Going On

I attempt to maintain my routine, it is all one can do at times like this. The old folks will tell you, life goes on. It is becoming clear to me that I am becoming the old folks. Not that I am ancient or anything like that, but I understand that sentiment exactly. It is a resignation to the world that accompanies aging. The realization it does no good to struggle against time. Life goes on. One can carry the mistakes, regrets and sorrow of the past with them, or leave them by the side of the road.
And so it is best just to carry on, as best as one can. Things are not the same, and never will be again, but life goes on. Adjustments need to be made, it is when those adjustments are forced upon us that we rebel. It is also when we need to remember that we are not in control. There are things way beyond our meager abilities.
Yes I question why my brother had to leave this earth. I am no different than anyone else. The loss of those you love does leave you a bit breathless. It also leaves you with questions ? How should I react ? Are my actions and reactions appropriate ? What is my role in all of this ? What can I learn ? I believe everything happens for a reason, there are no random actions from the creator. I can not believe that is possible. To believe that would be to place your trust on a whim. I would like an answer though, I can't deny that. I also believe I will be given that answer one day. Patience is required. One thing I do know, there is no urgency in death.
I will carry on. I will carry the memory of my brother with me on my journey. I will speak of him, and to him, often. My answers will come and life will go on.