Have you ever felt used, that you are being put upon ? What is your reaction to that ? Indignation,outrage,anger, or is it the opposite ? Are you left feeling confused,saddened or betrayed ? Is this fact or are you just feeling sorry for yourself ? That should be the focus of your thoughts. To spend your time searching for the justification of a feeling is not productive. What you should be searching for, is the cause. Only when we gain an understanding of the cause, can we form a resolution. A resolution is a decision on a course of action and not necessarily the solution.That in and of itself is important to understand. Just resolving to do something does not guarantee positive results. Removing yourself from the situation is not an answer, but an action. The two are easily confused.
When more is asked of us than we are freely willing to give, we feel put upon. We are taxed. Does anyone pay tax willingly ? I think not, but most comply. It is the same concept with being put upon. We do feel an obligation. Occasionally we rebel, but in the end we comply. The depth of that obligation varies with each individual we encounter. The difficulty lies in the measurement of the obligation. When does the scale begin to tip ? What is the value employed ? Am I being selfish ? How much should I contribute ? To give less than the full measure is unacceptable. I think the problem lies in trying to define another persons expectations before we define our own. That is to say, expecting their values to equal our own. When they do not adopt our measure the result is that we feel put upon. Does love factor into all of this ? If we balk at the tax, does that mean a failure of love ? What of friendship ? Is it also a determining factor in the equation ? These are key debating points and worthy of discussion. Should I sacrifice all for them ? Do both, or either, truly exist if I am unwilling to pay the price ? And not just once, but each and every time without feeling put upon ? To be not only willing but unaware of the cost to myself ? I mean, did Mother Teresa have these same feelings ? How to harbor these feelings without revealing them is a personal challenge. Not necessarily a healthy choice but one we are often expected to make. To do otherwise often proves to be as big a disappointment to ourselves as it is to those effected.
The choice of self preservation can be a difficult one. When is it appropriate ? What justifies that action ? The answer may define us. As was demonstrated in the novel Great Expectations I believe our own expectations change throughout our lifetime. It is when we align our expectations with reality that we are happiest. It is during these periods we don't mind the tax, the cost is insignificant. We are more than willing, we are unaware. When we experience the feeling of being put upon, it comes as a surprise. We become aware. Are others expecting too much ? The answer is, how much are we willing to give. Do we adjust the value or the expectation ?
When more is asked of us than we are freely willing to give, we feel put upon. We are taxed. Does anyone pay tax willingly ? I think not, but most comply. It is the same concept with being put upon. We do feel an obligation. Occasionally we rebel, but in the end we comply. The depth of that obligation varies with each individual we encounter. The difficulty lies in the measurement of the obligation. When does the scale begin to tip ? What is the value employed ? Am I being selfish ? How much should I contribute ? To give less than the full measure is unacceptable. I think the problem lies in trying to define another persons expectations before we define our own. That is to say, expecting their values to equal our own. When they do not adopt our measure the result is that we feel put upon. Does love factor into all of this ? If we balk at the tax, does that mean a failure of love ? What of friendship ? Is it also a determining factor in the equation ? These are key debating points and worthy of discussion. Should I sacrifice all for them ? Do both, or either, truly exist if I am unwilling to pay the price ? And not just once, but each and every time without feeling put upon ? To be not only willing but unaware of the cost to myself ? I mean, did Mother Teresa have these same feelings ? How to harbor these feelings without revealing them is a personal challenge. Not necessarily a healthy choice but one we are often expected to make. To do otherwise often proves to be as big a disappointment to ourselves as it is to those effected.
The choice of self preservation can be a difficult one. When is it appropriate ? What justifies that action ? The answer may define us. As was demonstrated in the novel Great Expectations I believe our own expectations change throughout our lifetime. It is when we align our expectations with reality that we are happiest. It is during these periods we don't mind the tax, the cost is insignificant. We are more than willing, we are unaware. When we experience the feeling of being put upon, it comes as a surprise. We become aware. Are others expecting too much ? The answer is, how much are we willing to give. Do we adjust the value or the expectation ?
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