Knowing it all

To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid. When I turned on my computer yesterday morning that poster appeared on my wall, or is it timeline ? Whatever you call it, it was on the screen. I found it serendipitous because of a statement I had made the day before. I was chatting with a friend about things in general. She had remarked about a younger person not realizing when she was in a bad relationship. My response was that was because this person was a teenager or young adult and when you are that age you know everything ! Then I said, " we need to know it all before we can begin to learn. " That is the same concept as that poster. And I submit, the same truth. It is only through experience that we can truly learn. The secret lies in accepting that admission.
When we are children going to school we are conditioned to knowing the answers. That is why we take tests isn't it ? To test our knowledge. This habit of, knowing the answers, begins to prevade our thinking. If we are receiving passing grades we begin to think we know the answers. After a bit, especially after high school, we believe we know it all. Strange how that works. Then, for a few years anyway, we are convinced we have all the answers. That is until something goes wrong !. First thing we do is look to blame someone else. It cannot be our fault, we know the answers. And to make matters worse there are those around us that try to " help. " They tell us stuff like ,we should have known better. How could anyone had known ? What am I , a fortune teller ? No, I'm right and everyone else is wrong. That is the thought process when you are young. Old people just don't know or have forgotten.
I can laugh about it now because I do remember, and I am an older person. I admit it took me a while to begin to understand about answers. Hint : there is more than one correct answer. Situation and context must be taken into consideration. Also, get ready for this revelation, other peoples feelings and opinions. Yes, it's true, they may be right and I may be wrong. It is the acceptance of those variables that begins the real learning process. Yup, the things you can't learn from a book. Experience is still the best teacher and will remain so. That doesn't make it any easier on those learning or those observing.
An old farmer, he really was a farmer, once told me, " the more you know,the less you think you know. " I've thought about that statement over the years and have to agree with him. As fast as you learn one thing you discover there are ten more questions. I'm at the point where I feel like an idiot ! I have a lot of questions unanswered. I have come to the conclusion that I satisfied the requirement of being young and stupid, I did that well. Now all I need to do is become old and wise. The old comes easily enough, just wait. Wisdom now is another matter altogether. Wisdom, I believe, is a gift. A gift from the Lord, kinda like a parting gift. The lord does have a sense of humor.

The Bargain Box

Before yard sales were popular and thrift stores abounded there was the " Bargain Box. " The bargain box was a thrift shop in East Hampton run by the Ladies Village Improvement Society. It was a small, dimly lit store full of clutter. A fascinating place to explore as a child. All the items offered for sale where, to the best of my knowledge, donated. What's more they were donated mostly by the rich. At least that was the perception that I had. The people that lived " upstreet " and in the village were all rich. That meant they had good stuff. To this day I am not one to buy used clothing at these places but the bargain box had a lot of those. I remember seeing polo shirts with that little alligator on them, expensive stuff ! If memory serves the basement is where the clothes were. Long racks of three piece suits and ladies dresses. I recall going to see a concert and needing the proper attire. This concert was Sonny Terry and Brownie McGee, legendary blues men. A three piece pin striped suit,double breasted and quite baggy and a fedora would be perfect. Go to the Bargain Box ! Got all I needed there for about five dollars.
Yes, the trappings of the wealthy and well to do could be had there. Golf clubs, whole sets of them in fancy bags, tennis rackets and used lamps and such. There was just no telling what might be had. I bought an old table top radio there for ten cents. That radio worked just fine.
I remember this little store fondly. This was at a time when you could go in with a few dollars and come out with an armload. Items were priced to sell ! Fifty cents or a dollar was common. Whole sets of dishes could be had for five bucks. Service for eight, complete with all the accessories. They even had candlesticks. Them rich folks could afford the electric bill alright but sure liked to use candles. Judging by the number of lamps available at the bargain box they must have had some aversion to table lamps.
My friend and neighbor worked at the Bargain Box for a number of years. She bragged that she always got first pick. She was a crafty lady, back before we called it crafting, and would buy the old coats and skirts made of wool. She used this wool in making rugs. The bargain box was definitely a great source for that type of thing. High quality materials for cheap. I don't remember the bargain box ever finding anything of great value. The items were donated by those in the know I suppose. I would look around in there occasionally. Browsing, by teenagers, was frowned upon back then. Nothing would be said but you knew. It was the social atmosphere of the times. Know your place and be respectful !
I have heard that the Bargain Box is still in operation. I have also heard that it is not inexpensive anymore. I'm sure some of my friends from back there will inform me further on it's status. Last I knew it was on Main Street. That real estate has got to be quite valuable today. Funny when you think about it. Shopping at the Bargain Box was something you did for fun. That was the perception that you wanted to give anyway. You could certainly buy whatever you needed at a real store but the Bargain Box was fun. You did it to support the Ladies Village Improvement Society, it was practically a civic duty. If you did get some good stuff and take it home for use, you never told anyone where you got it. It was kinda like getting welfare, you didn't want others to know.
I still enjoy browsing in the junk shops. Bargains can still be had but it is getting harder to find them. Nowadays more people feel there junk is collectible and valuable. Even the wealthy are not as quick to discard items. There is an abundance of online shopping dedicated to this. Yard sales and garage sales are everywhere. Once a year the local church even has a Bazaar ! Don't see those as much as you did in past years.
I do not frequent the local "Bargain Box" as there are few bargains to be had. Like a lot of things of the past they are not the same. The prices have moved into the future ! The only real bargains left are in outdated electronics and clothes. I have no interest in either. Still I will browse time to time. Finding that bargain is a time honored pastime. Guess we have always wanted something for cheap and probably always will. 

Speech

It was raining here the other day and I said to a co-worker, you had best hove to. This person looks at me in bewilderment, She had no clue what it was I was saying. I had to explain that "hove" meant to just wait somewhere. Usually this advice was given before an impending storm. She thought it was an odd saying. It is just one of those things that you grow up with and is perfectly normal and natural to you. I forget that this is Greensboro,Md. A wonderful place to live but certainly not a coastal town like where I grew up. Nautical terms were a frequent part of our language. The custom was dying out as I was growing up, but still frequently used with the old folks.
We all know about distinct dialects. We laugh about them and imitate some of them. We had our own dialect growing up where I did. I suppose these sayings and expressions are a part of that dialect but not necessarily exclusive to it. Regional terms are just that,regional. I would expect anyone growing up on the coast would use pretty much the same terms. Nautical terms. This is especially true if it is an Island. The water and the ways of the water controlled our lives for many generations. It is only in fairly recent generations that has changed. With the advent of automobiles and railroads our ability to travel and import/export goods changed dramatically. A shift in the economic base happened along with that. Boats and boating became a recreation, more so than an occupation. Like horseback riding is today as well.
I listen to the folks around here talking and sometimes get lost. This is an agricultural community and so the language reflects that. They say things like, " I was getting the beans off. " Tractors are everywhere and chicken houses. I have become accustomed to these little nuances in speech and so it is not as noticeable to me. They don't really have an accent here, at least none that I have noticed. Some say I do, but that isn't so, I speak fine English ! We have for generations.
I do enjoy hearing new expressions. Different ways of saying things keeps the conversation interesting. I do not like the current trend of just using four letter words to describe everything ! Especially a certain noun used as a verb or adjective ! Creative speech is one of life's little pleasures. Three sheets to the wind is one of my favorites. HaHa, what a way to say it. Cat got your tongue ?  Where did that come from ? There are other ,more colorful, expressions that I grew up with but they are not for this forum. By today's standards they are quite tame, but I do not go by today's standards. It is my belief that creativity in speech is becoming a lost art. Maybe it has something to do with " sensitivity ? "

It's a choice

I'm listening to the news when an article comes on about Hulk Hogan. Now I admit to be being a wrestling fan and have watched it for many years. That being said, this " news " report caught my attention. Apparently Hulk Hogan has opened a restaurant in the Tampa area. Something about Hulk Hogans muscle beach experience or a similar theme. Whatever the case there is a posted dress code that is being labeled racist and discriminatory. Items include no baggy/saggy pants,no hats worn backwards, no excessively large jewelry,no white tee shirts and the list goes on. There are those that are saying this is clearly targeting blacks. Now that to me sounds like a racist statement all in itself ! So you're saying that all black people dress like that ? How bigoted is that ?
Although I have never personally been to any, I hear there are restaurants that require gentlemen to wear a jacket. Ladies most be appropriately attired. Is that racist ? Do all white people dress like that or is it only the rich ones ?
I will admit that I am surprised that Hulk Hogan would want to be the one to " class it up " a bit. The wearing of a bandanna or " do " rag if you prefer is on the list of banned apparel at his restaurant. Hulk has been wearing one for about twenty years, since he started to go bald. The thing is, it is his business. The establishment of a dress code is not discriminatory in my opinion. If it is something that you can physically change, like clothing, isn't that then a choice ? The color of my skin or ethnicity is not a choice on my part. Barring a person based on that would be discrimination. If I were black all I would have to do is change my clothes to go to his establishment, if I were a black person that dressed in that fashion. Fact is, I would have to change clothing if I were a white guy dressed like that,or a Hispanic or Asian.
I really don't care about Hulk Hogans restaurant. I really don't care about dress codes or lack of dress codes. The bottom line for me is this. It is his restaurant,his business. If he only wants people to wear white pants,blue shirts and flip flops that is also his business ! You are not required to dine there. These requirements do not in any way inhibit your ability to dress in any way you choose. If you choose to follow his dress code you are welcome there. These people that are making these outrageous claims that Hulk Hogan is targeting " blacks " with this code are more bigoted than anyone else. Talk about stereotyping ! A classic example of the pot calling the kettle black. I can only shake my head and wonder how far this ridiculousness will go. All this political correctness.
I can only say this. If a black rapper wants to open a restaurant and list his dress requirements I would support his right to do so. I would do the same if a German fella wanted you to only wear Lederhosen to drink beer ! Discrimination ? What is discrimination ?

 dis·crim·i·na·tion

disˌkriməˈnāSHən/

noun

1. 1.

   the unjust or prejudicial treatment of different categories of people or things, especially on the grounds of race, age, or sex.

   "victims of racial discrimination"

   synonyms:

   prejudice, bias, bigotry, intolerance, narrow-mindedness, unfairness,inequity, favoritism, one-sidedness, partisanship; More
2. 2.

   recognition and understanding of the difference between one thing and another.

   "discrimination between right and wrong"

Take a look at number two. That was, at one time the understanding of the word. It has only become, in the last few decades, a bad thing as in definition one. Yes there was a time when understanding the difference between right and wrong was an attribute. Just sayin'

.

For Now

My son and his wife went on a vacation. Maria is a representative for those 31 products that are all the rage. Her sales were such that she was awarded an all expense paid vacation in Mexico ! This is the second year in a row. I hear the weather down there has been cloudy and a bit of rain. I'm certain they are having a good time.
Now the kids are in school of course and that duty fell to grandma and I. Mark and Morgan are both in middle school so it is not much of a problem. Having children in the roost full time however is a different matter altogether. I wouldn't say it was a problem, but it is different ! It has been a while, at least since last year anyway. The routine has been changed, drastically. All the extracurricular activities keep us hoping. This evening will be no different. If I am out past seven, that's late for me. Why I didn't get back home last night , near to eight o'clock ! I'm going to get a reputation before much longer.
My son has scheduled the installation of laminate flooring. That happens today. My wife will be there all day watching over that project. The grass needs cutting. my job. This running two houses is tiring. We need a staff ! It is these things that keep us young though. At least that is what we are told, by those that are young and doing other things. Like going on vacation !
This is all the thought I can muster this morning. I'm discombobulated ! I just smiled because I must be alright. I just spelled discombobulated and spell check says it is right ! Hooray, my sanity is still intact, for now.

In the warmth of memories

For most of the day yesterday the wind was gusty and the skies overcast. The storms were rolling in. You knew they were coming and you can do little but wait. The farmers were rushing to get the corn off, I saw the combines kicking up dust as they went about their business. Harvest time in full swing. The rain started to drizzle down about five thirty last evening. It was sputtering on and off til I went to bed. I awoke to the sound of rain. It is not an unpleasant sound. And as the farmers would normally say, we need a little rain. Not this time though, can't combine in the rain you know.
While out for a drive I noticed the farm stands were displaying cut corn stalks,pumpkins and mums. Bales of straw and hay abound. Can the appearance of those strange little gourds be far behind ? I'll be buying some for decorations. I'm not sure why I do, but I do it every year. A yearly habit ? How long does it take to form a habit ? How often do you have to do something for it to be a habit ? I have a habit of asking a lot of questions, Mom says I always did. Well, as the saying goes, inquiring minds want to know.
In the early evening I was sitting in the recliner with the window open. I was just sitting quietly,listening. That wind was gusting and I was enjoying the sound. The wind sounds different in the fall. The winds rustles. In the winter it howls. Different sounds altogether. The trees are beginning to gain some color and some leaves are falling. It is those dry leaves that make that sound. They are protesting. One last gasp before they are gone. Some will be burned,some bagged and others just blown away. Where do they go, those that go with the wind ? They will huddle in the bushes and corners of buildings. When the wind blows in winter they will dance in circles celebrating one more time. By spring they are gone.
Summer has come and gone and I haven't wet a line. That is to say, I didn't go fishing this year. Not one time. Unusual but not unprecedented. No boat and so many regulations dampen my enthusiasm. It's alright though I'm not complaining. Given the chance I would like to go clamming again. That is an activity I haven't done in many years. I'm adding that to my bucket list. I wouldn't even mind scratching up some long clams. Walking along the shoreline in winter and digging in that cold mud is invigorating ! Was a day when I didn't view it in quite that way, but the lure of those clams prevailed. Didn't think of it necessarily as fun, but necessary. It is easy to envision that activity when you are in the warmth of your memories, the reality of it is quite different. I haven't forgotten.
Fall has arrived. Hearth and home. Burning leaves. A bountiful harvest and comfort foods. Fall is a gentle time, a time to prepare. We need to get ready for the harshness of winter. For now I will relax and just enjoy. Fall doesn't last all that long. A quick visit and it is gone. Then the windows are closed and the house filled with smells of cooking. The warmth of winter, fragrant and dry takes over. Sweatshirts,sweaters and throws. I do enjoy the change in the seasons. Seasons serve as a reminder. A reminder of the passing of time and a reminder of life and renewal. A beginning and an end. The end is always followed by a new beginning. That is the wonder of it all !

Looking ahead

I read somewhere that authors and reporters often carry small notebooks around with them to jot things down as they come upon them. Sounds like a reasonable thing to do. I have not developed that habit but have taken to keeping a notepad beside my computer. In that notepad, really a stenographers book, I make notes about ideas I have, or facts that I have checked. Mostly they are just fragments of thoughts and reminders. A browse of those notes would leave one a bit confused. There is no rhyme or reason to them,except to me.
I have started on the second one of these storehouses of thoughts. When I filled that first booklet I stuck it on a shelf unwilling to discard it. I'm not sure why. I'm thinking maybe they are becoming my notes on life. I'm writing these blogs to leave a record of my thoughts on life and everything in it. It does seem appropriate to keep the notes. The notes may turn out to be of more interest than the blogs ! One never knows. It is the old " one mans junk,another man's treasure " thing.
Another thing I was reading about concerning authors is their habits and rituals. Quite a few famous authors have specific routines they follow. Things on their desks arranged precisely so, or the time of day. They have set times for writing, so many hours a day. Habits you might call them. I usually write first thing in the morning, I am comfortable with that and my thoughts are clearer. I find my mind tends to get cluttered up during the day because of interacting with others. I think without outside influences I could write at any time. It is these interactions that provide fodder for my ramblings however, so I need the interaction. A catch twenty two thing I guess.
I am not one to adopt titles or labels quickly or easily. I am whatever you perceive me to be. That is the reality of it. My occupation does not define me. That isn't to say that my occupation couldn't define me. It is a matter of personal choice. We all know we should not let others define us. Dr. Phil and others will tell you that. That is something I struggle with. If others treat me a certain way, I react a certain way. It is like the old saying, if it looks like a duck,and acts like a duck, it is a duck. Not true however if it is a goose, or is it ? Does the goose know that ? Do you see my point there ?
I think maybe I have never defined myself by my occupations because they were not the occupations I wanted but things I can do. I have done a number of them as well. Was I attempting to define myself within the parameters of my fathers expectations ? Now there is a question for the head doctors. Is it that I never felt competent enough to adopt a title ? I never called myself a carpenter,plumber,mechanic or electrician. I didn't think of myself as a stationary engineer. Fact is, I have done all those jobs professionally. As I often point out, the only difference between a pro and a amateur is the pro gets paid. The pro is not necessarily more proficient at the trade. At one time I upholstered furniture for a living. I did define myself in that way for a short time, a job I took pride in knowing how to do. It wasn't something Dad thought much of though.
What has that to do with authors and taking notes ? Well I think that is what I want to be. An author. I think it is a title I could readily adopt and take pride in. The thing is first you have to sell your work. If others aren't " buying " it, you ain't it. That is the struggle I face. I can say I am an author but saying it doesn't make it so. I am not so concerned about the expectations of others, it is my own expectations that concern me. In order to adopt that title I must first be convinced of my ability. The whole self esteem thing ? Goes right back to the whole allowing others to define you idea doesn't it ? A quandary for sure.
I find it rather amusing that I have reached the age of sixty one and am thinking about what I want to be. I believe I was asked that question about fifty years ago. You would think I would have the answer by now. Well I never was one to just rush in. I have been accused of procrastinating. There is time left, no need to rush. Next year I can collect social security. That should free up some time for another career move, don't you think ? That is the secret to aging, keep moving forward. Finish strong is my motto ! 

Seek to understand

People become misled by some of what I say. It is an odd thing that it happens that way and I can not help but wonder about it. I do not write things in order to complain. I write more as an explanation or description of what was. I write, of course, from my perspective which will certainly differ from yours. With family and old friends we often share the same view, but with others, not so much. We all are,after all, a product of our upbringing.
I believe the thing we all need to remember is that our parents were the product of their upbringing as well. Their attitudes and instructional methods were inherited from a generation before that. So you see it takes two generations for changes to begin to show. Oh, there are progressive parents in each generation that break away from the mold. There are those parents that are " cool, " I do believe that all parents want what is best for their children.
I was talking about this very thing with my sister. My older sister ! Truth is I am the youngest in the family and will always be the baby. I'm a 61 year old baby, just ask her. We were raised pretty much the same way. Nothing unusual about that. We came from a traditional family, sorta. Mom had been divorced and had two children before my father so I have two half brothers. Not unusual, but not in the strictly traditional mold either. Also Moms' first husband was a Catholic so she had joined that religion but later became an Episcopalian. I think the Catholic church frowned on divorce in those days. You're outta here was the attitude. Dad was a Methodist but didn't attend services.
Dad was raised by his maternal grandparents. His mom passed shortly after childbirth and his father died when he was about eight. He was raised with a bit more freedom than most kids in those days. That was a result of being raised by grandparents. Grandparents are known for being a little more tolerate, think spoiling, of children. I think especially since great grandmother lost her daughter. That isn't to say Dad wasn't disciplined but allowed a bit more leeway. He compensated for that with his own children. Nothing lenient about his parenting technique
My parents did not set the bar of expectations very high. That is not a statement of condemnation but a statement of fact. Their goals for you were clearly defined. As long as you met those goals all was well. The encouragement of extracurricular activities was not a priority. For instance, I thought I wanted to join the track team one year. We lived three miles from town. When I told Dad about this and that I would require a ride after practice his response was, run home. You want to be a track star, run boy. He wouldn't tell me I couldn't do it just that he wouldn't pick me up. That is the type of thing I'm talking about. His big goal for me was to get a high school diploma. That, I am convinced, is because he did not have one. After high school I could get a job, or join the military. Those were the choices afforded to me. My sister did not necessarily have to graduate high school. Being a girl all she needed to know was how to keep house and cook. At least Dad thought that would be sufficient. It was a popular stance for a Dad back in the day.
I admit there are times when I wonder about all of that. What if ? What if my parents had been different ? Would I then be a different person that what I am today ? The answer would have to be yes. We are indeed the product of our raising. I believe for most of us to go against that raising is a very uncomfortable thing. We question our actions that are contrary to what we were taught. The teenage years are when we are most likely to rebel. Those are the years when we know everything. If these new ideas don't work out, we go into default mode. Some of us remain stubborn however and never seem to learn. That is a different story however.
All of that is a small portion of the foundation that I am built upon. I believe it is important for each of us to examine our foundations. We shouldn't make excuses for it, or accept it unconditionally, but examine it. When we begin to understand the construction, we begin to understand how it works. That is to say what makes us tick. Call it self analysis if you will. Call it introspection. The truth is only you have that perspective. Others can come close but not exactly. Some parts of our foundation may require shoring up and that is the challenge we face in life. Other portions should be discarded. Growth does not have to painful,quite the contrary. Growth can be a comfort. Peace comes with understanding,seek to understand. 

Wants and needs

You know what I find annoying ? When others proclaim to feel sorry for me for things that make no difference to me. Things like I don't have a smart phone or a new car. I don't care a wit ! Or perhaps I don't have the available monetary resources as others may have. Could care less. I just get annoyed when others feel as though I am deprived. How can you know my needs,wants or desires ? You can't ! Not unless I tell you that is, and believe me I will, given the chance. Do not presume to know my happiness.
I sometimes wonder if others say these things to convince themselves of their own happiness, or an attempt to dampen mine ? There is a particular gentleman that shops at the store where I work. He often stops to tell me , " there is no shame in working at the grocery store ". What is that supposed to mean ? What is he trying to say? I find it condescending. Perhaps it is well intended. I say nothing in return, just smile and agree. Still it leaves me annoyed.
I do wonder why people would wish to impose their standards upon me. That is to say, what they feel is the minimum necessary for survival and happiness. I am perfectly happy with what I have. The acquisition of certain objects is not important to me, so why would you think it should be ?
I think this is all a result of confusing wants with needs. Sure there are things I want or would like to have. I wouldn't be human if I didn't. I have learned over the years that wants are not always a good thing. Some of the things we want, we are much better off without. It is the discovery of your needs that is important. Each of us are different in that regard.
I think the government is the most guilty of this thinking. Look at what the government provides as what they think is minimum standards. Certainly that must be the thinking, why would they want to provide more than that ? Review any government assistance program and this becomes immediately evident. Look at any government standard. Is it any wonder that so many remain on these government programs ? When the free stuff provides for more than what you can earn by honest labor there are those that choose that path. I can not expect others morals standards to be the same as mine. That is why I should modify the program and not attempt to modify the person. Adding additional programs and benefits is not an incentive to change for these type of people. I am not judging here just pointing out the obvious.
Well I got off track a bit there but it is all related. The bottom line is this, we are all responsible for our own happiness. No one can provide that for you. Sorting out wants from needs is the path that will lead you there. Do not allow others to dictate your happiness. Define that for yourself and pursue it.

Harvest Time

Today is the last calender day of the summer of 14. We can say it that way because no one will confuse it with the summer of 1914. That was the summer when the first World War erupted. One hundred years ago. Seems like a lot longer somehow. Maybe that is because of all the wars and conflicts that have followed. Originally called the Great War and the war to end all war, it didn't become known as World War One till after the second world war. Makes sense doesn't it ? Only today would we name something as " The First Annual " or something similar. We think we are pretty clever doing that and counting on the future to cooperate.
Tomorrow it is officially fall. The weather is cooperating with the calender. Supposed to have temps in the forties, fall weather here in Greensboro. I have been here long enough to recognize the seasons. I have changed the greeting sign on my door. The sign now says, Harvest Time. A nod to the past. Harvest time is not as an important time of the year as in the past. Well, I should qualify that statement by saying, harvest time happens year round nowadays. Back, not too many years ago, that wasn't so. Harvest was a regional thing and what was available for consumption followed those harvests. If you lived in the northern states you didn't get strawberries in December. Also harvest time was when the farmer " reaped " his rewards. A good harvest set the tone for the next year. Fall was the real beginning for them. Or fall could spell the end.
For me fall means getting ready for the winter. It is a lot easier than in years past. We don't have to change the screens for storm windows, just slide them up or down. Modern heating systems, no chopping wood. Our bed clothing doesn't change. Oh, we may add a quilt but it more for show and a habit of a lifetime than necessity. Our choice of meals will change. Time for those comfort foods again. Nothing like a good pot roast on a brisk fall day. Hot chocolate will make it's appearance. Warm apple cider for those so inclined. Was a day when we would see huge piles of brightly colored leaves but now they mostly get mulched. If fall had a smell it would be burning leaves.
After fall arrives and the rest of the year goes speeding by. Holidays in rapid succession until we reach the exhaustion of January and a new year. But first I will enjoy this early part of fall, a light sweater and sitting by a fire. The harvest is in and we count our blessings. Fall is a gentle time unlike the harshness of winter or the storms of summer. Fall is a brief interlude, a time to reflect and make plans for the next year. Just because you are not a farmer doesn't mean you shouldn't reap your rewards. What have you sown this year, this season in life ? What about your harvest ? I have much to be thankful for. I look forward to the next season of growth and God willing I will sow good seeds and have a bountiful harvest. I must do my best to be a good farmer and a good husband. Maybe that is why they call it " husbandry ? "
It is true that you reap what you sow. It is the continued care of what you sow however that creates good results. Do not neglect your responsibility. It is not enough to just have the farm, you must work it. 

Obviously

If you want to live life you must show up for it. I heard that said somewhere, at sometime. The thinking is straightforward and logical. Giving some thought to it's meaning I would have to conclude that it is correct. How many of us fail to show up ? We do have a tendency to make excuses for our absence. Our favorite would seem to be, discretion is the better part of valor. There is no denying that is good advice but you can't he a hero by following it. I believe we all want to be a hero of some type. A hero to our spouses or children certainly. If nothing more, a hero to ourselves. In our own minds we wish to possess the qualities of the hero. The humble hero is by far the most desirable.
The question really is, what is a hero ? I think a hero is just someone that does what needs to be done, irregardless of the cost. Being a hero is not a logical choice. I also think it is not a matter of fate.
Becoming a hero is a result of an action or actions. The hero that immediately comes to mind is the instantaneous creation of circumstance, doing whatever needed to be done at that instant. Whether it was done for self preservation or to the benefit of others is not the issue. Those types of actions will get you noticed that much is sure. Medals are awarded for that kind of stuff ! The heroes that often go unnoticed are those that do the little things over a lifetime. Only those close to that person are aware. Those heroes show up, for life. They make no excuses. That is not to say they don'r make mistakes, that is another matter, but they show up. They do not abandon their principles for gain. They just do what needs to be done.
There has been an increase in the honoring of heroes. At least it appears that way to me. Everyone is a hero these days. What that shows is a lowering of standards and expectations. A prevalent trend these days. What may appear as a " good " thing is turning into nothing more than a platitude. What value is it ? Commendable actions should not be confused with heroic action. The distinction is a fine one, but distinct nevertheless. Once the value of  honor is lowered it can not be regained. Consider this, the Medal of Honor, our nations highest award has only be given to three thousand five hundred and seven servicemen since 1861 ! Not a very large number when put into that context is it ? Those recipients are heroes. Consider too, that about 60% of those recipients since world war two were awarded that medal posthumously. That is the value of honor.
Heroes exhibit an ideal. Their actions are always positive and have positive results. The result may not be so positive for themselves, as evidenced by the number of medals issued posthumously, but their actions were worthy of honor. I am troubled by the lowering of this standard. I believe we all need heroes but we should not fabricate them. They must reflect the highest standard ! Heroes should inspire us to an ideal.
Now don't get upset. I'm not saying heroes do not walk among us everyday, they certainly do. I am not saying those honored as heroes are actively seeking that honor. What I am trying to say is that I feel we should be more reserved in our use of that term. If everyone is now to be considered a hero what do we call those that are ? How do we then make that distinction ? Who is more honored than a hero ? But then again maybe this trend is nothing more than our desire to state the obvious. That is also a prevalent thing today. That is why we have all those ribbons, isn't it ? I support this or that. And each one is an obvious cause to support. The latest being, I'm against domestic violence ! They'll be a ribbon for that , I'm thinking. Giving public voice to private thoughts. Well, all you really have to do is show up ! 

At home

Mark, my grandson, was refereeing a soccer game last night at the elementary school. It is just a short walk from where I live and I decided to take a stroll and watch. Now, I've lived in Greensboro for over twenty years and you would think I was familiar with the town. Truth is, not really. As I walked along,for the first time, I saw homes. I was looking at homes, not houses. I don't know maybe it was the air in the early evening, maybe it was the clear blue sky, or maybe I was just in a mood, whatever the case an awareness came over me. I saw that elderly lady sitting on her porch just watching the traffic. I saw neatly trimmed grass and a gazebo in the back yard. I saw old homes, old barns and children's toys. Holidays and seasons ran through my thoughts. Each home a little world, and a world I would like to visit. I think the truth of the matter is, I felt at home. Walking along with a bounce in my step I felt comfortable. I felt like I belonged in this town. Not a local, but a transplant. I do think this transplant has begun to take root. It is a good feeling. I could live here.
It has been said that home is where that heart is and I understood that sentiment exactly. At least I thought I did, but now I'm not quite so sure. I do believe a house is made a home by love. It is this love that we become nostalgic for. Our " home " is where we were raised and where our childhood memories reside. For me that was the first eighteen years of life. For others that time may be much shorter or longer. I'm thinking home is wherever you allow it to be. I have struggled for years with leaving " home. " The truth is, home has always been with me. Over the years and in all the places I have lived, home was with me. I'll always be home. The secret is I must allow others to reside there as well. It is my choice to include them.
I think it is when you begin to put names with the places that you begin to feel at home. I do not know many in Greensboro. That is my fault and not theirs. I've certainly had plenty of chances to meet and greet. I do believe these more modern social conventions add to this. People do not as readily invite you into their homes as in days past. Unfortunate, but a wise decision nevertheless. I know far more in Facebook neighborhoods where some sense of security is to be had. Actual contact is not to undertaken lightly. I wonder, do they have house parties anymore ? Barbecues certainly, but I'm talking about an old fashioned house party. I do think we live in a far more guarded social environment than in the past.
We tend to gravitate towards those that share common interests with ourselves. That is human nature. Some enjoy drink, some enjoy food and others share religious convictions. Little groups and cliques form. Political allies band together and opposition gathers. It is up to us to seek our niche. That is our home. It is where we feel the most comfortable. Understanding and acceptance is the key. Perhaps I don't fit into a niche. I don't like to think of myself in that way. I do not want to be labeled in some fashion. I feel I can get along and share life with most everyone. I do have some experience in that regard. Or as the kids today say; been there, done that.
I think I have reached that " Mayberry " stage in life. I like to sit on the porch,wave at the neighbors and maybe enjoy a cold pop. Just talk about the day and enjoy home. I have discovered that I do not have to be anything. I can just be me. And isn't that what you are at home ? 

Creepy or Cool

Yesterday I was writing about family heirlooms. I pointed out that I felt heirlooms were personal in nature and in fact are connections to the past. On April the 25 in 1926 my father received his first haircut. He was 19 months 6 days old. His blonde curly hair was lovingly placed in a small rectangular box by my great grandmother. She included a note explaining what it was. How it survived all these years without being lost or discarded is puzzling to me. Such a tiny insignificant thing. The thing is, I find it creepy ! I do not feel a connection to my father through these pieces of hair, that is a little too much heirloom, pun intended.
I know that the Victorians were into this sort of thing. They would often cut and braid the deceased's hair. They would make watch fobs,necklaces and such from this braided hair. There is even a collectors niche for that sort of thing. Creepy. But that is just me. I do enjoy a good cemetery and some find that creepy. The Victorians also cut their own hair or the hair of family members to use in jewelry. It was quite the flourishing trade. I suppose the hair from the living is not quite as creepy. Nah, I still think that is strange, I mean, would you save fingernail or toenail clippings ? Same thing. They are made of the same material after all.
When great grandmother saved these locks of hair it was 1926, well past the Victorian era. I wonder what inspired her to do so. Saving baby shoes,even having them bronzed was popular at one time. I have a plaster cast of my grandsons hand prints in a round tin. It hangs on my bedroom wall. I took some of my grandson's baby clothing and sewed them into a quilt and gave that to my daughter in law as a gift. I have my father's baby cup as well. That baby cup I cherish and display on a shelf. Nothing creepy about that stuff. I have those locks of hair and can not bring myself to dispose of them. I wonder why that is ? Maybe because great grandmother saved it and after her my father saved it. I don't know. What to do with it ? I'll just leave it as one of those creepy things you inherit someday. Should freak somebody out, unless, of course, that sort of thing comes back into fashion. That hand written note is the provenance antique dealers speak of. Oh, it is bona fide alright !  I can also attest to that because Dad told me so. Didn't creep him out, probably because it was his ! I should put another note in there explaining who put the first note in.

Been in there awhile.

It's Personal

I was chatting it up with a friend the other day about antiques. Well, not really antiques, more like family heirlooms. At least that is what they are to us, but to other,antiques. There is a big difference between the two. These antiques or heirlooms may or may not have monetary value. That part of it doesn't enter the equation. Were I to have ones that were, that thinking may change. The few that I do possess only have sentimental value. They are important to me because I can connect them to an individual. That is what makes them valuable to me, that connection. To others they are curiosities. Just old stuff from the past.
I was speculating that perhaps fewer of these little artifacts from the past will  be saved. I think this is a result of a transient population. We are far more mobile today than in years past, that can not be denied. When we move we have a tendency to " clean out " stuff. It is this stuff that family heirlooms are made of. The survivors ! They may be an old photograph or just a scrap of paper,seemingly unimportant at the time. An example of this is I have a postcard,mailed by my grandmother to her father. It is just a postcard,nothing more. How or why it has survived for nearly ninety years is a mystery. Apparently, that little card was important to Great Grandfather as he saved it. Is that because that same little girl, my grandmother, his daughter, passed away when she was only twenty three ? Could be, but she sent the card when she was ten. The card does say, " Dear Papa " and perhaps that is the connection great grandfather felt. That was his little girl after all.
At least three generations lived in great grandfathers house. The house was originally the property of James Terry, civil war veteran, and father to Lucy. Lucy is my great grandmother. She lived there her whole life and in fact passed away in the parlor in 1958. I can remember seeing her bed in there, all made up. It stayed there until great grandfather moved out of the house. That was not a choice he made willingly, but was forced upon him. Ah, but that is family history. How many heirlooms were lost in that move ? Far too many to even consider. Much of his belongings, the larger more obvious historical items, were donated to the local museum. I am grateful for that. All the little things however, those scraps of the past, gone. Had great grandfather not moved and the next generation still lived there would these items have survived ? It is a good possibility.
It is these small personal items that provide me with the most comfort. And I choose the word comfort with an awareness. I am aware that is what I feel with these things around me. I feel the connections to the past. You can not purchase those types of items. You also can not know what items of yours may become an heirloom to another. While you're alive you may suggest things by your actions. I'm writing, in cursive, in a journal for each of the grandkids. Will these journals be a treasured heirloom to them ? I can't be sure, they may choose another item. Can you create an heirloom ? I don't think so. Take that postcard, it was written and mailed a good forty years before I was born ! To great grandfather is was a memory, to me an heirloom. Same thing,different name.
I think family heirlooms are the binding tie. I think they are important to have around us. They are reminders. With all this moving about in modern times these ties are being severed. Our connections to the past, our families past, are being left behind. Are we forgetting, " the roots of our raising " as Merle Haggard put it. Each of us impact those we touch. Whether we do it directly or indirectly, we do alter their perspective. When I hold great grandmothers Bible I feel a connection to her. It was the Bible she held and read every day. The pages are dog eared and notes scribbled in the margins. This was a working Bible ! I'm sure great grandmother held me in her arms at some point and strangely I feel that touch. I was five when she passed and have no direct memory of her. I do have that connection however. These are the things heirlooms are made of. Personal. And that is the difference between an antique and an heirloom. With an heirloom, it's personal. 

Opinions

Once again I find my thoughts are scattered. What is it they say to take for concentration,Ginko Biloba ? I can't think enough to remember ! There are just so many things going on that I can't seem to focus my thoughts on a single subject. So, for now, I can only offer opinions. Opinions are easy enough,just say what you think. Problem with opinions though, is they change. Opinions don't have the reputation for stability. And when it comes to opinions everyone has one. Even the Supreme Court of the United States issues an opinion. That is because it is subject to change. The Congress can change it by simply disagreeing. Wish it was that easy to change other peoples opinions.
As a general rule I try to keep my opinions to myself until I have substantial arguments or evidence to support it. Well, that is unless asked, then I'll just blurt out whatever thoughts come to mind. Or when I hear someone else give an opinion that I immediately disagree with, then I question that opinion. So you see it is not my fault that my opinions are often expressed, other people are talking.
The real problem comes when opinions are mistaken for facts. Happens individually and to entire populations. Opinions can not always be proven, but can be taken as fact. Can an opinion be fact ? Seems a bit contradictory doesn't it ? An opinion may be my truth,my fact. Does that then make it a fact to everyone else ? It is all very confusing at times.
I don't know, I can't concentrate on it right now. What is it that I was saying anyhow ? This change in seasons is catching up with me already. I'm having trouble selecting the proper gear. Literally and figuratively. Sweatshirt in the morning, tee shirt in the afternoon and back to a sweatshirt ! Can't decide what to wear. Windows open,windows closed. Took out the air conditioners. Too soon to turn on the heat.
And then there is the news. So much to think about in the world view. And the news on social media.Some need prayers,others need to wake up. This morning however, I'm keeping my opinions to myself. Opinions are more powerful than facts. At least that is my opinion. Now I'm giving an opinion on opinions ! I said I was keeping my opinions to myself,guess that changed. My opinion hasn't however. I just don't know what I have an opinion on !

Attending

I recently read an article concerning the last church in Churchville. The town of Churchville in Iowa that is, not a Dr. Seuss story. The gist of the story was the Diocese felt that little country church was no longer an asset. Attendance was very low and it is just a business decision. The bishop feels the congregants would be better served in a large church down the road in another town.
I read that story with much sorrow. I have written about this trend lately myself. The disappearance of the small country churches. When the church building is no longer a viable business decision. Reality,but very sad indeed. My mind understands the practicality and necessity of it all, but still.
Some time back I wrote a blog about an old church here in Maryland. It was a sect called the Primitive Baptists. They had some different ways about them and the following died out,gave way to more modern forms of worship. The church building is now preserved as a historical landmark. It's only congregation buried in the cemetery surrounding it.
I have admired another of these small country churches as I pass it on the highway. It sits on the side of the highway, tucked away in a small clearing. I am not certain if it is being used or not but is in an excellent state of repair. I do not know the denomination of the parishioners,if there are any and that is not of importance anyway.
The thought came to me that these old church buildings are becoming historic landmarks and " tourist " attractions. Buildings to be admired as an artifact. I find that a bit disturbing. What has replaced them ? The large mega church with a sound stage ? I question the intimacy of those surroundings and it is my belief we should have an intimate relationship with our God. In a sense those mega-churches are no different than the large cathedrals, just the modern version. In the end I realize it is not the building, for no building is required at all to be truthful about it, It is just I feel a sadness at the loss.
How long will these little houses of worship survive ? When the revenue to maintain them becomes a burden, they will be gone. That is the long and short of it. Small congregations cannot sustain the property and that is reality. Is it that today's congregation demands more in the way of comfort and services ? Heating,cooling,rest rooms,electricity,kitchens and sound systems. We want lighting for the stage and power point presentations. Those little country churches had none of those. The sacrifice was to God. We attended despite the lack of creature comforts. We were more aware of the purpose of the visit ! Are we losing that spirit ? The real question is not whether we can afford the church building but will we pay the price ? Which is better, the buffet or Moms home cooking ? One is big and offers many choices while the other is limited in size. The buffet is certainly more entertaining and cost effective.
It is all a matter of personal preference. I would not argue that one is better than another. Both provide the nourishment-we require. It is all dependent upon what we have been fed in the past. What we are accustomed to. For me I am disturbed by the disappearance of the neighborhood churches. And I think that is what they are. Most started out as community churches. As the community grew so did the need for more space. Was a day when we just built another church. Now we just build a bigger church ! Is it because of the availability of transportation to get there, or economic reasons. Perhaps a combination of both. Now the trend is toward " regional " churches. I just wonder about whether it is the generation of revenue that is becoming of primary concern rather than the true purpose of the gathering ? Are we becoming so encumbered with the trappings of worship that we are forgetting the worship itself ? Will future generations look at those old country churches with amusement, much as we look at the little red schoolhouses ? Spiritual education is as important as academic. My question is, how are these large modern schools making out ? The education is fine but the social aspects are quite a bit different. We must guard against that in our churches as well. Just a thought.

A little red church
Religious Instruction 

Understanding things

Browsing the hometown newspaper I came across an old photograph. The caption read, The East Hampton Union School. It was taken in 1894 and there in that picture was my Great Grandfather Floyd P Lester. What a surprise. As I read the names of the other students I recognized those names, those family names are as familiar to me as the sun rising in the morning. I went to school and graduated with many of them. I got to thinking that many of those pictured must have been great grandparents to my classmates.
Some of the names survive today, in East Hampton, descended from these folks. Lester,Grimshaw,Fithian,de Mott, Sherrill, Baker, Osborn,Hedges Collum, Bennett and Field. There are a total of forty five listed for the school. Quite a large number for the time and place. I also found it interesting that it was a Union school. I have always known my school district as Union Free. I recall seeing that phrase used often in the description of the school. Union Free school district number one and such. I never gave it any thought. Apparently, somewhere along the line East Hampton became disenchanted with the union. An interesting piece of history that perhaps warrants some exploration. The paper is not archived that far back for viewing online so I'll have to wait on that. I'm sure it was a hot topic of debate at some point. I wonder when that time was ?
I did locate a picture of the school online. The picture is quite dark but it shows quite the structure. I wonder what became of it ? I do not recall seeing it, but few buildings were destroyed, by man anyway, in East Hampton and if it is not preserved somewhere the story must be an interesting one. Maybe the Union boys were upset !
These little finds provide perspective. You don't think of your great grandfather as graduating school. I don't know what we think. Yes, they went to school but not like the school we know. 1894 and it wasn't a one room schoolhouse with a little wood stove in the back. No, it was quite a large two story affair. From what I can make out in the photo it had a large front porch and a bell tower. Nothing like I would have imagined. Quite modern and progressive. Maybe a bit too progressive for the local folk and that is why the union was given the boot ! East Hampton was beginning to feel the influence of the wealthy even then. Why great grandfather Lester himself ran a fast transit system from Hook Mill to the Beach to accommodate those wealthy clients. Tickets cost ten cents each ! By 1910 the automobile put him out of business and that is an indicator of the progressive nature of East Hampton.
1894 the year great grandfather appeared in that picture. He was sixteen. I wonder if that was the last year of school for him. When he was twenty he was working for a man named Mulligan that owned a general store. He delivered supplies to the Rough Riders at Montauk ! That was the Spanish American War. He also married Lucy, my great grandmother that same year.
Things in the " old days " were pretty much the same as today. Our technology really hasn't changed human nature. We do have the ability to review the past more thoroughly than in past generations. Used to be only scholars would have access to all that. Our only mistake is not in learning from that past. That has always been the case and I expect that will not change either.
It is these finds that continue to inspire me to write. I take a casual interest in these things of the past and perhaps some one in the future will take that same interest. I intend to provide whatever little insights I can. The things I take for granted and understand will not be so in the future. Common everyday things to me are going to be history to another. Consider something as simple as a doorstop ! Do you have one ? That is what I'm talking about. A simple thing isn't it ? Now take that picture it provides more questions than answers.

footnote: The picture in the East Hampton Star appeared on Jan 15,1959, page nine. Great Grandfather Lester loaned it to them. I do not have the original and wonder about its' whereabouts. 

Comfort

The air held a crispness and a heard a squirrel chattering in the tree. Out the open window the sun was just peaking through. It was nearly seven in the morning. Ah, fall is here. That is what this is all about. As I sipped my coffee I pondered the day. I have a soccer game to attend, it is important to lend support, and a few household chores. There is no hurry and I'm enjoying this time. What to have for breakfast ? Breakfast is a meal reserved for weekends and special occasions. All other days it is a grab and go type of thing. Coffee (always ) and perhaps toast or a quick bowl of cereal. Then it came to me, OATMEAL ! I can have a big warm bowl of oatmeal. That old Quaker on that cylinder of goodness is beckoning me. It is time. Time to switch to the comfort foods. Barbecue maybe one or two times more,then the grill is retired for the season. Even the Bible says, to all things there is a season. It is oatmeal season.
Can bowls of stew and chili be far behind ? Roasted turkeys and ham. Homemade bread. Fire up that oven and fill the house with warmth. Warmth and the smells of love. If love did have a smell that is what it would smell like. A welcoming home, a prelude to Thanksgiving. Yes, soon the windows will be shuttered and the home filled with warmth. The warmth of the closeness we feel in those long winter days. An end or a beginning ?  In the beginning we want excitement and adventure but in the end,comfort. Kinda like life.

The real enemy

Yesterday,along with the rest of America,Greensboro remembered. I joined in with the Patriot walk and 9/11 remembrance. We held a small ceremony that included saying the Pledge, the singing of the national anthem and a prayer. Our Mayor gave a short address. The group then walked to the local cemetery for another prayer and moment of silence. It was a small low key affair but the intentions were genuine. We hope to do it again next year. The importance of sharing the emotions of that day can not be overstated.
Thirteen years sounds like a long time but it is not. A brief moment in time really. I went for a haircut prior to the ceremony and the young lady cutting my hair knew little of those events. She told me she was ten when it happened. Mark,my grandson was only six months old. And so, time and its' passage is relative. Those of us that were witness to that event desire that everyone know and feel. We wish to share that emotion. That day will not be forgotten by us, but for those that do not have first person experience on any level, are prone to forget. The difference being, we were witness and to others it is history. History is something read in a book or shown in a documentary. History does not convey emotion, only facts.
Where we should reiterate the memories of that day and events to future generations, we must do so with caution. It is the act of terrorism that we must instill our loathing for. We must not breed hate. It is a delicate balance. It is true that the events of that day forever altered America. The American conscience was shaken to the core. The desire for retaliation is a powerful motivator. For those of us that witnessed it in the first person those feelings are difficult,if not impossible, to shake. Anger,anger is what we feel and it is justified. The thing is we must guard against transferring that anger to our children and grandchildren. The perpetuation of anger and hate serves no purpose whatsoever. What we should perpetuate is awareness. An awareness of the world around us and our need to safeguard our own. It is a bitter pill to swallow this acceptance that evil exists. We all knew it and yet we were shocked and surprised. It can not happen in America ! It did and unless we remain ever vigilant it may happen again. We must do our best to instill that lesson in the next generation so they may pass it on to the next. There are plenty that can say it better than I but this is what I think. Memories are always in the first person. The rest are stories. The stories most remembered all share a common theme, the unstoppable quality of the human spirit. Those are the stories that must be told. Those are the stories that survive through history. Good stories are repeated often and that is key. Do not just tell the stories on the one day of the year. Tell those stories often ! Do not preach anger and hate but preach the spirit. The spirit that I believe exists in all mankind. Some may be misguided and commit terrible acts, there is little we can do. We must remain aware and vigilant in our actions. Complacence is the real enemy. Teach this moment in history as a reaffirmation of the American Spirit. We celebrate the fourth of July, why ? We gained our freedom. We stood as a nation against the tyranny of the King. We should remember 9/11 as a reaffirmation of that same spirit. Terrorism will not extinguish the flame of freedom only add fuel to the fire !  

Do you get it ?

What about tipping ? Mandatory or not ? Or is it a social obligation ? An " entitlement ? " Completely discretionary ? What is your view ? Me, I subscribe to the true definition of the term Gratuity. A gratuity is a gift of cash. A gift, not an obligation. The choice is mine. Social convention dictates I leave a certain amount but I do not have to comply. Should I become an object of ridicule for my failure to comply ? I believe I risk that by my failure to " gift " the server. Human nature and all that. To expect otherwise is unrealistic. No different than attending a birthday party and not bringing a gift. If I accept that invitation I accept that social obligation /expectation as well. There is a difference however with a service being provided. It is the obligation of the server to provide a service that exceeds my expectations. In doing so I will gift you a sum of money. A business transaction. That business transaction holds no social obligation beyond what is expected of me. To expect a tip,a gift, is a bit presumptuous in my opinion. A bit like asking for a compliment. Is that compliment then genuine ? Expecting or demanding a tip removes the integrity of the gift. It also removes your own integrity.
I entered this discussion as a result of a posting on Facebook. Apparently a football player Lesean McCoy and some friends had lunch at a burger joint in Philadelphia. He left a twenty cent tip due to poor service. The bill was sixty one dollars. He has not directly responded but people close to him say he was extremely unhappy with the service. The owner of the burger joint posted his tab and charged him with being a cheapskate. And now I read that Charlie Sheen,yeah that Charlie Sheen, has promised the server a thousand dollar tip. The big complaint I have been hearing is that Mr. McCoy is a wealthy young player. So, if you are wealthy you have to " gift " your money whether you like it or not ? If I am wealthy a gratuity is now required of me ? Should I be obligated to give a certain percentage of my net worth ? It sounds more like a stunt to gain some publicity, at least locally, for your burger joint.
My take is this, I will normally leave a tip. The service would have to be pretty bad to not warrant something. I have had servers where I did not leave anything. Whether I was just having a bad day or your service was poor is not the issue. It was my decision,my choice and my money. Demanding a tip and complaining publicly when one is not offered is the same thinking that gives every child a medal. It is now wrong to give the one child a " medal " or " gold star " without giving everyone in the class one too. It devalues the whole thing. If, as a server, you can't handle not receiving a " gift " each time, don't take the job. Do your job well, and do it for the sake of the job, for personal integrity. Be proud of your work and rewards will come. Demanding rewards is just like demanding respect, you won't get it !  

Right without responsibility

Why the sudden need to claim righteous indignation over issues we have known about all our lives, I have a hard time understanding. Label it, political correctness if you will, but I call it something else. And that something else involves a bulls bodily functions ! I have grown quite weary of the whole thing. Instead of taking an adult approach to the various problems and issues we are adopting the childlike behavior of throwing a fit. It isn't fair, is commonly heard. The constant repetition of this isn't right, and it is so tragic and sad, is doing doing nothing to resolve anything. Just paying it lip service,isn't that the phrase ?
Is all this some misguided attempt at defining morality in society ? The Christian view is taking a beating in the general public these days. Christianity is under attack. I don't think anyone could argue otherwise. In fact the whole premise of a God or creator is trying to be proven false. Science can explain it all ! It is the intellect of man that is the superior force in the universe. Yeah,sure it is. But that is another discussion.
Public proclamation of what is right and wrong is becoming the new religion. This new " religion " doesn't require sacrifice on our part however, that is too inconvenient. We can point out bad behaviors and call for the punishment of offenders all the while justifying our own shortcomings. If you can gain enough support,in the public opinion, any behavior is acceptable. Our salvation is proclaiming the wrongs of others ! As long as we " go along " and do not mention "inconvenient truths" we are told to feel righteous. Society is becoming like a child with lenient parents. Even when you are wrong,it is understandable. Reprimand, but do not punish. I can now take the moral high ground simply by agreeing with or pointing out the obvious. Bullying is wrong. Domestic violence is wrong. Racism is wrong. The list goes on and we all can add to it. Are we listing the commandments ? The new commandments ? This is wrong,that is wrong, but we do not hold personal responsibility for these commandments, as long as we publicly point them out.
The rules for life are clearly and definitively defined for us and have been for over two thousand years. The truth in those rules were defined, written down long before that time as well. Those rules have met with resistance throughout history. That is happening today,as well. And that is because of one reason only, " personal responsibility. " Being held to account by a higher power than our own. A portion of mankind has always sought a release from that obligation. That obligation can interfere with our gaining of wealth,position and power. Then we need to find a way to abandon those truths. Today we are trying to do that with science and our enlightened views. Yeah,well that has been tried for like the last two thousand years or so.
I watch and I listen. I state my opinions and beliefs. It is all I can offer to the discussion. It is my hope that all this delineation of moral behaviors leads to an acceptance of responsibility. It is the age old struggle,saying it and doing it ! Walk the walk. What did Jesus say ? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Isn't that responsibility ? It is a foolish person that adopts their morality based on public opinion. Might make you popular. Maybe even make you appear enlightened and current. Could bring you wealth. Or it could bring you eternal damnation. I'd think that decision over very carefully.  

Not a bad thing

I have a house guest this morning. It was a bit of an unplanned thing and a small surprise. Ah, but as Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory would say,what is life without whimsy ! My wife's sister is here and it is always nice to have family around. She went with us last evening to watch our grandson officiate his first soccer game. Gosh, we remembered him playing in those early games when all the players chased the ball as one unit,that is when they weren't picking the flowers or looking at clouds. Now, I watched as he went up and down the field in an official capacity. He was in charge ! Times sure does move on.
Having "company" does change the routine. Isn't that a funny saying," having company ? " It implies more than one but may only be one. Then we might say, you're not company,you're family. But after our siblings leave the house and then return home, they are company. Unless of course they return to live there,then you are family again. It can be a strange dynamic. Fortunately my having this company does not cause any inconvenience to myself. Joan is family ! And just like a family member we can speak our minds without fear of injury. It does take years to develop a relationship like that. It helps when you become less stubborn in your own views. I'll call that personal growth.
The next few days will be a change in pace. A bit more active and filled with chat and chatter. Sharing pictures and telling stories. Funny how you can tell the same stories year after year and still enjoy them. Sharing the past is something you can only do with family and friends. It is great when they are both. As we age these little changes in routine are far more noticeable than in past years. Although we welcome them, the effects are longer lasting. Adjustments do not happen as quickly. That goes for adjusting back,too.
This having " company " is similar to a change in seasons. You know it is going to happen,yet you can be surprised. It isn't always what you expect either. That can be a good thing ! I'm looking forward to the next " season " the next few days. By the end of the week Joan will return to her home. Then it will revert back to normal around here. The old routine. Not a bad thing but something that can be changed.

An early fall

Looking at the harvest moon I'm thinking of an early fall. I'm seeing leaves on the ground and the squirrels are chattering. Our local weather person reports cooler temperatures on the way. September is in full swing. The stores are full of Halloween and fall decorations. Little Debbie has her fall cakes on the shelves.
The summer went quickly this year. It was a delightful summer. We didn't suffer too much with excessive heat or humidity. It was a bit dry but the crops did well. I did not set foot on the beach this year. I had an opportunity to do so, but declined. Strange, saying that. There was a time when the thought of not " hitting " the beach at least several times a week would have been unimaginable. But that was many years ago.
Fall can be a pleasant time. Nice temps during the day and cool in the evenings. I do enjoy sitting around a fire in the evening. Maybe toast a marshmallow or two. Hot dogs on a stick. Fall is never rushed. Fall is laid back,uneventful even. Raking leaves and turning over the garden. Fall is the season seldom anticipated, it just arrives. Like an unexpected guest fall appears on our doorstep and we are glad. Well, some are glad, while others mourn the loss of summer.
I will enjoy this brief period we call fall. The time before the holiday rush begins to take effect. It is a short window in time. Just a brief respite from it all. And it is coming, early. It doesn't feel rushed however, just arriving. I still have time before putting out my fall decorations. I like that part of an early season. I like it when you get to enjoy the season,for even a brief time, before feeling the need to react. A time to just enjoy. Celebrations should follow enjoyment. Our decorations are meant to do just that, celebrate the season. I'm thinking everything is going right on schedule, the way it is intended to be. September, summer ends, fall begins. Time to relax.

At what cost

There is a question that sometimes occupies my thoughts. Are we under any obligation to those of the past ? That is to say, are we indebted ? We have certainly taken from the past. You can not deny the past has gotten us where we are today. The people we interacted with provided us with direction. We either lead or followed, but we were not alone. Do we owe anything to those left behind ? What of those that chose a different path ? Are we obligated to provide them with a vehicle for their own progress ? I'm talking about those that shared with us for a while, and then departed. Does our past obligate us should they request it ? Are we required to pay the toll ?
I believe we all have places that we no longer wish to visit. Is it wrong to stay away ? I'm not talking about forgetting or dismissing, I'm talking about revisiting. If you get burned would you stick your fingers in the fire the second time ? I'm betting you will not. Even when asked to do so would it not be prudent to say no ? Is there a circumstance where you would do so ? Only, I suppose, if you felt a moral obligation to do so. The question then is, what if you feel no moral obligation whatsoever ? What if you feel you have paid that toll ? Are you then released from obligation ?
The other side of this is, should I deny rest to the weary ? What if the past is a burden to the one that walks that different path. A road I know nothing of and a journey I have not taken. What if this traveler asks for help paying the toll ? Am I obligated ,as an act of Christian charity, to help ? Irregardless of past injury to myself, must I comply ? I am not talking about forgiveness here, that is another topic altogether. Certainly one can provide comfort and assistance without offering forgiveness. Or am I wrong about that ? Does a lack of forgiveness necessitate punishment ? Does involvement imply forgiveness ?
Our lives are an intricate web. Each and every strand transmits a feeling,a vibration. We can become desensitized to specific vibrations. Others always cause us to react. We can attempt to tune them out but eventually the vibrations intensify. The main strands, those that support the rest, form the basis for our thoughts and actions. Whenever one of those strands is severed the injury is severe. We are forced to rebuild. We do not want to jeopardize those supporting strands again. That is why we withhold action, hesitate to act. We consider the cost to ourselves. Are we willing to pay the toll ? Is the toll, forgiveness ?

What can you expect ?

What is guilt ? Guilt is the acceptance of responsibility. More specifically guilt is the acknowledgement of responsibility previously denied. We feel guilt when our conscious wins the battle. When we admit that we were remiss in our actions,or thoughts. It is also when we feel the most vulnerable. We can ask for forgiveness, for understanding and compassion but there is no guarantee we will receive it.
For some of us, our immediate response to guilt is to find fault in others. It is an attempt to shift the blame and therefore shift the guilt elsewhere. A victim need not feel guilt, isn't that correct ? That very thought permeates society today. That is why you hear about so many lawsuits and perceived injustices. Everyone wants to be the victim. Because, by being the victim, I can escape responsibility.
This perception is so even when the individuals own actions caused the injury. I remember being held accountable for my actions. I was reminded of my own responsibility, to act responsibly. I, alone was held to account for that. I was made to feel the guilt. In other words, acknowledge my responsibility.
An absence of guilt does not validate an action. An absence of guilt is an indicator. An absence of guilt means we have complied with our own standards of conduct. When we are guilty, the opposite is true. It is during those times that we have allowed ourselves to be influenced in a negative way. Then we try to shift that blame,that responsibility elsewhere. We are seeking a way to separate ourselves from our own actions !
I believe that we all are inherently good people. We know right from wrong. Our conscious tells us how to act. Yes, it is formed, in great part by the society in which we live. Society makes " rules " and " exceptions " but we still choose. When enough of us " choose " a certain standard that becomes the norm. That is accepted behavior. And accepted behavior is expected behavior. That is where that old familiar phrase comes in, " what can you expect ? " Actions contrary to our conscious, whether they are committed by others or by ourselves are wrong. And wrong is wrong and can not be justified. Pointing the finger of blame elsewhere is not correcting the behavior. We all share in the guilt. None of us are blameless. Extracting comfort for our conscious at the expense of others, is wrong. What we should be doing is exercising humility. Humility is the cure for guilt. Only by being humble,admitting our errors, can we change.
Micah 6:8 “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God.”
This is the truth.  Our conscious is our God. Listen closely and be guided by those thoughts. The saying is, let your conscious be your guide. Follow the guide and you will know what to expect. Guilt, an admonishment from your God ? I would say so.

It's Just Natural

I was talking with a friend about rearranging furniture. My wife had moved the bedroom around and that always causes a little discomfort. I have written about this in the past. When my body gets realigned in relation to the magnetic poles it takes a few days to adjust. My friend then mentioned she was hoping to do the same, with her husbands help. My observation is that this is generally a women thing, this rearranging. Myself, and most men I think, would be content to just leave stuff where it is. The furniture could just as easily be nailed in place. If everything works where it is, why move it ? Looks good, leave it alone.
Did you know the majority of female birds build the nest ? The male bird may or may not help. Sound familiar ladies ? Well it is probably because the male bird is busy doing other more important things. I mean, a nest is a nest. It is round and lined with sticks, put old feathers and papers wherever you like.
It is strange when you think about it. Interior decorators are mostly women and the men that are are less than ,shall we say, macho men ! You know what I mean, not that there is anything wrong with that. I just think it is natures way, the natural order of things as it where.
For men to be involved it requires tools. Industry is mans work. Like hammering,sawing or drilling. The cleaning up and arranging of the details is the job of the woman. Merely lifting heavy objects does not qualify. Slide those objects and reduce the force required. See, that is how men think. That is why we are always so busy. Planning and execution are different enterprises altogether. Men are great planners. The rest is just the details.
Another example is a male lion. He lies in the shade planning. When the time is right,he strikes. It may appear that he is resting but that is not the case. The capturing of the meal is of primary importance. The lioness cares for the little ones and the den. It is the natural order of things. The way it was intended. And men,being planners know this. That is why we balk at moving things around. It just isn't natural. Everything has a place and should be it. Makes it a lot easier to plan.
I do think we should look to nature for order in our lives. The lessons are all there if we but observe them. And we would too, except for getting distracted. We get distracted by moving things. A bird flying here,a deer running there. Yogi Berra said it best, " you can observe a lot by just watching " Men understand that.

Adjusting

Have you ever felt used, that you are being put upon ? What is your reaction to that ? Indignation,outrage,anger, or is it the opposite ? Are you left feeling confused,saddened or betrayed ? Is this fact or are you just feeling sorry for yourself ? That should be the focus of your thoughts. To spend your time searching for the justification of a feeling is not productive. What you should be searching for, is the cause. Only when we gain an understanding of the cause, can we form a resolution. A resolution is a decision on a course of action and not necessarily the solution.That in and of itself is important to understand. Just resolving to do something does not guarantee positive results. Removing yourself from the situation is not an answer, but an action. The two are easily confused.
When more is asked of us than we are freely willing to give, we feel put upon. We are taxed. Does anyone pay tax willingly ? I think not, but most comply. It is the same concept with being put upon. We do feel an obligation. Occasionally we rebel, but in the end we comply. The depth of that obligation varies with each individual we encounter. The difficulty lies in the measurement of the obligation. When does the scale begin to tip ? What is the value employed ? Am I being selfish ? How much should I contribute ? To give less than the full measure is unacceptable. I think the problem lies in trying to define another persons expectations before we define our own. That is to say, expecting their values to equal our own. When they do not adopt our measure the result is that we feel put upon. Does love factor into all of this ? If we balk at the tax, does that mean a failure of love ? What of friendship ? Is it also a determining factor in the equation ? These are key debating points and worthy of discussion. Should I sacrifice all for them ?  Do both, or either, truly exist if I am unwilling to pay the price ? And not just once, but each and every time without feeling put upon ? To be not only willing but unaware of the cost to myself ? I mean, did Mother Teresa have these same feelings ? How to harbor these feelings without revealing them is a personal challenge. Not necessarily a healthy choice but one we are often expected to make. To do otherwise often proves to be as big a disappointment to ourselves as it is to those effected.
The choice of self preservation can be a difficult one. When is it appropriate ? What justifies that action ? The answer may define us. As was demonstrated in the novel Great Expectations I believe our own expectations change throughout our lifetime. It is when we align our expectations with reality that we are happiest. It is during these periods we don't mind the tax, the cost is insignificant. We are more than willing, we are unaware. When we experience the feeling of being put upon, it comes as a surprise. We become aware. Are others expecting too much ? The answer is, how much are we willing to give. Do we adjust the value or the expectation ?

Words and Emotion

We all have our moods and attitudes. That is what makes us human after all. It is a daily struggle to maintain our composure. We are all taught what is right and wrong,what is good and bad. We are often told how we should feel or act. We don't always stay within the parameters society sets for us. That can lead to trouble, trouble with society and trouble with ourselves. Oh, we like to label these outburst of emotion and define their causes, but do we really know ? I believe , most of the time we don't know until after the fact. Premeditation is another thing altogether. I am talking about reaction. When you are just going along and bam, you react to a situation. Then you are surprised by your own reaction and left to wonder why. You may try to explain,to offer apologies,even blame it on others, but you really have no understanding. A feeling just comes over you like a fog in the morning. You have little control over it even when you are aware it is happening. Emotions.
I like words. I like words that explain. Isn't that the purpose of language, to convey feelings and actions ? Communication is the key to it all. To effectively communicate our thoughts,moods and desires to another or a group of anothers ! I search for the proper words to convey my meaning. I do that more consciously when writing my words rather than when speaking. Is that a result of perception ? I mean one doesn't want to appear haughty or aloof, does one ? You must speak the local dialect if you wish to fit in. The problem comes in when you limit your vocabulary. It becomes quite difficult to adequately convey your meaning.
Consider the difference between feeling sad and being melancholy. They are definitely not the same thing. Should I say to someone, I'm feeling sad, the meaning is clear enough. Were I to say, melancholy instead, would it convey the same message ? It certainly would not be perceived in that fashion. Sadness passes rather quickly but melancholy does not. The difference may be subtle, difficult to discern, but it is quite a different situation.
Language is complex by necessity. One size does not fit all. Sometimes I believe that concept is not being understood by a majority of people. How many times do we hear about those five dollar words ? Using those " fancy " words is somehow perceived in a negative way. Sometimes however, it is just those words that describe the thought or emotion you are trying to convey. Sometimes, it is the failure of the other person to understand the meaning of that word. And yes, sometimes the word is used inappropriately by the speaker. The challenge in language is applying the proper word to the emotion or action. A larger toolbox is often required. I know that to be true in my case. I am often at a loss for the exact word.
I experienced just such an occurrence yesterday. I reacted badly and was left wondering. What is worse is that it happened twice. I offer no explanation for it. I am human and subject to human failings. I do not offer that as an excuse, but as an explanation. I spent some time in contemplation and wonder. Wonder is not an adequate description, bewilderment more closely fits. I'm bewildered. Not a word used often in common speech. A word that does fit my feelings about yesterdays events. Confused a bit and I don't understand why. It is a puzzle one must solve for themselves. Communication is key and sometimes you just have to give yourself a good talking too ! A proper scolding. When I feel properly chastised I will move on. Until then, I will remain silent.