Family relationships can be so exasperating ! Fathers to sons, mothers to daughters and siblings to siblings. Seldom do these relationships exist as in the Waltons or like the Hallmark channel. Would be that they did. It is far more complicated than that. It is just that the dynamics keep on changing. Age, financial status and physical location all playing different roles.
For those of us with brothers and sisters it starts with the feeling of being favored. There is always one that is the favorite. Everyone will deny it, but we know it to be true. Then how well you are or are not doing academically. Your choice of friends, your choice of a spouse, your job, where you live, and it just keeps going on and on. All these obstacles getting in the way. The objections or disapproval of the other family members, whether spoken or not, are always there.
Not having the experience of growing up and living with my immediate family into our , should I say, advanced years I can not speak to that beyond speculation. I never really got the chance to relate to my own father as adults. He passed too soon and I wasn't afforded that opportunity. I did not live in the same town, and in most cases, the same state as my brothers or sister. I wonder if our relationships would have been different had it been the case. Is that the secret of the Waltons ? Maybe, but on the Hallmark channel families often come together from widely different areas of the country. Of course, Mom and Dad still have the family home, with all their bedrooms and such. Money issues are seldom an issue in those situations.
Maybe it is because we never lose that competitive spirit between siblings. Always we are searching for approval. Seeking the favored status. The elders seeking to impose their dominance and the younger trying to prove they are now grown up. Whatever the case it can be difficult. And it seems to me it doesn't improve much with age. The children have to become the parents at some point. Then there is that issue, which one ? I know best and all that jazz. And all of it complicated by memories. My memory of a certain situation certainly doesn't always match my siblings ! A couple years makes a huge difference in perspective. And also in understanding. Information may be withheld from you when you are younger. Complete disclosure should be mandatory at a certain age. That alone would clear some issues up.
I'm happy with the choices I have made. Sure there are always the wishes for a do over. Everyone has those. I wonder what it would have been like to all grow to adulthood together. In the same town. To have family get togethers on holidays, or any occasion, on a moments notice. Would we have hung out with each other ? I'm not sure about that, in my experience family get togethers are usually volatile situations.
For those of us with brothers and sisters it starts with the feeling of being favored. There is always one that is the favorite. Everyone will deny it, but we know it to be true. Then how well you are or are not doing academically. Your choice of friends, your choice of a spouse, your job, where you live, and it just keeps going on and on. All these obstacles getting in the way. The objections or disapproval of the other family members, whether spoken or not, are always there.
Not having the experience of growing up and living with my immediate family into our , should I say, advanced years I can not speak to that beyond speculation. I never really got the chance to relate to my own father as adults. He passed too soon and I wasn't afforded that opportunity. I did not live in the same town, and in most cases, the same state as my brothers or sister. I wonder if our relationships would have been different had it been the case. Is that the secret of the Waltons ? Maybe, but on the Hallmark channel families often come together from widely different areas of the country. Of course, Mom and Dad still have the family home, with all their bedrooms and such. Money issues are seldom an issue in those situations.
Maybe it is because we never lose that competitive spirit between siblings. Always we are searching for approval. Seeking the favored status. The elders seeking to impose their dominance and the younger trying to prove they are now grown up. Whatever the case it can be difficult. And it seems to me it doesn't improve much with age. The children have to become the parents at some point. Then there is that issue, which one ? I know best and all that jazz. And all of it complicated by memories. My memory of a certain situation certainly doesn't always match my siblings ! A couple years makes a huge difference in perspective. And also in understanding. Information may be withheld from you when you are younger. Complete disclosure should be mandatory at a certain age. That alone would clear some issues up.
I'm happy with the choices I have made. Sure there are always the wishes for a do over. Everyone has those. I wonder what it would have been like to all grow to adulthood together. In the same town. To have family get togethers on holidays, or any occasion, on a moments notice. Would we have hung out with each other ? I'm not sure about that, in my experience family get togethers are usually volatile situations.
No comments:
Post a Comment