except once in a local tavern. I was rejected ! Her lose. I suppose I'll just never understand the attraction.

                                                                                     

There he is.

Community

I was chatting with a friend about buying pizza by the slice. We both live in small communities and they're aren't any places that do this. We both agreed in order to make that practical you would have to have a good bit of foot traffic. That explained it for me anyway. That explanation led me to my next thought and that thought was community.
The word community. We use it all the time. We say we live in a community. We belong to the community. I looked up the word commune. It means, living together,sharing property and responsibility. Then I looked up unity. Unity, the state of being one or in harmony. Well I don't know about where you live, but I think community is a bit of a misnomer for Greensboro. At least by the strict definition it is. We all live here alright, but I'm not to sure about sharing property or sharing responsibilities. And I would say our unity needs a little work.
In all fairness I would say this applies to an awful lot of small towns here in America. The reason for this is the rise of the big corporations. The little Mom and Pop stores that were the heart of small town America have ,for the most part, all been killed off. Walmart and the like did them in. The downtown's are getting pretty bare. And with that the foot traffic is getting thin as well. The drop in foot traffic results in fewer people meeting with one another and interacting. Sure you see a lot of people at the Walmart but where do they come from ? I don't know. Maybe they live three doors down from me or maybe in a different town. You are a lot less likely to speak to one another in that setting. Passing one another on the street where you live is altogether more conducive to conversation. We sometimes attend community events like carnivals or fairs but even then you cannot be sure, and most times you are just concerned with your own entertainment.
I often talk about the old hometown. I have often thought of it as the place I miss. I'm thinking now it is not the place I miss, but the community. We all knew each other and exchanged cordial greetings. Even when we didn't exactly know the other person, we often knew their parents or what business they owned. We knew the Police officers and they knew us. We lived together, helping one another without question. We acted as one and pretty much thought as one. A strong sense of community existed. That, I think, is what is being sacrificed for those low,low prices and convenient one stop shopping. Some call it progress. Some small towns are lucky to become tourist attractions or popular with the" in" crowd. Then the downtown areas are alive and well, just in a different way. They become  "towns "much like the attractions in Disney World. Welcome to " unreal " world where the prices are high and everyday is a vacation. There are those that work behind the scenes and are never seen or heard from and that is there place. They are there only to serve and entertain. Yet, they get to live there. The buildings are often saved and the town kept alive. The only thing missing is " community ".
I find it ironic that the more we progress the smaller we become. Our "communities" are becoming smaller. We retreat into our homes and gated " communities ".We are separated by money and class. We distance ourselves from each other. To be " friendly " draws suspicion. Shopping and entertainment are done away from home. No downtown movie theaters or little shops to visit. No longer do we walk the street in the early evening. Now it is rush to wherever you are going, watch your back and get it done. Hurry home, lock your doors and set the alarm.
All this is old news. We all have  known this for a while now. If you are lucky enough to live in the town that is being " saved " by tourism, the best you can hope for it that you can run one of the attractions or secure a maintenance position. For those that are not, all you can do is watch as the town dies. The town eventually just goes away and all that is left is memories and houses. And memory fades.
The revitalization of our downtowns is a dream. It is like trying to capture the past. Those days are gone and will not return. No amount of money or preservation can accomplish this. It is the intangible that makes a community. Self sacrifice is required. Living together and sharing property and responsibility. Acting as one.

Adjusting

Normally I write these blogs first thing in the morning. Now it is nearly four in the afternoon. I find my mind is a bit cluttered from the day and my thoughts are not quite as clear. My sister in law is here for a visit and I'm happy to have her. That does alter my routine somewhat as well. A change in the social dynamic as it where. Different considerations to be made. It does have an altering effect upon my countenance. Being on your best behavior can be taxing.
As a child I never had house guests, what you might call a sleepover. I don't know why that was but it was. I'm not sure if my parents would have allowed it, but I don't remember ever asking either. As a teenager I spent quite a few nights at my best friends house and sleeping over wasn't unusual at all. He seldom even came to my house. I went to other kids homes but they didn't come to mine. I think it was because of where I lived. On a dead end dirt road in the woods. Not much to do around there. No ball fields or playgrounds. Nothing exciting happening. Well, thinking about that we never had many guests of any kind. When I was real young my parents would have an occasional house party. Friends and relatives would come. Libations followed by dancing. Oh and kids are seen but not heard ! After several rounds of libations kids are then out of sight as well ! That's what I remember anyway. I'd say by the time I was twelve or so that stopped. Mom and Dad didn't go anywhere and no one came over either. Not sure why that was and to tell you the truth never gave it much thought. Could've been fun. My mom had six sisters and two brothers and most of them had kids. I never saw them much except for her two sisters that didn't have children.
On television I often see families gathering at the holidays and such. Never happened at my house and I wonder if it really ever does ? Maybe it is like the other things on television. Things like the family always has money but no one ever goes to work. Or the family complains about not having any money but are on vacation. My family never,ever took a vacation together ! We never even went to a restaurant together. I'm not complaining about that, just explaining about that.
And my thoughts are all jumbled up. I'm finding it difficult to make a coherent sentence. Just what am I talking about ? I'll let you all decide for yourself. I need to make a few adjustments. 

What is it ?

Two young girls have been arrested and charged in a case of bullying. The girl being bullied committed suicide. A tragic event for everyone concerned. Now I hear the parents of the girls doing the bullying may be charged as well. I have mixed emotions about all this. Certainly the young girls doing the bullying should be held accountable for their actions. The parents, if they were aware of this, have some responsibility as well.
The problem I have is how to proceed. Children ,by their very nature, are somewhat cruel creatures. There always have been those that tease or bully, and always will. Words used as weapons are nothing new. And these girls used words to harass and intimate. No physical contact was employed in this campaign. Wrong, yes. Criminal ? I'm not so certain about that. The problem lies in where will it end ? Will I be held criminally responsible for saying hateful words or offending someone ? If I am your employer and terminate your employment and you subsequently commit suicide can I be held responsible ? Can you be held criminally responsible for your words alone ? If you cause me stress or induce low self esteem can I sue you ? Do I have no responsibility for my actions or reactions to your bullying ways ? Can mental health and self confidence be achieved through the legal system ?
Why are we trying to teach our children to litigate their social problems ? Why are we not teaching coping skills instead of legal recourse ? To put it simply whatever happened to " sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me " or " I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. " Just what it is we wish to accomplish  ? Just who benefits from this prosecution ? The parents who lost their child to suicide will forever be scarred by that lose. The search for answers will never end. There are no words or compensation equal to that lose.
I am mixed in my response. On the one hand the gravity of their actions cannot be understated but where to draw a line. Is it criminal if it results in a suicide ? Is it criminal if it does not ? At just what point do you define bullying as opposed to teasing or name calling ? Is bullying criminal intent ?
There are already many things we can say that we can be prosecuted for. Racial slurs and defamatory remarks. Slander. Are we now adding, you're being mean to me in that category ? I just don't know.
I do know bullying is the hot button topic right now. We all want to protect our children from the mean old world. Perhaps we should be teaching more self reliance rather than legal recourse. Can we really expect to teach proper behavior by threat of legal action ? It is a difficult situation. For me, the jury is still out.
Criminal Intent ? Childhood behaviors ? Immature personality ? The penalty ?

In Pursuit

We always hear about life being too short, and how fast the time goes by. Both of these statements are true. But I think it is only true if you are in pursuit. Whatever it is that you are perusing is not so important to time, but should be important to you. What is your lifelong pursuit ? Money,fame, recognition, leaving a legacy ? Identifying that ambition is the secret to being happy. If we can set the goal and continually strive toward it we can get that feeling of achievement we all desire. The problem lies in the measurement of progress. How do we measure that ?

In all honesty I can not identify just what it is I wish to accomplish in my lifetime. I can say what I would like others to remember about me but that is a different subject altogether. I know I want to leave a written record of my being here. That was the initial purpose of this blogging. Do I hope to accomplish anything with it ? Nice thought, but in the final analysis of little importance to anyone other than family members, or future family members. My writings may or may not be a matter of curiosity to others. Certainly after my passing they would have to be searched out and what would the motivation for that be ? I do not believe I have any special insights or observations beyond the normal man. So this writing is for me.

The real question is whether we are content with just being who we are. When sitting alone and in the quiet of the evening, are you happy with you ? Are you satisfied, or are you still in pursuit ? Have you reached whatever goal you set for yourself ? Will you ever reach that goal ? Do you even think about that ? Is that what they call ambition ? Can your ambitions only be satisfied by the acknowledgement of others ? In that last question lies the real key. That is a difficult question to answer. To answer in the affirmative is to admit to vanity, not a quality one should ascribe to. Yet to be honest it is something we all crave. We may call it different names but it is the same. A true paradox.

But if we set our goal as the betterment of ourselves as people, we need not be concerned. It is a lifelong pursuit and a noble goal. It is also a goal that can never be reached. Yet in not having reached that goal we will receive the acknowledgement of others. Our vanity is not apparent, being masked by kindness and understanding. The quiet truth of our words and actions being ambassadors. The rewards of our efforts will come after our passing. The belief in that is what will sustain us. 

Identify

I wonder about this human need to identify ourselves with certain groups. Man has always done so and will continue. Sometimes we even fight over this identity and make claims to certain attributes. These claims are substantiated by the thinnest threads of evidence or provenance. In some cases we begin by refuting a relationship to a particular group, but later in life embrace that designation. That is easily explained by the rise and fall of popular culture but why the need in the first place. That need is not as easily understood or explained.

Where I grew up there has long been a discussion about this. More correctly, a discussion about who belongs or doesn't belong to a specific group. The name of the group is not of importance and those effected know what it is. Fifty years ago many did not want to be thought of as members of this group but it has gained in popularity since then. Now, the majority wish to be labeled in this way. An amusing twist to those that have been on both sides of that fence. 

I believe this need to be identified with a certain grouping is because one wishes to have the attributes attributed to that group. The rise and fall of " commendable " or " correct " attributes would explain the switching of allegiance. The public view of right and wrong definitely changes throughout the years. This is easily seen by anyone that's pays even the slightest attention to society. Sociologists make a career out of studying this. With me it is just a matter of curiosity. A source of amusement.

The content of your character defines who you are. Despite any exertions to the contrary, your true character will be revealed to those that are close to you. These people will place you in a certain grouping which may, or may not, be the grouping you wish. Others may be fooled by appearances but not these people. We do not get to choose our designation so we should not attempt to alter that choice. We can only be ourselves. But then maybe it is this desire to be identified with a certain group or grouping that makes us who we are ? Is it this need that provides our motivations ? Do we switch allegiance as we grow ? It would certainly seem so. And that, is a good thing. The ultimate goal is to become comfortable with ourselves. That is the key to it all. If we achieve that goal, we can live in contentment. Then we no longer need concern ourselves with the machinations of man, but can concentrate on the eternal. Get on with our lives. 

Diplomacy

There are small moments in time that will stay with us. Occasions and situations that stand out. I am embroiled in a minor one right now. This one involves an answer on a test my grandson has taken in school. It may seem trivial to some, but I think it is significant. I'll explain.
The question is simply this, what form of government does the United States have ? The answers where in the form of multiple choice. I can not say what the exact choices where as I have not personally seen the test, but Monarchy and Democracy where among them. Now Mark does not see the correct answer listed among those choices. He then writes in his response, a Republic. When the paper is graded the teacher has marked the answer incorrect. Mark and I are incredulous. How can this be ? The United States is a republic. The evidence is plain to see when we recite the pledge of allegiance. " And to the republic for which it stands. " Article four,section four of the Constitution spells this out plainly. Even Ben Franklin when asked what type of Government he had given us replied, " A republic, if you can but keep it. "
Now there are certain factions within my own family that feel that Mark and I should just let this go. Mark and I disagree on principal. Right is right. Mark wrote that answer on that test because it was the correct answer, no one told him to do that. The answer came from his own reading,discussion and understanding of the subject matter, government. That should be acknowledged and credit given. The actual numerical or letter value is not of major importance but the thought process is. Mark is waiting for an opportunity to address this with his teacher and so in all fairness final judgement has not been passed.
This " minor " issue is a moment that can change things in a big way. It is a teaching moment. The lesson I am attempting to teach Mark is about the purpose of education. We all hear the phrase, getting an education. I'm going to school to receive an education. Well no one can" give " you an education, you must acquire that on your own. The repeating of facts,stories or formulas is not an education. Understanding the meaning and implications of those things is the purpose of education. Education is merely a stimulant to thought. Too many times we become confused about that. There are those that make it through four years of college and receive a degree, yet leave uneducated. Whatever facts they learned are available to anyone with the textbook. Only those that leave that college or university with a thirst for more are truly becoming educated. Education is a life long pursuit.
It is a bit of a delicate situation. On the one hand I want Mark to stand up and express his belief in his answer. I would like him to show his supporting evidence, to prove his point. On the other hand a diplomatic approach is required. I want him to learn that lesson as well. Do not surrender your principals but also do not be obnoxious. Don't be a wise guy ! Ultimately he must accept the judgement of the teacher. I have told him that and he understands that principal as well. Not all battles need be fought to the death. There will be other days. I am anxious to see the outcome of this little skirmish.

Confusion Day

It is Columbus day ! ( observed)  A strange holiday given what we know now. We took birthdays and combined them into Presidents day, but left Columbus standing alone. An Italian explorer who didn't really know where he was. Now we know he wasn't even the first to sail to this hemisphere. So just why do we celebrate it ? Schools are open, ( at least in Maryland they are )  but the federal government is closed. ( the current shutdown not withstanding ) I wonder why this is still taught in school anymore. Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1492. Except he wasn't the first by a few hundred years or more.
It is also interesting to note that Columbus day was originally started as a celebration of Italian-American heritage. It was first celebrated in San Francisco in 1869. Today it is not a public holiday in California. In fact, it isn't a public holiday in Nevada or Hawaii either.
The day it is believed that Columbus made landfall was October the 12,1492. That is Columbus day. In 1971, in accordance with the holiday Uniform act, it was decided to celebrate it every second Monday in October. That provides for a three day weekend.
In a way I guess it is fitting that we celebrate this holiday complete with all the inaccuracies and contradictions. After all, Columbus himself was a bit confused. The indigenous people were not prepared for these people. In the big picture it wasn't long before things went really bad. Disease and outright aggression took a terrible toll and soon the Europeans dominated. We are still finding evidence of past civilizations hidden in the jungles of central america. It is Columbus that gave us the term Indians. That is where he thought he was. Now we teach that they are Native Americans. But why Americas ? Well that comes from the navigator, Americo Vespucio. He knew where he was and what he had discovered. In 1501 he wrote some letters to a friend and described the new continents of North and South America. He doesn't get much credit though and he was an Italian ! One more strange fact about the whole deal.
Happy Columbus Day ! Celebrate for whatever reason you choose. Even though he didn't know where he was, Columbus deserves some credit. He did cross unknown waters and provide a course for others to follow. He showed that you wouldn't fall off the edge. And he came back at least two other tines. He died in Spain feeling like he had been ripped off by King Ferdinand. Well, what are you gonna do ?
Oh and in death he became the property of Spain. At least his body did. It was moved around several times. At least it was thought that it was. In modern times we are now reasonably certain it was the body of his son Diego that was moved about.  That is an interesting twist in itself. We are pretty sure we know where he is really buried but there are two tombs ! Fitting perhaps for someone who was lost, but found a new world. 

Obstacles

How often do we see the obstacles to progress and not the openings ? I think that is the major cause of anxiety and depression. We are looking for a way to move forward but feel blocked. We are blocked by a myriad of obstacles. Money, time and lack of support being the major factors that are impeding our progress. In most cases these obstacles are only perceived by ourselves and not evident to others. The motivational speakers address these issues. We are told to just push forward, dream your dream and be persistent. Certainly that is good advice, albeit difficult to follow for most of us. The best speakers leave that lasting impression that you can succeed despite whatever perceived obstacles block your path. You become motivated ! They direct you through the openings. The opening may be no more than a crack, but you somehow are free again.
I can not say I understand this process. I have never listened to a motivational speaker nor had any one person influence me in that way. I even question that such an ability exists. There are times when I think it is not so much the power of the speaker, but the weakness of the mind of those listening. How else to explain cult leaders and people like Hitler. No doubt they have some ability to influence, but surely it is weaker minds than mine that agree or endorse. Conviction and commitment must be instilled in people and it is a process that should take much time. I do not understand overnight conversions. How is that possible ?
I do think that motivation has to come from within. It is up to you. Perhaps a person, a book or a movie may spark that motivational fire, but it is up to you to feed the flames. You must want whatever it is for you, to satisfy a need. Wanting something is not enough, effort is required. Thoreau said it," The Price of anything is the life you exchange for it. " Very wise words.
What is the real reward we seek ? In that question lies the answers. Do we seek to appear learned and wise in front of our peers ? Is it athletic prowess ? Do we honestly desire to make a meaningful contribution, or do we just wish to receive ? Offering whatever you have without expectation of return is the ultimate goal. The quality or quantity of that offering is not what is of importance. It is the mere act of giving, contributing to society in a positive way.
An honest evaluation of your motivations will lead you forward. Understanding comes in stages. To completely grasp the context of a statement one must have experience. Experience can only be gained by trying and then failing. We learn from failure, not success. Success is the motivator. Having never tried you can have no success. Do not focus on the obstacles, focus on finding the openings. Opportunity presents itself everyday.  

Preserving history

Listening and reading various discussions and opinions of dissent and support I find myself reevaluating my own thoughts. That is the purpose of those exercises in the first place. It seems more people listen and read to only find fault or reaffirmation of their own ideas, than to be inspired to discover new. I am just as guilty as anyone else and freely admit that. I'll work on it.
The thoughts I find myself taking another look at involve the preservation of history. As a member of the Greensboro historical society and an avid genealogist I think about this every day. For the most part our focus is upon saving the tangible evidence of the past. The preservation of objects. What I think we often forget is that these objects only serve as reminders. The object itself did not, nor will it ever have life. It is only the use of, and contribution to society that the object has significance.
Consider an object as simple as a photograph. They say a picture is worth a thousand words but it is silent to those that have no knowledge. The who or what of it being lost. If we know who the person in the photograph is, or the location it takes on significance. The simple fact that the object is old does not make it significant. Perhaps it will be placed on a shelf in a museum as a curiosity, but without other connections it is not of great importance.
What is it in these reminders that we wish to remember ? The answer , of course, is a time lost to us. The memories of our youth and the collective memory of previous generations stretching back into antiquity. The objects of the past serving as visual aids. Each object has a story to tell, but each object need not be saved.
It is the selection of these objects that should be carefully considered. That should be the primary concern.
It is unfortunate but a reality that this preservation comes with a price tag. Money. It costs money to maintain these objects. Whether you are just paying for their storage, or running a museum, there are costs involved. Everything cannot be saved. I would much rather have a few well documented objects than a storeroom full of the anonymous. Quality vs quantity. A delicate act to balance. All these objects appear to be of value and indeed they are, to the right person. We need to save those objects with the widest appeal. That should be the primary focus. The collective memory.
I find oral histories, with their partisan views and inaccuracies , the most compelling. The past as seen in the eyes of those that lived it. That is the true history. I would much rather hear those stories than those from the learned scholars. I find the older folks, when given the chance, will express their feelings and views openly and freely. Few of them have agendas anymore. They are untainted by current thinking or standards. There's is the voice of the era. Sometimes rambling, sometimes focused but always honest. Those are the ones that can put some touch into the intangible. Companions to the objects of the past.
Objects preserved without any one left to add context are just old things. Preserving history is not the preservation of objects, but the preservation of ideas. The preservation of a collective memory. 

Memory

After writing yesterdays post this thought came to me. As the years go by some memories become as ghosts, they are there, but unseen. You are aware of their presence, yet unable to grasp at it. My mind is on a swivel and still unable to see. I keep searching. Memories as thin as vapor and just as transient. Is this what Alzheimer's is like ? I'm sure that I do not have that dreaded malady. My memory for everything else is just fine. It is just in this particular instance this inability nags at me. I have no explanation for it. I will not obsess about it though. I will just move on.
The way we remember things is a fascinating study. I've read several books about improving your memory but forget what they said. I was going to read them over but, you guessed it, I forgot. Seriously though, I tend to remember more if something was said to me rather than reading it. I learn verbally. I have always been aware of that. Even in school when I was taking a test I could often hear the teacher saying the answer. To learn from a book I would have to read it several times. The word association method never worked for me. I just wound up thinking about an unrelated topic. Must be my curious nature. I tend to jump from one thing to another. My curiosity is normally easily satisfied. A general explanation will suffice.
I do think that is why I have never pursued a particular field of study. My interests are too diverse. Whether that is a good thing or a bad thing is subjective. I just think of myself as a renaissance man ! My father was a man of many talents and perhaps that influence is what guides me. It is as good an explanation as any. Perhaps one day I will find that one thing that is endless in its attraction.
I have no titles before my name, nor letters after. Those things are just wrapping. I have known plenty with and a lot more without. As far as being intelligent, I haven't noticed much difference in either. Some are and some not so much. I do become amused with some peoples obsession with them. Good things to have , no doubt, but not a guarantee of intelligence. I admire their ability to have stayed  focused on one thing long enough to gain those letters. Occasionally I think of pursuing them, but quickly become distracted by something else. For me, the attainment of those credentials are more to show others than for myself. That is why they are not so important to me. I don't feel the need to have them.
Again I have become distracted from my initial subject, memory. I do wonder why certain things are remembered so vividly and in great detail, when others become a blur. I think memories become lost when they have no place to go. You must give them purpose and exercise them frequently. Tell those stories. Share the memories with others. Sharing the memory, gives that memory, new life. 

The incident of 59

Small moments in time sometimes remain with us. The how or why of it a mystery. A really insignificant thing, remembered. The little moment that came to the surface yesterday, has been hiding in the folds of my grey matter for over fifty years. This incident occurred on the school bus. Bus number eight, the old green bean. The bus was painted a dark green color. I had modeled a canoe out of clay and was carrying it home to my mother. The old bus was crowded, some of the big kids were standing up. The bus bounced and jostled them about. At one point, a girl, her name was Donna, a name I'll never forget bumped into me and my canoe. She broke the tip off the end ! She broke it ! I attacked. Girl or no girl, I was incensed ! I was met with surprised indignation. First she wasn't aware of what she had done, then she just tried to dismiss it. Oh, the injustice of it all. Fortunately this happened just before my bus stop. We reached my stop and the driver separated me from this, Donna. I was given my canoe, now in two pieces, and told to leave the bus.
That is the only portion of that time I can recall vividly. What happened when I got home I don't remember. Where my sister was, she should have been on that bus too, I don't know. But the real curious thing to me is why I remember at all. Why should this small snippet remain ? The psychologists would probably have an explanation, some mumbo jumbo to say. Maybe I now harbor resentment towards anyone named Donna. I can't say as I know any Donnas'. I like the song and Donna Reed was a good actress so I don't think so.
I think the real reason is simple. This moment was a bit of outrageous behavior on my part. It was talked about for quite a while afterwards. In later years I was teased about it by my siblings. On the up side I did learn a valuable life lesson. Never carry your canoe on the bus with a girl named Donna. Seriously though I did learn about proper behavior. I'm sure I was punished in some fashion. I was taught that that reaction was not acceptable.
Whatever happened to the canoe is lost to history. I wonder where Donna is today and if she would remember the big incident of 59. I'm thinking if she were around I would apologize for that and we would share a good laugh. Lesson learned.

Give me Shelter

My grandson Mark came over the other day and was asking about a sign he noticed on the side of the church. He thought perhaps it had something to do with radioactivity or something similar. He described the sign to me and I immediately knew what it was. It was the old Civil Defense sign. What we called the fallout shelters. I explained to him he wasn't far off in his thinking. Since then I have noticed one other sign here in town. I suppose they are collectible. Every thing else is.
I remember well being told if you hear the siren, run to the nearest fallout shelter. Don't stop for anything and if the bomb goes off, cover your eyes ! Well, unless you were in school then your desk offered thermo- nuclear protection. There were good desks back in those days ! The high school was one of those shelters. Although I don't remember one ever taking place, I know they did have civil defense drills. Maybe I was in school then, hiding under that desk, while the rest of the town had their drill. Certain people were leaders in that and wore those funny looking hardhats. We were ready for those sneaky Russians. They were not about to drop a bomb on us without retaliation. We would come out of those shelters and be fine.
That is what the government was telling us. Most of us knew better but believed it anyway. We felt reassured. The government and the media, unlike today, was not trying to scare us all to death. It may have been naive but it was better than being paranoid. Listen to the news and media reports today and you know you're doomed. The government is going broke, there are weapons of mass destruction, terrorists are everywhere, and that is not to mention the myriad of diseases and medical conditions you probably have !
I don't hear anything reassuring coming out of Washington these days. There are no " fallout shelters " from today's impending disasters. The government doesn't even attempt to offer solutions. All I hear is dissension and a sense of panic. The blame game in full force. We are fighting a war, you hear that all the time, but who is the enemy ? Our troops are dying , that much is certain, but what ground have we gained ?
Government has become more and more intrusive in our everyday lives. Big brother is the common term used. Well I sure liked it better when big brother was reassuring and you felt he had your back. Now big brother wants all my money, wants to dictate how I live, and just tells me how dependent I am upon him. Big brother is a bully !
We can stop this nonsense however. We still have the vote. Big brother hasn't taken that away, yet. He may try to manipulate it, but he can not deny it. Our vote is the last " fallout shelter " we have. I suggest we all head there right away !

                                                                                   

The price ?

It's another morning and my head is empty. Normally I wake up full of ideas and thoughts. This morning I have nothing I wish to discuss. I call it discuss because that is what I do when I write. I'm discussing a subject with myself. I enjoy that because I seldom get an argument. Total agreement and harmony is the result. But I am told the purpose of a writer is to entertain and inform. Whereas I can entertain myself, I'm not so sure about the information I am sharing. Seems like a lot of what I talk about is open to interpretation and speculation. I think that is true about most everything in the bigger picture. What do we really know ?
Now writing words doesn't make you a writer. I am aware of that. If it were that easy we would all be published authors. I confess I like the idea of that. I do have some desire to pursue that course but I wouldn't describe it as a passion. I do think one has to be passionate in whatever they are doing or trying to accomplish. To do anything less will be fruitless. Commitment, that's what it takes. I'm just not sure I'm fully committed. And that takes a personal choice. No amount of encouragement will do it. You have to choose it.
I have been accused of having a large ego. I think it is just a healthy one. At this point my ego isn't large enough to provide the impetus to write that best seller. I also don't think in terms of monetary gain. I don't think I'd get rich from a single book. There are starving authors, as well as starving artists ! The motivators just aren't there. For now, the big book idea is more of a lark and fanciful idea. I will continue to write however. Yes, it should be that one writes, or paints or whatever solely for themselves. Just for the art. That is not the reality, at least not in my world. I also have to make a living and live a life. In the movies I would just lock myself away and write. Living in a cabin in the woods , like Thoreau, and just focusing on the words. Thoreau said, " The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it. " I understand just what he means. I do wonder what I would do if that were possible. Would I, or is that just talk ?
The real bottom line is to quit making excuses. Isn't that the truth of it ? All things are possible if we but try. I can spout out the rhetoric but can I deliver ? That is the inner conflict within us all. Now, that's something to think about !

Looking Back

My sisters birthday is soon and I was thinking about a gift. In thinking about my sister, who lives in Florida and I rarely see, I came to realize what we have in common. It is the one thing you will always have with your siblings, the past. Your siblings hold the same memories as you. These memories may or may not always agree but that is not the point. They were there, when. As the years pass by these memories become more and more important to most of us. Having grown up and moved away in our later years we long to grow closer again. Some will choose to do this in a physical sense, moving to be physically closer to one another. Others just do this in a mental way. We spend more time thinking about the past and those that we loved. As adults we start to learn to appreciate each other as people. It can be a difficult thing for some. After all, we know an awful lot about this person. Letting go of perceived past injustices can be a challenge. Unsettled business, as it where. I am happy to say I do not have these issues with my sister. We talk often and enjoy each others company. Our discussions usually involve the past.

So, with all this mind I was considering what I could give her for her birthday. I wanted something unique. I wanted to give her a piece of the past. She has been restoring an older home and enjoys the folk art stuff. Her style in decorating relies heavily on that. I looked and found nothing suitable. So I did the only other thing I could do, I made it for her.

                                                                         

I'm calling it my" window to the past." I made this frame and " aged " the wood. The lady in the window is our Grandmother Clara Lester. She is holding our Uncle Elwood in 1922. The home in the background is hers. Two years later in 1924 she would give birth to our father. She wouldn't survive to hold him. She passed away the same day.

I'm hoping my sister enjoys this little folk art piece. I haven't seen another, so in my mind it is an original idea. My sister is an original too ! 

Writing

Writing is speaking without being interrupted. That is how I think of it anyhow. Writing also gives you the chance to change your words. If you write and speak honestly you don't need to change your thoughts, just the words to describe them. Vocabulary is a wonderful thing. The words should be chosen carefully. Using words that are misleading or not understood do little to convey the message. Rare is it that an author can make the reader stop to look up the meaning of a word. I am not writing a lesson plan and so the reader reads for entertainment, having to look up a meaning isn't any fun. Fortunately I don't have a problem with that because my words are fairly common ones. I do like to throw in an occasional five or ten dollar word just to make it sound more official. Kinda like a real author.

Now I am not a very proficient typist either. That skill, or lack of it gives me even more time to compose my thoughts. Interesting how the word compose, to write, and composure, to stay calm, are related. I find my best writing comes to me when I stay calm. I can get excited about a subject and get carried away. I need to be reminded to stay calm. Write coherently.
We all have something to say. Unfortunately people keep interrupting us. The distractions grow year by year. More people, more entertainment possibilities. I-pads, I-pods, television, the internet and smart phones. Facebook and Twitter and a myriad of other things always interrupting. I think we should all just turn these distractions off, excuse yourself politely and write a few words every day. Whether you choose to just keep a private journal or share your thoughts with the world is irrelevant. The point is to speak uninterrupted. To be allowed to finish your thought. There is another skill that goes along with that, the ability to listen. Allow the other person to finish their thought. I need to work more on that skill. In speaking, as in writing, I need to remain calm, maintain my composure. It is far too easy for me to become,what I call, passionate, about a subject. One should be long in thought and short in speech. Brevity is a blessing to all. The distillation of your thoughts into a concept, what we often call an adage. That is the problem with speech. We have a need to respond, often too quickly, before thought can be given. A quick wit is admired, as is wisdom. One is fast , the other requires experience. Writing down your experiences reinforces what you have learned, and can provide insight. I highly recommend it.

Meaning

I was thinking about meaning. What is the meaning ? I looked up the definition of meaning and it says, " the thing one intends to convey, especially in language. What the sender or source expresses. " That is the meaning of meaning. Okay, but I was thinking more about the meaning of being here in the first place. Not so much the meaning of life itself, but the meaning of me being where I am. Just why am I here ? Does there have to be a reason ? Some things happen for no reason, don't they ? Was I an accident ? Mom doesn't say so and life has taught me one thing, that doesn't happen by accident ! Well the consequences of the action may not be what was intended, so in today's' world we call that unplanned. It is no ones fault, it was unplanned. Let us be clear in our meaning. It didn't happen by accident.

I would say we all have a story to tell. Something to say and contribute to the conversation, this conversation we call life. The meaning lies in our words. What is it that we, the source or sender, wish to express ? More correctly I think our meaning is expressed in who we are. We have different meaning to different people. Our words may linger but do not always express who we are. Usually they only express the person we wish to be. To further complicate things we say different things, to different people, in different situations. The meaning may be altered.
I think we all want our lives to have meaning. I believe that is a basic human need. The difficulty lies in satisfying that need. Some do it in the accumulation of wealth. Others may write books or poetry. There are artists and philosophers. We may seek meaning in our occupations or in raising our children. This need does become stronger with age. But meaning can be elusive. By definition,  the thing one intends to convey. The question is, what are your intentions ? Are your intentions to satisfy your needs or to satisfy the needs of others ? Is it your intention to contribute positively to society in general, or just fit in ? Further still, what is the meaning of the intentions ? The motives ?
Intentions and meanings are tried directly to purity of motive. If the actions on your part are pure, the result will be positive. This is the key to meaning. The thing you intend to convey. Keep your thoughts and actions pure in spirit and your meaning will become clear. You do not need to understand that meaning, just satisfy it. Do that and your life has meaning and the thing you intend to convey will be understood.

Riding the Ferry

Some memories are getting harder to recall. I suppose it is all a part of life. The brain does have limited storage after all. I must be filling mine up and had to delete some files. That's my story and I'm sticking with that. If it is in a zippered file, the zipper is stuck ! In either case a portion of a memory has been jogged loose in recent days. I have seen mention of Shelter Island and that reminded me of a bicycle trip. That is also where the memory gets cloudy. If I am wrong about the details some of you may correct me. I would not take offense to that.
I believe it was a church trip. We took our bicycles to the South Ferry and rode the ferry to Shelter Island. I recall, dimly, riding a circuit that circled the entire island. We went swimming at one of the beaches and had lunch at a restaurant. I believe our ages would have been 14 or so. There are only small pieces that I remember vividly, and those involved the girls, I will not speak of them here. I will say that the majority of what went on was all innuendo and nervous laughter. No physical contact ,of any kind, was involved. I still smile with the thought of it all. A good time. A time of innocence but with a new awakening. As I say, the details are very foggy. I don't recall who the leader was, what adult came along. I'm thinking it must have been the assistant pastor at that time. His name escapes me at the moment. Richard ?
Later on, when I could drive, I went to shelter Island several times with my best friend Rich. We would take the ferry across and just cruise around the Island. It was a beautiful enough place and the natives were friendly. I do recall a certain beach shack restaurant that we particularly enjoyed. It was aptly named, The Oasis. I believe Rich has a picture of this place, probably long gone by now. It was a nice way to spend a day.
An interesting little footnote to all this is that there is a ferry here in Maryland that goes from a town named Oxford, to Bellevue. Started in 1683 it may be the oldest privately run ferry in the United States. I rode this ferry one day on a lark. The wife and I were just out for a drive and thought it might be fun. After boarding the ferry we got out of the car. I had occasion to run into the captain of the ferry and mentioned how this ferry boat looked somehow familiar to me. She then told me this ferry had been purchased from the South Ferry Company in Sag Harbor ,New York. Imagine my surprise. This ferry could well have been the same ferry I rode on that bicycle trip and in later years. I enjoyed a brief conversation with the Captain and enjoyed my ferry ride very much.

                                                                         

The Oxford Ferry
( formerly the Shelter Island Ferry )

Embarrassed

I saw where California has passed a law regarding compromising pictures. Should your ex, post, online, certain photographs that were taken in private, in a spiteful way you can be prosecuted. I confess I really didn't listen to all the particulars. It just caught my interest for a moment or two. My initial reaction was, if you don't take those type of pictures you don't have to be concerned with all that. Apparently that is too simplistic an approach. There are those defending the position that those pictures were appropriate at the time. That those pictures somehow displayed trust and love in the other person. Indeed, some feel not to do so would be a sign of mistrust.
The question that needs to be answered is this. Can an action be moral and correct in private, but not in public ? Is the deed or action any more or less correct if done secretly ? I certainly don't think so. Is sin only committed in public ? That is not to say that the taking of such pictures is sin, I wouldn't go that far, but certainly lacking in good judgement. If one feels they need to" hide " or " keep secret " an action  that action should probably not be done in the first place.
Now the posting of such pictures for vengeance is petty and reprehensible to say the least. A criminal act ? I suppose so. I have said this in the past and I still think this way. You cannot legislate morality. The passing of laws to punish behaviors which are basically a moral issue will not prevent the behavior. The posting of these pictures is a violation of a promise. I promise not to show them to anyone else. Then ,later the trust is broken and my promise,at least in me eyes, becomes invalid. If we pass a law to cover every broken promise we will be writing for a long time.
What is the satisfaction one receives under this law ? The pictures are there and always will be. If once posted online they are always available to one that knows how to seek them out. Does the injured party receive monetary compensation ? I don't know that answer but if so wouldn't that be akin to just selling them ? The money won't remove the pictures or the breach of trust. What would be an appropriate punishment ? An eye for an eye ?  Sounds silly to me.
There are certain actions,behaviors or feelings that we share with those we love and trust. That is as it should be. The recording of these actions,behaviors or feelings is not necessary, nor wise. Secrets recorded,are not secret. Don't want anyone else to know, don't tell and for Gods' sake ,don't take a picture !
We have passed laws legalizing what some would call immoral behavior. We are being told to accept these behaviors as perfectly fine and just. Many actions are becoming " offensive " to some, like public prayer or saying the pledge of allegiance. Yet we will pass a law for someone that " embarrasses " me. And isn't that the real offense ? I'm embarrassed. Consider the word and it's implication. Whose fault is it ?

Big Enough

Thomas Jefferson said, " a government big enough to give you everything you want, is a government big enough to take away all you have. " The quote may not be exact as I confess I didn't look the reference up ,so don't beat me up on that. That particular quote came to mind as I was listening to the news about the government shutdown. The primary impetus for this shutdown is about " free " stuff. First off, nothing is free. The cost is always borne by someone. In this case, the taxpayers that are being forced to buy insurance. The revenue from those that have this insurance, but are not using it at the moment, will fund those that do not have insurance at all. The thinking is that they are too poor to afford it so we ( the people ) should pay for it. Just how they are supposed to pay the deductibles is left open for speculation. Perhaps the government will " loan " these individuals the money by raising their debt ceiling. If I decide, after a review of my own fiscal status and health needs, that I do not require this coverage I will be fined ! So let me understand this correctly, should I not purchase a service  from the Government I am then fined for that. But all that aside, the real issue here is big government. It would appear to me the government is indeed beginning to take things away.
The first things the government is taking away due to the shutdown is what ? Our national parks and memorials. Seems to me they are the property of the people, not the government. The government, Congress,Senate and the executive branch are not being denied their paychecks and perks. Shouldn't that be effected first ? The government is shut down. The workers, employees of the government, are being denied their living. That ought to make enough people mad to settle for whatever the government deems best for us. A strong arm tactic if I ever saw one.
I agree with Jefferson. I believe he was onto something there. The government is getting out of hand and we the people are enabling this. We are becoming complacent and lazy. We are dependent upon the government. The government should be dependent upon us ! We are the government, those we have elected to represent us are obligated to listen to us. Should they fail to do so, they should be dismissed. This shutting down of government implies that they quit. Very well, I will elect another to take your place. Interesting is the fact that special elections must be called for by, you got it, the Politicians. Yes , the elected officials must call for and vote upon their own fate, much like they do their own salaries. Big government, you bet. Big enough to take away whatever they please. 

Context

All the pictures,all the memories and stories. The accumulation of a lifetime of living. Words of wisdom and lessons learned. They must be placed in the proper context to have any meaning. Misplaced memories are like looking through a fog, nothing is clear. All is left to guess and speculation. We should endeavor to place all these things in the clear light of day.
I try to do this through blogging and my other writings. I also try through the pictures I display and the stories I tell. I find setting the background to be the hardest part. The explanation of why is often very difficult. This is because of what I call " transitional thinking " or changing your mind. I find when I change my mind about something I often dismiss the original thought process altogether. Just why did I do that ? At other times I just won't admit to it. I think we are all that way to a certain extent. It is human nature after all.
I have many old photographs, mostly portraits of the ancestors. I have some that are

Abraham Miller King
taken before his final whaling voyage
he returned safely
He dies in East Hampton at the age of 83.

scenes from a past life. I may recognize the scene, a certain building or landmark, but that is all. There was a story with that photo but it has gone untold, or more properly, forgotten. There was a reason the picture was taken. That is especially true of the days before digital photography. It was an expensive proposition and the number of pictures taken where limited to the number on a roll. Unlike today, a picture was usually taken for a specific purpose. Holidays were prominent and special occasions. The how and why of it makes the pictures come to life. Too often that is missing.
This is true also of our lives. The how and why of it is sometimes missing. There are stories and tales we like to tell, but also ones we don't. And then there are those that we will never tell. Those are the ones that add the context. Those lay bare our true nature and are scary. They are scary even to us ! But they can be told. They can be told in little pieces, snippets of time and thought. If spread out they are not obvious to all. They only become obvious when in the whole.
All the things we leave behind contribute to the story. Try to leave them in an order that is decipherable. Clues must be written down, actions explained. Add the context to the story. It is everyone's hope to not be forgotten. It is your job to make it unforgettable. Tell your story, write it down and take pictures. Above all be sure to include the context. You wouldn't want to be misunderstood now would you ?