About Men

I'm from a different generation. Yup,no doubt about it. I'm set in my ways and my thinking.
There are a few things I need to explain. My beliefs as it were.
First, men don't wear short pants ! At least not to work.
Men do not carry totes or bags of any kind. Unless it is the grocery bags into the house.
We do not wear our hats backwards. We have learned how to dress.
We do not use an umbrella ! Ever.
We do not wear ear rings ! Irregardless of what you may call them !
We will not buy feminine needs at the store,unless absolutely necessary,and then only at a store we never shop at !
We are never lost. Just directionaly challenged at times.
We do not curse in front of women.
We do know it all, but sometimes we forget.
When we get sick,we are really sick ! A man sized sick.
We would never, ever describe a car as ,cute.
We are not stubborn,we are determined.
We don't try clothes on in the store,we know what size we wear !
Socks must extend above the ankle. Period end of discussion.
We could do the laundry and the house cleaning but we don't. At least, I won't admit it.
We know women hide things around the house,that is why we can't find them.
Public displays of affection occur only when we are under the influence( alcohol or her ) one of those things.
Men don't cry ! Ever ! Not publicly at least.
Physical pain in public is dealt with by cursing ! Depending upon circumstance, either loudly or by muttering under your breath.
We cook on the grill ! Fire is too dangerous for women to deal with. It is a mans job !
Not all men drink beer. But when we do, it is never "light" beer.
A firm handshake is required at all times. To do otherwise could lead to being misunderstood !
The only acceptable thing in your hair is Vitalis or Brylcream. No moose or other animals !
If a man can't fix it it, is because he doesn't have the right tool !
We do not care about fashion ! Go with what you like and is comfortable.
We don't wear sandals ! Ever ! Flip flops possibly at the beach.
We will carry your purse,but only if we hold it like a football ! And we will be close by you at all times while in possession of the ball.
We must park as close to the store as possible. It is our genetic predisposition to do so. The alpha male.
Men should drive the car or truck. Mini vans are for women.
If someone is working on something,we must stop and offer advice.Barring that we will explain what they are doing wrong to anyone that is close by and will listen.

These are just a few of the things that come to mind. This new generation is changing the rules and blurring the line. Upstarts ! Leave things alone I say.