Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Man Down

It has been a gradual process. It began when man moved into the cave. It started innocently enough, honey drag me over there ! Soon it was move that rock over there so we can have a better view of the fire. And honey,kill that mammoth I need a new coat. Women have been trying to unman us forever. Got us taking baths and cleaning our nails. Wipe your feet before coming into the cave. On and on. Until now when we have reached the point were if you are a good enough provider you may be allowed to have a " man cave." A space where you can have your belongings and she can just laugh with her girlfriends about it. " I let him have his toys,as long as he keeps them in that room."
Women have always talked about their men. Wanting them to be sensitive to their needs and understanding. Men should be able to defend against any threat while holding a rose in one hand. And we should be able to do all this while smelling good and never complaining. Just give her anything she wants,whenever she wants it. Yes dear, has become a mantra of modern man. Hair color,cologne,body washes and all matter of products now designed for men. These products were the sole domain of women, but no longer. And then this very morning on the news I received the word, it's all over now. Yankee candle has started selling candles,yes I said candles, with "manly scents ". Fresh cut grass and 2x4's. Women will be buying these and insisting they be burned in the man cave. That much I could deal with, but I know what is going to happen. Some man,somewhere, will purchase one of these candles, and with that purchase the last vestige of'" MAN " will disappear. Oh a few of us will hold out and resist the change but it will come. As surely as underarm deodorant and cologne.
Before long men will be watching  a hunting documentary in their man cave. The " smell of fear " Yankee candle burning and sipping his glass of wine.The recliner with the beer cooler in the armrest a distant memory. It's been replaced with a love seat. The trophy heads gone now from the walls, replaced with decor from home interiors.Thirty one catalogs lying on the coffee table. But the only hunting going on is with a camera. Oh the beauty and grace of the lion. What a magnificent animal. And his wife will be sitting there with him,holding hands.
The transformation complete, as he gently sobs at the beauty of it all.

1 comment:

  1. Oh brother:::: shaking my head:::::: and it's all because, a year or so ago, some little boy created scents for men's candles! 'Mandles' he called them. I didn't know Yankee was involved at all. I had to giggle at your description of what's to come...

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