Believing

  Remembering Santa Claus. I was talking with the wife the other day about that. I can't say for certain when I first realized that Santa Claus wasn't a real thing. To be honest about it I don't remember when I thought it was. I do recall knowing and not letting on that I knew. I wrote my list, spoke of Santa, and all that I wished for. It was done with a wink and a smile. 

 Now I wrote some letters to Santa, I'm certain of that. The major source of communicating with him was by dog earing the pages in the Sears Christmas wish book. What the kids today would call bookmarking. The items requested would be circled. Santa, and whether he was real or not wasn't discussed that much. Being the youngest of four children the older ones always wanted to feel superior in some fashion. One day it would be trying to convince me that Santa was real, and the next that it was just a fairy tale, for little babies. The only Santa I ever saw in person was the one in the Christmas parade. He did resemble Mr. Brill, the owner of the 5&10 cent store. He was a Jewish man and that made sense; Christians wouldn't be working on Christmas! I saw a picture where he rode in an airplane in one parade, but that was before my memory.

 I wonder what the little kids are told today, by their parents. I mean my house had a fireplace and a chimney so that seemed legit. When I was small we seldom locked the doors when we were home, we only locked the doors when we weren't home. Funny story about the back door getting locked once, but today isn't the day for that tale. I'll just leave it at, Dad wasn't a happy camper and made somewhat of a forced entry. But anyway, Santa could just as easily come through the front door. Today with the Ring doorbell and all the security I wonder what you tell the kids. 

 I don't have any little ones anymore. All mine are way past all of that. I did see a picture of a little girl that would be a grandniece of mine, by marriage, visiting Santa for the first time. She was crying! Typical reaction to being forced to sit on the lap of a scary old man in a red suit. Still, it does make for a cute picture. She is too young to have any awareness of what is going on. I wonder if she will ever really believe in a Santa Claus. The kids today are exposed to so much, so soon, that I have serious doubts. Heck, they can just Google that question today. Kindergarten was my earliest experience being with a number of other kids. No pre-school, no play dates, none of that for me. As a result, I remained a bit naive about certain things. I did cling to the things I was taught at home by my parents and siblings. They were people you could trust. After my first day of Kindergarten, I was asked how I liked it. I told my Mom I didn't like it at all, the other kids were mean, and I was tired! At least that's the story my mom always told me, and my siblings teased me about.

 Well I do have a lot of nice memories. It's Christmas Eve and I will make final preparations. Just a few last minute things. As is my tradition before going to bed tonight I will turn out the lights, except for the tree, turn off the television, and just sit in silence. I will listen to the Christmas tree. It is a tradition I learned from my mother. This is my first Christmas without her and I'm anxious to hear what she has to say. The Christmas tree speaks to us, if we but listen closely. Every year I can hear those voices of Christmas past. Then I can snuggle in my bed. Will Santa come? Yes, but only if you are asleep and believe, really believe. Or at least don't openly deny him.