I have questions

  The older I get the more often I find myself thinking about my mortality. I expect that is a common enough thing. I do remind myself that as Grandmother Bennett was fond of saying, "don't concern yourself with things you can't change." It's good advice no doubt about that. Am I afraid of death? No, I would have to answer that I am not. It is only the manner of dying that I have reservations about. Will I be sad when it happens? That seems to be my biggest concern. I don't want to spend eternity being sad, missing out on things, you know, like living. It is somewhat of a paradox isn't it? Can I be happy being dead? That just doesn't sound right.

 In the last few years I have taken to being more health conscious. I suppose having a heart attack and prostate cancer will do that. I'm all fixed up now, a couple stents and the cancer eliminated. I have taken up rowing as exercise. It's something I rather enjoy doing. It's better than jogging, treadmills, and stationary bicycles. At least for me it is. I have cut back on some foods and trying to make "healthy choices" instead of flavorful ones! It's true that I haven't really made any major changes in my diet, just tweaked the choices a bit. I have decided that when I die, I want to be healthy! It's never too late to get in shape, until it is.

 Now thinking about my mortality isn't a sad thing, a melancholy thing for me. That isn't how I think about all of that. It is going to happen, no doubt about that, it is inevitable. It's comforting to believe that I will be missed, I won't deny that, but what I want to know is, will I miss it. It, being alive. I'm thinking that with death comes all the answers. That is the function of the soul. The soul is the vessel that holds whatever it is that makes you, you. The question is, what files are stored on your hard drive? Temporary files will certainly be deleted (forgiveness)? It is the hard data that will be judged. 

 The biggest question I have, and have been asking for some time is, will I know? Will I know that I died? If I do, it shouldn't come as a surprise, it is bound to happen. I suppose the manner of my passing will be a surprise. Well unless I get to have one of those dramatic deaths like you see in the movies, gasping, uttering a few profound words before slipping away. That's what I am hoping for anyway. It has to be spontaneous though, not overly dramatic or staged, so I guess I will be surprised. Will I be happy? Or will it be, crap I'm dead, and I had plans for tomorrow. 

 Well just something I was thinking about. I have found that by talking about things they gain a bit of familiarity. When we become familiar with a topic, we become comfortable with that topic as well. Now I believe there isn't anything we shouldn't talk about. That being said I would add, in the proper time and place. Familiarity can also breed contempt. I don't think it would be a good thing to be contemptuous of death! No, that needs to be respected. It's going to be your reality someday, mine too. It is the acceptance of reality that brings us peace. Is that why we say, Rest in Peace? Well, might as well rest, you are dead after all. I'll try to remain stoic when that happens. In the meantime, I have questions.