Think about it

Throughout the centuries there have been great thinkers and brilliant minds. Those that seem to gain a special understanding of the world and its' environs. There have been those that were great inventors and scholars. We quote these people and study their texts. We admire and marvel at their accomplishments. The majority of this happening before the Internet. We have had computers in one form or another for centuries, but the Internet is fairly new. Didn't Al Gore invent it ? LOL All this knowledge and information at our fingertips. It is a beautiful thing.

I was wondering though how much great thinking would have taken place if the internet were around back then. Would the great thinkers have been thinking, or playing video games ? Would Abraham Lincoln have lain by the fireplace studying his letters ? Probably not, might have been playing words with friends instead.

I really like the internet and the convenience of it all. Type a few words or a phrase into the search block and off you go. What could be easier. Sorry Mr. Dewey you're decimal system is just lame.

My one complaint is the ease of distraction that comes with this internet. I get so easily sidetracked. The time goes by and I still haven't found the answer I was looking for because something else got in the way. Focus is hard to maintain. 

There are times when we need to just shut the computer off and think. A little downtime does the soul a world of good. Would Plato or Socrates have taken the time to meditate the great questions ? The worlds' library is at our fingertips. Just reading the books does not gain knowledge however. One needs to understand the lesson. And understanding takes time and thought. That is true with knowledge and life. We all need to just think about it. 

Little Things

I had noticed this tree down by the river. The base was split open and there is quite a hollow in it. The shape of this opening is much like an arched doorway. It came to my mind to have a little fun with it. I was bringing home a large piece of cardboard from work when my grandson Mark met up with me. He asked what the cardboard was for and I explained my idea. He thought it would be fun as well and wanted to help. Sure, I said, it'll be great.

I just love doing little things with the kids. The things that don't cost a lot of money and require some imagination on their part, as well as mine. I get amused when they are slightly embarrassed by what we may be doing. Like flying a spongebob kite in the park. Mark is twelve now and is a bit old for spongebob but Grandpa isn't. You get the idea. Morgan gets embarrassed if I sing in public or speak to a stranger. It's funny stuff. I'm trying to show the kids it is alright to be different and to be yourself. Within bounds, of course.

So, we stopped at the tree and measured for the doorway. Bringing the cardboard home Mark and I cut out a door. Drawing vertical lines on it to simulate planks of wood and a round spot for a doorknob. Mark worked on a sign. He decided on a name, T.Roll and an address. We printed that on another small piece of cardboard. Grabbing the camera, off we went to the tree by the river. There were people fishing there and they gave us curious glances. We set the " door " and attached the sign. All the while Mark was very much aware of the people watching us, I paid them no mind. We set to taking pictures. I took several and Mark took several. Satisfied that we had done what we had in mind we removed the cardboard, folded it up and put it in the trash. It was a fun hour or so.

After we got to my house we uploaded the pictures to facebook. Everything goes on facebook ! Others got a chuckle from them and we even got a comment or two. Total cost ? Nothing, nada, zilch. The memory ? You know the rest. 

These are the things the kids will remember. They will remember because they are personal. Nothing commercial about it. Taking them to a large amusement park is certainly fun, and they love it, but it is not the same. I sometimes think that is what people miss. You cannot buy education,happiness or memories. Each has to be earned. I think that may be the purpose of Grandparents. To keep it personal. With the grandkids, it is personal ! Personal attention to their education and happiness unencumbered by the everyday stress of raising them,caring for them and providing for them. Parents have that to deal with. Grandparents can concentrate on the love. And with love comes memories. Memories to last a lifetime, ours and theirs.

Mr. T.Roll

waterfront property

Reaffirmed

I will say it wasn't unexpected. I will also say it was a relief. My grandson Mark was accepted into the Junior National Honor Society. We will be attending his induction this thursday evening. I am fairly bursting with pride. I see it as another huge step in the direction of success. I believe the path we follow begins early in life. His path is certainly going the right direction. Now we have to hope he doesn't stray from the path. There can be many distractions along the way. Sports can be one of them. Mark loves to play soccer, but sports can also be a character builder. The desire to fit in, peer pressure, can enter into the equation. I hope he chooses to hang with the brainy crowd. On a positive note, it is cool to be smart nowadays more so than when I was young. Of course that is just a matter of perspective, I'm betting the brains thought they were cool ! Anyway there is one other stumbling block yet to be encountered. Girls ! Yes, girls. Talk about a distraction. Girls have been known to take a man down at least 50 IQ points. Yup, I have done a few dumb things myself because of that distraction. We can only stand by and watch in that regard. That force cannot be harnessed by us mere mortals.
Mark frequently talks of college. We all explain to him the building blocks needed for that endeavour. He is aware that a scholarship will be very helpful, if not necessary, for this to happen. He also speaks of attending the Naval Academy. This induction into this society is just one more little duck falling into place. I see great things in his future. I am so proud to be a part of it. I even think I may have influenced him in some small way. Isn't it wonderful to take pride in the accomplishments of your children and grandchildren. It is a reaffirmation of our lives. It is in their achievements that we live on. Mark hasn't disappointed in that regard. And his sister is right behind him ! Does life get any better ?

The Grey Ages

Man has a way of labeling things. A method to describe something for others to understand. We have all heard of the dark ages. The dark ages were a bleak period in history. We associate them with diseases, pestilence and downright cruelty. A bunch of uneducated oafs. The renaissance. A period for art and learning. A time of discovery. In America, in the early days were the Puritans. Steadfast in their beliefs. Eventually we became enlightened. A time when we were sure of right and wrong. Our values were held high and our purpose justice. We were a beacon to the world of all that is right.
I think if we label the times we live in now we would have to call them the" Grey " ages. Nothing seems to be right or wrong. It all depends now on how much money you have, how much fame you may have and whether or not it is convenient. There are no set absolutes anymore. It all depends.
Lately I have caught some criticism for correcting people. I hear stuff like, yeah that's the way it used to be but not now. Has someone invented a time machine and rewritten history ? I'm not talking subjective issues but issues that are a matter of undisputed record. Take a look at our laws being written today. The law is so long and so full of exceptions, buts and might be, as to be useless. Grey areas. Liked it a lot better in black and white. Break the law, pay the price. Do this and that happens. Easy, right ?
I would say in the last decade or so I have seen a complete change of attitude. No longer are we right but we are pretty sure. No longer do we enforce the law as written. We interpret it to fit the situation. We even have taken up the practice of giving do overs to criminals. Don't imprison them, give em a do over. They had a bad childhood, it is not their fault. The ghosts of their ancestors made them commit those crimes. And whatever you do do not voice strong support for anything ! To do so will label you as some kind of fanatic. Be prepared to flip flop at a moments notice. That is how you survive in the Grey ages. Of course, I could be wrong entirely. This is a subjective issue after all. 

Respect

Memorial day is the day to honor and remember those veterans that gave there life in battle. In the beginning it was wives of confederate soldiers that gathered to decorate the graves. Over the years it expanded to the north. After the war, the General of the Grand Army of the Republic, declared May 30 as Decoration day. That particular day was chosen for one primary reason. No major battles occurred on that day throughout the war. It was chosen in deference to that fact so as not to show any favor to one battle over another. In 1967 the name was officially changed to Memorial Day. Later in 1971 the Government moved the day to the last Monday in May to make it more convenient and provide a three day weekend. Sadly the significance of the day has diminished over the years.
In doing my own family tree I have not discovered any fallen heroes. Oh, I have a lot of ancestors that fought in every war this nation has engaged in, they all came home. I still think about their contributions but do not decorate their graves on this day, that is what Veterans day is for. I feel a sadness that the importance of this day should be diminished. There sacrifice certainly hasn't !
I hope you all will wear your " Poppy Red " in remembrance. Don't forget the proper flag etiquette. As a reminder this is the proper etiquette. In the morning briskly raise the flag to the topmost position, then slowly lower to half staff. At noon raise the flag to full height. If you have ancestors that were killed in action be sure to place flowers upon their grave. At 3PM pause for a minute of silence or listen to the playing of Taps. The later memorial was instituted in the year 2000 as a National Moment of Remembrance. It is part of a greater effort to return the meaning to the day.
Memorial day is a solemn occasion. Treat it with respect. It is a day for the fallen heroes. A day to remember them and their sacrifice. They have earned the singular respect of their comrades in arms and the civilian population alike. Pause for just a moment today and remember them. There sacrifice has not been in vain. America stands today as a tribute to them.

Crazy Old Man

I have never been one to follow the crowd. I tend to exist on the fringe. I will rush in to join the crowd if I feel the need, but will quickly retreat as well. This is true of me in fad and fashion as well. I pretty much wear whatever I feel comfortable in within the bounds of decency and convention. I do like the traditional and accepted ways. I would even go so far as to say I challenge change. Tried and true is usually the best for me. 

This hesitation to follow the crowd extends even to my dancing. I do not know a single formal dance of any kind. I have always danced to my own beat. I won't say it is a good sight but it is what I do. My brain does not function in a way to allow me to memorize any dance steps. I can tell you how to reassemble a  V-8 engine step by step, but the waltz or electric slide, no clue.

This is not to say I am anti social. Quite the opposite is true. I love to talk to people and interact. I just like to be different. Is that a need or desire for attention ? Probably so. A head doctor would more than likely make that diagnosis. I am well aware of that but find just agreeing with everything to be boring. I need to spark a little lively debate. Some take it as argumentative. I call it discussion. As long as no one starts yelling that is. When that happens I normally leave. I will admit to liking getting the last word.

I have found the older I get the more likely people are to listen. A deference to aging I suppose. I hope the things I do say make some sense. The older generations must pass their knowledge and understanding to the succeeding generations. Not everything can be learned in a book or Goggled for that matter. There is a subtleness to life that take years to understand. One needs to reflect upon their life to gain that. I hope I generate that interest by discussion. 

I have also found that while aging can bring a measure of understanding and acceptance to life, one need guard against a few things. Be careful to not get bitter about the disappointments of the past. Do not become angry with change. For everything that you can no longer do, there is something you can. Do not become jealous of youth. 

I expect there are some that will say, he is just a crazy old man. That's fine, I'm okay with that. They will realize the error of their ways one day. It is kind of a compliment if you think about it. At least they are listening and remembering some of what I'm saying. Different gets you noticed. There is a fine line between being different and being obnoxious. Eccentric is also a fancy way of saying, different. I think you need a lot of money to be eccentric though. I don't think I'll ever obtain that status. I'll have to settle for crazy old man.

Crusade or Quest

From time to time a restlessness comes over me. The spirit of my ancestors acting upon me. My ancestors immigrated from Germany and Sweden. They married into established families already here in America. One line were Whalers, chasing the big fish in search of wealth. Another branch were merchants. I've had ancestors involved in railroading. My ancestors spread across the land. I myself, joined the Navy and traveled all over, finally settling in Maryland. I feel  my moorings may not be fast. I get the feeling there is another move yet to be made. But more likely it is just one more grand adventure that I seek. Too bad it is the 21st century or I could embark upon a quest. We don't do that anymore, now it is just a road trip ! Boring.
The real question would be, what would be the nature of this quest ? I am not motivated by treasure and search for riches. A quest has to be for something important and meaningful. A quest could also involve a social change or is that then a crusade ? Well, maybe I could be a crusader for change. I would have to be careful about crusading though, we all know how the last crusades turned out. Wasn't all glory I can tell you that.
This is just a passing phase. It comes around in cycles. Restlessness. What will be next ? Boredom or excitement ? That is what keeps life interesting. You can never be sure what will happen next. Strange how it isn't very interesting when you are living it, but gets pretty good in the retelling. I'll have to give this crusading idea some thought. A quest sounds good as well. For now, I have chores to do. While I'm doing them I will be singing to myself, " to dream the impossible dream , to fight the unbeatable foe " c'mon you know the rest.

Scouting

An announcement has been made. Avowed homosexuals can now join the Boy Scouts. Adult leaders in the program cannot be homosexuals however. A puzzling decision. If this organization is going to affirm the right of the youth to be gay, why not the adults ? It would certainly seem to imply that adult homosexuality is unacceptable but youths are. Or is the implication that adults may influence the sexual preference of the youth ? Strange, the gay groups claim it is not a choice on their part to be gay. If it isn't a choice then it logically follows there is no decision to be made, therefore no influencing. The bottom line is, scouts can be gay but not the leaders ! Are they supposed to lead them to straightness ?
As to whether the Boy scouts should allow homosexuals in their organization, that is certainly the organizations decision. I was not a boy scout and have no dealings with the group. I am not qualified to speak on that subject. I will say this much, I firmly believe the group has the right to exclude whomever they wish regardless of any social or political pressures. Gay people, of all ages, have been among us for ages. I'm quite sure there have been gay boy scouts in the past. The issue lies in the fact they wish to tell of this orientation. That is the real puzzle to me. Why ? Why do they feel compelled to tell of this most personal of preferences ? Why try to force your morality on mine ?
If I had a son or grandson that wished to join the scouts I would support that decision. Unless things have changed drastically over the years, scouting is not about sex. The homosexual " community " has always existed and exists outside of scouting as well. I wouldn't exclude my son or grandsons from societal contact, so why would I exclude them from scouting ? If they were uncomfortable with the group, I would tell them to leave. I certainly wouldn't expect the group to change to suit them. And there is the problem in a nutshell.
Should all groups be all inclusive ? Oh my, prejudice rearing its' ugly head ? Prejudice exists and will always exist. You cannot makes laws to prevent it. The laws can help prevent damages caused by that prejudice, but  will not eliminate the prejudice. The same applies for morality. What you deem morally acceptable I may not. There is no right or wrong in such issues.
The real issue is the beliefs and teachings of the institution. As I said I was never a boy scout and know little about the internal affairs of the group. Aren't scouts supposed to be trustworthy and loyal ? I don't recall a requirement about sexual orientation. The core values of this organization are well known. Apparently those values have now changed. Their organization, their decision. Is it in keeping with mine ? That is a private matter. It should only concern me should I wish to join, or someone I know wishes to join. 

Live It

To live in anticipation is to live with disappointment. Expectations can be a heavy burden. Acceptance of the present, is the best path to happiness. Be glad for the day and you will be happy everyday. The desire for things beyond what you need for today may cause you to stumble in your haste for the future. These are simple truths that I have learned.
As man has advanced his civilization  basic needs are being fulfilled. Food and shelter are easily and readily available to all. It is only the quality of that food and shelter that is in question. We no longer need be burdened with just struggling to survive. We have time for leisure. We have time to pursue the " extras. " It is the pursuit of those "extras" that causes our troubles today. When man was more focused on just surviving, the extras were appreciated more. They certainly weren't anticipated. They came as gifts. An easy hunt, a big catch or finding shelter in a storm. Now our expectations are much higher. We have come to expect the " extras. " For some, demanding the extras.
It is best to prepare for tomorrow. I would not say just live for today. What I am saying is, live today. Today will not be repeated. The only repetition comes in the desire for tomorrow. But for today, enjoy what the day brings you. To worry, to anticipate what tomorrow may bring, will gain nothing.
When we start to worry and anticipate what we would like to have happen, we are often disappointed. The world doesn't turn on our axis. I know we would like it to, but it doesn't. Expectations dashed to the ground. Life can seem monotonous. It is only so if you allow it to be. You give it permission by anticipation. Each new moment is an opportunity for a new beginning. Live it. Don't wait for tomorrow to bring anything, go get it. 

Economic Incentives

I was thinking about the person that won that powerball. I hear that if they take the cash option, after all is said and done, they would get a check for 236 million dollars. Not bad for a two dollar chance. But the thing I was wondering is, if I opened a checking account with that money would the bank give me a free toaster ? I remember when they used to do that. Might get a blender or a radio too. I guess they don't do that anymore. The FDIC only insures 250,000 so that's a lot of banks. I don't need that many toasters I guess. Could give them away as Christmas gifts though. Save a few dollars.
That got me to remembering about the freebies we used to get. Glasses and silverware at the gas station. Got those with a fill up. Sets of encyclopedias at the grocery store. You did have to pay 99 cents for them with a qualifying purchase. I got a set of Colliers from the IGA. The grocery stores would occasionally have dishes.
We had plaid stamps,S & H green stamps and coupons on packs of cigarettes. You could save those rascals up and order from the catalogue. RC cola had a chance to win money under the cap. I won more than once. I think you could win a free soda too.
Things have changed over the years. Now about the best you can expect is free checking. The bank won't charge you for using their services, as long as a minimum balance is carried. Other fees apply however. A fill up at the gas station gets you, a fill up at the gas station. You can wash your own windshield with the squeegee provided, no extra charge. The federal government outlawed coupons on cigarette packs. Made people smoke too much ! Well because everyone was spending five dollars a pack to get a ashtray. Only had to buy about three hundred dollars worth. I will say I have seen pots and pans available at the grocery store. You can purchase them with a qualifying purchase. They're not cheap though. Not sure how much of a bargain they are.
Remember punch cards ? Could win prizes with them too. A walk on the dark side and you could win money from those punch cards. You did have to keep an eye out for the law. They were for amusement only ! Never did win anything from them. I knew a couple places to go when I wanted  to take a chance. I didn't realize it at the time but that was the beginning of the moral decay in this country. Now scratch offs abound and gambling of all types is right out in the open.
Yes, things were simpler back in the day. Merchants really wanted your business and appreciated it. Now merchants act like they are doing you a favor. Banks actually paid interest on savings accounts. That was in the days when the government encouraged us to save. Now it's take out a loan, spend more money. And now the government is in debt and can't seem to figure out why. Now our greenbacks might as well be green stamps, worth about the same. Only real difference is no one is giving the greenbacks away. Can't get green stamps either.

The souls journey

We buried him on a Friday in a blue shirt. Friends and family gathered round, one more time. We gathered not to say goodbye, but to say, come with me. Through the tears a glow could be seen. Prisms of light reflecting in the sun. On a  ray of sunshine to the strains of Taps he departed the mortal earth, those of us present witness to his everlasting peace. The peace of a life well lived. We will miss his physical presence but will always feel his spirit.
I believe our soul is shared with those that loved and cared for us, our final gift to them. We go there for safekeeping ,secure in the knowledge we will be cared for. Our bodies are not so important and departing from them brings relief. It is only in the body that age,infirmity and sickness live. Our souls are immortal and require a host. We are that host. As we stand in mourning we need prepare ourselves to receive this gift. Shed our tears, a cleansing, and welcome him. Now we must continue the souls journey. We are the guides and the caretakers. The love that we shared obligates us, and binds our souls together. And so death is linked to life, and continues.

Lessons of the past

We should use memories to learn, not to incite. That is a simple message but one yet to be learned by the majority. Occasionally I see stories on the television about moments in the civil rights struggle. All too often the story serves little more than to incite negative feelings. They appear to be counterproductive to the intent.
I don't think this will change anytime soon. The opening of old wounds is a painful affair. The beauty of the scar does little to ease the pain of the injury.
I am saddened by those that wish to use these old wounds as an excuse. The things of the past, are the past. I should not be held accountable for the actions of others. Why should I be held responsible for the cruelty of man to man. Should our skin color or religious views make us accountable ? All of history is just a memory. A recording of the actions of mankind. We should learn from them.
I do not think you can exact revenge for wrongs of the past upon the present. To avenge those wrongs on the next generation is just wrong. Do not punish me for the crimes of my forefathers. Yet in all of history this continues,even to the present day. Human nature does not change. This desire for retribution is a part of our makeup. Man is capable of learning. Through conscious effort we can suppress our base desires. We can learn to live civilly. The enacting of laws will not do that. Only our own enlightenment can accomplish the task. We must learn.

Defining the nation

Our government is failing. I know it, you know it and the rest of the world knows it. I believe it is failing primarily due to one root cause. That reason is our unwillingness to live under a set standard of parameters. We constantly change the parameters in response to any opposition. These constantly changing parameters make it impossible to maintain any set path or pattern.
A cursory review of our social and moral standards over the last fifty years provides proof enough. Fifty years ago our roles in society were well defined. We knew what was expected of us and we tried to fulfill those expectations. Our personal lives were just that,personal.
We are evolving into the "anything goes" society. A civilized version of anarchy. On the surface it would appear we have a government that controls things, but that is fast becoming a myth. Our government is under attack from all sides. The liberals and the conservatives are equally infuriated. That is justly so but I admit I side with the conservatives. I believe we need a return to the values we once shared as a nation. It was the basic fundamental values that made this country strong. It wasn't a bunch of rhetoric and political posturing. It was those taking a stand that created this nation. Those that followed did so willingly. They agreed to live within the boundaries as conceived by those leaders. To put it simply, they didn't second guess everything when it became uncomfortable.
Gambling is now almost universally accepted throughout the land. All but seven states have a lottery. Nevada doesn't have a lottery because it fears competition with the casinos. Strong religious presence in the others have blocked attempts in the past. Remember the blue laws ? For those of you that may not, these laws restricted the opening of businesses and the sale of alcohol during specific times. Most generally associated with the sale of alcohol on a Sunday. You weren't restricted to the amount you could buy on Saturday just Sunday. That got changed under the guise of freedom. Other businesses complained about the loss of revenue. Eventually the blue laws were removed from the books. The notion of Sunday being a special day, a holy day if you will, thrown out. No longer one nation under God. Now we are just one nation. Moral decay.
The government is failing. It is failing because of a lack of firm leadership and conviction. No one is willing to lead. No one wants to accept the responsibility. Too many career politicians worried about securing their own futures and not the future of the nation. A line must be drawn in the sand. A definitive posture taken. No exceptions, no excuses. A return to the values which conceived us. We need only look at the past to rediscover those values and principles. 

Attending the event

It's preakness day at Pimlico. A big deal for Baltimore, lots of money to be made. Horse racing, the sport of kings, will generate a ton of business. Attendance has been up the last four years in a row. They expect 120,000 people to attend. A tradition of the ladies wearing big flashy hats and black eyed susans everywhere. From all accounts a gala affair for the rich and commoner alike.
I will not be attending. I do not like crowds. I do not like standing in lines. I've always been that way. I guess it is a product of my upbringing. Having been raised where there were crowds at certain times of the year, I developed an aversion to them. I would either not attend the event, or go in the opposite direction and have my own event. When the beach at the ocean became too crowded, I went to the bay. I have never been star struck either. I will not stand in line for hours to go to a concert or something similar. Unless I get to be on the stage with them, it just wouldn't be worth it.
There are plenty of events I would attend if I got to go as a VIP. No waiting, great seats and backstage passes. That would be the way to go. I recently heard that some wealthy people are now hiring disabled people to escort them through Disney world. You get to go to the head of the line that way. That is a pretty sick thing to do, but it doesn't surprise me a whole lot. It would be one thing to be able to do that on your merits/fame, but hiring a handicapped person ?
I'm just naturally averse to crowds. Makes me nervous as you can't see and keep track of things. I especially hate it when they are standing and get to pushing and bumping into one another. I need my personal space ! Don't get inside my bubble !
What about you ? Do you like crowds ? Would you stand in line for hours to just see someone ? Do you attend those type of events ? I know that most do, because they have those events. If no one would come they wouldn't have them now would they ? I understand that some really enjoy the excitement of the crowd. It is just the opposite for me. The larger the crowd the more I dislike the situation. Probably says something about my personality. Dr. Phil could explain it.
If I remember I'll watch the race on television. Horse racing isn't my favorite sport but this race is a part of the triple crown so I'll be a little interested. I'm not placing any bets. I'll buy a powerball ticket instead.

Editing the past

Memories can be funny things. What we remember and how we remember them are subject to change over the years. I'm not talking about a mental or physical problem though, I mean our own editing process. Sure, we can just delete selected scenes from our memories but what fascinates me is the rewriting. Small incidents become important and the big mistakes just fade away. The fascinating part in all of this is we believe it ourselves. That's the way I remember it ! How many times have you had that experience ? A sibling or close friends tells a story from the past and it just doesn't agree with your memory. How could they not remember correctly ? Why it is plain as day. That home run I hit was every bit of 400 feet and saved the game.
Fascinating too, is how the story may change, depending upon the audience. I certainly wouldn't tell a lie but I may tweek the story just a bit. Add or subtract a few minor details to make the tale flow a bit more smoothly. The memory itself remains intact, just the structure has been altered. It is all a matter of perspective. That's the way I saw it, so therefore it is. I didn't stumble, you tripped me. These little rewrites happen all the time. They do have a way of accumulating over the years. I have seen this happen to the point where the story is completely different. Funny thing is, it always happens to other peoples stories. especially my siblings. I hope it isn't a genetic predisposition. Nah, I remember everything just the way it happened.
As we age our memories become more important to us. That is why we want to share them. We all like to relive past triumphs and accomplishments. The older we get, the more important they become. It is almost as though we have a need to retell our lives. And in the retelling, a little editing never hurts. You don't make a great movie on the first take ! It is a cruel twist of fate that when our memories become important, they also become harder to extract. It is also a cruel twist of fate that the older we get the fewer people we have to share those first hand accounts of events with. I'm not complaining because I still have those memories. It has to be the cruelest twist of all when you lose them. I'll keep writing them down and yes, I'll edit them too.

Speaking

I wonder how you get the job as Orator. I can speak. I can voice my opinion. Now the question is, how do I get someone to pay for that ? I think it would be a wonderful job. Travel around just talking about stuff. And the best part would be that people listened. After all, if they are paying , they are going to listen.
I hear about various speakers. Motivational speakers and evangelists topping the list. I guess that is what people want to hear the most about. They are searching for motivation or inspiration. I could talk about those subjects.
I wonder how these people got started. What did they do to gain the attention of others. Not only gain their attention, but get them to pay for more. Sounds like a sweet gig to me. I hear a lot of those guys talking about how to get rich in real estate. I'm suspect of them. If they know how to get rich, what are they doing on television trying to sell me their secrets ? I don't believe they are so excited about it that they just want to share.
To be an Orator you do have to have something to say. Something meaningful, useful or at the very least hopeful. I think I could find something to fit one of those categories. Assuming I did find something to say how would I get noticed ? If you say what you want and someone else is listening, couldn't they just steal your theme ? I don't think you can copyright ideas ? Only the famous can be plagiarized. Things I might say are just repeated. A bit of a dilemma.
To speak effectively you must speak with conviction. You must make others believe in your ideas or views. You must provide them with a path to the happiness you enjoy. That happiness usually involves either money or faith. Most people want one or the other. As the speaker I would be happy because I'm making money. As to faith, that is a personal decision. The path to belief is different for everyone. I do think that people that go to listen to an Evangelist already have faith. They just go to have it reaffirmed. Are some " saved " during the meeting ? I wouldn't discount that.
Not being of an evangelical bent I would have to speak of obtaining wealth. This is where the real sticking point is. I don't have a clue. If I did, I'd be rich. I still want to just talk for a living. Can I find a way to talk about gaining wealth without actually gaining wealth myself ? Sure, do it for free. Problem is not many listen for free. Have to find a way to make them pay, then they'll listen. People are just funny like that. If they pay for something, they hate to admit they don't like it. Oh, it's a problem alright.

Smelling the roses

I woke up this morning and the birds were singing. I got up, put on the coffee and checked Facebook. Good morning all and all is well. I started to write this blog,as I do most every morning, and realized I had nothing of real importance to say. No deep thoughts or insightful commentary.

Last evening we went to the Spring Concert as presented by the elementary school. The band played, the chorus sang and the Glee club did their thing. It was all very cute and charming. The children all performed wonderfully. I love watching them and seeing the obvious pride they take in their accomplishments. It we all could only enjoy our own achievements with as much poise and grace.

So, I hope you all enjoy your days. Sometimes it is so nice to have nothing on your mind. Just smelling the roses,as the saying goes. I'm including a picture of my granddaughter at the concert just because I can. Isn't she beautiful ? Yeah.

That's Morgan, in polka dots on the left !

Finance and Faith

I recently had a discussion about old churches. A friend of mine had remarked that she knew of an old church that had been turned into a bar. We both agree that is a bit of a sacrilege. We both agree, as well, that they are just buildings after all, but still . The grand cathedrals are safe from such a fate. It is the little country churches that are subject to this abuse. It is the simple country churches that I find the most appealing. The old wooden structures painted stark white standing proudly against the horizon or tucked safely in a grove of trees. I know of several within a short distance of me. Two are now private homes. The others are maintained but not in active use. I wonder about their fate. It is my hope that they remain intact,unblemished and unspoiled from their original intent. At one time, loving hands built those structures of faith. How many hours of worship have they witnessed ?
I wonder too about the people that used to attend those churches. Where are they ? Where have they gone ? Have they all passed on or did they just build a bigger church ? Hopefully the later is the case. I can understand the need for a larger building and perhaps one with more comforts. Perhaps these smaller churches do get used on special occasions and that too would be wonderful. A short time back I investigated a church like this. Turns out the congregation no longer exists. It was a branch of the Baptists that has gone to history, a faith no longer practiced. The church still stands,surrounded by the graves of the faithful.
The newer churches I have seen built just don't have the character of the older ones. Other than a few church like features, a steeple of sorts and some stained glass windows, they don't really resemble my idea of a church. I suppose that is where faith meets finance. The cost of construction versus its' use. Most of these modern churches are more like assembly halls to me. Not that I'm an expert on these things, or have even been inside many, but the ones I have, that was the impression I received. A large stage in the front and a sound system. Really a multi purpose setting. I didn't get that warm feeling I get in the older buildings, but maybe that is because the older buildings had a singularity of purpose. They were built to be the house of God.
I don't mean to sound like I'm down on any Church building. Mathew said, wherever two or three gather in my name I am there, or something similar to that, it is the gathering that matters. It is also true that finance plays an important role. We have to do whatever we can to continue. I just would prefer the old style churches to the modern designs. In their intended purpose they are equal. I do wonder if these modern church buildings will endure as well as the old. I'm thinking do to their design they will. The building will be repurposed should the congregation move on.
A final thought is this. Where is the faith that lead us to build the churches of old ? The great cathedrals and the little country churches ? They were built with the conviction of their purpose. Their purpose was only one. In these modern times we like to multi task. Perhaps we should return to that singularity of purpose that drove us to build those churches. Focus on the real meaning. Dedicate our finances as well as our faith.   

Rolling Along

Getting back in the rut. Sounds like a bad thing but it is not. At least this morning it's not. I'm welcoming it. Traveling along in a rut can be a good thing. The direction is well marked and well traveled. The landmarks are familiar and you don't need to think a whole lot. Yup,sometimes it is good to just roll along. The past week has been emotional and exhausting.
Like a lot of others I will catch myself complaining about life. It's boring,nothing ever happens to me. Why can't I have an exciting life ? Then something does happen and I find myself saying, I can't wait for things to get back to normal. I do wonder where the happy medium exists. Seems I haven't found it. Maybe it is just a myth, like Atlantis.
Looking back one can plainly see how the norm has changed. What was the " rut " thirty years ago would be quite different than what it is today. Was life more exciting in my youth ? Well, not exciting maybe, but definitely filled with other pursuits than today. The ruts come from frequent travel and the ones created are uniquely my own. The ones that have made my journey comfortable. That is why we like to stay in the rut , and the reason why we want to get out.
Monday morning. Back to the daily grind. The road stretches before me. It is not looking too bad either. Putting it on cruise control and am going to enjoy the ride. 

Offering

Our emotions lie waiting inside of us. A word or an action reawakening them, we react to the stimuli. Our reactions sometimes surprise us. That is what has happened to me this past week. The death of a friend opening painful memories. I relived those memories day by day. In my " maturity " I tried to remain stoic. In the end however, I cried. I cried tears of sorrow for the deceased and those left behind. I did learn a new lesson and am armed with that knowledge should I need it in the future. Well, there is no should about it, I will need it. Death will revisit me. 

It is well that our emotions should be so moved. I think it is what keeps us sane. The holding down of emotion can do no good for our soul. Emotion is the life blood of our soul. Emotion is what gives us life, that life should be active. 

I was somewhat puzzled by my own emotions. I spent a few hours thinking about this. Why did I react the way I did ? It is not in my character. Then I realized that was my first mistake, it is part of my character. A part of my character that I have effectively suppressed for many years. I was puzzled by it's release. How had I allowed that to happen ? Perhaps I have " matured " too much and like an overripe fruit become soft. Maybe I was just having a bad day. 

After some more contemplation I realized another thing. I had cried not for myself, but for others. What shame could their be in crying tears for another. A totally unselfish act. I have decided there is none. A glimpse of understanding. Those tears are the same tears as a Mother cries. The tears of love and understanding, the tears of pain for those she loves. The tears are for someone else. The tears are an offering. An offering to whatever God you pray to. An offering in the hope of relieving sorrow. An offering of  the soul. 

I have touched my feminine side. That was the bewilderment I experienced. Somehow the gate was opened. I must say it was uncomfortable. A Mothers' world. I guess that is why women cry so easily, they are comfortable there. That is also why God chose women to give birth. Only they understand the gift. Tears are there reward. 

It's okay to cry

I'm sitting in front of this keyboard wondering what to write. My mind is still preoccupied with yesterdays sorrow. We buried my daughter in laws father.

My grandson, Mark had prepared a few words to say. He stood up there and began to read the words. His voice was quivering and tears ran down his face but he preserved. It was the most amazing display of love and courage I have ever witnessed. That twelve year old boy showed more poise and grit than is imaginable. I couldn't be prouder of him. I couldn't be more proud to call him my Grandson. As I listened to his most sincere and heartfelt thoughts I too, began to sob , just a little. In the end, when his speech was done, he sat next to me and cried. I held him close to me and learned from him. It's okay to cry ! I was always told that men don't cry. That I now know to be, not true. For I saw the man in Mark, and we cried together. He crying for his Pop-Pop, and I crying for his sorrow. 

Blame the Democrats

Portion size. A subject of discussion once again. This time it is coming from the Coca Cola company. They have started a campaign to reduce childhood obesity. The reduction in the amount of sugary drinks is felt necessary. The Coca Cola company has released, back in 2001, a smaller can of soda. About the size of those little bottles we got as a kid for a dime. Not a bad idea, but a solution ? If we use the same logic why don't we only sell miniatures of liquor and beer ? Then we wouldn't have alcoholics. Take care of that issue. Only sell one cigarette at a time. One prescription pill at a time, to deter abuse. That ought to work.
I fail to see why a lack of self control on your part is a problem on someones else's' part. And as for the children why don't Mom and Dad just say no ? Mine did. That's enough was a common statement. Can I have more ice cream ? No, that's enough. I just don't think children usually have enough money or means to be buying large quantities of  soda and snacks. And if they do isn't someone monitoring their intake ?
All this may very well be well meaning. I can appreciate that. On the other hand it is a reflection on society today. The blame someone else for our problems mentality. I'm fat. It's the foods fault. The manufacturers are putting too much in the cups,bottles and bags. Our children are getting too large. Not my fault ! Stupid fast food places are selling large drinks. Any excuse to explain our own lack of self control and accountability. Yes we like to talk about all kinds of social issues these days. We look for all the causes. Except we fail to look at the real cause. Our own choices. And one more thing, Weren't there fat kids when we were young ? Did they have secret stashes of large drinks ? What was up with that ? Probably a government cover up. The manufacturers conducting secret experiments on the children. Apparently it has gotten out of hand. Let's blame the Democrats !

Nip It

On the corner of Church Street, across from the post office, sits the home of Judge Laird Goldsborough. A man of historic note and one of Greensboro's more prominent citizens. A one time adjutant General to the Philippines he authored their first constitution. Part of this home is of pre revolutionary war construction.
The Judge passed away in 1970 and the home sold. It was subsequently turned into a restaurant. At first it was a rather upscale eatery. It featured french cuisine and had visiting chefs from time to time. That endeavor proved to be unsustainable here in the town of Greensboro. The owner moved his business to another town.
It has sat empty for a short while. Now, once again it is opening as a restaurant and has a small pub. The first place had a bar as well. The only difference being this. In the front window ,on the upper right hand side are two neon signs. One is advertising Budweiser Beer and the other Yuengling. I saw them lit for the first time last evening.They look like two sinister eyes staring from the darkness. It came as a bit of a shock.
Why you ask ? I've lived here for over twenty years now and have never seen neon signs advertising beer in any windows. They appeared in stark contrast. As I said, the business is in an old home and looks like an old home. Those signs just don't fit the scene. My impression is that it looks tacky. Are you running a restaurant or a barroom. Knowing the history of that home only adds to the chagrin I feel. An insensitivity to history is all I can say. It sits on Church Street because on the opposite corner was a Church. The Old Methodist Church before it was torn down to build the post office.
I wish the current owner all success. I would much rather this building be used and have life than to sit idle. Greensboro needs an infusion of commerce. I just feel like it should be done with a little nod to the history. Advertising the restaurant is necessary. Placing glowing beer signs in the front windows does not fit that bill. It all starts with one. Now, before you know it there will be neon signs lining the streets advertising all sorts of wares and beverages. Why, before it is over Greensboro will look like Las Vegas ! I think we should just Nip It ! Nip It in the bud, before it propagates!  Already, behind the restaurant inside a fenced area I can see the tops of brightly colored umbrellas. Can rowdy consumers of alcohol be far behind ? It looks like a den of iniquity to me.
Some will call me an alarmist. Some will say I'm old fashioned. Be that as it may. Far better to endure that, than to have my Grandchildren staring at the neon and saying, Gramp was right ! We should have just nipped it !

Those signs are hiding in the daylight,but they are there.

The History

Forward

The last few days my focus has been on the present. The death of a friend or loved one has a way of doing that. The past seems so long ago and the future isn't in sight. There are obligations to perform. And their is grief to deal with. My Mother always told me time speeds up as you age and that has been shown to me to be a true statement,for the most part. What she didn't tell me is during times like this, time stands still. The days go by but time doesn't appear to move. My thoughts are focused on one thing.
As we age we attend more and more funerals. The passing of the previous generation being witnessed. And time moves forward. It is almost as though it is our chance to relive those years in miniature. A few days at a time. We remember our loved ones, friends and acquaintances. We listen to their eulogies and reflect upon them. And time moves forward.
For those of us with faith death signals a new beginning. A beginning that should be celebrated. In the last few years I hear people speak of funerals and wakes as, celebrations of life. That is justly so. But grief and mourning is a personal business,deeply personal and each of us must find our own path to understanding the mystery that is death. To come to terms with that reality is not an easy thing. It takes time. And times moves forward.
As we mourn our loss time stands still. Perhaps it is Gods way of giving us time to contemplate and understand. At the moment reality is altered. The world continues to turn, it is not the end, but a new beginning. And time moves forward.

In the past tense

The arrangements have been made. Tom will be laid to rest on Friday. It will be the last time we see his physical body but his presence will remain with us.How many lives has he touched since his birth in 1924 ? The number, if even possible to count, would be staggering. Some lives he but brushed against, while others he transformed. He himself changed over the years,as do we all. Those that knew him fifty years ago would have been surprised to have known him just ten years ago. I only knew him in his aged years as a retired man. I knew little of his youth, of his loves or passions. Talking to him was a trip down memory lane. He spoke of what used to be and seldom of what the future may bring. It becomes that way for us all. Now the time has arrived to say words for him. We can only speak for him in the past tense. What words should we choose ? The words are meant for those he leaves behind. The words should offer comfort and consolation. We do not need to remind those that knew him and loved him of his accomplishments in life ? Those of us fortunate enough to have experienced him, need no reminders. He left an impression upon our souls that will be felt forever. Poets,writers and dreamers have tried over ages to find words to say, without success. Mere words cannot fill the void left to us, only our continued love can do that. Tom will be, forever loved.

Saying Goodbye

The time to say goodbye has come. My daughter in law lost her Dad last evening. His name has been called and read from the book. He will be missed here on earth but welcomed up above. His passing fills us all with sorrow. Sorrow for our loss and leaves us in contemplation.
We should contemplate upon his life,it is only fitting. Our lives are like a book and he wrote an important chapter in it. Do not make the mistake of skipping over it. Each of us have a contribution to make to the world. That contribution is different to each one that we meet. Each of us are teachers. In those lessons that we teach lies our immortality. Lessons well taught are remembered forever and passed to future generations. Even when the source of that knowledge is not known, it lives on. I will always remember Tom as I knew him. Maria will remember Dad.
As we say our goodbyes we should review those lessons. Is that not the purpose of the funeral ? The funeral should bring an understanding to those of us left behind. It is we who need the comfort and peace. Tom already has his. I believe that is where the sadness often comes from. The realization of the many things this person offered to us that we accepted or rejected as a matter of course. The regret that we may have missed something can be a haunting thing. The truth is, if you think these thoughts then the lesson has been learned. And in so learning the lesson you have given life. The circle is completed.

Waiting

I don't have many words today as my heart is heavy. My daughter in laws father is failing in health and the watch has been set. To see and feel the sorrow in her heart is a terrible thing. A feeling of helplessness envelopes me. If I could take that pain and sorrow upon my own shoulders, I surely would. The grandchildren are aware as well and their hearts ache.
Facing the loss of a loved one is a difficult thing. We all know our time on this earth is limited. We are all well aware, yet it somehow always comes as a surprise, a surprise filled with shock and grief. There is little we can do to prepare ourselves but cling to our faith.
I pray for a peaceful passing for this man. He has lived a long and full life. May God take him into his home and care for him always. May my daughter in law find peace as well.
No one is really gone if we remember them. I think of them as going to the ultimate vacation paradise. I will see them all again in time. And time is but just a passing, a passing thought or memory.

Picturing the past

My sister in law is here visiting for the weekend. Always nice to have family around. As she was sitting in my living room she remarked how she enjoyed the fact that I do not change the pictures of the kids as they grow older, just add the new ones. I hope that is clear to you. In other words I still have pictures of them from when they were three hanging alongside a current photo. Some may think I have too many pictures on the wall but I don't think so. I think having those older pictures displayed lends a continuity to my home. I'm not saying one should live in the past but rather one needs to live with the past. A big difference ,don't you think ?
I have old photographs of Grandparents,Great Grandparents, Uncles,Aunts, Mom and Dad and all the grandkids. They all share the space on my walls as they share the space in my heart for them all. Past or present makes no difference. Love of family spans generations and I see no reason why it shouldn't span the past as well. The old pictures remind me of the past and the new keep me in touch with reality. Sometimes that reality can be a stark contrast to just a few years ago. I do think it serves to keep you grounded. It also gives me reason to be grateful every day for the things I have. The people that have touched our lives and those that are responsible for our lives are forever bonded.
What about you ? Do you store the older pictures and replace them with the new ? Do you take a picture out of a frame to replace it with another ? That is something I never do. Once a picture has been framed it remains in that frame. I like old frames and they are important to the picture. The frame becomes a part of that memory. Even when the frames become chipped,faded or just plain old looking they retain their value.
I will continue to add pictures to the walls and tabletops as long as my wife permits. One person's passion can be another's nightmare. Not that she doesn't appreciate them or understand my fondness of them, after a certain point it can become just a little too much. I get it. It shouldn't look like an art gallery it should look like a home. On the other hand I wouldn't mind living in a museum. According to some I'm a bit of a museum piece myself. LOL

Finding Peace

Atonement. Do you believe in atonement ? Are we bound to atone for our past transgressions in some way ? That is one of the central questions in  life. Yes, it is tied up with religion. All religions include some form of atonement. Punishment is often associated with the attainment of atonement. Hell for instance. Or perhaps repeating life on earth as a lower form. Karma baby. What goes around ,comes around.
Yes I think we must all make reparations in one form or another for our misdeeds. Maybe that is what fate is. We create our own fate, by our own deeds. Then why do bad things happen to good people ?  A valid question and a puzzling one. Is there a God or some other deity that wishes to test our strength ? That is a possibility but leaves another question, why ? Are the troubling times an opportunity to atone ? Are our reactions to the bad things a sort of counterbalance ?
In examining this puzzle another question would be, to whom must we make reparations ? That is where God  enters the picture. Must we make amends with our God ? And in so pleasing him attain atonement and therefore everlasting peace ? Certainly that would seem to be the case. We have so little control over so many factors that effect our lives that it can be no other way. That is the reason we turn to outside sources for our comfort and strength. We pray. Sometimes we blame, and sometimes we abandon that course of action altogether. We lose our faith. Always though we look elsewhere for the answers. It is my belief however that the truth lies inside us all. And that is where we need to look and make amends. In examining our lives and past actions, whether positive or negative, we can make changes. It is in those changes that we gain atonement. It is not acts that we perform, but rather an enlightenment of our mind that gives us this atonement. We find peace with our God. Reparations must be made to ourselves. That is the answer I think. We must atone for our past by living our future. Therein lies the enigma that is life. Does it really begin and end ? We only know of this existence. If we atone for our past by living our future, what is the result of obtaining that atonement ? Can't be living our future and can't be repeating the past. Is it what some religions call, Nirvana ? Some call it heaven. Whatever it is I think it lives within us all and it is just a matter of finding it. Can't hurt to take a good look around.

High Dust

Today I thought I would regale you all with a story from my Navy days. You see, guys being guys like to mess with each other and pick on the new guys. Today they would call it hazing and not being sensitive to others feelings. Counseling may even be recommended. But ,back in my day we just called it messing around.
When you are newly assigned to a ship one of your first assignments may be compartment cleaner. That's housekeeping to you landlubbers. You would be responsible for washing and waxing the floors (deck), emptying the trash, and the general cleanliness of your berthing compartment. The place you sleep. A higher ranking official will come by and check your work. Perform inspection.
Now when I was on the USS Yellowstone the man in charge of the berthing compartment was one Russell Blanchard. Russ was a good man and I was friends with him. One characteristic of his was he had a nervous twitch in one eye. He was a little sensitive about that. Another was he was a stickler for cleanliness and details. We had received a new recruit and he was assigned to the job of compartment cleaner. Russell told him what the job entitled and went off to do his duties. Returning later Russell inspected the compartment. As I said he was a bit of a stickler and checked high and low. He wasn't pleased and let that new recruit know it ! The kid was the recipient of a good " dressing down " as the military calls it.
Shortly after that I came into the berthing area. I asked this recruit how it was going. He replied not so good. He then explained to me how he had just got his butt chewed out. He said he didn't understand what Russell was so mad about.  I asked him if Russell had said anything to him about " high dust " ? He told me in fact he had. He said that Russell had been especially upset about dust on the top of the lights and lockers. I then approached this kid and took him into my confidence. I told him I would share a secret with him about Russell. I asked if he had noticed that " tick " in his eye. He said that he had. I then told him that "tick" was the result of an accident. You see, years ago when Russ was the new recruit he was the compartment cleaner. One day while getting the " high dust " off the top of things that dust got into his eye ! It caused permanent damage and that is why he has that tick and why he is so adamant about "high dust."
That young man set to and cleaned that compartment over again from top to bottom. He got on top of those lights and lockers and polished them clean. Later in the day I asked Russell to check that compartment. He did so and gave that boy a glowing review. A hearty "well done" as we say in the Navy. That young recruit beamed with pride and said to Russ, " I heard what happened to your eye."  Russell goes ballistic ! The kid is stunned as Russell begins to rant and rave. Then Russ sees me standing there laughing and knows what has happened. His attention was then directed at me ! Fun times.

Choices

So I'm watching the news and listening to all the bad stuff going on in the world. A pretty typical day in America I would say. Stories about crime,corruption and the hot issues of the month. Then the sports come on. The big news ? Some basketball player has announced he is Gay. He has " come out " as the saying goes. Even the president of the United States is saying how proud he is of this man. And this is news because ? Some are likening it to Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier in baseball. Really ? I'm thinking Jackie was pretty obvious and really didn't need to tell anyone he was black. Just my guess.
The whole issue with me is not the fact that he is Gay, but the issue of telling everyone. Why ? Why did he feel compelled to tell ? Was he being accused of being heterosexual ? Was he being bullied, you like girls ? I doubt that. And why is the president proud of him ? The president didn't mention his ability to play basketball, just the fact that he said he was gay. I guess the president is proud of all Gays. Gee, what about us straight people ?
Now don't misunderstand me, I don't have any issues with the Gay community. I'm really not concerned with  anyone else's sexual preferences. The one thing that does bother me is this constant telling. Makes me wonder just who they are trying to convince. Me or themselves ? If I'm doing right, I don't feel compelled to defend it. Just sayin'. And just why that was a newsworthy event escapes me as well. He was not the first Gay person to play basketball or any other professional sport, I can guarantee you that. He wasn't even the first to tell. It would be my guess that those people close to him already knew. Unless I'm entering information on a dating site, I do not feel compelled to include that information.
He did say he felt tortured all these years. Hiding his secret. If you are ashamed and or tortured by your behaviour wouldn't you question your behaviour ? I certainly would. We all have our own little secrets. Some we choose to share, then they're really not secrets anymore, but for the most part we don't tell. Why don't we tell ? Because we don't think it is acceptable behaviour, that's why. The choice is yours. Either choose behaviours you deem acceptable, in your own mind and conscience, or live with the result of not doing so. Do not look to others for acceptance,affirmation, or sympathy. You probably won't get it. That is human nature,deal with it.
The late George Jones summed it up best in his song, Choices. Living and dying with the choices we've made. Oh, I know it isn't a " choice " but you get the idea.