Sunday, December 14, 2014

Defiance

Only people that know me really well would know this about me. I'm a bit of a stickler when it comes to the rules. Call it a personality quirk or whatever but breaking written rules is a bit uncomfortable for me, always has been. The type of thing I'm talking about are things like notices. For instance, at the top of the program for the Nutcracker performance it clearly states, no videos or photography. Still I took pictures ! There is to be no eating or drinking in the auditorium. I did. I'm blaming this behavior on my wife. It was by her instance that I broke those rules. She is leading me down a path of destruction but I am powerless to prevent her. The devil truly does work through the things that we love the most.
I can not explain exactly why this is, this compulsion to comply. Maybe it has something to do with my military training or Dad's belt ! I just can't say but the feeling is real. I am very much aware of it when I act contrary to the rules. I get this feeling of defiance. I am not what I would describe as scared of being caught, but more like ready to defend myself. Does that any sense to you ? I have my rationale ready to explain why I am taking those pictures. Excuses, that is what I feel they really are and I do not like excuses. But it is my wife that brings out the desperado in me. Ah, the things men do for women.
I did enjoy the performance very much. Even though I was aware of all the lawlessness going on, I wasn't the only one taking pictures and sneaking in snacks. This compulsion to follow the rules does not interfere with with that If that were the case I suppose I would have to seek counseling. I can become comfortable with the " bad boy " role. And that is another source of concern. Once you start on these paths it can become difficult to turn back. No telling where it might lead. Next thing you know you are sampling the grapes at the grocery store, or removing the tags from your pillows ! Once, you know where it says do not write below this line on the back of your checks ? I did ! And I have found myself ringing the customer service bell several times. My excuse ? I was in a hurry. That is where this stuff can lead you. After a while you get a reputation.
I have posted a few of those pictures on social media. Come and get me if you want to. That is the defiance in me. And I also have a few bootlegged videos from that performance, wanna make something outta it ? I didn't think so. And now I'm going to get another cup of coffee. I'm going to set it right on my desk, without a coaster ! Oh, this path I have been set upon, I need to change it. 

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