Saturday, January 24, 2015

waiting

Ever have those times when you feel like you are just waiting for things to happen ? You know, not necessarily anything bad or unscheduled, just waiting. That is the way I am feeling this morning. Tomorrow I am going to attend a memorial service for my brother. Hard to believe he has been gone for over a month now. My wife is scheduled for a necessary surgical procedure and everything just feels a little unsettled. Even Facebook is losing its appeal. Maybe it is just the mid winter blahs !
I am in that period where you don't feel like starting anything, but you want something to do. Isn't that a strange thing ? I can not seem to focus my energy on any one thing. Could it be that is a reaction to guilt for not having accomplished some other things I did start ? Karma , baby. Even if I accepted that premise it isn't motivation enough to move me. Just what is it that I am waiting for ? Now that is a good question we should all be asking ourselves. What are we waiting for ? Or perhaps, more importantly, do we need to prepare for whatever that is ? Is that what life is all about ? Preparation for the next phase ? Is that what all of humanity has been doing for thousands of years, preparing for the future ? And what is going to happen in the future ? In our world, all things must end, so why prepare for the end ? How do we prepare for the end ? Is it by building a rocket ship for interstellar travel ? Are we destined to inhabit another world ? I don't know about that.
Now as far as life itself goes I do believe that my spirit will never die. My physical self will certainly wear out one day, that is inevitable. Not much one can do about that but try to take care of what you got. The spiritual is something else that can be worked on. We do that to satisfy that need, the need to know that there is something more. There simply must be more to it than this piece of rock circling a star. To believe that would be terribly deflating. Then to what purpose do you devote yourself ? Would it be the pursuit of money or fame ? Or just to please yourself . If that were the case what is the final reward ?
I'm just in one of those times when I am waiting. I hate waiting. I think that comes from my Navy days. Hurry up and wait. There is nothing I can do to speed up this process and that is frustrating. I need a distraction. Funny thing there is I can't stay focused long enough to be distracted ! And so I'm just sitting around waiting, waiting for something to happen. I have no idea what it is that I am waiting for. I'll just be glad when the wait is over, I hope. 

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