Sunday, January 11, 2015

Just Talking

There are times when I feel as though I am talking into the wind. It is a frustration we all have to deal with. It is a complex mix of emotions that causes this. In the end I believe we all just want to be heard. The older we get and the farther from our roots we roam the louder we tend to speak. Is it the gasp of aging ? Or is it just repetition ?
For me I find somewhat of a release through this blog. I write my feelings,thoughts and emotions down and see what comes out. I am always a bit surprised. Sometimes pleased ,sometimes not. I do use them as a comparison. The ones I find particularly insightful do not always appear so to others. There are others that I receive many comments on that I didn't find all that great. I guess that is why they say the public is a fickle mistress. I can see where becoming dependant upon the approval of others could lead to madness. It is like a drug, this writing, it can be helpful and healing or become a destructive force. It seems it would depend upon your own dependence upon that drug, whatever it may be. The secret lies in control, control of that drug and that drug not controlling you.
Those times when I feel like I am talking into the wind are a result of not knowing what to say. That, I believe, is the simple truth of it. It is not a failure of the listeners. Words and thoughts spoken or written must be entertaining. If they are not, they are ignored. They must entertain our thoughts or emotions.
I don't want to be just background noise ! I believe we all feel that way to a certain degree.
I have two trains of thought on this. One says, to just keep talking in the hopes that something valuable comes out. The other says, speak selectively and sound sincere. The first is the easier path to follow. Just keep talking and beat others into submission ! The problem lies in being tuned out, then you are talking into the wind, being the only one that hears. I guess that is alright if you always agree with yourself. It doesn't make much of a conversation though. The alternative gives you fewer chances to be correct. In that case you must be sure of your words. Being heard does little good if you are not understood. And in that lies the problem. It is all in the explanation. Or is it that you should not require an explanation for your thoughts ? Clearly expressed, they are self explanatory. Unless. of course, the listener requires a bit of background information. It's a bit of a dilemma.
This morning I'm not sure what I'm talking about. That happens occasionally. Insecurity ? Doubt ? Perhaps. Unmet expectations ? Could be I'm just getting tired. Who knows ? My football team lost and I am sad about that. It is cold outside. I could go on looking for excuses. The reality is , I am alive and living. Life just keeps coming at you, relentlessly. I am not anxious for it to end but wouldn't mind a short break either. But there I go, just talking into the wind. Complaining really. Well, I feel better for having spoken the words. It doesn't matter if anyone is listening, I am not saying anything anyway. Just talking.

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