Looking around

The last few days I have been speaking of my troubles. I'm afraid I became a little self centered. It is a coping mechanism. I think I need to convince myself before I can convince others. Yes this will pass, and I will adapt. I have caused some concern on the part of those that are regular readers of my postings. It is a comfort to know that others are listening and understanding. This world wide web can be supportive as well. I reposted a sticker I saw the other day that sums that up nicely. The sticker said, " what better use of Facebook than to pray for each other. " Isn't that a wonderful thought ? I agreed that I could find no better use.

There is much to be done over the next few weeks. Any interruption in the normal everyday routine is upsetting but prolonged interruption has it's own challenges. I must remember that all this affects those around me in a profound way as well. This isn't about just me. I know that, but acceptance does not come easily. I can empathize but that doesn't mean I am living their life. 

I have been focused on a central issue. The time has come however, that the peripheral needs must be addressed. Unfortunately I don't live in a made for tv movie. I don't have unlimited funds and must return to work. You know, those mundane things that enable you to just exist. We're just regular people here, with regular problems. The holidays also loom large. We all want that sense of normalcy and life moves on. Now the return to that routine is abnormal and upsetting. It comes with a sense of guilt. Guilt for doing what you know must be done. A frustrating feeling. Mixed emotions and a need to justify your actions, even when you know there is no reason that you should feel that way. It does not change the feeling. 

Today, for a myriad or reasons, I will go to my grandson's soccer tournament. The choice to do this would seem a simple one but it is not. It is one of those peripheral activities. Done in contrast to my own wants, to satisfy other needs. A part of the rebuilding process. It is a step and like all first steps taken with a bit of hesitation. It is a start. There is a goal and I am cautiously moving toward that goal. I am grateful for this outlet and grateful that others read and understand. I feel connected to a supportive force. I have my God and my friends. My God gives me strength and my friends provide reassurance. Life can be complicated at times, and at others, as simple as a smile.