Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Looking ahead

I read somewhere that authors and reporters often carry small notebooks around with them to jot things down as they come upon them. Sounds like a reasonable thing to do. I have not developed that habit but have taken to keeping a notepad beside my computer. In that notepad, really a stenographers book, I make notes about ideas I have, or facts that I have checked. Mostly they are just fragments of thoughts and reminders. A browse of those notes would leave one a bit confused. There is no rhyme or reason to them,except to me.
I have started on the second one of these storehouses of thoughts. When I filled that first booklet I stuck it on a shelf unwilling to discard it. I'm not sure why. I'm thinking maybe they are becoming my notes on life. I'm writing these blogs to leave a record of my thoughts on life and everything in it. It does seem appropriate to keep the notes. The notes may turn out to be of more interest than the blogs ! One never knows. It is the old " one mans junk,another man's treasure " thing.
Another thing I was reading about concerning authors is their habits and rituals. Quite a few famous authors have specific routines they follow. Things on their desks arranged precisely so, or the time of day. They have set times for writing, so many hours a day. Habits you might call them. I usually write first thing in the morning, I am comfortable with that and my thoughts are clearer. I find my mind tends to get cluttered up during the day because of interacting with others. I think without outside influences I could write at any time. It is these interactions that provide fodder for my ramblings however, so I need the interaction. A catch twenty two thing I guess.
I am not one to adopt titles or labels quickly or easily. I am whatever you perceive me to be. That is the reality of it. My occupation does not define me. That isn't to say that my occupation couldn't define me. It is a matter of personal choice. We all know we should not let others define us. Dr. Phil and others will tell you that. That is something I struggle with. If others treat me a certain way, I react a certain way. It is like the old saying, if it looks like a duck,and acts like a duck, it is a duck. Not true however if it is a goose, or is it ? Does the goose know that ? Do you see my point there ?
I think maybe I have never defined myself by my occupations because they were not the occupations I wanted but things I can do. I have done a number of them as well. Was I attempting to define myself within the parameters of my fathers expectations ? Now there is a question for the head doctors. Is it that I never felt competent enough to adopt a title ? I never called myself a carpenter,plumber,mechanic or electrician. I didn't think of myself as a stationary engineer. Fact is, I have done all those jobs professionally. As I often point out, the only difference between a pro and a amateur is the pro gets paid. The pro is not necessarily more proficient at the trade. At one time I upholstered furniture for a living. I did define myself in that way for a short time, a job I took pride in knowing how to do. It wasn't something Dad thought much of though.
What has that to do with authors and taking notes ? Well I think that is what I want to be. An author. I think it is a title I could readily adopt and take pride in. The thing is first you have to sell your work. If others aren't " buying " it, you ain't it. That is the struggle I face. I can say I am an author but saying it doesn't make it so. I am not so concerned about the expectations of others, it is my own expectations that concern me. In order to adopt that title I must first be convinced of my ability. The whole self esteem thing ? Goes right back to the whole allowing others to define you idea doesn't it ? A quandary for sure.
I find it rather amusing that I have reached the age of sixty one and am thinking about what I want to be. I believe I was asked that question about fifty years ago. You would think I would have the answer by now. Well I never was one to just rush in. I have been accused of procrastinating. There is time left, no need to rush. Next year I can collect social security. That should free up some time for another career move, don't you think ? That is the secret to aging, keep moving forward. Finish strong is my motto ! 

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