People become misled by some of what I say. It is an odd thing that it happens that way and I can not help but wonder about it. I do not write things in order to complain. I write more as an explanation or description of what was. I write, of course, from my perspective which will certainly differ from yours. With family and old friends we often share the same view, but with others, not so much. We all are,after all, a product of our upbringing.
I believe the thing we all need to remember is that our parents were the product of their upbringing as well. Their attitudes and instructional methods were inherited from a generation before that. So you see it takes two generations for changes to begin to show. Oh, there are progressive parents in each generation that break away from the mold. There are those parents that are " cool, " I do believe that all parents want what is best for their children.
I was talking about this very thing with my sister. My older sister ! Truth is I am the youngest in the family and will always be the baby. I'm a 61 year old baby, just ask her. We were raised pretty much the same way. Nothing unusual about that. We came from a traditional family, sorta. Mom had been divorced and had two children before my father so I have two half brothers. Not unusual, but not in the strictly traditional mold either. Also Moms' first husband was a Catholic so she had joined that religion but later became an Episcopalian. I think the Catholic church frowned on divorce in those days. You're outta here was the attitude. Dad was a Methodist but didn't attend services.
Dad was raised by his maternal grandparents. His mom passed shortly after childbirth and his father died when he was about eight. He was raised with a bit more freedom than most kids in those days. That was a result of being raised by grandparents. Grandparents are known for being a little more tolerate, think spoiling, of children. I think especially since great grandmother lost her daughter. That isn't to say Dad wasn't disciplined but allowed a bit more leeway. He compensated for that with his own children. Nothing lenient about his parenting technique
My parents did not set the bar of expectations very high. That is not a statement of condemnation but a statement of fact. Their goals for you were clearly defined. As long as you met those goals all was well. The encouragement of extracurricular activities was not a priority. For instance, I thought I wanted to join the track team one year. We lived three miles from town. When I told Dad about this and that I would require a ride after practice his response was, run home. You want to be a track star, run boy. He wouldn't tell me I couldn't do it just that he wouldn't pick me up. That is the type of thing I'm talking about. His big goal for me was to get a high school diploma. That, I am convinced, is because he did not have one. After high school I could get a job, or join the military. Those were the choices afforded to me. My sister did not necessarily have to graduate high school. Being a girl all she needed to know was how to keep house and cook. At least Dad thought that would be sufficient. It was a popular stance for a Dad back in the day.
I admit there are times when I wonder about all of that. What if ? What if my parents had been different ? Would I then be a different person that what I am today ? The answer would have to be yes. We are indeed the product of our raising. I believe for most of us to go against that raising is a very uncomfortable thing. We question our actions that are contrary to what we were taught. The teenage years are when we are most likely to rebel. Those are the years when we know everything. If these new ideas don't work out, we go into default mode. Some of us remain stubborn however and never seem to learn. That is a different story however.
All of that is a small portion of the foundation that I am built upon. I believe it is important for each of us to examine our foundations. We shouldn't make excuses for it, or accept it unconditionally, but examine it. When we begin to understand the construction, we begin to understand how it works. That is to say what makes us tick. Call it self analysis if you will. Call it introspection. The truth is only you have that perspective. Others can come close but not exactly. Some parts of our foundation may require shoring up and that is the challenge we face in life. Other portions should be discarded. Growth does not have to painful,quite the contrary. Growth can be a comfort. Peace comes with understanding,seek to understand.
I believe the thing we all need to remember is that our parents were the product of their upbringing as well. Their attitudes and instructional methods were inherited from a generation before that. So you see it takes two generations for changes to begin to show. Oh, there are progressive parents in each generation that break away from the mold. There are those parents that are " cool, " I do believe that all parents want what is best for their children.
I was talking about this very thing with my sister. My older sister ! Truth is I am the youngest in the family and will always be the baby. I'm a 61 year old baby, just ask her. We were raised pretty much the same way. Nothing unusual about that. We came from a traditional family, sorta. Mom had been divorced and had two children before my father so I have two half brothers. Not unusual, but not in the strictly traditional mold either. Also Moms' first husband was a Catholic so she had joined that religion but later became an Episcopalian. I think the Catholic church frowned on divorce in those days. You're outta here was the attitude. Dad was a Methodist but didn't attend services.
Dad was raised by his maternal grandparents. His mom passed shortly after childbirth and his father died when he was about eight. He was raised with a bit more freedom than most kids in those days. That was a result of being raised by grandparents. Grandparents are known for being a little more tolerate, think spoiling, of children. I think especially since great grandmother lost her daughter. That isn't to say Dad wasn't disciplined but allowed a bit more leeway. He compensated for that with his own children. Nothing lenient about his parenting technique
My parents did not set the bar of expectations very high. That is not a statement of condemnation but a statement of fact. Their goals for you were clearly defined. As long as you met those goals all was well. The encouragement of extracurricular activities was not a priority. For instance, I thought I wanted to join the track team one year. We lived three miles from town. When I told Dad about this and that I would require a ride after practice his response was, run home. You want to be a track star, run boy. He wouldn't tell me I couldn't do it just that he wouldn't pick me up. That is the type of thing I'm talking about. His big goal for me was to get a high school diploma. That, I am convinced, is because he did not have one. After high school I could get a job, or join the military. Those were the choices afforded to me. My sister did not necessarily have to graduate high school. Being a girl all she needed to know was how to keep house and cook. At least Dad thought that would be sufficient. It was a popular stance for a Dad back in the day.
I admit there are times when I wonder about all of that. What if ? What if my parents had been different ? Would I then be a different person that what I am today ? The answer would have to be yes. We are indeed the product of our raising. I believe for most of us to go against that raising is a very uncomfortable thing. We question our actions that are contrary to what we were taught. The teenage years are when we are most likely to rebel. Those are the years when we know everything. If these new ideas don't work out, we go into default mode. Some of us remain stubborn however and never seem to learn. That is a different story however.
All of that is a small portion of the foundation that I am built upon. I believe it is important for each of us to examine our foundations. We shouldn't make excuses for it, or accept it unconditionally, but examine it. When we begin to understand the construction, we begin to understand how it works. That is to say what makes us tick. Call it self analysis if you will. Call it introspection. The truth is only you have that perspective. Others can come close but not exactly. Some parts of our foundation may require shoring up and that is the challenge we face in life. Other portions should be discarded. Growth does not have to painful,quite the contrary. Growth can be a comfort. Peace comes with understanding,seek to understand.
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