I am approaching a crossroad and having trouble reading the signs. I'm unsure if I should turn right or left, back up or just continue along the road. The only pressure to decide is coming from myself yet, I can't seem to shake that pressure. I wonder why I should feel this pressure, all the while I know the answer. I don't like the answer and therefore wish to change that but that isn't possible. It does not reside within the realm of possibilities. And so, I am left with indecision, doubt and a sense of unrest. Not only do I not have an answer, I don't even have an opinion ! Now, that is rare for me !
This decision doesn't need to be made at this time. I could defer it for as long as I wanted really. It is just that I hate to put things off. Let's decide what to do and get on with it, is my motto. With whatever choice I make there will be concessions. There has to be concessions. None of us get to just live life on our own terms, not if we have empathy for others that is. I don't mean being a saint, just being considerate to those around you and those with you. Finding the balance between " me " time and " real " time can be a challenge all in itself.
It can be a real chore to just stay above water some days. There are times when I feel I am just treading water, keeping myself from sinking. It can be a temptation to jettison some " baggage " to ease the load but that same " baggage " is mighty useful at other times, a lifesaver in fact. Possibilities lie before me but I need to approach with care and caution. These crossroads don't come along that often and I'm getting closer to the end of the road. That is nothing more than the reality of the situation and a factor to be considered. Perhaps I am being too analytical and should go for it. Problem is, I have not decided what " it " is. The " it " is, at this moment, the thing we call retirement. We retire from working ? I believe that is what it implies, this retirement thing. It does not mean I'm retiring from life. Of course, life will be different without work. Another factor is, retirement doesn't mean financial security has been fully achieved. Certainly I can survive, but how much cushion is there ? Well let's just say I wouldn't jump off a cliff into that cushion ! But, how many could do that anyway and is that just an excuse ?
Having said all of this, writing it really, does bring some measure of clarity to the thought process. A new thought arrives and brings with it other considerations. Is my trepidation based in that " me " time thing ? What I mean is, when you work for another you do get rewards for your efforts. Those rewards may be monetary or just the compliments on having done a great job. Having worked all these years I have a measure of confidence in my abilities. I assumed a job being fairly certain of success at that job. This " retirement " however is a different thing altogether. What is the reward ? More importantly though, will I be successful at it ? I can't be successful if I don't know what I'm doing, can I ? Do I have to do anything ? Rest on my laurels, as it where. I don't think so, I find that action annoying in others so it would be in myself. What you did yesterday or last year has little relevance to today.
I'll close this little discourse with myself for now. I have to get ready for work. I wonder how others in my situation decide what to do. I wonder if others give it as much thought as I have ? On the surface this retirement stuff is something we all are working toward, but where are we going ? I'll have to think some more about that answer.
This decision doesn't need to be made at this time. I could defer it for as long as I wanted really. It is just that I hate to put things off. Let's decide what to do and get on with it, is my motto. With whatever choice I make there will be concessions. There has to be concessions. None of us get to just live life on our own terms, not if we have empathy for others that is. I don't mean being a saint, just being considerate to those around you and those with you. Finding the balance between " me " time and " real " time can be a challenge all in itself.
It can be a real chore to just stay above water some days. There are times when I feel I am just treading water, keeping myself from sinking. It can be a temptation to jettison some " baggage " to ease the load but that same " baggage " is mighty useful at other times, a lifesaver in fact. Possibilities lie before me but I need to approach with care and caution. These crossroads don't come along that often and I'm getting closer to the end of the road. That is nothing more than the reality of the situation and a factor to be considered. Perhaps I am being too analytical and should go for it. Problem is, I have not decided what " it " is. The " it " is, at this moment, the thing we call retirement. We retire from working ? I believe that is what it implies, this retirement thing. It does not mean I'm retiring from life. Of course, life will be different without work. Another factor is, retirement doesn't mean financial security has been fully achieved. Certainly I can survive, but how much cushion is there ? Well let's just say I wouldn't jump off a cliff into that cushion ! But, how many could do that anyway and is that just an excuse ?
Having said all of this, writing it really, does bring some measure of clarity to the thought process. A new thought arrives and brings with it other considerations. Is my trepidation based in that " me " time thing ? What I mean is, when you work for another you do get rewards for your efforts. Those rewards may be monetary or just the compliments on having done a great job. Having worked all these years I have a measure of confidence in my abilities. I assumed a job being fairly certain of success at that job. This " retirement " however is a different thing altogether. What is the reward ? More importantly though, will I be successful at it ? I can't be successful if I don't know what I'm doing, can I ? Do I have to do anything ? Rest on my laurels, as it where. I don't think so, I find that action annoying in others so it would be in myself. What you did yesterday or last year has little relevance to today.
I'll close this little discourse with myself for now. I have to get ready for work. I wonder how others in my situation decide what to do. I wonder if others give it as much thought as I have ? On the surface this retirement stuff is something we all are working toward, but where are we going ? I'll have to think some more about that answer.
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