The final third

 August of 2015 is quickly fading away. Soon the leaves will begin their descent and the world turns gray. Oh, there will be a final splash of color but in the end, gray. September, for me, has always been associated with birthdays. Mom,Dad, both brothers, some of their wives and children, all born in September. So I see September as the month everyone else gets older. Better them than me ! It is an illusion of the mind and one I enjoy. This year I turned sixty two and so attention was drawn to that. I'm going to collect my social security ! The final birthday gift you might say, I'll keep getting it till I die. I'm taking my gift early, could've waited for a few more years but time waits for no man. I'll begin the celebration !
 My Dad and my brother Harold were both born in September. Dad in '24 and Harold in '47. Both have passed on and I miss them. Mom will be 86 this year. Hard to think of your Mom as being 86. I don't feel all that old, so how could she be ? Even harder still to think of the implications of that number. I spoke with her just yesterday and she doesn't feel very old either. Oh, she was a little upset with her new cell phone, it had somehow taken a " selfie " of her ! She was quite dismayed by that for some reason, couldn't understand why anyone would take a picture of themselves. Says she is getting rid of that " thing. " She is going to return to her Trac Fone from Walmart. Just buy some time on it, pretty basic stuff but advanced technology for her.
 September song, by Willie Nelson, is one of my favorites. " When the autumn weather, turns leaves to flame, one hasn't got time, for the waiting game. " That line pretty much sums it up now doesn't it ? Once you reach a certain age I think that it becomes relevant to us all. The age may vary,  but the validity of the statement does not. I have no more time to wait. We call it our " bucket list " these days after that movie. Well I don't plan to kick to the bucket anytime soon. But that isn't what the movie was really about anyway. It was really about forgetting and forgiving. If you have seen the movie you already knew that, if you haven't, watch it.
 The fall arrives in September. When I was a kid it marked the return to school. Those lazy, crazy,hazy days of summer gone. It was " back to work " and time to buckle down. The cold weather would be arriving soon as well. That meant more time indoors. I didn't have all the " activities " that the kids do these days. The cold days indoors were spent reading or maybe playing a board game. I could play records too. My collection wasn't very large, so I soon became bored with that. Mom would find things for us to do, quoting her Mother, " idle hands are the devil's workshop ". It had to be awful cold for us kids to stay indoors though, so it didn't happen often.
 September marks the beginning of the final third of the year. Just four months till 2016. My grandson will graduate high school in 2019, that's just around the corner. September brings with it a sense of urgency. That is what Willie Nelson was singing about, that feeling of urgency. I am starting to understand the sentiment. I just don't have the time to wait or waste anymore. The days do dwindle down to a precious few but you can add to those days. Start today. Start right now, September begins tomorrow, don't wait. Well because that lady a few years ago said it best when she said, " ain't nobody got time for that ! " 

Tech for touch

 Are we exchanging technology for humanity ! I'm sure I am not the first to ask. It is just that this thought entered my conscious after hearing a news report. A university here in Maryland has eliminated all textbooks. All resources being online. They certainly aren't the first to do so but the first I became aware of. Personally I still enjoy that " tactile " experience of holding a book in my hands. Yes, even a textbook can provide that experience for me. I remained more focused upon a book in my hands than a web page. Perhaps it is a generational thing, I can't say. I don't believe they have eliminated the classroom, yet, but will that go next ? I see advertisements for online colleges and universities so I assume that whole experience can be circumvented if you so desire. Technology replacing actual personal interaction. I do not believe being in an online " classroom " would provide the same experience.

 Man has always sought out new technology to make things easier and more efficient. We call them tools. I'm a big lover of tools. I like hand tools. I enjoy working with my hands, although I am not nearly as talented as others. The skill in the use of tools does vary from person to person. Whatever the case may be tools are designed to help. Unfortunately man has also developed technologies that serve no other purpose than to destroy. At first we just took a sharpened stick and jabbed at the ground and planted our seeds. Didn't take long for us to start jabbing each other. It was still a personal experience then, you had to look the other in the eye. You did hear his cries of pain and see the damage you had done. We began to develop technologies to avoid that. We just started throwing that sharpened stick at our enemies, getting ever farther from him. Soon we called those " tools " spears. There only purpose was to do harm. The " tool "  provided a separation from the humanity of having injured or killed our fellow man. 

 Now the elimination of textbooks will not harm anyone. I'm not trying to say that it will. What I am saying is this, we are eliminating the textbooks because of financial concerns. Placing all the resources online will definitely reduce costs. Those online resources being the " tools " required for the job at hand. What are we sacrificing in the process ? Tools, by their very nature, as designed to eliminate work, or at least, make it easier. Do we really want to eliminate the " tool " that we hold in our hand ? Will that cause a separation ? I can only think that to those never having had the experience of holding and learning from a textbook will not miss that experience. Will that lack of experience affect their humanity ? I just don't know.

 I do think we need to do more with our hands and engage in more personal experiences. Man is a social animal. Man also needs to guard against replacing that same humanity with technology. All this going " online " is putting humanity at a distance. Consider any social media site. We can be whoever or whatever we wish to project. We are separated and some choose to use that as a tool. A tool that becomes a weapon. I believe we need to be more " hands on. " Mankind is becoming less tactile, relying upon technology. I wrote yesterday that there was a time when you could know a man's mind by the books in his library. Today we have to look at his browsing history. Would that mind look the same ? 

 In the end I believe we have a far greater appreciation for the things we create with our own hands. We treat those we know better than those we don't. A book, held in the hand, is a personal experience. Did we create that book ? NO, but we held it. We could feel it, smell it and turn it's pages. We developed a connection to the book. Can we develop that same connection to the Internet ? Technology replacing humanity, a scary thought and the stuff of science fiction ? Control the Internet and you can control knowledge. You can then control the books I read. I don't like the idea of that. 

to grasp the intangible

 Did you ever wonder what you are doing here ? I don't mean here on earth necessarily,  but where in your life you are. I sometimes feel like I am standing at the end of a path and staring at the beginning of another. I just don't know where the new path is supposed to take me. I hesitate to take that first step , all the while feeling like I need to do so. It is not that I feel pressured or pushed, it is just a hesitation. I do not want to leave things behind, yet am acutely aware I can not take everything with me either. Perhaps that is a product of aging, that awareness. Learning to let go takes maturity and understanding. It is similar to learning to share our toys and maybe that is where it begins. Learning to enjoy the happiness of others even at our own expense.
 The thing that occupies my thoughts most often is being forgotten. I do not want to be forgotten. I think that is true of all of us. We all want to be remembered. It is only in the choice of how we choose to be recalled that makes us different. Some choose to leave behind the tangible evidence of their existence. Those folks build things, some even build empires ! Others choose to write down their thoughts and hope to leave that in their stead. Leaving behind the intangibles requires a measure of faith. How long can those survive ? In all of recorded history how many names can be recalled based solely on those intangibles ? Jesus has to top the list. My religious training, if that is what you choose to call it, urges me to emulate his actions. I should try to be like Jesus.
 It is the desire to be remembered by the masses that occupy our thoughts. The importance of your existence is measured by the number who mourn. Isn't that the perception  ? I am saddened when I see a funeral service and it is only attended by a few. It does cause me to think about that. I wonder if the deceased are aware. Will I know ? Will I even care ? Will it make a difference ? Rational thought tells me the answer to all three is no. But, I'm not writing about being rational, I'm writing about feelings. Feelings are not always rational things. Sometimes we foolishly think we can predict feelings based upon past experiences only to discover how wrong we are. Happens more often than not,. The feeling we call " love " is most often cited as an excuse for irrational behaviors. We act out of love ! We all want to be loved. Love is the elusive thing we call " immortality " that we all seek. Love is the feeling, being " immortal " is the goal.
 When I wrote that first line, " did you ever wonder what you are doing here " I was thinking about just that. What are you doing to secure your immortality ? What actions are you taking ? Are you building or writing. Do you hope to leave the tangible or intangible ? On which do you place the greater value ? I think for many of us it is not a fear of dying, that's inevitable, but the fear of being forgotten. We all need to feel reassured that we are of consequence in the world. How can we feel this reassurance ?
 I believe it begins with learning to share. It may begin with our toys but ends with objects far more valuable. The intangible things in life must be shared as well. Learning to share those " feelings " with your fellow man, not for gain or profit, but for your own comfort is the answer. Do not be selfish with your compassion, spread it generously. In this way, compassion will be returned to you. Just what are you doing ? It is a question I ask myself constantly. To grasp the intangible is the beginning of understanding. Sharing it is security.
 I will add this much. It is far easier for me to write down these thoughts than to practice them. The " intangibles " are very difficult to get a grip on. Feelings are easily hurt and other feelings take their place. When you have lots of " toys " the loss isn't so great. The loss of your " favorite " however is quite another matter. That loss is sentimental. Sentiment is a product of memory. We all want to be remembered. The question is, how ? 

regulating humanity ?

 There is an old saying I often heard my grandmother use,advice really, " don't speak ill of the dead. " It was  a reminder that the past can not be changed. Past transgressions whether real or perceived are just that, in the past. It was also a gentle reminder that we all have our faults and shortcomings. We should remember those that have past with kindness in our hearts. Everyone has some good qualities about them. Let the past remain there, in the past. If you do not have anything nice to say, do not say anything at all is another extension of that thinking. I believe, on a personal level, to lie for an eternity in silence, must be the cruelest punishment. A bit of condolence I offer is , you are never gone as long as your name is spoken. The people in my life that have passed are not gone, as long as I speak their names out loud and tell their stories. Those, thankfull very few, that I do not, are gone ! I shall leave them in silence and isolation.
 It does no one any good to dwell upon past unhappiness. Whether that unhappiness was caused by yourself or the actions of others, it is past. If measures have been taken to prevent a future reoccurrence that is all that can be done. The offending party can either be forgiven or ostracized from society. As Christians we are told to exercise forgiveness. None of us are without fault. Forgiveness offers us the opportunity to demonstrate our ability to learn. Forgiveness does not excuse or condone the action just provides an avenue to redemption. In the case of the dead, that road is closed ! Death is final. Do not speak ill of the dead because they can do nothing to rectify their mistakes. In the same vein as, " beating a dead horse. " The horse will go no where.
 I think what Grandma and the old folks were trying to say was, enjoy the things in life that make you happy and forget about the bad. Theirs was a more optimistic approach to life. We tend to be more cynical and jaded these days. Perhaps it is just that man has become weary. Have we lost our enthusiasm for living ? The further "advanced" we become the more we expect ?  Could that be the problem ?  We do tend to expend more energy trying to " correct " the past than living in the present. We are becoming consumed with that notion. The old folks knew better than that. You can't change the past. Take the good from the past and more forward, was the motto of our grandparents.
 This more modern approach is evident in our everyday lives. Consider the news, as reported, today. You do not hear many " good " stories. Conversely the news is flooded with the sensational. You hear of all the crime and the underbelly of society. Subjects only spoken of in hushed whispers are now shouted from the rooftops. Each and every misstep taken is widely reported. Society is divided now more than ever. The propagation of  crime and immoral behavior is the result of this reporting. What is presented as " normal " or " expected " behaviors has changed considerably. Did these behaviors exist in the past ? Of course they did, but they were not broadcast to the general public. They were not " embraced " as relevant social activities. Those committing those acts were ostracized ! .Excuses and explanations were not offered. Their acts were recognized for just what they were, wrong. Now we need to " discuss " and "analyze" those same actions and provide a reason. The thinking being if we know the reason we can prevent that act in the future. We can't. Today we hear about " more gun regulation " being the cure for gun violence. Background checks are required. Nonsense, foreground checks are the only way to prevent something from happening in the future ! Until we get a crystal ball that isn't going to happen. The guns aren't committing the crimes, the criminals are. The focus needs to be upon humanity, not regulation.
 Well, this started out as a musing and has turned into somewhat of a rant. I apologize for that. I do tend to get " passionate " about certain subjects. My country is one of those subjects. Regulation and the removal of " social boundaries " will not unify us. Those actions only divide. We can not rectify the mistakes of the past. We can only learn from those things. Applying that knowledge is the key. The idea that reparations can mend the past is just wishful thinking. They can not. Like speaking ill of the dead, what can it accomplish ? A temporary feeling of superiority ? Fighting a defenseless foe ? Death has placed whatever wrongs the person committed in the past, permanently. Just move on.
 You can not regulate humanity. Humanity is an inherent trait, that's why we are humans. Have we forgotten that lesson ? Do we think we are something more ? When the focus becomes more upon ourselves than the betterment of mankind in general that may be the result. We move from compassion to regulation. .

knowing the answers

 How can we know the path ? That is a question that is very difficult to answer. The answer would have to be different for each of us. Should our path make us happy ? That is central to the answer I believe. Yes, the path should bring us happiness and contentment. Should it do so on a daily basis ? No. That is not a realistic expectation. Do we seek the path or is it path revealed to us ? Do we even get to choose ? If God truly has a plan for us the answer would have to be , no. We do not get to choose. Our only choice would be compliance or non-compliance. Happiness, at least on this plane, can be achieved with either choice. That is the free will our God has given us. Happiness in this life will not however unlock the gate to heaven. The Bible tells us that the only way through the gate is by doing God's work.
 So then how can we know. The answer for me then becomes a question of faith. The answer for you may be different. I must place my trust in my God and in my own good senses. The Bible is my reference and life has been my teacher. Hopefully I have learned a few things over the years. I have had times of happiness and times of sorrow. As a human, I tend to take credit for the happy times and blame God for the bad. Man has a habit of doing that. Even the ancients blamed somebody, or something, for bad weather and bad luck. The truth is, stuff happens. We have little control over things of a celestial nature. We do like to believe we have an influence, but I doubt that.
 Should we seek the path or will it be revealed to us ? I believe we should read the signs along the way but the path has already been decided. If we read the signs we will be prepared for the journey. Our Bibles give us a map, a path to heaven, but we must read it. I do believe we must read it and understand for ourselves what those words say. Just going to church and having the priest or pastor give you his interpretation is not enough. We must all study the word (signs ) for ourselves. It is easy to follow, but our God wants us to lead. At least that is my take on the matter. And the best leaders lead by example ! Leading however, takes work, far more work than just following along.
 Being a leader does have it's perks, that can't be denied. That is evident to even the most casual observer of life. The leader gets to decide. It is always better when we can decide for ourselves, isn't that so ? Everybody wants to be the boss. The boss makes more money and does less work, right ? The boss can come and go as he pleases. Yup, it is nice to be the boss and have no worries. Well, that is the perception most have of being the boss. But, being the boss of what ? The boss of our own happiness ? Having power and money sure is better than weak and broke ! I can't deny that fact. That same money and power can not guarantee happiness but can provide a distraction. It is when we get distracted that we wander off the path. We forget to read the signs. Whether we get distracted by wealth and power or distracted by the struggle of just staying alive, the result will be the same. We get lost. Thing is, anytime we get lost all we have to do is read the sign.
 The path each of us walk has been decided. It is up to us to follow it. That is free will. I do not believe that God allows us to stray or allows bad things to happen. God only allows us to "decide" what course we will follow. No one of us is singled out for favor or misfortune. We are all on the same path in the beginning, The path will end in the same place as well. When the journey is over it will then be decided. How well did you read the signs ? Did you follow them ? What work did you perform ? Did you do your best ? You can know all the answers, but still fail the test !
 In reality there can only be one leader, one boss. The rest of us are " followers. " Having the faith to follow is the challenge we all face. Believing ( belief ) in life everlasting and eternal happiness is the reward. Followers are allowed to question to gain an understanding of the task. Sometimes we don't know what the task is supposed to accomplish but are required to perform it. It's a job. Life , that is. You just need to decide who's the boss !  Hint : it ain't your wife but you had best listen anyway ! I read that sign a long time ago. Ain't your husband either. 

Civility

 Civility is a word that comes to mind this morning. I believe we need a return to civility in this country. It is something I think is sorely missing and misunderstood. The manner in which we behave in a civilized society is called civility. One could call it a code of conduct, like the code of the old west. Of course that code was only in the movies but it was an ideal. Today we hear a lot of talk about respect. Respect is the product of civility. You can not have one without the other.We don't say you are uncivilized but we do say, I feel disrespected. That feeling accompanies a lack of civil behavior either by you or another individual. Had the breach in the civil code not occurred, no disrespect is felt.
 The dictionary says civility is formal politeness and courtesy. I agree with that definition. Not that it would make any difference if I didn't, but I write that only to give credence to my thinking here. I do think a return to a more formal way of living is in order. Society, in general, has become too informal and relaxed. We are not on our " best behavior " as our Mom's would constantly cajole us to be. That sort of behavior is even looked upon as extraordinary these days. The manner in which children address adults is just one example. That has certainly changed since I was a child. It goes beyond that however. In my estimation I only see this civil behavior when the person is wanting something from the society. Then they are courteous and polite, to a point. When they don't get what they want immediately, that can quickly change. That is a part of civility that is lacking in today's world, graciousness in the face of disappointment. Composure when faced with adversity. To put it in more modern parlance, staying cool !
 I can recall a day when wit and sarcasm where the weapons of choice. Folks remained civil with one another and verbal barbs were used to display displeasure. Resorting to crude and vulgar language was the mark of the ignorant. To be ignorant is to be uninformed. The uninformed could not answer in a rational sense and therefore just resorted to bluster and strong language. Now we live in the " information " age and I see more ignorance than civility. I can't help but wonder why that should be so. I suppose I could write an entire paper on civil behavior but I wouldn't be informing anyone of anything they don't already know. We all know what those behaviors are, we just need to exercise them.
 Society changes and evolves with each succeeding generation. That has always been so and will continue. I believe that just like I believe history repeats itself. Circles in life and in societies behaviors. I would like to see a return to a more formal time. Ladies and Gentlemen. That term is applied rather loosely today, more as a greeting than a description. It is really more about understanding and knowing our roles in society than it is anything else. That statement makes backs bristle ! I am aware of that, but support that position. Civility hinges upon that premise does it not ? And that is not a bad thing. 

Understanding

 Does understanding mean allowing ? That is , if I understand your motives or intentions, am I then obligated to condone that action ? I don't think so, at least that isn't what I was taught. My parents, teachers and those that are my real friends don't think so either. I was given understanding when I screwed up ! Given to understand that I was wrong that is. I may have received a certain measure of sympathy but that measure didn't include exemption. The error of my ways was pointed out to me and an explanation followed. There were plenty of times I didn't want to hear it, and times when I didn't listen, and it still didn't make me right. After awhile I came to an understanding of my own. I'm not always right and what I want isn't necessarily what is best for me or the society in which I live. To put all that simply, the world doesn't revolve around me.
 This concept appears to be getting lost in the touchy feely world of today. I keep hearing about, " understanding. " You need to give understanding. No, what is needed is to gain understanding. The thing you need to understand the most is, yourself ! Why are you doing the things you are doing ? This is especially true when what you are doing seems to be in contrast with the majority. Is everybody wrong ? I don't think so. This idea of everyone can just do whatever they like is just plain wrong. There are guidelines to be followed. Social conventions should be observed. Being disruptive solely to gain attention is not being productive. That is the action of the immature, the ones without understanding. Do not confuse understanding with surrender. Understanding something doesn't mean I can't be in opposition. When I understand, I can offer an explanation, not an excuse. Excuses solve no problems.
 It can be difficult to deny ourselves the pleasures we seek. It is far easier to rationalize and compromise. Those actions require little understanding but rely upon emotion. IE: If it feels good, do it. It doesn't hurt anyone else.  These rationalizations are nothing more than irrational logic. There center lies within the person doing the rationalizing. When others fail to " go along " they are then accused of not understanding. The perception then becomes one of intolerance ! Intolerance is unacceptable ! Intolerance is perceived as a bad thing, is it not ? But is it always so ? No, of course not. If our parents, teachers and true friends all tolerated everything we did, where would we be today ?
 Understanding implies restraint. When we understand we operate within the guidelines. We may allow certain actions that are unconventional but they still fall within a set criteria. Just understanding does not mean allowing or condoning. The whole thing boils down to just one thing. We need to reach an understanding. First we need to understand ourselves and our world around us. Then we need to understand those around us. The only way this happens is through discussion. It is through discussion that explanations can be offered. Excuses are just given, but explanations offered. We need to be receptive. That requires understanding.

Working as a hobby ?

 Are you plagued with nagging thoughts and indecision ? I seldom am but find myself in that very position this morning. In most cases I just decide what I want to do and go for it. You could say I have a decisive nature. I believe I got that from Dad. He had a saying for that, " either defecate or remove yourself from the pot " of course that isn't exactly the way he said it but you get the drift. I find myself lingering on the " pot " far too long. I just can't seem to reach a decision about this retirement thing. Do I want to quit working altogether or not ? I only work part time as it is, so just cutting back isn't the answer. Either I stay working part time or I don't ! That is what I am facing.
 Naturally there is the economic factor to be considered. The thing there is economics has never been my primary focus, as long as I have enough to get by, I'm good. It isn't something I stress about. It has always been about the work I do. I like work that is both interesting and fun. Yes, work can be fun if you are doing what you like and are surrounded by good people. Presently I am surrounded by good people, the job isn't what I'd call fun, but not unpleasant. I have a large degree of flexibility by virtue of my son being the district manager.
 This indecisive feeling is quite uncomfortable. I don't like it, at all. I mean I know what the job is but I don't know what retirement is. I suspect it isn't all what I hope it to be,economics does play a big factor there ! It is not that I want to travel or have any expensive hobbies but staying home does increase some costs, not to mention that loss of income. I've thought about staying at work and just using that income for recreational pursuits. Somehow just working for " fun " doesn't seem right. Sounds unnatural. Isn't that a hobby ?  Non-traditional I guess you would say. That might be a viable option however. More indecision.
 What if I did retire and just sit at home ? Would my health decline due to inactivity ? I don't think it is reasonable for me to believe I would join the Y and exercise. I would mow the lawn and do that kind of stuff but exercise ? I don't think so. At work I do a lot of lifting,bending and stretching, call it working though. LOL So that is a nagging thought. Grandma always said, a man is like an old work horse, once they lie down, they die ! Old time wisdom and often holds a great deal of truth. Won't be much fun to be retired and dead.
 I do need to reach a decision soon. I have to give notice. I have always given notice, except once. Once I did just quit and go home. Felt pretty good too. Lowe's home improvement is doing just fine without me so I don't feel remorse about that decision. This decision is different though, I feel like this is final. It reminds me of when I retired from the Navy. I was excited to do so until I stood before those attending my retirement ceremony. As I began to speak I felt a sense of loss. It was like the closing of a door. I went from sailor to " used to be " in about an hour. Bittersweet is the term to describe that. Time made that decision for me, will time make another ? All things in time. There is a season for all things. Maybe the season is Summer vacation ! I'm leaning toward that right now but give me a minute or two. Decisions,decisions.
 Now going back to what Grandma said about an old work horse, she didn't say anything about a hobby horse. Maybe I could work as a hobby and then be a " hobby horse ". Hobby horses are fun and stay busy. All it would take is a change in attitude. Hobby horses don't know they aren't stallions ! That's a good thought and I'll stick with that for a while. Have to think about it. 

Reaching an understanding

 A lack of religious conviction does not mean a lack of morality or virtuous behavior. It is certainly implied, or more properly, inferred, by those that hold religious convictions. Morals are subjective abstract thoughts and actions deemed appropriate by the society.Any action, once accepted by the society, is then deemed moral. But does morality share a relationship with religion ? I do not think one could argue that it does not. One precipitates the other. Virtue plays an important role. One can be virtuous without being religious but you can not be religious without virtue. Empathy is the defining emotion in this relationship. The empathic person being virtuous as a result of those empathetic feelings.
 Can empathy serve as a replacement for faith ? I would say being empathetic may instill the desire for moral conduct. The empath reacts to the feelings of others, having experienced their feeling. It creates in us a desire to help. No one enjoys seeing others suffer. When we feel those pains we just naturally want to do something. Being sympathetic is not the same thing. Empaths feel, the sympathetic understand. I can sympathize without feeling your pain.
 So then why do the religious form this opinion of the unbeliever ? I believe it is solely because we cannot know their moral code or values. For the religious, Christians or whatever , these values and morals are written down in their sacred texts. Yes they are often interpreted differently, even by members of the same faith, but the guidelines are there. Divine guidance is offered. For those that profess no belief in a divine plan or standard, no such offering is made. That is what is so unsettling. What are their guidelines ?
 It is apparent that man has long decided that " laws " are necessary to delineate proper conduct in society. Whether those laws are " moral " laws or " criminal " make little difference in their function. They are to instruct. Man needs guidance and indeed the threat of " punishment " in order to behave properly. That is to say, in a manner consistent with good faith with his fellow man. Some would label it fear, but I call it consequence. Being aware of the consequences is not the same as being afraid. In the moral realm the removal of consequences may remove the fear, but not the consequence. That is the function of belief. To those that believe the consequences are very real. It is the empathy of the believer that prompts his actions. That is why it is so important to " spread the word ", to help our fellow man. For a believer to experience, for even a brief moment, the experience of " no faith " is a very unsettling and puzzling thing. Quite uncomfortable and somewhat scary. That is the empathy I speak of. It is not sympathy, I can not feel sorrow for those that deny the existence of God because it is something I can not understand. I can feel empathy because I have times of doubt and have experienced that feeling. I hear the cries of the nonbeliever as questions and can not but help tell my truth. The desire to help is an inherent thing.
 Is it a necessity to profess your faith before your fellow man, or before your God ?  I do believe it is only necessary to do so before your fellow man to provide a basis for understanding and acceptance. It is not necessary to obtain his mercy. Obedience is the key to heaven. No one of us can obey every law or directive, we will all fall short.( sin )  Belief without obedience is also not sufficient. Consequence can not be avoided by non belief or non compliance. But, will the non believer gain the reward if he is compliant despite his non belief ? Yes, I believe that he would because I believe in the mercy of the Lord. God does not require our approval or acceptance. He does require obedience ! The non believer may be compliant even if it is inadvertent. I do believe that the truth will be revealed to the obedient, even in death. It just takes longer for some to " see the light. " As long as we follow the path we will reach the destination, whether in darkness or in light..
 I do think we are suffering, in society today, from a lack of empathy. We have become more sympathetic falsely believing that we understand ( empathize ) with others. We believe that just by giving, material goods or services, that we are helping. Yes, we are helping with material needs and promoting virtuous behavior. The issue is we are allowing that to replace empathy and empathy stems from experience. The true empath "feels" the emotions of another. This is true of us all, this inherent ability to " feel " the emotions of others. It is also a trait that should be nurtured.
 Faith is tied to belief. Belief is dependant upon empathy. When we feel the presence of God, we can believe, Remaining faithful requires a reaffirmation of belief. That is only accomplished through empathy. If more of us we empathetic more of us would believe, The non believer lacks this empathy, that is my thinking. They are not to be vilified but just require enlightenment. That means they must " experience " the feeling of faith, and in turn, belief.  Belief  is a feeling, not an action. It requires understanding.  

Expect nothing

 Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed. Those are words my Mom often used when I felt that I had been cheated in someway. Truth is, when I felt like my expectations hadn't been met and I was angry or upset about that. The shortcoming was my own was the message. I never did like that advice and still don't to this very day. I don't see any reason I shouldn't have reasonable expectations. That is key, reasonable, but I don't believe reasonable is well, unreasonable !
 That expression came to mind as I was attempting to use my computer this morning. I had just received the free upgrade to windows ten and have been trying it out. All was well until I tried to use my video camera. I had gone to Summerfest, an annual event in Denton, Maryland to record my granddaughter and her dance company. I also took footage of the parade. Now, in windows 7 which I have been using it was a simple process. All I did was stick the card in the slot and presto, everything was fine. Windows ten however has proven to not be so great. Perhaps I was expecting too much, I expected it to work ! Was that unreasonable ? Do you sense the frustration in my writing ? Arrg ! It is doubly so because it worked and played the video initially. When I tried to play it for a second time I get a message, this fie is in a format that is not supported . What ? Played it five minutes ago, why don't it play now ? My expectations have not been satisfied. I am now seriously considering a return to windows 7. I have 28 days left to decide according to Microsoft.
 This is an example of what I mean by reasonable. If something worked before and a new " improved " version comes out I think it is reasonable to expect it to work. Am I wrong ? Mom would say, expect nothing and you won't be disappointed. Haa, she is right about that. I shouldn't have gotten so confident in this free upgrade. I did have expectations. The thing is, it is not windows 7 a program I am used to and quite familiar with. That program didn't disappoint or fail me, this new one did. That is the real message here. Do not enter any situation with an expectation of success. If you are successful then you can have something to celebrate. Should you fail, it was expected ! No, you shouldn't have any expectations at all. That's not reasonable. So just where do you draw the line ?
 This "advice" if that is what you choose to call it, can be related to life in general. Be content with what you have. Enjoy the things you have right now and quit expecting something more. Expectations will only bring disappointment. What you need to focus upon is what is reasonable. If you continually strive for unreasonable goals you will be disappointed. Depression is the end result. Right now I'm a bit depressed. I expected a bit more. I'm not quite certain just what I expected though. Isn't that the way of it most times ? Well you just never know what to expect, do you ? Wasn't this. If it is unexpected it is a surprise, right ? And surprises are good , right ? Well, then how come I'm not happy ! I know, it is because I expected something, should've expected nothing.
I do feel a little better now, Thank You. 

Musings

 The summer of 2015. The summer that wasn't : for me. Oh, it has been hot and humid alright, summer was here, but it is gone. That is to say school begins next Monday. Funny how even with Grandchildren the year is measured by the school calendar. It has been for us and I expect it will remain so for at least another six years. That is when Morgan, the youngest would graduate high school. Her brother Mark just entered those halls this year, at least he will on Monday. Doesn't seem to be a big deal to him. I remember that as being a big deal. Middle school was the big step for him and his sister. It was the lockers that was the big deal really. They worried and fretted over those lockers and knowing the combination. They even had to practice that on the first day of school. Of course, all of that is old hat now. Morgan , in her second year at Lockerman middle school is confident and laughing at those junior classmates. Imagine having to practice opening your locker, how juvenile ! Mark has already tried out for and made the soccer team at the high school. He is officially a Bulldog ! Yes, it is junior varsity, but a member of the team and so gives him a slight advantage over the other incoming freshmen. I understand how that can be so important when you are his age.

 This summer has come and gone with such speed I feel like I missed it. No camping trip, no going to the beach and no vacation of any kind. I haven't even put a fishing line in the water. that makes two years in a row that I haven't done that. My priorities have obviously become confused. Well, maybe next year. There has been no cookout this year either. Oh, we have had things off the grill and all that but no " official " cookout. It just seems everyone was too busy with other stuff. Perhaps it is time to expand my social circle. We do live in a rather small circle, the wife and I, almost isolated you might say. It is by choice but guess it wouldn't hurt to get out more. Maybe we should take up drinking wine, that seems to be a popular pastime. I hear it is very sophisticated. Last wine I drank was Boone's farm or Ripple ! I guess it you put those wines in a stemmed glass that would be alright. Course, I've never seen those on the wine list. I wonder why that is ? Well, my thoughts have strayed off somewhere. They must have gone with the summer. 

 Fall will be arriving and with it the falling of the leaves. I really like the fall and the cool evenings. It is great to just build a fire and sit outside close to it. I love the smell of burning leaves and woodsmoke. I'll watch the squirrels for signs of winter and check the woolly worms. Good hearty meals will reappear, like stews and roasts. Baking resumes, bread and cookies. The windows open during the day and closed at night. You might say my summers are over and I have entered fall. I get social security now, is that the marker ? A song comes to mind, Moonlight in Vermont. I remember hearing that on the Stardust album by Willie Nelson. A sentimental song, kinda sad, yet somehow encouraging. There I go again, wandering.

Misconceptions

 We all have our ideas about different things. Conceptions and misconceptions. Since I moved to Greensboro I have become aware of the Amish or Mennonite communities. I see them in their buggies coming and going. There have been times when I saw them at the Mall. I find that amusing, although I don't know why I should, I'm certain they are people just like me. I think it is just one of those misconceptions I have. I figured they made everything they needed. But then again, I really know nothing about them, their community or their lifestyle.
 There is an Amish/ Mennonite lady that shops frequently at Save A Lot where I work. Whenever I see her I am confused. She wears what I feel is the traditional outfit, complete with the hat. She does wear Adidas sneakers in contrast to her homespun look. She is a very pleasant lady and is also accompanied by her daughter who appears to be about four of five. The little girl is dressed just like Mom except, no hat. She always waves and says hello as little children are prone to do. You can tell that she feels no difference between herself and anyone else, if you catch my meaning there. She is in no way self conscious. Typical child, innocent and happy.
 What I am confused about is that the Mom drives a car to the store. No, not a buggy, a chevrolet. She walks around the store talking on her smartphone ! She uses a credit card to pay for her purchases. I just wonder about all of that. The only thing Amish/Mennonite about her seems to be the clothing. It shatters any conception I have of those folks. In a way it is rather unsettling. It leaves me curious. And I shouldn't be so nosey, it is not my business. Still, I just can't help but wonder. Does she belong to some splinter group ? Is she a part of the Amish mafia or something ? I hear that doesn't really exist but was made for television. Now I'm not so sure. The lady doesn't say much when spoken to. She just remains cordial, but somewhat aloof, like she is avoiding something. Maybe she has secrets.
 I have never seen this woman with another. It is always her and her daughter. No husband or other adult. Why ? Does she not have friends ? Or is she just the designated one to run the chores ? Perhaps she wasn't Amish/Mennonite earlier in life and has converted. That might explain the driver's license, if she really has one, and being familiar with modern technology. Or is it a misconception on my part that those folks wouldn't be aware of what's new and just take the driver's test like everyone else. Inquiring minds want to know.
 Now all of this is not what I would call a burning desire to know. It is more a matter of curiosity. I'm certain I could get my answers if I were to pursue them. I only feel this compulsion to know when I see her in the store. I only exchange a friendly greeting so as not to appear surprised to see a Mennonite, if that is her religion, in the store. Trying to play it cool I guess you would say. I am tempted to ask, but refrain. I wouldn't want to embarrass anyone, including myself. I'm thinking I have a lot of misconceptions about the local community of Amish or Mennonites. I know of some that harbor bad thoughts about them. I'm just curious. I wonder too, what they think about me ? I'm the " english " as I'm told we are called. Wicked people by all accounts. Conceptions and misconceptions. Wonder what they think about the " Bruce Caitlin Jenner " thing ? I'm thinking they are just shaking their heads, " english. "

Coming home

 I moved to Greensboro long about 1988. I was going to a new command, a new ship that was homeported in Earle, New Jersey. Now having been born and raised on eastern long island, as I always called it, never the Hamptons, I just had a natural aversion to New Jersey. Everybody knows those Jersey people can't drive and are rude people. Anyone that just lives off an exit on a turnpike is bound to be that way. I hadn't actually been to this Earle, New Jersey place but I knew it wouldn't be good. I also knew it would be expensive. So, my wife having heard of the eastern shore of Maryland, as it is referred to, we determined to ride out there and investigate. She was born and raised in Rivera Beach, Maryland only about an hour or so away. We first looked in Federalsburg but found nothing suitable. A real estate agent suggested Greensboro. We found it, found a place, right on Main Street, and settled in. Been here ever since.
 A lot has happened since I first moved here. I can remember getting a " cordless phone " and that was a big deal. A CD player came after that. A little thing called the internet came along as well. I bought my first computer in Greensboro. Well not in Greensboro proper, we still have no store for that, but while I was living here. Both of my sons graduated from North Caroline High School, go Bulldogs ! They both have since married. One in New York State and the other here in Maryland. He didn't get married in Greensboro, choose the state park in Ridgely instead. It was a drive , near six miles from home, but well worth the trip. I take the grandkids there several times a year. Yup, grandkids were born in Maryland too, except for the New York one, that is. I went to Earle, New Jersey and reported for duty aboard the USS Nitro AE-23. That ship has since been retired and me too ! The ship has been scrapped but I'm still doing alright.
 Following Earle I was fortunate to be stationed in Annapolis at the Naval Academy annex. I enjoyed my time there and it is within commuting distance of Greensboro. I made that trip many times. I toured the academy and became familiar with it's history. Annapolis the city is a fascinating place packed with history, if a bit pricey, but it has a natural charm. I have worked in Greensboro at a manufacturing firm making pulse transformers. Still can't explain exactly what a pulse transformer is but we made'em. That company moved to China, too far to commute, so now I work at Save-A-Lot ! My son is the district manager. He oversees five Save-A-Lot stores for the owner.
 I came to Greensboro to give my wife and children a safe place to live and grow. I made an excellent choice if I don't say so myself. We have all been very happy here and have prospered. One son, Kenny, did find his wife on that Internet thing. He went to New York, ironic as that is where I am from, although he is upstate. He is also the only son that has been to East Hampton. He accompanied me when I went to a class reunion back in '01. My other son Kevin, met and married a young lady from, drum roll, New Jersey ! It was meant to be. Time and distance are no barrier. It could be argued that she is from Florida as she was born there, but her family all live in New Jersey. My sister was born in Florida as well but considers herself from eastern long island.
 My son Kevin has recently announced his candidacy for mayor of Greensboro ! He has served as a commissioner for about five years or so and feels it is time. Let the campaigning begin ! I believe he will make a fine mayor . Perhaps, just perhaps, that is the reason I selected Greensboro in the first place. I was destined to provide them with a mayor. I wasn't aware at the time, that is true, but how many of us can predict fate ? If I could do that I'd be in the stock market.
 Life is what you make it to be. You make choices and live with the consequences of those choices. Occasionally there is " divine intervention " and for that I am grateful. Truth is I need all the help I can get. I believe I received some guidance in this decision to move to Greensboro. It began when I was born on Long Island. I was told about the hazards in New Jersey and remembered those lessons well. :) No offense to anyone from New Jersey intended. Greensboro is a lot like eastern long island. A lot like home. Well for my sons and grandchildren, it is home ! For me, I'm making myself at home here and should be settled in fairly soon. I think I'm gonna like it here.

Regarding Passion

 Regarding the question of passion. How does one acquire it and what exactly fuels it ? Oh, I'm not talking about romantic passion, that is something different altogether, I'm talking about a passion in life. People have them for painting, writing, knitting, sewing, crocheting and the list goes on and on. They collect things or give of themselves to others, they follow their passions. But just how did they get this passion ? The dictionary says a passion is a barely controllable enthusiasm or the suffering of the Christ. I can understand the later well enough, the suffering of the Christ, to save us all from sin. The part I have trouble with is the other passion. I tend to keep myself under control and rarely get carried away with anything. I just haven't found anything to be " passionate " about I guess. It is rather a mystery to me.
 The acquisition of a pasion would have to come from within yourself. I don't believe anyone else could instill a passion in you. They may encourage your interest, but not the passion. So then,it would have to be the fuel that keeps the passion going. That fuel would have to feed your ego and feeling of self worth, your self esteem. Perhaps then I have not received the proper fuel or there is something wrong with my burner ! I just can't seem to get the fire lit. I occasionally get a spark and sometimes even a flame but it does not last very long. I just move on to another interest and I have many of them. I'm pretty much interested in just about everything. I took one of those facebook quizzes the other day about " what kind of knowledge do you possess " and I got general knowledge. I think that is a fair assessment. I know a little about a lot of things, generally speaking. I don't consider myself expert in anything, that would require that passion I find so elusive.
 I do wonder if people with a passion are aware of that. Do they know they have a passion ? I've written about that in the past, whether they know or not. I've seen street performers and others doing their " thing " not very well but they seem convinced of their excellence. They all displayed a passion for their craft. What fuel keeps them burning so bright ? Is it the polite applause they often receive or just the act of being in the spotlight ? Perhaps the fuel springs from their own well. Perhaps that is it and I just haven't tapped the well. That would seem the most likely of scenarios. For all the hours of practice required for an action the fuel has to come from within, unless of course you have a full time cheerleading squad ! No matter the craft or action there are lonely hours practicing, hours requiring fuel.
 It could be that I am just a slow burn. I like the sound of that. No firebrand, but warm and comforting. Like a fire in the fireplace I occasionally crackle and pop but mostly just provide warmth and ambience. My passions just simmer. Yes, I think I'll go with that. There are times when I wish to burn brightly that is true. The fire that burns the hottest however is the first to go out. It devours its fuel rapidly. I want to be around a long time so I'll keep my jets cool. Sounds right to me. You know when my wife and I were first together we had our song, as couples do. It was a Conway Twitty song, Slow Hand. Seems fitting .

legends start in truth

 The story is always better in the telling. I've heard that expression used many times and have come to agree with it's conclusion. Stories are better in the telling, or the writing, as far as that goes. I believe that is because you must include the little details and nuances that otherwise may have been missed. The art of storytelling lies in being able to communicate those small details. When you can create a connection between the teller and the listener it becomes a good story. When the listener feels the story, it is great.
 Growing up I always enjoyed listening to the stories of the old timers. The daily "carrying on" of what we called the local characters was of special interest. By today's standard it would border on bullying but not back then, it was just good natured fun. The same tales of misadventures and just plain silly things these characters had done was a source of amusement. It was not unusual for the person being talked about to jump in and refute the story altogether.That was like a bonus when that happened. These "stories" are the stuff of legends ! For what is legendary started in truth and grew to that stature. Some may say the story was embellished but I would disagree, I would say details and nuance were included.
 It is true that many of the tales I heard would be of little interest to others. Those tales were pretty specific to the time and place. I knew the cast of characters well, some in the flesh and others solely by reputation. These " recounting of the facts " wouldn't hold any amusement to those unaware of the cast. It would take a book to fully explain the background to the setting. The majority of the characters were fisherman and common laborers and reflect their station in society. Oh, I heard tales of the powerful as well, but those stories were told in hushed tones so as not to attract those same powers. The settings for these stories would also require explanation, places like Maggie's, Jungle Pete's or maybe down to Damark's store. We could be talking about being at the harbor or over to Hand's creek, not just places, but settings. Why as a baby I lived in a house on stilts down to Lazy point. We had to sit in the car during the hurricane for fear the house would blow over ! I don't remember that personally but heard the tale many times and even saw the house once. Yes, it survived the storm. I could write the story and it would only be a repetition of what I heard, a legend if you will. It is a legendary tale, To Mom it is just a story. As far as I know I have no legendary tales of my own to tell. No great acts of heroism or gigantic blunders to amuse. I have a few anecdotes, as do we all, but nothing legendary. The best anecdotes always begin with the preface, " this is a true story. "
 Now, this is a true story. When I was in high school I was known to always be hanging out with one other person in particular. We were, and are, best friends. We did most everything together. It was a rare occasion to see one without the other. At least that was the perception that some had of us. They were the ones that didn't know us all that well. We traveled in our own little circle along with everyone else. You know the little cliques and clubs of teenagers. Following graduation we even joined the Navy together. It had been some time since we were " home " and my friend and I walked into the bowling alley. The bowling alley was a legendary place in it's own right. It housed a bar as well as the lanes. Pool tables were available outside the bar as well. All the cool kids hung out there. Legend says Paul Mccartney once tended the bar there. Yes, that Paul McCartney. Some of them even bowled, but it was the social hub at the time for a certain class of folks. Now this would have been about 1972 or '73. The social climate was quite a bit different then, it was especially so in this environment. So, my friend and I come sauntering in and there behind the counter is a young lady we went to school with. We'll say her name was Barbara, but it could have been Joan. At any rate, we strike up a conversation with her. We are talking about the old days in school, the old days being a year or two ago at this point. We are both in Uniform and I begin to sense some " interest " on her part, if you catch my drift. She then says, I remember you guys always being together in school. Looking straight at me she says, are you married ? Without missing a beat I answer, while reaching over and taking my friends hand, no, we are just living together. The look on her face was priceless ! Remember this was at a time when such things were not mentioned ! The shock value was worth it. Of course I quickly made it known that I was only joking, repeatedly. I think I even made some crude innuendos to reinforce my heterosexual preferences. Now that is a true story. I hope the story doesn't become distorted ! The thing is I don't get to form the legend, only the story. 

Supplicant or Celebrant ?

 As I was writing yesterday's posting a fundamental difference became evident. This difference concerns the manner in which worship was conducted in my youth, to what I experience now. Over the years I have written about attending and not attending church regularly. One blog in particular I remember quite well. I was talking about finding the house of my friend. What I was saying was that the various churches around Greensboro certainly housed him. I was saying that the Priest or Pastor is his representative and needed to introduce me to him. The few I had attended did not do that. Not their fault, mine I was looking for something the same, not different. I didn't know what this difference was but think I have discovered the answer. It is a fundamental difference in the approach to worship.

 It begins with the word, worship. How do you worship ? According to the definition worship is an expression of reverence and adoration for a deity. The manner in which you do so defines that worship. That is the fundamental difference that I am speaking about. The churches I attend now seem to be more focused on the " praise " part than the act of supplication. An act integral to my definition of worship. In the more modern " praise " services I come away with more of a feeling of self righteousness than of humility. My religious practices incorporate more pleas for help rather than shouts of joy. A fundamental difference. That is not to say that one way is wrong or right, only that there exists a difference. 

 Does our God demand praise ? I was taught God demands only one thing, obedience. Who could go before God confident in his or own complete obedience ? Not one of us, is my response. It will do me little good to tell of how much I praised his holy name without obedience. That is central to my idea of worship. In fact, I never spoke of going to worship, I went to church. And the church is the house of God. One should be on their best behavior and mind your manners. Excessive flattery is obnoxious and offensive, transparent in its' offering. Supplication may be the same however. Insincerity in either invalidates the action, therefore one is not superior to the other. The state of being pious is defined as being devoted or compliant to God and his will. In more modern times it carries somewhat of a negative connotation. The sincerity of the pious man being called into question.
 The Priest, Minister, Reverend and more recently, Pastor has made a resurgence, is the emissary of God. That is what I was taught and came to believe. The collar and other trappings of his office lent him credence. When that is missing I can not help but question the credentials. It is really a silly thing to think and believe, but a feeling I can not shake. He should be different than you and I, like a father. That is why Catholics address him as such. At least I think that is the reason. He is to be approached with respect and just a bit of fear. God, the father should be feared. That is what I feel is missing in modern worship. We are getting just a little too chummy in my opinion. It is another fundamental difference in the  philosophy of worship that I find unsettling. We are turning our churches into places where you go for a house party. Just a little too relaxed.
 The question for me is this, do we go to church as celebrants or supplicants ? That is the fundamental difference I have discovered. That is what I am looking for. I go to church as an act of supplication. I need all the help I can muster. I do not go to church just to affirm that I believe in God and praise his name, a name we do not know. I go to church to ask forgiveness for my shortcomings and beg for his mercies and understanding. I go to pray, in his house, with the hope of salvation. Only God can save me for he is the final judge. In Luke, chapter two, verse nine it says, " and,lo,the angel of the lord came upon them,and the glory of the lord shone round about them,and they were sore afraid. " I will stand before God and his judgement and be " sore " afraid, of that I am certain. I will not stand before my God, hands raised in jubilation. Hopefully that follows judgement. Until that time I'll keep asking for mercy and guidance.
 I think an interesting parallel can be made in society in general. Consider the parent/child relationships we often see today. The children calling their parents by their given name for instance. I see that as a lack of respect. And yes, I believe children should be just a little afraid of their parents. The fear stemming from their own shortcomings in the eyes of their parents. The fear resides in them because they know of the failure, just as God knows of ours. The fear of judgement can be a powerful motivator. The parent corrects the child regardless of how much the child may profess their love. Spare the rod and spoil the child. Although this phrase has been paraphrased from the Bible I believe it applicable advice. I love you is not license to do wrong and go unpunished ! Humility and respect is what is required for positive interaction among men. And, I would add, between man and God.

Rituals and habit

 It has been so throughout recorded history. It was so in oral histories. I would propose that it has always been so. It has continued unbroken from uncivilized man to civilized man, and that would be the performing of ritual. Man has always performed rituals.These rituals were to ensure safe passage and comfort on our journey through life. Many of us continue with this practice even today, although sadly I feel it is on the decline, at least traditional ritual is. Foremost in the christian tradition is attending church on Sunday. It is my belief that rituals are important to man and serve as a reminder of our place in the world. We are insignificant creatures compared to the wonders of nature. Frail beings prone to sickness and self inflicted harm. What is worse is the damage we cause to our own environment and our propensity to attack our fellow humans. We even developed " rituals " for those actions ! But rituals , by their very nature, are supposed to be a religious thing, a reminder to us just who, or what, is in control. Modern man has foolishly decided that " we " may be in control. I must laugh and scoff in derision at such a notion.
 When I was a child I went to church every Sunday, mom made sure of that. I participated in  and learned the rituals associated with the Episcopal church  It was fundamental to my upbringing. At some point it became more habit than ritual though. I think that happens with a lot of us. Perhaps that is why some change churches often, seeking a new ritual. Perhaps that is why some remain with the same church their entire lives, it becomes habit. Should rituals be performed habitually ?  That doesn't seem right. Habits are done without thought and rituals should inspire thought. Rituals are reminders. That is why I pray on my knees to remind me to be humble. I was taught to bow my head, not look upward. Church is a place to reflect and seek guidance, not a place to sing and dance. Church is a solemn event.
Those actions are part and parcel of the rituals I was taught, became familiar with, and eventually became habit. There are times when I crave those rituals, part of the habit, and other times I just quit. I admit it is mostly having " quit " these last years. The reason is an easy one, it is far easier to not perform those rituals than to commit to them. You could say it speaks to " commitment " and that is a fair statement. The forming of habit requires repetition ! Repetition requires commitment, or does it ?Are all habits, bad ?
 Of course, the opposite is just as easily justified with the statement, you can pray or worship anywhere. There is no right or wrong way to perform a ritual. Rituals are prescribed by an organization, not by God. The real question is, are rituals necessary at all ?
 It is my thought and my belief that rituals are indeed a necessary part of our lives. These rituals provide us with guidance and do serve as reminders. They can force us to focus upon those things that are most important, our spiritual health being the primary one. If you do not have a strong spirit you will be weak willed. The weak willed do not survive for long. There is ample evidence to support that. Habit can be an example. Consider the drug addict or habitual abuser of alcohol. Weak willed people both, slave to their habit. They are aware of the habit and it's ill effects, yet continue. They give it little thought, they just surrender. So too many attending church behave in a similar fashion. They perform the " ritual " out of habit, but give it little thought. But there is a fundamental difference. The difference is the habit being formed. The habit of performing a ritual can be comforting and even healing in its' properties. As long as the ritual soothes the soul of man it should be performed. Truth is, we should make it a habit. The thing is, make the ritual the habit, but its' essence your strength. The essence of ritual is God.
 Uncivilized man knew that so why are " civilized " peoples ignoring it ? It just may be the expectation of return modern man so desires. The uncivilized man only wanted to survive. He did so by a strong will. He offered prayers to his " GOD " whatever he conceived God to be. It was only later, when we became civilized, that we began to prescribe the rituals deemed necessary. These rituals naturally reflected the views of the powerful. You could say the rituals became more self serving than God serving. That is another discussion altogether. My point being this, rituals, in their essence are appeals to God for help and guidance. Form a habit of performing your ritual to do just that. The type of ritual you choose is a personal one. Is your rituals primary focus on " praise " for your God or on an appeal for his guidance and help ? What is the fundamental purpose of a ritual ? Is it to be humbled before your God seeking comfort and relief, or to just praise him for what a great job he has done ? Well, there is another topic of discussion, one that may inflame heated debate. Think I'll leave that alone for now.

where are we going ?

 I am approaching a crossroad and having trouble reading the signs. I'm unsure if I should turn right or left, back up or just continue along the road. The only pressure to decide is coming from myself yet, I can't seem to shake that pressure. I wonder why I should feel this pressure, all the while I know the answer. I don't like the answer and therefore wish to change that but that isn't possible. It does not reside within the realm of possibilities. And so, I am left with indecision, doubt and a sense of unrest. Not only do I not have an answer, I don't even have an opinion ! Now, that is rare for me !
 This decision doesn't need to be made at this time. I could defer it for as long as I wanted  really. It is just that I hate to put things off. Let's decide what to do and get on with it, is my motto. With whatever choice I make there will be concessions. There has to be concessions. None of us get to just live life on our own terms, not if we have empathy for others that is. I don't mean being a saint, just being considerate to those around you and those with you. Finding the balance between " me " time and " real " time can be a challenge all in itself.
 It can be a real chore to just stay above water some days. There are times when I feel I am just treading water, keeping myself from sinking. It can be a temptation to jettison some " baggage " to ease the load but that same " baggage " is mighty useful at other times, a lifesaver in fact. Possibilities lie before me but I need to approach with care and caution. These crossroads don't come along that often and I'm getting closer to the end of the road. That is nothing more than the reality of the situation and a factor to be considered.  Perhaps I am being too analytical and should go for it. Problem is, I have not decided what " it " is. The " it " is, at this moment, the thing we call retirement. We retire from working ? I believe that is what it implies, this retirement thing. It does not mean I'm retiring from life. Of course, life will be different without work. Another factor is, retirement doesn't mean financial security has been fully achieved. Certainly I can survive, but how much cushion is there ? Well let's just say I wouldn't jump off a cliff into that cushion ! But, how many could do that anyway and is that just an excuse ?
 Having said all of this, writing it really, does bring some measure of clarity to the thought process. A new thought arrives and brings with it other considerations. Is my trepidation based in that " me " time thing ? What I mean is, when you work for another you do get rewards for your efforts. Those rewards may be monetary or just the compliments on having done a great job. Having worked all these years I have a measure of confidence in my abilities. I assumed a job being fairly certain of success at that job. This " retirement " however is a different thing altogether. What is the reward ? More importantly though, will I be successful at it ? I can't be successful if I don't know what I'm doing, can I ? Do I have to do anything ? Rest on my laurels, as it where. I don't think so, I find that action annoying in others so it would be in myself. What you did yesterday or last year has little relevance to today.
 I'll close this little discourse with myself for now. I have to get ready for work. I wonder how others in my situation decide what to do. I wonder if others give it as much thought as I have ? On the surface this retirement stuff is something we all are working toward, but where are we going ? I'll have to think some more about that answer.

Exercising restraint

 Ethics is the study of right and wrong. Ethics are defined by society.They are not to be confused with law, which applies to everyone in the society, ethics are somewhat optional. Ethics are in the " grey " area. Something may be unethical but lawful and vice versa. It is this confusion, this ambiguity that is one source of social unrest. Add to that, morality, another distinct factor governing actions and the result can be very confusing indeed. Ambiguity in morals and ethics has always been a part of society and especially so now. There is also the perception of an ambiguity in law ! The rich are treated differently, or the minority are subject to different interpretations of the law. Laws are based in ethics and morality so there is an interrelationship there, one is dependant upon the other. Laws can be changed but morals and ethics should not ! At least if they are your morals and ethics that is  In this country, majority rules. What the majority find ethical and moral are encoded in the law, right ? Wrong, they are not and thus the ambiguity exists.
 I would say the majority of breaches in ethics and morality that are written into law concern one of two things. First and foremost, money and the making of money. The second concern are personal wants. Those are usually justified by using the logic, " it doesn't hurt anyone else " so why shouldn't I ? Duh, because it is deemed harmful to you, but that is another topic altogether. They are breaches of convenience. Really nothing more than justification for immoral and unethical behaviors. It's legal, so therefore it is alright. As I said, convenient. What I see that is even more troubling is the circumventing of law for the same reason, convenience. It is too expensive to prosecute criminals so we " legalize " the action. In some cases we even try to convince ourselves that the action is not only acceptable, but of benefit to the society ! We then feign " enlightenment " and embrace the very action we know to be detrimental. Like the proverbial moth to the flame, we can't help ourselves. And that is why we need to help each other. That is the function of society. A society should exist for the mutual benefit of all the citizens of that society. That does not mean that each individual in the society just gets to do whatever they wish, that is anarchy, it does require cooperation within the society in matters of morals and ethics. Restraint is the key component here. Laws define that restraint, those actions deemed acceptable and unacceptable in the society. It is the encoding of morals and ethics that define the society. The removal of restraint either by law, or the removal of ethical and moral behaviors by way of those same laws, will eventually lead to unrest in the society. It is inevitable and can be proven out by a study of past societies throughout man's history.
 What it comes down to is the old adage, you can't have your cake and eat it too. You cannot have a society that promotes ethical and moral behaviors all the while promoting the opposite actions by law. Someone is wrong here ! Gasp, I know it. What is moral and ethical ? How do we judge that ? Is religion the sole judge of moral and ethical behaviors ? If so, what religion ?
 The truth is we do not need religion to know what is moral and ethical. The founding fathers knew that and that is precisely why they didn't sanction a specific religious doctrine as our guide. The " separation of church and state " so widely quoted by those acting contrary to moral and ethical standards was not intended to abolish those standards but rather to reinforce them !  It was assumed that our leaders in government, our leaders in religious activities, and our citizens would all act in a moral and ethical fashion. Was it naive of the founding fathers to think so ? I prefer, confident as the term. They were founding a new nation and had every reason to feel confident in their success. Remember " amendments " were later added to the original document thus beginning the process we see now. Inevitable, unfortunately I think so, but I remain hopeful. I hope for a return to ethics and morality as the restraining factor in society and law only as the guideline. Laws should be defined by ethics and morality and not the other way around.
  

Challenge life

 We all have our ups and downs. Despite my writing and personal interaction with others I have been feeling a bit lethargic lately. I wouldn't call it depression. I don't believe it is caused by anxiety. I don't think I have a medical condition either. Those are all " reasons " listed for feeling lethargic if you google the word. The solution offered is " artificial stimulation "  better known as drugs. Drugs with the label, medication. Just take some happy pills and all is well. I do not subscribe to that method and further feel it would be, in the long run, detrimental. I admit it seems like a quick fix, I'm just not much on patching things together, I want to do it right.
 I do think that we need to find the answer within ourselves. Feelings should first be treated in that manner. Physical injuries certainly require attention in a physical sense. The mind, ( our feelings ) should not be altered in that fashion without good cause. Introducing artificial stimulants is only a short term solution. That's why drug addicts call it a fix ! It only works for a short time. The truth is healing only comes from within yourself, when you are ready to be healed. All the drug and rehabilitation centers in the world can not overcome your own will. They may help to " convince " you, but they cannot cure you. I don't believe this lethargy I am feeling has any physical connection other than feeling a little tired and run down. The reason is what I need to discover. It comes down to attitude.
 I do think we all need to feel productive, that we are contributing. I believe that is a part of human nature. Yes, there are those that appear to have adapted to a lifestyle that contradicts that idea but most do so only with the help of outside stimulants. It is an easier path to just do what others do. We can conform, fit in and find a measure of acceptance. In that case it is a question of feeling challenged. I think that we are happiest when we feel a bit challenged. That is what puts the interest in things. We also require a confirmation of that challenge. We need to feel as though we are winning. But what of challenging ourselves ?  Against what standard do we compare that challenge and success ? I do believe that is, by far, the more difficult challenge we face in life, this satisfying ourselves. Just doing stuff for others will not sustain us. We may experience a feeling of accomplishment and a degree of satisfaction from doing so, but it is short lived. We need to discover what fuels us for the long haul. I do think that changes over the journey and the direction we choose to take.
 This feeling of lethargy that I am experiencing is a temporary thing. It will pass in time. It is just a part of the thing we call life. We shouldn't attempt to change it through artificial means. That is where things start to go off track. I see it happen all too often. Modern " medicine " attempts to accomplish what only time can heal. We mask the issue and avoid the unrest. The thing is not everything is a wound that needs to be healed. Some things are " discoveries " and only require a close examination.
These " discoveries " are the things we already know but may have forgotten. Reminders you might say. 

As Greensboro grows

 When I first moved to Greensboro, I rented the bottom half of a house on Main street. I was still in the Navy then. I had just received orders to the USS Nitro AE-23 out of Earle, New Jersey. Now, no offense intended to anyone from New Jersey but I didn't want my boys raised there and I would be going to sea anyway. My wife had heard of the eastern shore of Maryland having been born and raised in Riviera Beach, Maryland, not far from Baltimore. We drove out and checked the place out. Greensboro seemed like the perfect place, The rent was reasonable, it did have one stoplight ( that's enough ) it is close to Dover Delaware, the home of tax free shopping and the school system is great. I was convinced this would be ideal, and it pretty much has been.
 I don't remember the exact year when I moved here, the years have gone by so fast. Both my boys graduated high school here. I have seen neighbors come and go, and sadly, have buried a few old friends here as well. A place really begins to be home when you knew personally the residents of the graveyard. Yes, that is permanence. I have many memories of sitting on the front porch and watching the parade go by, only one a year goes down main street, the others go down Sunset Ave. My own home as a child was on a dirt road outside of town. I always felt a little special sitting on Main Street, on my porch. I felt a little " uptown " you might call it. I even began to write a song about that once, " living on main street, not on the back streets," it felt that special to me.
 That old house that I rented the downstairs to had been a bakery at one time. Attached to the rear was the old building, mostly empty, but a small portion of a chimney was still there. There was also a well in the corner, covered with boards and unused. The neighbor told me of a time they used that well and the water was clear and perfect. I never tried it but did drop a stone in it. It was quite deep. There was an old price list glued to a post out there, bread was ten cents if I remember correctly. The room I used as a dining room had been the store at one time. That was all torn down by the landlord a few years after I moved in. I saw several families move in and out of the upstairs. I would say I lived on Main Street for about ten years before moving here to Sunset Avenue. We get all the parades now, except one of course, and my porch is upstairs. I get a great view from up here. Greensboro got a second stop light a few years back and a Family Dollar store. Yup, it's growing.
 Now one of my sons met a girl online and got married to her. He moved to upstate New York and lives there with his wife and daughter. My other son met a girl right here in Greensboro and ironically her family is from New Jersey ! So, if I had gone to New Jersey he wouldn't have met her at all, but maybe one of her sisters ! Life is full of little twists like that. Anyway, he got married and now is the district manager for Save-A-Lot stores. He has been a commissioner here in Greensboro for a number of years, and this year is throwing his hat in the ring for mayor. I wish him luck. It'll feel pretty good to say, " my son is the mayor. " The entire police force will have to respect me, all three of them !
 I think I made the right decision all those years ago in moving to Greensboro. I expect it is where I'll be " berthed " that is sailor talk for buried. It is true I'll always be " from away " as the folks where I grew up would say and that is alright. The truth is always right. I do like it here as it is still rural enough to satisfy me. I can burn leaves in the yard if I'm a mind to, nobody is going to arrest me. I can still take a walk on a cool summer evening without worry or fear. It's pretty quiet in Greensboro after ten o'clock or so. Town is still two streets really, at least downtown is. From my upstairs porch I can look at the hub of town, " four corners " it was called by the old timers and see all the action. I can watch, from a safe distance, as Greensboro grows. I can take some small satisfaction in knowing that I contributed to that growth. Soon I'll provide Greensboro with a Mayor ! You're welcome. 

Labeling

 Just turned on the news and I hear this, Target is removing gender based labeling from the toys. Apparently this leads to gender inequality and stereotyping. I knew this was going to happen when they started making GI Joe ! Oh sure, they called him an action figure but we know he is a doll. No matter, just change the name ( label ) and it becomes acceptable. We do that a lot these days. That's what you do if you want to be politically correct. How long will it be before we have to remove the labels in the clothing department. What do you mean, boys ? And what are you implying with this label, petite ? And how come bras are in the women's' section ? I say equality for all, no labels ,no stereotyping. It's one size fits all and one style of clothing for everyone.
 Well all I can say is I have a news flash, male and female are different. I know, I know, but it's true. There are the hunter gatherers ( men ) and the nesters ( females ). This occurs throughout nature and here's another bit of news, man is a part of nature. Yes, there are aberrations,exceptions and, dare I say it, freaks. That doesn't change the natural order of things however. Changing the way we label things does not change the thing itself. In this case the items that appeal to most boys will still appeal to the boys regardless of any labeling. The same is true for the girls stuff. Why ? Because it is the natural order of things, that's why. We all have our roles in society and those roles are defined by society. That is a good thing, order. Without order you have chaos and confusion. Just who is doing what ? It just makes sense. And that is not to mention the anatomic differences. We are equipped for those roles by nature. It's true that some are more equipped than others but that doesn't change the equipment ! Oh, that's right, we change that nowadays too. It is my belief we will discover, it's not nice to fool mother nature ! But that is just my opinion.
 This labeling or removal of labels is really of little consequence. It does not change anything at all. It is merely a marketing ploy, a method to attract shoppers. We must pacify those that would complain about life. That is all it is. Personally I think it is ridiculous. In all things there must be a balance, as the Chinese say,a yin and yang. Opposites that compliment each other. Nothing wrong with that. Shoot it is common sense ! Target is missing the target here ! You can remove labels but you can't remove DNA. You may change the packaging but the item is the same. Appearances can be deceiving. I hate it when that happens. Really it is nothing new, this changing of labels. We have a right side and a left side. Why ? Because the majority of people in the world are right handed but the others didn't want to be labeled as wrong so we changed the label to left. That was because that is what is left ! See how that works ? It didn't make them right though, just not wrong.  

Changes

 The world we live in changes everyday.The disparity that we acknowledge causes our unrest. That is the story of our lives, on a personal level. We are born into one world and die in another. Our passage through this world is but a brief journey, when considered in the expanse of time. For most of us the closer we come to the end of this journey the more we begin to consider the next. The biggest question being, will we be aware ? Is there a portion of us, that continues the journey ? The answer to that is a personal choice, there is no right or wrong. At least no answer that can be proven by physical evidence. It is all about acceptance. The changes we accept and the changes we reject define our passage. That is the core of all we are. 

 It is a natural thing to resist change. We cling to the familiar. The reasons for that are obvious ones. The desire to change, or rebel against the current norm, is dependant upon our position in society. It is all interrelated. We first experience this desire to change when we begin to relate to those outside our social group. As early as preschool or kindergarten we are exposed and either change to fit the dynamics of the group or resist that change. In my lifetime I have seen the reaction to this change as well. My parents were more of the " spare the rod, spoil the child " mindset than today's attitude of, " perhaps they require medication or therapy. " It truly is a different world. Whereas I was taught about differences in culture, today we teach about being the same. Oddly, in a world that embraces diversity the children are encouraged to all react the same. That reaction, the one being promoted, is acceptance. That is why we hear that old phrase, " things change over time. " Or you may hear. " that is just old fashioned. " Both are rationalizations to change. 

 I have found that accepting change is the easier thing to do. It is far simpler and may gain you " friendship " on some level. In my time we called it being " cool. " Are you cool ? I'm not sure what the kids are saying today but I'm certain it means the same thing. The difficulty in life, and the living of it, lies in maintaining your values. That is not to say you shouldn't adopt or embrace new ideas, but rather that you shouldn't do so by sacrifice. Sacrifice expects a return, one must be certain of its' worth. You should also be certain of the return. Do not sacrifice for short term gain. That is something we all should understand at some point in our lives. The path we take to that understanding will be different for each of us. The degree of examination before we " purchase " the product will determine our satisfaction with that product. In other words, do not be deceived by ease of use. The results you achieve may disappoint over time. 

 Acceptance and capitulation are different things. I believe we often confuse the two. That is the struggle we all face. It can be difficult to distinguish the difference. Acceptance requires a close examination, whereas capitulation requires none. You just surrender. You surrender to peer pressure or societal pressure. You sacrifice your values for a short term gain. Acceptance demands no sacrifice or surrender. Acceptance requires faith. But what is faith ? Faith is a belief in something that cannot be proven. It may refer to a religious belief but it is not limited to that. Faith is believing in yourself and your own assessment of right and wrong. Where you place your faith determines your path. The question that then faces each of us is, " where does the path lead ? " The answer lies in belief. 

What do you want to be

 Who we are. We are often identified by others, and ourselves, by our occupations. That is wrong, that is what we do. What we are is a different thing altogether.It is the manner in which we conduct our actions that make us who we are. Identifying results is the harder of the two. Some do their jobs because it is what is expected. Others enjoy their occupation and take pride from that, adopting that occupation as their identity. I believe the majority of us are somewhere in between.
 I believe that to be the case because who we are changes and evolves over time and circumstance. We are defined by our actions. The unfortunate truth in that lies in the fact that others are doing the defining. We do not get to define ourselves. If we could do that there would be need for heroes ! If we could simply define ourselves to what would we aspire ? And isn't it our aspirations that truly define us ? It is those aspirations that lie at the core. Who we wish to be. That is the question we are asked as children, what do you want to be when you grow up ? We state an occupation. In reality we state what we believe that occupation to be, a hero, or some other lofty goal. In the eyes of a child many jobs may appear that way. Whatever occupation Mom or Dad may have will often be the first choice. That is a natural thing.
 Following childhood circumstance plays an ever increasing role. Do we continue our formal education ? Circumstances may prevent or enable that choice. Do we choose another path, entering the workforce or joining the military ? How we adapt to the circumstances we are presented with is another choice. Those choices begin to define us, to others. They may or may not define us to ourselves. Is it " just a job " or is it a choice ? The real question  is, will you accept that choice as your own ? That is to say, are you doing it for you, or for someone or something else ?
 Now others may define you by these actions and/or choices and do so in a favorable way but it is not satisfying to you. Yes, accolades are nice but you can't sustain contentment on accolades. Accolades are garnered by pleasing others. Contentment comes from within yourself. Contentment is the product of being fulfilled. Fulfillment comes from accomplishment. We do need to know what it is we wish to accomplish before that can happen. That is the defining of who we are. What do you want to be when you grow up ? What is that goal ? Is the goal an occupation ?
 At this time and place in my life, my circumstances if you will, I believe I would just like to be helpful and informative. That is my focus these days. I take satisfaction in helping others, always have. I have also always enjoyed being able to inform. Some would say I have a need to be " right. " I'll admit to having strong opinions ! My greatest satisfaction comes we I can answer the call. I don't always want to answer the call, but that is another topic altogether. So the answer to the question, what do you want to be when you grow up is an easy one now, I want to be helpful. Not as easy as it sounds though. Others define my actions and they don't necessarily see it as helpful. Well, that's another blog.

Perplexed

 I try to write about the things on my mind. This morning is an especially difficult topic to broach. It is personal. I have found it therapeutic to write my thoughts down and on occasion gain a little insight to my own feelings. Today I am thinking about family dynamics. The interaction between brothers, sisters and parents. This dynamic changes over the years. In my case we have all certainly reached " maturity ", at least that is the word thrown about but I disagree with that assessment. There are some ( one ) that I believe has not " matured " at all. And now it is one of those times where I can not be sure if I should interject myself in the conversation. I hesitate to act or even offer an opinion when I feel it will have little or no value. That is to say, help the situation in any way.
 I do believe you should not react to emotions. Emotions are motivators, that can't be denied but emotions need to be controlled. Unbound energy can be harmful. It is also prudent to remember the central issue in any situation. In this situation I must keep focused on the fact, it is not about me. So, I need to set aside those emotions. Doing so I am then left with the question, can I decide what is best for another ? Do I have any business giving unsolicited advice ? I'm leaning toward the conclusion I do not.
 It is this removal of bias that is the real difficulty I am facing this morning. Can we really remove that bias ? I'm thinking it is arrogant of me to think that I can. I find myself rationalizing instead of examining. I can explain why I think the way I do but can I criticize it ? Critical thinking they call it. I think we all rush to the defense of those we love. It is a natural reaction. But what happens when the conflict is between those same people ? The determination of right and wrong is entirely subjective in certain situations and this is one of those. I see no benefit in adding fuel to the fire. Doing so may also cause myself to be burned. Is that the reason I hesitate ? Prudence or cowardice ? Cowardice may be a strong word to use, perhaps self preservation is closer to the truth. I'm thinking I do not wish to sacrifice myself for no result. Is that selfish ? Love should be unconditional, should sacrifice be as well ? No, I don't believe that. Sacrifice is something done with an expectation of return. I'll give this for that. Love has no expectations, at least not genuine love. That is why it is unconditional !
 Is all that I have written rationalization for inaction ? It reads that way. I have not convinced myself and therefore should not expect anyone else to be convinced. I have no more answers now than when I began this discussion. A big question remains, what do I have to lose in all of this ? I refer back to a previous thought, it is not about me. Is that the truth ? I am part of this family, a part of that dynamic. I am perplexed.