Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Put your pants on

I often find myself wondering about the state of the country. We are in a big mess here. I think I may have found one of the reasons. Men in short pants ! That's right, seems like once we men ( myself not included ) started wearing short pants things have been declining. Think about it. Just how manly is it to see a forty something guy wearing short pants in the middle of winter and he is a plumber ! Doesn't show me a whole lot, I'll tell you that. Then I look at their feet and they have insulted work boots laced all the way up with wool socks sticking out. What's next, lederhosen ? Well lederhosen is workwear for German nationals so I guess it isn't out of the question. Lederhosen literally means leather breeches. We fought the Germans twice, and beat them twice, so that should tell you something. And I'm of German descent so I can go there. The men in short pants lost. Didn't see John Wayne in shorts now did you ?
I think they may call them cargo shorts or some such thing. There was a time when a man wore a sheath knife on his belt now they wear clips for their smart phones. If a dispute breaks out it is texting at forty paces. I can only guess what other " cargo " they may be carrying in those pockets on the side. Looks like you should be on safari to me. I guess I am just old school, when I get up to go to work, I put my pants on. Short pants are alright on the beach or golf course but I can't think of many other places a man should be wearing them. Oh I guess if you are eighty, live in Florida, wear white knee high socks and your waste is under your armpits it may be excusable. I assume by now you know my feelings on this subject. Don't even get me started about wearing a ball cap backwards, or wrap around sun glasses on a rainy day.
There was a time in America when men wore coveralls. They were to protect your clothing. We didn't have a closet full back then. Slowly we went to wearing a " uniform " like at the gas stations. The employer provided them so we didn't care how dirty they got. Those pants though did serve a purpose. They did provide a little measure of protection to your bare skin. More importantly to me though, is that they cover those legs. I mean, who wants to see a mans hairy legs ? Why do you suppose women shave their legs ? Nobody wants to see all that ! We Americans left all that behind in Europe. Want to see hairy legs ? Go there. Seems like the longer we go on the more clothes the guys are taking off. And that doesn't bode well for the future of masculinity ! An alpha male in short pants just looks silly. I find them hard to take seriously. Sure boxing trunks in a ring can intimidate but shorts on a spindly legged guy ? Ain't happening.
Well that is what I think anyhow. I think men should just start putting their pants on in the morning. If we did that maybe things would start to change a little bit. We could regain some of the respect we have lost. Yup and wear our hats properly and tip them to the ladies.
My lord fellas, you look like a bunch of boy scouts ! Well, back in my day, even boy scouts wore long pants. But I think you get the point. We are men, doing manly things, shorts, really ? Life ain't no picnic. And one more little tip, you can't hunt ducks in the Walmart so quit wearing all that camo ! Well, at least I haven't seen cano cargo shorts, yet. No, wait a minute I think I have. ( SIGH ) 

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