Yesterday was the anniversary of a movie release. Brians Song. I remember the movie vaguely. Something about a football player and I think he dies from cancer. A real tear jerker I'm told. I know all this because a radio talk show was discussing it. According to them,it was the first movie to show men crying. To depict grown men sitting together and crying. I don't remember that part . One host was of the opinion that all men cry and the other had the opposite view. Naturally I have my own opinion.
I was taught,Men don't cry ! And if they do,they do it were no one can see or hear. It is not being sensitive,it is being a sissy. After a certain age, crying was definitely frowned upon. Teasing was the usual reaction from others. It was also looked at with suspicion. Ones manhood would be called into question. The reasoning behind all that was simple. Crying about something does no good. It cannot change anything. Men are supposed to take action and change the things that can be changed. Those things that cannot be changed, you just accept. Take it on the chin ! Stand up and be a man. This is the attitude I was raised with and the one I am comfortable with. It works well for me. The role models for this were John Wayne, Clint Eastwood,and a host of other heroes. Never saw any of them sit around and cry. They just kept forging ahead irregardless.
I'm not saying it is wrong. I am saying I don't do it. I can honestly say since reaching adulthood I have only cried once, when my father died, and I tried real hard to not let anyone know. Including my wife. I have never cried at a movie. It is only a story. I have seen a few where I had to swallow hard a few times. Should I get hurt badly ,in a physical sense, my language becomes,shall we say, less than civilized ! I try very hard to curtail that as well.
The central issue is whether or not men cry. Of course they do. Men are humans,although often referred to as another animal by some ladies. It is just a matter of when,where and how. I was taught to never cry openly. It was a sign of weakness and a man must never appear to be weak. But that doesn't mean, unfeeling. If the grief is overwhelming, get out of sight somewhere. Get out of earshot too ! A tear or two running down your face is alright as long as it isn't accompanied by any sounds. No sniffling,sobbing or out right bawling.
It is a curious thing these behaviors we are taught. How they become so ingrained into who we are. Despite evidence to the contrary or changing social attitudes we remain true to some of these teachings. For me, a man crying is one of them. I would be mortified if anyone saw me crying ! The idea of sitting around with any other man and crying is just totally foreign and out of the question. I was taught to channel grief or pain into anger. Get mad and do something about it ! And if you can't do anything about it, don't cry about it , move on. Buck Up, the expression was. Be a man and ride it out. Get back up on that horse. Do what needs to be done. Leave the crying to the women !
That's my stand.
I was taught,Men don't cry ! And if they do,they do it were no one can see or hear. It is not being sensitive,it is being a sissy. After a certain age, crying was definitely frowned upon. Teasing was the usual reaction from others. It was also looked at with suspicion. Ones manhood would be called into question. The reasoning behind all that was simple. Crying about something does no good. It cannot change anything. Men are supposed to take action and change the things that can be changed. Those things that cannot be changed, you just accept. Take it on the chin ! Stand up and be a man. This is the attitude I was raised with and the one I am comfortable with. It works well for me. The role models for this were John Wayne, Clint Eastwood,and a host of other heroes. Never saw any of them sit around and cry. They just kept forging ahead irregardless.
I'm not saying it is wrong. I am saying I don't do it. I can honestly say since reaching adulthood I have only cried once, when my father died, and I tried real hard to not let anyone know. Including my wife. I have never cried at a movie. It is only a story. I have seen a few where I had to swallow hard a few times. Should I get hurt badly ,in a physical sense, my language becomes,shall we say, less than civilized ! I try very hard to curtail that as well.
The central issue is whether or not men cry. Of course they do. Men are humans,although often referred to as another animal by some ladies. It is just a matter of when,where and how. I was taught to never cry openly. It was a sign of weakness and a man must never appear to be weak. But that doesn't mean, unfeeling. If the grief is overwhelming, get out of sight somewhere. Get out of earshot too ! A tear or two running down your face is alright as long as it isn't accompanied by any sounds. No sniffling,sobbing or out right bawling.
It is a curious thing these behaviors we are taught. How they become so ingrained into who we are. Despite evidence to the contrary or changing social attitudes we remain true to some of these teachings. For me, a man crying is one of them. I would be mortified if anyone saw me crying ! The idea of sitting around with any other man and crying is just totally foreign and out of the question. I was taught to channel grief or pain into anger. Get mad and do something about it ! And if you can't do anything about it, don't cry about it , move on. Buck Up, the expression was. Be a man and ride it out. Get back up on that horse. Do what needs to be done. Leave the crying to the women !
That's my stand.
I remember the movie well-I've seen it dozens of times and can even sing the theme song. And I'm also grateful for the message that it is OK for men to cry! Not only OK, but healthy and healing. I don't think they need to be publically sobbing at the movies either, but crying at a parent's death, or some other great sorrow, is a good thing.
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