Understanding

  Is it racism or paranoia? That's a question I find myself asking these days. I am one to speak to others when passing them in the aisles at the supermarket or in the parking lot. Whenever another person enters my space is another way of saying that. I've read that each of us has a bubble of personal space and will feel discomfort when others enter that space. It's true and it deals with trust. How much do I trust you. Self defense experts will tell you do not allow others within an arms length of you. That's expert advice and valid. It applies in any situation where you feel threatened. It's the assessment of threats that drive our fears. Is it racist to fear those that project an image of a thug? Is it racist to assume those folks are aggressive and will try to hurt you in some fashion. What about those scary biker dudes? Doesn't matter what color they are does it, although generally speaking we think of them as white guys, white guys gone bad! Do you speak to them? I acknowledge their presence, a casual greeting. That's what I do with everyone that enters within a certain distance of myself. I've never really thought a great deal about it or tried to determine just what that distance is, a foot or two I guess. Pan handlers, homeless people, beggars, and those wishing to "sell" you something I try to avoid. I'm not afraid they are going to hurt me, I just don't want to deal with all that.

  Being a person that greets others on a regular basis I will say that most respond accordingly. Some folks act surprised. I have noticed that is more common with the younger folks. But, in all fairness I was always a little suspicious when I was young when an old person spoke to me. I would always answer politely, being a bit wary. That was during a time when any old person might correct your behavior publicly and you were expected to just stand there and take it. We were taught that was called, respecting your elders. Not so sure that is the message these days, what with all this talk of empowerment. Now we have a kid lecturing world leaders on climate change and how they should deal with that! In my day that would have been thought as cute, or they would say that child is precocious. Neither one being a good thing in that context. But I'm just saying it seems like friendly greetings among strangers is becoming an unusual occurrence rather than the norm. Never mind the fascination others have with their phones that disconnect them from their surroundings. If I am engaged in talking with you and my phone rings I don't answer it. I'll wait until I am done talking with you. I'm not expecting any communication that can't wait a few minutes or politely excuse myself from the conversation. Fact is, I think it is rude to just answer the phone or text and leave the other person just standing there. At times it even makes me mad! You want to talk to me or somebody else? 

  Something else I have written about and mention often is the choice of language today. I believe we have adopted a more aggressive manner of speech these says. That is evident when you really think about what words and phrases are being universally accepted as common speech. I hear it on the television, radio and in public all the time. Cussing, cursing, swearing, whatever you want to call it, they are words that supposedly emphasize your sincerity. You are so sincere you are willing to fight! Isn't that the message really being conveyed by that? Words spoken in anger. That is where those exclamations originate from. Now, we hear those words all the time and the message is getting blurred, perhaps misinterpreted, but taken as aggressive and intimidating speech nonetheless. You really do need to know the other person to make that determination. Perhaps that is also why fewer people speak to each other these days. 

  I began by asking a question, is it racism or paranoia? That question was of course in relation to race. Are the races able to talk with one another? I recall a time when I thought we were having an honest conversation about all of that. The conversation was about moving forward. But today that conversation has shifted to one of placing blame. That is what I'm hearing anyway. I don't hear anyone attempting to deny the wrongs and injustice of the past, that isn't what is happening. But, there is a reluctance to accept responsibility for that past. I am in the group that is reluctant to do that simply because I had nothing to do with the past. I am not aware of everything my ancestors may or may not have done. I just don't know. I do know I had no influence, no input, no dealings with any of that. I am not responsible for things beyond my control, things like history. As far as I know no one in my family ever owned another person. Doesn't matter if they did though, I'm not responsible for that. I do know you can't have much of a conversation when one side is just blaming the other side for every injustice ever committed. It really makes no difference what the conversation is about when it comes to that. If the bread tastes bad, but you didn't bake it, are you responsible for that? 

 It is that reasoning that creates an atmosphere of paranoia. I'm afraid you are going to bring that conversation up. I don't want to talk about that. It isn't that I am denying it happened, it isn't that I don't accept the truth of it all, but I see no point in discussing something I can't change. Let's talk about what we can do, together, to make the situation better. It's not going to work if one side has to assume the blame. What is the conversation today? Does anyone really want to talk about it? No, everyone is too busy being conciliatory or being the victim. A good number of people are just saying nothing at all. All the legal barriers have been removed. What's left? Convincing the other person they are wrong? Convincing the other person they should just agree with you? Convincing the other person that you are entitled to special consideration and treatment? What is left? An understanding is what is required in this situation. We need to reach an understanding. Empathy is not compensatory or conciliatory. Empathy is understanding. This, I feel is worth repeating; Empathy is not compensatory or conciliatory! Empathy is understanding.