Offering

Our emotions lie waiting inside of us. A word or an action reawakening them, we react to the stimuli. Our reactions sometimes surprise us. That is what has happened to me this past week. The death of a friend opening painful memories. I relived those memories day by day. In my " maturity " I tried to remain stoic. In the end however, I cried. I cried tears of sorrow for the deceased and those left behind. I did learn a new lesson and am armed with that knowledge should I need it in the future. Well, there is no should about it, I will need it. Death will revisit me. 

It is well that our emotions should be so moved. I think it is what keeps us sane. The holding down of emotion can do no good for our soul. Emotion is the life blood of our soul. Emotion is what gives us life, that life should be active. 

I was somewhat puzzled by my own emotions. I spent a few hours thinking about this. Why did I react the way I did ? It is not in my character. Then I realized that was my first mistake, it is part of my character. A part of my character that I have effectively suppressed for many years. I was puzzled by it's release. How had I allowed that to happen ? Perhaps I have " matured " too much and like an overripe fruit become soft. Maybe I was just having a bad day. 

After some more contemplation I realized another thing. I had cried not for myself, but for others. What shame could their be in crying tears for another. A totally unselfish act. I have decided there is none. A glimpse of understanding. Those tears are the same tears as a Mother cries. The tears of love and understanding, the tears of pain for those she loves. The tears are for someone else. The tears are an offering. An offering to whatever God you pray to. An offering in the hope of relieving sorrow. An offering of  the soul. 

I have touched my feminine side. That was the bewilderment I experienced. Somehow the gate was opened. I must say it was uncomfortable. A Mothers' world. I guess that is why women cry so easily, they are comfortable there. That is also why God chose women to give birth. Only they understand the gift. Tears are there reward.