All things considered

I find myself wondering more and more, what should I be doing to finish up ? It's not that I expect to be finished any time soon but one does need to plan head. It is only realistic to consider that my life is well past the halfway point. With that knowledge comes thought. I could spend my time thinking and worrying about the inevitable but what would that do ? It would probably just shorten the time I do have left. None of us can know the timeline of our lives but we all know it will end. We also know the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. I am happy to report I have taken a long and winding trail to get to where I am. I can honestly say I haven't missed much along the road. I have achieved some goals as well. I could say I have had several careers. My present career will soon end, by my own choice. That is why I find myself wondering how to finish up. What will be the last thing ? The big question is , do I even get to choose ? On the surface you would have to say, no. We can't know the hour of our passing, therefore we cannot know the finish, that is part of the plan The thing is I  don't want to leave things unfinished. That creates a quandary for me. Is it a compulsion ? Na, there are lots of things I haven't finished because I lost interest in them. Life isn't one of them however !
 Now all of this is just a passing fancy at the moment. That is what I usually write about, the things on my mind. I try to make it interesting for others to read and consider. I'm hoping I have similar thoughts as other people. If my thoughts are too " different " that could be a problem. A problem for me, not the other people that is. I believe my audience is of a certain generation for the most part. I haven't studied the demographics to determine that but am just guessing. I was wondering if others my age are considering the same things. It isn't a very comforting topic, that much is sure, but familiarity with the subject does ease some trepidation. I find it best to consider all these things a little at a time. I'm wondering if I should be doing just what I want to do , for me. I mean is that how I should finish up ? Have I earned that ? Do you ever earn that ? I have been taught and have come to believe the greatest service you can perform is for others. At times that is an inconvenient thing. It is a piece of the struggle though, isn't it ? Maybe it is possible to do both. I think that must be the rarest gift of all. It is certainly the purest form of love. To do whatever you do because you love doing it, all the while benefitting others, expecting no return at all. That is the stuff saints are made of. I'm no saint, you can believe that !
 I'm thinking the end point is just an elusive dream. You haven't had it yet but you know it's coming. Are we prepared for that ? Well that is the big question in the room. I think it will come as a surprise, no matter the time or circumstance. It is really just a matter of doing what you feel best I suppose. This finishing up, I mean. As I look back upon my life I would have to say, all things considered, I've been very lucky. My final hope will be, all things considered, it was good enough. I'm thinking now I had best get busy adding to my résumé. Can't be overly cautious about such things I do want to finish up with a flurry ! I'm always liked the big dramatic endings. A few words of wisdom and a final gasp. Words that the next generation carry with them. I hope I don't say something simple. Something like, I want pudding.

What a development

 I was at my grandsons' soccer game last evening and overheard a conversation. These young ladies from the opposing teams' junior varsity squad were making plans. One says to the other, do you live in the development ? In that moment it struck me;when I was growing up we wondered what neighborhood a kid lived in, now it is what development. It is a rather telling thing if you consider the implication. Developments imply a separate area or grouping of homes. Neighborhoods are part of a town or village. Mr. Rogers would invite you to be his neighbor, what would he say if he had lived in a development ? Developments appear to be separate whereas neighborhoods are inclusive. The developments are separate entities from the town in which they are built. In years past we built our hones either in town, or out of town. If you lived out of town you didn't always have a neighbor.In a development you always have neighbors , yet most just say, we live in the same development. It isn't thought of as a neighborhood. Often the town isn't even mentioned. It is a growing trend to include a gate house  and restricted access to these developments. It is almost as though they are building a fortress. Is this to give the appearance of security in our own homes ? It certainly appears that way to me. I find the whole thing depressing.
 I realize they are many advantages to this building trend. The primary one being an economic advantage. The cost of the land and home is lower if you do it on a larger scale. You can also " design " the theme you want. The homes will all be comparable in age and design. Driveways are paved and curbing is usually included. Quite a few incorporate the " homeowners association " as a means to control the development. I see restrictions, but others see it as a means of control. Simple things like, no clotheslines or unlicensed vehicles in the yard. Those restrictions grate against my nerves. I find it also restricts " character " to develop in the development. Neighborhoods always have character. That is why we wanted to know what neighborhood you came from. Nowadays we would call that profiling I suppose. Still if you came from uptown, say the neighborhood around town pond, I can make certain assumptions about you and your family. If you lived down to three mile harbor, in a fishing shack, quite a different assumption was in order. Profiled ? Yes, I guess it is but I didn't mind. I was proud of my profile. Now the only profile we are supposed to have is on Facebook ! Funny when you think about it. And Facebook is a community, a development. It is called " social media " and is a social experiment. I almost always type " good morning " first thing. I started that a few years back to promote being social. Maybe I need to change that too, " won't you be my neighbor. " Probably get sued for the copyright though. Yes, I'd say this world of today is turning out to be quite the " development. " The way it is headed we all be in our gated developments just working and playing on the internet. Safe inside our homes. What a development !
 

In the cloud

 I spent the majority of yesterday working with my computers. That's right, two of them and I really don't understand how to work with even one. Still, undeterred I connected the two with a network cable and proceeded. Following directions as I received them from the mysterious internet I began to transfer files. They were going to the cloud ! I soon discovered one thing about this cloud, you can't see a thing in there ! Where are those pictures anyway ? At one point I got a notification that the cloud wasn't big enough so I purchased additional space. The result ? More stuff is lost in the cloud, which is now much larger. It has been a learning experience for sure. I've learned to stay out of the cloud ! All of this is very frustrating and is making me anxious. I don't want to lose those files, pictures or documents. I'm afraid they will be permanently lost in the cloud. Are they even now being held hostage ? I had to pay for additional space, was it prison space ? How much it is going to cost me to retrieve my pictures ?
 These computers are funny things. Each has a different operating system. Both are windows based but can't always communicate with one another. At least, one doesn't always understand the other. One is from the north and the other the south I guess. It is a matter of semantics. Folders and files. Different items entirely but easily confused. Happened to me on several occasions. Now I have a bunch of empty folders and am not sure where the files are. Very unnerving. I 'm hoping they are there somewhere. Then there is the matter of formats. OMG, I don't know what that is all about and how the computer decide what format to use. Seems to be a big issue, especially with videos. And I have 166 of them, according to the computer.
 I haven't given up yet and will continue in this quest. Just what I am trying to accomplish has become a little blurry. All I wanted to do was start using my new computer. I don't see why it should be such a problem. Computers are smart, right ? Only as smart as the operator and therein lies the problem. Can an old dog learn new tricks ? Absolutely, just takes a little longer for the lessons to sink in. I mean, a man's brain can only hold just so much information. I'll have to delete some files to make room. Of course it won't be long before I'll be working in the cloud myself, if I am lucky. Maybe I'll find those pictures then.

Just checking in

 I bought a new computer because the one I had was acting strangely. In one of those things of the modern age it is cheaper just to replace rather than repair. So, when I got up this morning I began a process. At least it is a process for me. I'm quite certain a person that is computer literate would not find what I'm doing much of a challenge but to me the task is almost monumental. I'm attempting to transfer all my files from the old computer to the new. Interesting enough is the fact the fact that the " old " computer is running windows ten and the " new " windows 7. I keep running into all kinds of notifications about compatibility issues. You would think it would be no problem because they are both Microsoft but that is definitely not the case. Anyway that is why I am writing this blog so late in the day. At this point my brain is almost fried ! I am making some headway, I think !
 In other developments this day my grandson broke up with his girlfriend of one year. He is not saying much about what happened. Grandpa is staying quiet about the subject. I was going to offer my advice, well I did but he declined, so I haven't said anything further. I did want to point out to him that there is the primary rule in these situations. That rule is, the man is always wrong ! Even if you feel you are right, you're not ! Relationships require compromise. Just look at the word itself, compromise. Co, meaning two. the m is there to signify a man, and the rest is promise. The man must promise to not do wrong again ! If she believes you , you may receive forgiveness. Remember however that it will not be forgotten, ever ! And the worst part in all of this is the girl will tell all her friends, you will tell her friends. It is similar to social media except the network is far more extensive. There was plans for the Homecoming dance but I'm assuming that isn't going to happen. We'll have to wait and see. Young love and drama, I vaguely remember that angst.
 Now I'm just gonna stop and watch football. My head hurts from all this computing. I'll get where I'm going in due time. The wife isn't happy with the mess I have going but has been patient so far. I've got computers and wires everywhere. Enjoy your day whatever you are doing. I just wanted to check in.

finding satisfacation

 For some of us the ebb and flow is subtle. There are those that the opposite is true. Each of us however attempt to control that pattern, each in our own way. These are the things that control our emotions. Some attempt to control with alcohol, drugs and other artificial means. Some employ faith. All of us struggle. But just what is the struggle all about ? I believe it is about making a difference. We all want to make a difference, to influence events and people. We all want to feel as though we have contributed something to the whole. To be a part of " it. " And just what is it ? That is the question that really needs to be answered. Being satisfied with the answer is the real struggle, That answer must satisfy our own desires as well as fulfill the expectations of society. A very difficult balancing act.
 For the dramatic folks this struggle is played out in the public forum. You know the type, always telling of their problems and issues. These folks see everything as it affects them. They are aware of each instance, each bump in the road. Often they cannot see much beyond the problem at hand. They lack patience and understanding. Those folks quickly dismiss possibilities and go directly to a solution. The solution may or may not be beneficial to them. The important thing to these folks is to act ! For most of us we transition to a more measured and calm reaction to the challenges of life. We become " mellow. " There are those of us that become so mellow as to become platonic ! These are the extremes that we all may face.
 The answer to all this lies in finding satisfaction. Can we be satisfied with whatever it is life has handed us, or the things we have obtained for ourselves ? The big question there being, do we feel cheated ? That is to say has life given you everything you feel you deserve ? Or has life just given you everything you have earned ? They are quite different things you know. That is where the question of satisfaction enters. We can rail against fate or accept it, the choice is ours. Are you satisfied with your contribution ? Is the largeness of the contribution more important than the benefit that that contribution has made ? What I mean is, celebrity versus anonymity. Is it better to have given a little to a lot, or everything to a few ? How to measure that contribution, indeed, how to measure the whole. For it is the whole that we need be concerned with. Our whole is what I am talking about. The whole of our being. As we age we tend to consider that whole more. That is why the ebb and flow becomes more subtle. We call that understanding. Acceptance of that understanding is what gives us peace. Just as the sea seeks the shore we all seek that peace. Some of us are the crashing waves of an angry storm while others are the calm. We all reach the shore and then recede. An ebb and flow. Give and take. A storm may change the shoreline overnight but the gentle lapping of the waves will change a continent over time. Consider the whole, we are all part of that.

Offering hope

 The Pope is here and it is all I seem to hear about. It is a big event to be sure. Whether you are of the Catholic faith or not, his presence can be felt. A world leader. What surprises me, just a bit, are the negative comments I hear on social media and in the general public. There are those that are complaining that he is not Gods' representative or is anyone special. I'm not a Catholic myself but have a great deal of respect for his office. I do not understand why those that would disparage the Pope are also the ones that would stand in line for hours to see a rock star ! If I adopted their way of thinking both are merely people, like you and I. Yes, they are, I realize that but it is the office we should respect. Any one that has ever served in the military knows that, you respect the uniform and the office , not the individual. Perhaps it is just that I was raise differently but I do feel like talking bad about the Pope won't sit well with Jesus. I mean, the Pope is at the very least spreading the word. I don't think anyone could argue with that. The fact that the Catholic church has amassed great wealth doesn't negate that fact. Their are plenty of televangelists' that pocketed a ton of cash too. I may not agree with their methods either but will not disparage their work until I see proof to the contrary. The fact that I have does not condemn all televangelists' efforts. If the Pope can offer hope, for even just one person, his trip to the United States will have been worth the effort. And isn't that what the Pope is suppose to do, offer hope ?

 Would it be an honor to meet him ? On a personal level I would say, yes. Would I travel any distance, stand in any line, or wait hours just to glimpse him ? No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't do that for any person of celebrity either. I realize they are just people after all. That isn't an indicator of my measure of respect or admiration for the Pope or the accomplishments of any celebrity. I just don't see any benefit from doing so, in either case. I do wonder why anyone would want to speak ill of the Pope. Rock stars, rappers, and other entertainers I can understand, there are a lot of them I don't agree with. The Pope however carries a bit of a different message. That is not to say I agree with everything he says, but I agree with the basic message. Bottom line for me is, I don't believe you should be talking bad about the Pope ! Just doesn't seem right. Call me old fashioned, call me what you will, but I am not risking it. I can sum it up in one sentence. He is the Pope.

Finding focus

 I was working at the store yesterday when an old customer says to me, I thought you were retired. I just chuckled and said, I am. This person gives me a quizzical look and says , really ? Yup, I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today so I guess that makes me re-tired ! The customer agrees and we have a laugh together. I have been considering this retiring thing, now I've put that on hold after the first of the year, we'll see. To retire is to quit. Isn't that one of the meanings of that word ? Quitting doesn't sound right though, retiring is better. Retiring means you have fulfilled your obligation in whatever endeavor you are engaged. That is not the same thing as dying though, dying is ceasing to live, therefore you are de-ceased ! I do think the two are related however. One precedes the other : hopefully anyway.
 I don't believe I will have any issues retiring. I have plenty to occupy myself with. My only concern will be that others may think I don't have anything better to do. Know what I mean ? Being retired doesn't mean nothing to do and no plans. On the contrary, I have all kinds of things planned. Things I have put on the back burner for years. I will have to guard against getting lazy. I find I can do that easy enough. Fortunately I have a wife that keeps me motivated. LOL It is all a matter of attitude. Offering encouragement and motivation may appear to some as nagging but it isn't so. Depends upon your outlook. We are a team and somebody has to be the coach. She coaches, I execute the plan. It has worked out pretty good so far ! Go team.
 I do find it a bit more difficult to remain focused and excited for the job at hand. When I was near the end of my navy career it was the same way. I was counting the days, anxious to move on. That was twenty two years ago and I think I would do it again, given the chance. I'm positive it would be a lot easier the second time around. I'd be a superstar, no doubt. I've done several things since then and had to move on from each one for various reasons. Good times, for the most part. I do find it a bit ironic that I am now working in a grocery store, a job I started in back in '70 or so. Looks like that how I will end my " paid " professional career. That is unless I begin a new career in retirement. Can you do that and be retired ? Seems counterintuitive doesn't it ? Maybe that is the secret to retirement. But just who is giving me a paycheck ? Social security ? That makes me a government employee doesn't it ? I get all the holidays, sick days, personal days, paternal leave and benefits. I even get to work as hard as the members of Congress and the house. Only difference is I can't vote myself a raise. I do get vacation days though. Now that I think about it I should have gotten a government job in the first place and I could have been retired all these years ! But then what would I do now ? Get a job ?
 You know it's too bad life isn't like a sitcom. Those folks always complain about not having any money while they go out to eat. Have you ever noticed that ? They may be retired, living on a fixed income, but manage to go on vacations, drive new cars and have plenty to eat. They are never broke, either. If life were like that I could just sit home and write books or something. Before you know it I would be on television talking about my bestseller. So far I haven't seen too many situations that I consider funny. Opinions vary.

Meeting a King

 I have received, as a gift, two VIP passes to meet and greet Richard Petty. King Richard as he is called will be in Ridgely, Maryland for the annual car show. This event has grown in size over the past few years and has become quite the attraction. Mr. Petty is the main draw of course. He arrives in a classic Pymouth Superbird and does the autograph thing outside the pharmacy. Last year the " general Lee " was also there along with Boss Hog. I wonder if the general will appear this year sans flag ? There is music and vendors galore. It will be a gala affair and one that the granddaughters' dance company performs at as well.
 Now I am not a big racing fan. I do take a mild interest in the sport but not much beyond that. I have even been to a race or two at the Monster Mile in Dover, Delaware. I got free tickets for those events as well. I hear the names of the drivers and recognize a few. I do like fast cars and engines but find the whole Nascar thing just a bit boring. Left turns do get boring ! I know, everyone goes to see who crashes. Now, I'm going to meet the King of this sport, albeit briefly and wonder what to say. I can get his autograph, although truth be told I don't really care about that, but I believe it is expected. I wouldn't want to offend the man. I did google his accomplishments and they are impressive. In my less than a minute encounter with this legend I wonder what to say. I'm certain he has heard just about everything. Having watched others at this event I think it is also expected that you buy a piece of the memorabilia that Petty enterprises is selling. The proceeds do go to the Petty Foundation. It is a wonderful thing that he does come all the way to little old Ridgely for this event.
 I have never been one to be awed by celebrity. I have always felt they were just people like me, only luckier or more talented. There are some celebrities I would enjoy an evening with and others I could care less. Richard Petty is a cool guy, a gearhead. It will be nice to shake his hand and just say hello. It is something I can always say I did. To him I am just a nameless face in the crowd, a crowd of millions in his life. I'm certain he must tire of this routine. Living on celebrity must be an exhausting thing. I guess it is a good thing though, better than social security and anonymity. He is no rock star but still it must be difficult to go anywhere without planning. I suppose all this would depend upon your own ego. Is this necessary to him ? Is he a man that could just fade into the distance and be content with that ? The answer must be no, otherwise why would he continue ? It is good to stay active.
 Well, I'll ask my son if he wants to go with me as the wife doesn't want to meet Richard Petty. My son does enjoy Nascar so maybe it will be a thrill for him. I guess I'll just say, nice to meet you, shake his hand and move on. I'll have to get his autograph but have no idea what I will have him sign. Maybe I'll just write a paper stating that I met him on this day and date in Ridgely, Maryland and have him sign it as proof. That might be fun to save and pass to future generations. He is a notable figure in history, thankfully for him, living history ! Since the death of Elvis I guess he is the closest thing to a King that I will ever meet.

A birthday

 Today I have a teenage granddaughter. Only one grandchild left that is not in that category. I must be getting old. Morgan Elisabeth , yes that is Elisabeth with an S., Reichart. Grandpas little dancer. I remember the years of taking her to dance class. I would take her and sit and wait. She would go off into the studio and the door would close. All I could do was hear the music and the laughter of the children. It was forbidden to watch, except on special occasions. In the early years I would not leave the building, sitting there ,ever vigilant and ready if anything happens. I don't know what I thought might happen, but I was ready. Now, I just drop her off at the door with, I'll be back at eight, that is, if she doesn't just say, I'll text you  How she has grown.
 It is hard to remember thirteen years ago today I was at the hospital anxious for my first glimpse. Harder still to remember her brother, almost two years her senior and his reaction. They have both been an integral part of my life ever since. They don't live with me, in my house like the Walton's, but they come as close as you get. There isn't much we have missed. All the Christmases, Easter's and special occasions. Vacations and shared moments. I can see her Mother in her and just a bit of Grandma. She is a young lady that see's no boundaries, yet knows her limits. Possessing a kind and caring heart I can see her going far in this world. I believe our personalities are forged in the teenage years. These are fiery times we live in and will impact her and her brother. Many changes will take place in the next decade. I know that because it has always been so, and I see no reason to doubt the future will be any different. Those teenage years are the ones we all remember the most. Everything before that is our " childhood. " We remember our childhood with fondness and sentiment. Not so the teenage years, they are the turbulent times. This is the time that my Morgan is entering and I had best fasten my seatbelt ! Her experiences will absolutely affect me. Anyone involved in her life will be.
 What do you give a teenage girl for her birthday ? You give her what you have always given, your love. The gift itself isn't important at all. Gifts are merely distractions from life. They are enjoyed for a short time and eventually discarded or placed on a shelf. They are the social convention, a display of affection. The truth is, Morgan has been my gift all these years. Our children and grandchildren are the repository of our lives. I place my love and memories in her heart and mind. I can rest easy knowing they are safe there. Oh, it is going to be a rocky road through these teenage years and I am prepared. There will be surprises and disappointments of that I am sure. I am equally as sure that Morgan will emerge as a butterfly from a cocoon, beautiful and free to fly.
 Happy Birthday Morgan ! As grandpa always says, " may all your birthday wishes come true. " May all the wishes in your life come true. One day a child, the next a young lady. Grandpa will always be there should you need a hand or some advice.
 

A sad state of affairs

 With the news that Ahmed was detained for bringing a suspicious device into school a whole new discussion has ensued, I guess that " pop tart gun " was not questionable in any way. If it looks like a gun, it is a gun ! I don't care if he was a first grader, he made a gun out of that pop tart. How come he wasn't invited to the white house ? I'd say that was pretty inventive. What was up with that kid that brought a butter knife to school ? Was it really a samurai sword and he a trained assassin ? Kudo's to nipping that in the bud. Where either of those children Muslims ? Just what kind of profiling was going on there ? Christians on crusades ? You don't hear that as a possible motive though. Look, I'm just sayin'. I saw a police photograph of this " clock " and I couldn't tell what it was supposed to be. The authorities reacted in exactly the way I would hope they would. And despite what the media would report the kid wasn't arrested, he was detained. I used to do that to my own boys, " you're not going anywhere young man. " Surely a child of his intelligence would have been aware of the current political climate and the things going on around him in the world. His parents had no clue either ? Send the kid to school with a briefcase full of circuit boards and wires hanging out. Nothing suspicious about that.
 The whole story makes me sad. Sad that we even have to have this discussion. Our schools are in almost perpetual lockdown. Are we paranoid ? The answer will be no, we are being prudent and a bit cautious. Sounds like our Grandparents doesn't it ? That is the world our kids and grandkids live in. Stranger danger ! Don't trust anyone. Even the Police are suspect. Innocence is gone. Open borders and all inclusive. That is the price you pay for those things. That is the price of freedom. Invite criminals and crooks to the party and complain about the lost items. But don't " profile  " those same criminals and crooks for what they are, that would just be wrong. I'm not saying that boy was a criminal or a crook. What I am saying is the school did what was necessary. Who would have been suspicious of a pressure cooker before the Boston bombing ? Not many of us I can assure you that. How about lawn fertilizer and diesel fuel ? Makes a heck of a bomb though ! That's what we have to look for now, look for the worst case scenario first. Look before you leap ! Sounds simplistic doesn't it ? It's just a sad state of affairs any way you look at it.

Souls whisper

 I hope one day to go where my ancestors lie. I think perhaps that is death. The idea of heaven would be to go back to the beginning and see the face of God. Then, once in his presence you could see all that came before. To walk and talk with your ancestors and know their thoughts and dreams. For each generation hopes better for the next, ancestor to descendant in an unbroken line. That is the desire that permeates our existence, the advancement of man. We wish to advance, to go back, back to the time of leisure, when all our needs were provided for. back to Eden.
 Eden, a paradise on earth, unspoiled until man arrived. It was man that disobeyed the Lords' one simple rule and paradise was lost. God knew that when he placed Adam in the garden. The question of why has puzzled man ever since. To know the answer we would have to go back in time, back to Eden and ask it of God. Would God give us an answer ? Yes, I believe he would. The word of God is truth, and in truth lies the answer. We need only listen. That was the first mistake was it not ? Not listening ?
 Oh, some would say it was disobedience, but I say not listening. " But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die." Was God talking of life as we know it ? That is to say a beating heart and breath. No, I don't think he was. Our "death" is but the beginning of life, does not the Bible also teach us that ? And of what life are we speaking ? We are speaking of the soul. The soul and conscience co-exist in the obedient man. It is when we allow our soul to be at odds with our conscience that turmoil begins. Our souls are the spiritual portion of our makeup and therefore immortal. Conscience is an innate ability to tell right from wrong. Our conscience however can be swayed by society and indeed, by our own desires. Nourish the soul and strengthen the conscience. The nourishment of the soul hinges upon listening. If one listens closely enough, you can hear. The soul but whispers and the conscience screams. Listen to the whispers in your heart and the soul will be nourished. Conscience is a brash fellow always interjecting himself into the discussion. Unfortunately the conscience can be convinced to act contrary to his own advice. Later on we may search our soul for the reason but it will not be found. If we search our soul what will we find ? We find that which is immortal, a spirit and a purpose. We need to listen, not ask. The answers reside in that spirit.
 My ancestors, those that came before and to which I owe my very existence know all of this. That is why I feel they don't need to interject themselves into our world, ghosts in you will. After all, they have all of eternity to wait, what's the hurry ? I do try to visit those that are more recently passed. The ones where I can find their markers. I have not forgotten those that passed without the benefit of those markers. I have old photographs to remind me of those I have known and photographs that introduced me to those that I haven't. Those pictures on the wall speak to me in whispers. I try to listen. I will go to be with them one day that is as certain as one can get. I think it will be quite the lively discussion when we do meet. I've got some explaining to do.  

Back in '63

 Well I wrote a blog posting yesterday, put the link on Facebook, just forget to publish the blog. I published it today. At least I remembered to write the thing. And today the journey continues. Having kids to care for sure is a lot of work, even when they are older kids ! How I got this far is an amazement in itself. Maybe that is why I was " less than responsible " back in the day. It was kids than drove me to drink ! Now, I'm driving myself, more coffee please ! Make it a double.
 Yesterday I had to take Mark to the orthodontist. Pick him up at school and run twenty miles to the office. Piece of cake, should be no problem. Well, first I can't find the office. Riding up and down, back and forth. Eventually I surrender that " man pride " and ask someone. They look at me like I'm an old codger that is senile or something. They do tell me directions, a bit loudly, guess they figured I can't hear, and repeat it twice. Asking if I understand I get that condescending smile that says, you old fart, and I say thank you " sonny " couldn't resist the sarcasm, and move on. We get to the office just fine. No problem just a small bump in the road, right ? Wrong, on the way back to school the car breaks down ! At first it seems like it is no big deal, a broken belt. I can fix that and as luck would have it I manage to pull into the parking lot of an auto parts store. Alright, Grandpa got this. Wrong ! The belt is broken because the harmonic balancer is broken ! Can't replace that in the parking lot. I need a tow. Long story short, 141.25 dollars  and three hours later and the broken car is in my back yard ! Not the kids' fault, just the way things have been going lately.
 The kids do not have school today, it is what they call an " in-service " day for the teachers. That doesn't mean the schedule will be any less hectic. There is plenty of soccer and dancing to do ! The only difference is the kids have more time to drive the wife nuts ! No break today, tomorrow, or Sunday. Time may fly but these days are crawling ! Just how many hours are there in a day ? More coffee, please. I should quit complaining though and remember to treasure this time with the children. Yeah, that's easy to say. It is like medicine, easy to give but unpleasant to take. I'd rather just take a video and watch it later, with a pause button. Wouldn't that be wonderful ? Or at least it could be like a sitcom, each episode only lasts about 18 minutes.
 The delivery truck comes early to the store this morning. I need to go to work and unload that thing. About 46,000 lbs. of groceries. It doesn't seem that bad after yesterdays adventures. Hopefully all goes well. We do have a soccer game this afternoon and I'm looking forward to that. I'll get through this week somehow. I'm going to need a vacation myself. I'll be happy with a " staycation " that is sure. Or maybe I need to get far, far away. Out of cell phone range and no internet ! Back to 1963 would be great ! Ah, life was great back then.

just ramblin' on

With all that I have going on right now my mind doesn't have time to think. I'm just reacting to the schedules posted on the refrigerator door. I have always helped out getting the kids here and there and that is my job after all, so I'm not complaining. Normally however their is mom and dad and grandpa for the backup plan. Now I am the plan ! I'm doing the running for three. Today is the orthodontist, soccer ( two separate instances of that ) and dance. Guess it'll be a slow day. I did manage to cut the grass yesterday afternoon but still have the weed eating to do. I noticed the " fall " grass coming in and even a few leaves beginning to turn. Won't be long.
 I did miss the debate last night but I hear the Donald won. I also heard that Carly came in a close second. I'll have to read more about it when I get the chance, like, next week. All this changing of routine is a little difficult for a social security recipient. Yup, got my first check from Uncle Sam, couldn't believe it. Oh, it is no fortune that much is fact but I can buy an extra cup od coffee anyway. Maybe I'll go on vacation, I hear a lot of the old folks go to McDonalds in the morning, I could go socialize. If I went to the McDonalds in Easton it would be like a vacation. That's a distance of twenty miles from here. Senior road trip !
 Not much time for writing and trying to be witty this morning. Places to go ad things to do. An obvious thought did come to me that I will share. I remember the days when you got paid and you figured out how much you could spend. I mean, of course, in disposable income after the bills were paid. In todays' economy that has changed. Now it appears you only need to figure out how much you can finance ! Ten per cent down and easy monthly payments. It's nothing new. One of my favorite Honeymooners shows concerned just that. Norton had financed a new refrigerator and Alice wanted one also. Ralph  naturally was opposed. So, Ralph counts up all their money, savings account and all and informs Alice that they have 38.25 in the bank ! And then he says, that's something we have that Norton doesn't have Alive, financial security ! They were not in debt. A funny skit but very true.   

Having kids

 I have had that empty nest thing going on for a number of years. More years than I want to think about in fact but that has changed this week. My son and his wife went on vacation to Mexico. The grandchildren have been left in our care. Now the kids aren't kids anymore and you would think it would be easy, you would be wrong ! The busy lives of teenagers are exhausting just to think about. Each one has a schedule posted to my refrigerator door. So many commitments to fulfill. The wife and I survived day one but the future isn't looking too great. Let's see, there is soccer, dance, church groups, and the orthodontist. And that is just tomorrow ! Yeah, and then they want to eat. Well they always want to eat. When they are not eating , they are bickering with each other. Brother and sister ? Sound more like an old married couple most of the time. Oh, and did I mention taking care of the pets ? Two dogs and a cat. Need to cut the grass over to there house too.
 I gotta say, I love the kids to death but my nest feels just a little crowded. They are in my space whenever they are here. Everybody has there " spot " and my grandson takes my " spot " and claims it as his " spot. " Then they want to change the channel on the television. Not that I watch much television in the first place but it sounds different. The background in my life just sounds funny ! Yes, and then they leave empty glasses and plates just laying around. I guess they think those things have legs and will just walk into the sink. No dishwasher here, except Grandma. And now Grandpa is gettin' called in for the big loads. This is very upsetting. There is a disturbance in the force.
 This is the third year in a row that the kids, the big ones, have gone on vacation and left their kids with us. You would think I'd be used to it. Truth is I wouldn't have it any other way. Well, maybe they could do their own laundry, make their beds, be respectful of each other and a bit more courteous. Perhaps they could be helpful and attentive to the needs of others. I wouldn't mind if they just ate the meals that were presented to them without complaint. They could just listen ! But then they wouldn't be kids would they ? I don't know how these kids get this way. I wasn't like that when I was a kid. At least that isn't the way I remember it.

Consternation

 A few things on my mind this morning. First concerns politics. Yesterday I wrote about my son running for mayor of Greensboro. Small town politics. You don't need to declare a party affiliation and you don't need a ton of money to run a campaign. At least in Greensboro you don't. Which brings me to my first random thought of the day. I was listening to the news and the incumbent mayor of the city of Baltimore will not be seeking reelection. Her stated reason being, the city requires my full attention and running a campaign would be a distraction from the job. A noble sentiment and a very smart political move. For those of you that may not be aware the city of Baltimore is having serious issues. Rioting, gun violence, people being murdered, just all kinds of trouble. The Freddie Grey case has already cost the city a 6.4 million dollar settlement with that family. Now six police officers involved in that arrest are going on trial. The day after this announcement news media and others were questioning the mayor about her decision to run. Some questioned whether she was being genuine in her stated reason. Some questioned whether she could win. Her response was, I have more money than any of the others ! That's right, she felt like she could win if she ran again because she had more money than the others. Says something about the political system doesn't it ? Amazing that a politician would just come right out and say that too. She didn't say she would be the best choice just that she had the most money. Well, I guess we all know that is the case most of the time. Still, it upsets me to hear it.
 And now the pope is coming to Baltimore. It is his first trip to America. An exciting time for the catholic community. One thing bothers me about this visit though. He will be holding a mass, by invitation only, and has stated he will do the mass in Spanish. What ? On his first trip to America he holds a mass and does so in the Spanish language ? What's up with that ? Where there no Latin American countries to visit ? What about Spain ? Coming to America to speak Spanish ? I just don't get it. I respect the pope and his office. It is a wonderful thing for him to come and visit. He does offer hope and inspiration to millions. The thing is, you are in America ! We speak English here. When I go to Rome, and I have been there, I try to speak Italian. It is a courtesy thing. I've been to Vatican City and they speak Italian. In Baltimore, and I've been there too, they speak English, sorta. I mean it is not Long Island English but you can understand them for the most part. I just thought that America was identified with the English language speaking portion of the world. It is a part of our identity. Guess that is changing too. Is the Pope coming to American to address Americans ? If so shouldn't he speak our language ? I don't know, political correctness I suppose.
 I watch the news and see about the refugees. Syrian peoples striving to be free. Running from the oppression and running from fear. And the president want to bring thousands of them here. Ah, no. I think we have just about enough foreign refugees and undocumented immigrants to deal with right now. And these Syrians  are not known for their compassionate feelings about Americans. Charity begins at home alright. We do need to deal with the crisis in our own backyard first. Tough choices need to be made. Donald Trump, love him or hate, will at least make a choice. May or may not be the right choice, but it will not be a choice made solely because it is the popular choice. Of course I feel compassion for those folks but there are limits. We have reached that limit. Let us not forget the Boston Bombers were Syrians, striving to be free ! No, not all of them are like that but it only took two ! Just sayin' it is not a good idea to just let'em in by the thousands. Just who is going to feed them ? Who is going to clothe them ? What jobs are they going to get ? Don't we already have a problem in those areas ? You can't always say, yes.
 Well who knew that getting old would bring with it so many worries and concerns. I just want to go back to the playground sometimes. No problems and live for the minute. Maybe I could just move to a remote mountaintop. Just air lift my supplies in and live free. No television and news to bother me. Be like a mountain man or something. I could be the first mountain man blogger ! I would need a one way internet connection though, only outgoing. Then I suppose I would worry about that. Man, it was better when I didn't understand or really care about all this stuff.

Campaigning

 Let the campaigning begin. I'm not talking about national politics here, I'm talking local. My son is running for mayor of Greensboro. I've known that he has aspired to that position for some time. He has been a member of the town council for about five years now. He figures it is time, time to seek the highest office in Greensboro. I wish him success and I give him my vote, maybe. It depends upon his platform of course. He'll have to convince me of his credentials. They'll be no favoritism shown here !
 The exciting part is that he has an opponent. Initially the current mayor had indicated he would not seek reelection. My son filed his papers to run for that office. For a short period of time it appeared as though he would run unopposed as no one else filed. But now the current mayor has filed and the campaign begins. My son, Kevin, is excited for the challenge. He is very anxious to debate the issues Well, like most kids that is what he does best, debate. He has been doing that his whole life, debating with me ! It has been a valuable lesson for him however and I think he will fare well.
 Growing up we moved a lot due to my military career. Virginia, North Carolina, Louisiana and Connecticut. The last stop was here in Maryland and it is where he has made his home. Kevin never did much like moving around. I think he must have some farmer in his blood as he loves the land. Or maybe he just grew to dislike the sea as I was always gone out upon that. Whatever the case,he adopted Greensboro as his home and I don't believe you could blast him out of here. He has a genuine affection for this town His political aspirations extend only to becoming Mayor of Greensboro. He has no desire to enter county politics. No, his desire is to " revive " Greensboro. Like small towns all across America Greensboro has its' challenges. There are few mom &pop stores left. Hardware and appliances are being taken over by the big boys. Even small restaurants struggle to stay open. No movie theater, bowling alley or other venues for entertainment. And so, Greensboro the town struggles to meet the needs of its' citizens with little revenue and scarce resources.
 Kevin does believe binging the community together is the first step in the process. Together we can do this, is an unofficial motto of his, almost a campaign slogan. He has reached out to the various groups in town and has had some success. It has to begin somewhere, with someone, and it begins with Kevin. I have confidence in him and that he will make the correct choices for our town. He does have vision. I don't always agree with his " visions " but at least he has them. He is willing to do the work, no doubt about that.
 It is with a sense of pride that I endorse his candidacy. I will be on the campaign trail with him. Maybe I'll be a guest speaker, LOL His campaign couldn't afford my speaking fees ! I am excited for him. Who knew politics could be fun ?

taken for granted

 I didn't post anything yesterday as my computer isn't cooperating. It is such a love/hate relationship . I love it when it works but hate it when it doesn't. It is so frustrating. Now it is working but in a very fragile state. I'm not certain if it will continue to work of just quit. Well it quit with that last sentence and I have just resumed. To say I lack confidence in the reliability of this machine is a gross understatement. I had already go online, using the wife's laptop, and ordered a replacement. I'm not canceling that order just yet !
 I really wasn't aware just how much I am dependent upon my computer. I felt lost, just a little bit. Almost as though I was disconnected from the world. Just serves as a reminder of how " disconnected " from the world we can become using these things. I really do need to walk away from the keyboard a bit more often. I should heed my own advice, all things in moderation. The workings of this computer remain pretty much a mystery to me. I can talk about components but can't tell you what they do, exactly. Why it worked, stopped, worked again and then I thought it died for good I'll probably never know. It seems to be resurrected somehow. I will take the credit however. I removed the two ram cards and switched them in their slots. Put the thing back together and plugged it in. Now I'm typing again. The cost ? A lot of aggravation and frustration. And the worst part is a feeling of no confidence.
 So now I will add computer repair to my resume. LOL, even I find that funny. Still it is working for now and I'm happy about that. The Ravens are going to play some football in about an hour and I'm happy about that as well. It's all good, as the kids say. Hopefully this machine works tomorrow and I'll post something a bit more interesting. You just can't take anything for granted and this two day ordeal with my computer stands as proof.

Making a living

 Making a living. What does that mean ? Making money ? That is certainly the connotation isn't it ? Making the money to keep us alive. Then you must define living. That definition has changed over the years, that much is certain. Even from the time of my youth to today I can see that. Now living, is more about " entertainment " than it is about anything else. I will try to explain what I'm thinking.
 Maybe it began with the introduction of the assembly line, maybe it came about as the result of unions being formed, I'm not certain. What I do know is that " making a living " used to be, living. That is to say the things we did to make money were also our lives. Now, the opposite is true, in fact we are told to " get a life " if we devote too much of our time to work. Why is that ? I believe it is because the vast majority of us work for someone else, for the money, and not for " living. " Our entertainment has become associated with our " quality of life. " Now that is a term I really do not like, quality of life. Marcus Aurelius said, " the happiness of your life is dependant upon the quality of your thoughts. " I couldn't agree more with that statement. Happiness is possible without possessions. There is the nagging problem of money though. Money allows us to purchase products, some necessary for the sustaining of life, but money can't buy you love. Didn't one of the Beatles say that ? What I'm driving at is it used to be that whatever we did for a living was also our life. We were identified by our occupations. Family names reflect that simple truth, Miller for example. Then, at some point, we started working for the man ! We started selling our " living " in exchange for cash. Then we started identifying our value with the amount of " entertainment " we could afford. We even labeled it " discretionary income. " That money we can spend for " entertainment " to convince ourselves of our success. We are trying to buy back " living. " So what is living ? Living is a personal thing. Living is that feeling that you are making a positive contribution to society and as a consequence you feel productive. You are " happy. " Happiness is dependant upon the quality of your thoughts just as Marcus said. When your thoughts are focused upon your life, not just " making a living " happiness will be the result. Can it be achieved by working for someone else ? Certainly it can if that occupation is also your passion. That is the real problem though, that combination is a rare thing. I believe that is especially so with the white collar crowd. I mean, how many of us at say 22 know what out life's' passion will be ? We choose a major in college and obtain our degrees. That is now the occupation we can make the most money in. Wasn't that the intent ? Didn't that influence your decision ? But, what if we later decide that wasn't such a great choice ? Not using that degree, that cost you a ton of money and energy to obtain, just doesn't seem like a reasonable choice. you are somewhat stuck. Oh, the same happens with the common laborer, just because Dad loved to fish that doesn't mean I will. Each want one thing, to live the life they want to live. To live a life that is satisfying and productive. Just producing " entertainment " will not accomplish that. And by entertainment I mean that discretionary spending.
 So, we are now working to " make a living " which means making money. The hope being to make enough money to have entertainment, discretionary spending. With that discretion we attempt to purchase a " life. " Is that living ? Depends upon the definition doesn't it ? If you are " working " for yourself it does, but not if you are doing it for someone else. And that is only because our " success " is being measured by that discretionary spending. How much money we make. Can you be poor and successful ? Not for long you can't. Success brings money ! Isn't that right ? But is money, success ? 

Going for a ride

 All the rhetoric about " lives matter ", choose your ethnic group or nationality, is just that: rhetoric. The important message that is being lost in all of this is that our country matters ! The creation of fractures in this country, beginning at the community level, will eventually cause its' collapse. The blame lies with no particular political party, that is more nonsense. We are quickly losing our national identity. Who, or what are Americans ? Are we really any different from the rest of the world ? As people go, the answer is simply , no. As to the fabric of the nation, yes, we are cut from a different cloth. Our flag represents that. When we first started to allow the disrespect of that symbol, the decline began. Decay is a slow process. History does repeat and one only has to read it to understand that.
 Our nation became great because of the common goals we shared as a nation. We also shared a common sense of moral and virtuous behaviors. I see no such goals today. I see traditional values being discarded. With the redefining of what is  moral, virtue is also redefined. For what is virtue but the attainment of the highest moral standard. Lowering the standard will not increase the result. That is an old trick. We have utilized that rick in our society in recent years. We have done so in academics and now in our morals. We justify those actions with the phrase " being equitable " and " leveling the playing field " and feel superior for having done so. As if  holding ourselves and others to a higher standard is somehow unjust.
 The problem lies in the defining of the moral standard. Traditionally, to the chagrin of some and the bane of others, that morality has been extracted from the christian doctrine. That is why we see the abandonment of that inconvenient truth. The interpretation of that same doctrine is being used in the effort to remove it. How many times have we heard about the separation of church and state ? Yes, the two are separate but that does not mean the church doesn't play an important role in government. Just what is supposed to encourage the populace to comply with the laws established by government ? Should that rest solely on punishment issued by that same government ? Given the state of the court system today, that is certainly the easiest way, and best for the criminal. The removal of any moral investment in our actions frees us, isn't that the thinking ? As long as it is " legal " it is acceptable. The law will impose its' will upon the people !
 What happened to the idea of government by the people, for the people ? Have we abandoned that ? Is that even a possibility in the nation today ? Big business, big money and big influence is running the show. That has happened solely because of apathy. As long as we get what we want, we remain unconcerned. The gravy train has begun to come off the tracks. That is simply because we have failed to pull together. Not everyone can be the engine, some of us are just the caboose.
 It is the " church ", you define that, that is the glue that holds a society together. Common goals and a common morality. Laws will never replace that. Punishment will never enforce that. It is only the conscience of man that can enforce that. What is conscience ? It is that knowledge, inherent to us all, of what is right and wrong. Our conscience needs no education, but can be influenced. It is when we allow our conscience to be persuaded that we go astray. A society may define what is " moral " but our conscience must validate the action. Rhetoric is the vehicle. You must decide the destination. 

Obeidience

 Accommodations and tolerations are the order of the day. Everywhere you look in the news someone is either suing for their " freedom " or citing reason why they should be exceptions.Things are getting just a little out of hand. Just how much accommodating and tolerating am I supposed to allow ? A reasonable amount is what the law states. What's reasonable ? That will certainly change from person to person. Is the court to rule on reasonable as well as moral issues ? The supreme court has already given their opinion on just what marriage is, changing that definition. With that decision they purport to uphold individuals rights. So be it. Of course ,by doing so they have disregarded the moral laws that have stood for thousands of years. Those of us that live, or at the very minimum attempt to live, by those moral laws are being forced to accommodate and indeed tolerate those actions. Is it reasonable ? Yes, I suppose it is, but you can't make me like it. In voicing my opposition I should not in turn be jailed or labeled as a bigot. I may lose my job for failure to comply with the " law " but that is the cost of my sincerely held beliefs. I can choose to disassociate myself from any activity I do not agree with. I am not saying you must accommodate me. The best I can hope for is, tolerance.
 Take the case of Kim Davis. I will say she has sincerely held beliefs. She stood in opposition to issuing a marriage license to those she felt were not entitled to one. I admire her tenacity and forthright expression of her belief. The only problem there was, it was her job. No matter that the court ruled on that legality while she was in office and not prior to it. That in itself is not a defense to not perform your duty. She should have resigned or filed for an exception of some type. She should have sought a legal avenue first. Like it or not that is what the Gay or are we supposed to call it the LGBT community has done. The fact that they prevailed is a bitter pill to swallow but it is the rule. I will not call it law,as the supreme court does not make law ! It is their opinion and opinions can change. Regardless of the intent her actions were just wrong.
 I have stated this on many occasions and will continue. You cannot legislate morality. Laws will be passed that infringe upon your personal beliefs. No set of laws will ever sufficiently define what is acceptable and unacceptable on a moral basis. Morality is linked to religion, although not dependant upon it. Laws are supposed to be the fixed,rigid,unyielding statement of what is acceptable in society and what is not. The method and procedure for changing those laws are also set. Circumventing that procedure is rarely the correct course of action. It should only be done in cases of extreme danger and the potential loss of life. Laws are necessary to an ordered society. It can be no other way. Some will like it, some will not. It all boils down to one thing, obedience. Obedience to your God, your country and to your own convictions. The Christian God has traditionally been the guiding influence in America. Is it officially sanctioned by the state ? No, still it can't be denied. Laws are being passed that contradict those teachings. That is causing unrest, that can't be denied either. What we are talking about here is conscience. The conscience of a nation. Will our conscience be steadfast and resolute ? Or have we chosen to be tolerant and accommodating of behaviors without regard to that conscience. Conscience is often a " nagging " thing isn't it ? Can we just eliminate that ? No but we can redefine it. That is what is happening right now. There is no right and wrong, only accommodation. That is what you get when there is no " punishment " for wrongdoing. The ultimate punishment resides in our conscience, in our beliefs. If we say, in good conscience, we must allow everything that removes the burden of obedience. Obedience is self denial. And so now we are shifting to a new philosophy, just say yes. It's easier that way, right ?

Not an easy job

 Is it alright to be content ? It is as long as it doesn't affect anyone else. That is the message I get anyway. If you have a sufficient amount of money, housing, good health and do not impose your beliefs upon anyone else, you can be content. You are not supposed to be content with anything less than that. You must satisfy society's requirements first. Hardly seems fair now does it ? Still, I believe that is how it is for most of us. Those that do not comply with that are often labeled as lazy, incompetent, never do wells or drains on society. Now, if you comply with society's rules and reach that state of contentment you do run the risk of being labeled " eccentric. " Eccentric is a polite way of saying, a little touched. In either case, you are not supposed to just be content with what you have. It is expected of you to strive for more. You should be driven ! Well, I think it is time for me to take the wheel. Now I'm going where I want to go, not where society tells me I have to. Sounds liberating doesn't it ? 

 Isn't that what retirement is supposed to be ? Sounds like retirement to me. Just get up in the morning and do whatever strikes your fancy at the time. Do nothing at all if that is what you want. The only " work " you do is what you want to work on. Whether it is working on yourself or some other project doesn't matter a bit. No worries, no schedules and no commitments. Problem is, it doesn't work that way at all. There are other people in the world. It is not all about me. What a disappointment to find that out ! I admit I've suspected that all along but entertained a delusion. Nothing wrong with dreaming is there ? Can a true state of contentment only be reached alone ? Not if you love others it can't. So there it is, it isn't alright to be content, because being content would mean not caring about others. That just isn't right. But can we be satisfied ? Satisfaction only depends upon our own goals. If we reach those goals we are satisfied. It then becomes a matter of setting those goals. The goals must be realistic, yet challenging. What challenge lies in retirement ? How long can I live ? That isn't much of a challenge, all I have to do is wait. Another problem with that challenge is, I may never live long enough to know the answer.

 I find myself wondering what to do. I could retire and then what ? I could stay working, to what end ? I have to ask whether I am satisfied or not. Don't like that answer though so I'll avoid the question. Am I content ? Yes, but I'm not supposed to be. I haven't achieved all the things society expects of me. So I must face a new challenge, a new goal. It appears that the challenge will be learning to live with myself. Now that is a challenge, you can just ask my wife. It is not an easy job. 

Labor Day

 This being Labor day I thought I would write my thoughts about that. Labor day was first observed in 1886. From what I have read there is some debate about who proposed the holiday. We are certain about one thing, it was a person that wa a member of a labor union. Whether that person was a carpenter or a machinist is the debatable part. Either way, when the labor force first got organized, formed a club you might say, became a union, one of their first acts was to, " give themselves a day off. " It was proclaimed as a day to celebrate all the achievements of the working man. In other words, let's celebrate that we actually did our jobs. Oh, and let's get paid for that too. Sounds pretty good doesn't it ? Well, it is a national holiday.
 Now you may have got the hint from that first paragraph that I don't think much of unions. The initial idea and concept of the whole thing was a fine idea, I wouldn't deny that, but they have gone way too far. It is the unions that are destroying the economy of this nation. It is simple really, you can't put the workers in charge of the working. That's like giving an alcoholic a job as a liquor taster. Now, the unions are drunk with power ! Just why do you think the cost of goods and services have risen so very high ? The quick answer is the wages paid to those union workers and their leaders. Alright, it isn't quite that simple but it is the unions that are driving most of this. Sounds great to the worker that is making twenty dollars an hour but it also devalues that twenty to the point it might as well be two. How much of that twenty is going to the union boss ? You Know the guys that don't do any actual work just bargain for you. Oh yeah, it's a real bargain alright. I do the work and you collect the money.
 So without going on about this I will just say, I have never belonged to a union and never will. My father had his tools stolen by union workers when they went out on strike and he refused. Man had to feed his family you know. That was many years ago before my birth. I heard that story many times. I can remember the union trying to force its' way into the IGA. They hired picketers to walk up and down holding signs. None of them ever worked at that store, I did, my mother did, and my brother did. We never asked for a union. Those " hired picketers " never intimidated me or the owners. I remember my brother going up to the A&P store. They had a union. When they told my brother he had to pay dues, he didn't take the job. I'm not working to give you money ! Well, guess I have gone on about it anyway.
 Labor Day, a holiday for workers ! Funny how it has changed from its' original intent. How many union jobs are working on this labor day ? Quite a number of them, in fact. That wasn't was intended though. You can't trust a union. 

Generations

 I expect it has always been the same. Each generation watching the changes taking place and wondering. I am a member of the " baby boomer " generation. Our parents are noted for being " the greatest generation " at least that is in America. I'm not certain how other countries and cultures view their generations or if they label them. The succeeding generations have all been given labels. X and Y are my children and grandchildren. All this naming of generations is really a concern of the marketing people. Understanding who you are trying to sell stuff to is of vital importance. Really it began as a simple identifier, to describe the world in which individuals were born. If you understand the times folks are born into and raised, you can gain an understanding of their core values and beliefs. Appeal to that and you can accomplish a great deal. Whether your goal is financial or social that will hold true.
 The thing I wonder about, and I'm sure each generation has done so, is what about when we are gone ? What comes after the " boom ? " I'm a boomer, will silence follow ? From what I am witnessing from generation x we boomers haven't done so well. In some ways I feel we have failed to pass the legacy of the greatest generation on to our children. We allowed them to become complacent. Was it Dr. Spock that started this decline ? Not the Spock of Star Trek but the one who wrote that parenting book our parents so cherished. At least the ones that were progressive did. It is all about progress ,is it not ? Each generation, at a certain point, feels that enough progress has been made. That is to say, the goal has been reached. We have acquired enough knowledge to weigh right and wrong, good and bad, and pass judgement upon it. That is the unrest we feel and the reason we wonder. Why does the next generation not learn from us and repeat the mistakes of the past ? It is ever the same. What happens when our guidance is gone ?
 Ours, the boomers, may be the last generation to genuinely venerate our ancestors. With the American family splintering the " old folks " are getting left behind. Where we used to listen and seek the opinion and advice of our parents that concept is falling by the wayside. Today the children " grow up " and move out. At an ever earlier age they separate themselves from their family and strike out. Not their fault really, it is what they are being taught. It is all a part of the American dream. The house with the white picket fence and your own little family. Independant. Self sufficient. Answering to only your own conscience and your God. As a boomer I see each generation moving further away from the " God " concept. Religion and the religious are under attack in America. Replacing that is the desire to just acquire. Acquire as much material wealth and possessions as possible. Assert yourself ! It is all about me. It is about what I want. This concept of " God " can cause interference with good conscience, it should be eliminated. The object is to " win ", at all costs.
 All of this sounds pretty glum. It is accompanied by sorrow. In today's world when someone passes we celebrate their life. That is because we do not want to mourn their loss. That is a reflection of generation x. That is how that generation deals with adversity, obliquely, not direct like us boomers. Kids, why can't they understand and learn ? Generation after generation it has always been the same. I expect it always will.

Hope

 How is it that man has reached a point where he feels he knows it all ? That can be the only explanation for man's abandonment of God. When we no  longer look to and ask the guidance of our God isn't that what is implied ? That we already know the answers ? The idea that this earthly life is all there is certainly must play into that scenario. Remove any concern for the everlasting and that can justify some of the behaviors we are witnessing today. Just do whatever you feel necessary to survive the day. In reality it is an abandonment of hope. Hope for tomorrow and hope for future generations. Faith is fueled by hope. Indeed, humanity is fueled by hope. When hope runs out, faith dies.
 What does every generation want ? Something better for their children is the obvious answer. It is in the definition of " better " that the truth lies. By better do we mean more ? More clothing,housing,food,comforts or technology ? Is that the better we are seeking ? Or is it more financial success ? What is better than today ? Tomorrow ? That is the hope isn't it ? That tomorrow will be a better day. Better by who's standards though ? Can we judge tomorrow by today ? Each day is a unique gift, a miracle. We do tend to take that for granted. Not surprising seeing as it has happened every day for thousands of years. Still, if one considers the big picture, just a small speck in time, We know that, yet we ignore that inconvenient truth. We are taking " hope " for granted. We believe we know the answers to life and to creation. We can explain it all. Explanation removes the fear doesn't it, it also removes the mystery. But our explanations are mere illusions, we can not create a universe, or a life. A big bang ? Perhaps, but what caused that ? The questions only continue. We must go on faith and faith is fueled by hope.
 There are those that say hope isn't enough, that only knowledge can provide the answers. The real issue is, do we need to know ? Is the primary objective to know and explain ? Knowledge does provide man with the fuel for hope. Isn't that what drives the great inventions ? The hope that we can do something better,faster,cheaper and more efficiently ? The hope that we can provide medicines and treatments to combat the afflictions of man ? The hope that we can somehow ease the burdens of the mentally ill and erase all the suffering of man. Is the objective to know or to cure ? Does it matter why we love, as long as we love ? Where has thousands of years of accumulated knowledge gotten us ? Are we better ? Better than what ? What is your hope ?
 My hope is simple. I hope to contribute something of value to the whole and to be remembered. I am but a tiny cog in the world. I was put here to perform a function. I will complete that function, whatever it may be, of that I am certain. I may never know what that purpose was but that isn't as important as the task. If I am to know, it will be revealed to me. Whether I was created to perform an amazing task, or be a bit of sacrificial material is not that important. I must continue on hope. Hope will feed my faith. Even if that faith is nothing more than, I hope I am correct. 

Getting it done

 Who knew that getting older would be so stressful ? I mean, think about it. When we are young and carefree we just go about our business. If we are late, we're late. We change plans at the drop of a hat. Spontaneity is the order of the day. That's why young people drive us older folks nuts ! We need to plan things out ahead of time, any changes can cause confusion. The other thing about us older folks is that appointments are like commandments to us, we need to keep them. We make them, we plan for them and nothing short of a disaster will keep us from them ! It is very stressful. The stress is compounded when our appointment is at ten and the doctor doesn't see us until almost ten thirty. What do they think, I have nothing better to do than wait around for them ? I have other appointments to make you know.
 I just don't know how life got to be this way. It wasn't always like this. There was a day when I could just blow off anything. Yes, with no more than a shrug and ah, oh well, my whole schedule could change. Work could wait, doctors could wait, shoot I used to think tomorrow would just wait for me. Now, I worry about an appointment three weeks away. And let me tell you this internet isn't helping anything either. I got on Facebook to reconnect with old friends. It was all going well until I discovered that notification button. When that thing lights up I gotta check. What notification did I receive, is it important ? The whole email thing drives me nuts too. I have two accounts and each have three folders ! Talk about stress ! Don't get me started about this blogging addiction I have acquired. The need to post every morning is very compelling. I'm thinking about taking a trip and one of the considerations is " free wi-fi " for God's sake. I can remember taking road trips with little more than twenty dollars and a tuna sandwich. I once drove a car from Louisiana to Connecticut  without any plates or insurance. Was I stressed ? Not a bit, just turned on the radio and away I went. No problems, no worries. Now I can't go to the mailbox without my cellphone. Might miss a call.
 I'm thinking it really has nothing to do with age. It is this modern, stay connected all the time world, cell phones and email, twitter and instagram, no wonder we are stressed out. We need to disconnect every once in a while. What we look back at now and think was irresponsible behavior was actually therapy. We were just disconnecting from the stress. Why any doctor worth his salt would recommend that. That disconnecting from reality was a good thing. Life itself is stressful. Maybe it is just that as we age we have more to worry about. We can remember more past scenarios and that causes stress also.The problem is now when we " disconnect " we get labeled senile ! That's just not fair, what happened to outgoing and adventurous ? Us older folks can still " get down. " It is the getting up that is the problem.
 I have thought about just disconnecting but it stresses me out. Now I need the stress to feel alive. In what can only be an ironic twist, my God has allowed me to age, only to become stress addicted ! No being old and carefree, no way. Time is  a'wastin' better get on with it. Make those appointments and plans. Don't deviate from the course. Tomorrow is only a day away, you know. I guess you could say that is the stress, time is running out. We do need to get it all done before we leave, don't we ? 

A greeting

 I went to the store yesterday and greeting me on the sidewalk where, MUMS ! Yes, mums have made their first appearance of the year. Frankly, I am shocked. Isn't it a bit early for mums ? I mean it was ninety one degrees outside. Those mums didn't have any blooms on them yet but they were beginning. Now mums are the official greeters of fall, at least in my mind they are. Corn stalks and various gourds, along with a few hay bales can't be far behind. It is a realization alright, the summer is over and let's move on.
 I am not now, nor have I ever been one to stress out over the holidays. I don't feel the pressure much before a few days before the event is to take place. Maybe it is old age creeping up, or some sense of responsibility, but this year I'm starting to think about Christmas already Could it be that I'm growing up ? No, that can't be it, it must be those mums. Why are there mums on the sidewalk the first day of September ? Okay, it was the second day but you get the idea. Mums.Well, I certainly will not be buying any mums at this time of the year. No mums till after labor day. Oh, wait a minute , it's no wearing white after labor day. No mums till the day after fall begins ! That's another twenty days and falls ( no pun intended ) on a Wednesday. That will be the rule in this house and I make the rules ! There is the possibility of an executive veto and I know I can't get the votes to override. That executive also controls the kitchen, so. Still I will make that proclamation this very morning. Let's all hope there is no unrest in the kingdom.
 The harvest season is fast approaching that is true. Combines will be combining and tractors a 'tractoring. Living in this rural farming area I have become aware of the seasons.Oh, they are the same season I grew up with but mean something a little different. When you work the water for a living, like a lot of family and friends did. the seasons just change the harvest a bit. The winter months are challenging, but harvesting continues. Now, this farming stuff is a little different. In the dead of winter, with the ground frozen and covered in snow you don't get much of a harvest. Then , come spring time you plant and start the cycle. The harvest season is also the season of giving thanks. Thankful that we made it through another growing season. The harvest is the reward for hard work and when we receive the blessings of the Lord. It is only right to celebrate that ! The Hardy Mum is an excellent choice to add color to that festival. They do hold their color late into the fall.
 I've got about three weeks to adjust my attitude. I need to shift into another gear, a slower gear.There are those that say if I move any slower I'll be standing still but, they aren't aware of everything I do. Life is eighty percent mental you know. Like at work, I get paid for what I know, not what I do. LOL. I just don't let the boss know that. He also doesn't know I retired about a year ago. It is time to start packing away the summer. My porch theme will change. Of course old glory will still fly proudly from the railing. The plant boxes will need to be cleaned out and the trappings of summer replaced with fall. Yup, the harvest theme will be in evidence. Now to start thinking about that turkey ! Where's the ax ? 

Therapy for the soul

 It is a small piece of vanity I suppose. Each morning before I compose another post I check the " stats " on my previous one. How many " page views " did I garner ? It also shows me how many posts I have posted. I noticed this morning that this posting will be number one thousand eight hundred. That is a lot of posting ! That equates to 4.928 years. Almost every day, I have missed a few. I didn't expect this when I started, not sure what I expected, but am pleased with the result so far. My original intent was to just leave a record of my thoughts and memories. I do like having the last word, as anyone that knows me will attest. These blogs are the written testament of Ben. Should arguments arise later on they could be used for reference. Of course they are subject to interpretation. That happens with all documents, Just what did the author mean ? I do attempt to explain things as clearly as I can. There are reservations, as I believe in a sense of propriety.One should not air their dirty laundry.

 In the last year or so I have taken to pontificating a bit more. These lectures,tirades or just plain musings are an attempt to explain my thought process. It is just as important to me for others to understand the way I reach my conclusions as the conclusion itself. It often sounds like I am trying to convince others of my opinion. Well, of course I am, I believe my opinions to be correct so why wouldn't I ? That is not to say that yours is wrong however, just that we may differ. The art of compromise is a difficult one to master.The free exchange of ideas is essential to the development of any relationship. That goes for countries as well as individuals. It is an art that is being lost.

 In another bit of vanity I wonder if my words have inspired anyone else ? Have I provided any insight ? I do think about that and then chastise myself for it. These blogs are not for that purpose, they are written for myself. I say that I want to leave my thoughts behind for others to read. They are not written as a guide for life ! That is a bit pretentious. I do realize that each of us are complicated beings. I am no exception. Complex does not necessarily mean better than. The simple things in life are best, isn't that the saying ? I believe that to be true because we have a complete understanding of those simple things. The more complex aspects of life and living can become confusing. 

 I continue to entertain the idea of writing a book. I would want this book to be something more than just entertainment however. I admit to reading books for that sole purpose though, so I am grateful to those that write those stories. I have learned things from those books. The challenge for me would be to combine the two. To entertain and inform. Sounds like a documentary. That's not a bestseller ! And I want my book to be just that. Doesn't any author want that ? I think the trick is to tell people what they already know, just say it in a different way. A way that awakens their awareness to whatever subject matter you are writing about. I do believe that the majority of us have a story to tell. Could I write a blog and a book ? I have no formal training in writing or composition. Apparently that hasn't hindered my blogging, why should it hinder a book ? 

 Maybe it is time for a reevaluation of this blogging. I often struggle to write about something of interest. Or, more properly, what I feel may be of interest to others. That was not my original idea. It has taken me down a different path that much is sure. I occasionally write about the more controversial subjects but tend to avoid them. I sometimes just write a story about my personal experience. I have formed an opinion about just who my " audience " is. That opinion may or may not be accurate. Journalistic integrity comes into question in these situations. Am I writing my thoughts or writing for approval ?  

 So here it is, post number eighteen hundred. Somehow it feels like a milestone. What is the significance of that number ? Is there any significance ? I suppose if I feel that there is, there is. Wonder what it could be ? Guess I'll write about that. Wait a minute, I already have. If I am writing and checking on the readership is that a sign of vanity ? You would have to say, yes. Is there a limit to my vanity ? Well, apparently not so far. Then again, I think we should allow ourselves a bit of vanity, it is therapy for the soul. As with all things moderation is the key. A blog a day isn't excessive. Writing a book ? I'll have to think some more about that and the motivation for doing so.

Thinking about it

 Putting things off will not make them go away. I know that as sure as I know the sun will rise, yet, I still do it. Some of the things are just silly little things and others are of great importance. Can you do that ? Put things off I mean. I hear some people can't sleep at night for worry but that doesn't seem to be a problem for me. In some ways I'm like Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind. Oh bother, I can't be worried about that today, I'll worry about that tomorrow. That character was portrayed as silly and frivolous but she did contain  great qualities as well. In the end, she was the heroine.
 Procrastination is the word for that action, or rather, the lack of action. I had that written on a pillow given to me my an aunt. I believe she was trying to tell me something even then, when I was about fifteen years old. I suppose I was putting things off then too. I do remember being reminded to " clean your room " frequently. Perhaps I put that chore off as well. I have  learned to live with this character flaw, I just put off changing it ! I'll work it one day. Wait long enough and things will change, is my motto. No need to get all excited and rush into things. One should carefully consider all the options first. To some it looks like procrastination but to me it looks like contemplation. I do like to contemplate the situation.
 Putting something off is a method of avoidance. I think we would all like to avoid the unpleasant things in life. There are those that just want to get it over with and then there are people like me. I'll get around to it. Once I get started I don't like to stop or be interrupted though. Either of those actions may cause me to contemplate things a little further. The usual result is frustration on my part and anger on the part of others.
 I have written in the past, on several occasions, a saying my Dad used often. Either defecate or get off the pot ! I understand that sentiment exactly. Dad would apply that advice when he felt you couldn't make up your mind about a course of action. Either do it, or leave, was the meaning. That only applied to the physical I believe, Either do the job or get out of the way. Good advice. The things I tend to put off are the same things Scarlett O'Hara did. They are not physical activities but things of the mind concerning morals and appropriate actions. They are the things that require contemplation. Those decisions will ultimately be made, either by myself or time. Time is the great equalizer, catching up to us all. In the end, time will overtake us. all. That is something that can not be changed. These personal decisions ( actions ) can have positive results. They can bring peace to our lives, They can also bring regrets. That, I believe, is what I wish to avoid more than anything else. I do not like being wrong ! When I cause regret, either for myself or for others, I feel like I have failed. You can't fail if you do nothing, right ? Well, inaction can cause regret as well. I'll have to think some more about all of this.