things to do

  I'm beginning to think it is time to settle down. Isn't that what we are supposed to do? It's what I've heard most of my life. But now I'm questioning just what that means? I've gotten married, had children, a couple of careers, grandkids and retired. I've lived here in Greensboro for about twenty eight years now, is that settled down? Strange, it doesn't feel that way. I feel like I have more to do, something to accomplish that requires my attention. Problem being I can't seem to get focused. The reason for that is I can't see what I'm looking at! Maybe the reason for that is that I've always pretty much done what I was expected to do, what others saw me doing. All of that was part of my raising. Of course I've always felt I could have done a little better if I had applied myself, like my elementary school teachers always said. Fact is I heard that in high school too, not living up to your potential is what they used to call that. Quit clowning around. Well I've always liked a good time. Call it a character flaw. My motto is, it'll be alright. Today they just call that the "new normal." It's basically the same attitude. 

 I do feel unsettled though and can't quite decide what it is. Maybe it has something to do with all the papers I have around. I have file folders full of notes, scribblings, genealogy, and all manner of stuff. None of it is organized, it's just a mess. You can't call it a collection, unless a pile of unrelated stuff is a collection, but that isn't the way I think of a collection. Or could it be the attic full of tools I have. All kinds of tools for various trades. Mostly they just set in the attic collecting dust these days. They go unused and grow more outdated every day. More collections? No, just stuff gathered over the years. 

 Settling your affairs. That's something I have heard about, mostly in the movies though, when the person knows they are dying. I'm not concerned with settling my affairs, I haven't had any of those! If I did I wouldn't tell anyone. Despite what the television commercials attempting to sell you life insurance says, no one is responsible for your debts but you and anyone that co-signed the note. I'm not losing any sleep worrying about my final expenses. I won't be around to file any disputes should that insurance company decide not to pay so why worry about that? No I don't have any affairs to settle. 

 Still I feel like I should settle down as soon as I figure out what that means. Is settling down really just letting go? Is it just holding onto the things that mean the most to you? Not necessarily material possessions but moments and memories. Is settling down accepting the past? We all like to believe tomorrow will be better, we have all heard that. The question there is, better than what? Better than yesterday? If yesterday was so bad why do we always talk about the good old days? Most of us would love to go back in time, experience it all again. I don't know, it's just something on my mind this morning this thought of settling down. I expect this will pass. Recent events have left me feeling a little unsettled I suppose. By recent, I mean the last few years. Maybe the last decade. Maybe I just need to apply myself. Turn that potential into kinetic energy. Well I better go to the store and buy some Ensure and fiber bars first. I'll think about settling down some more later on, right now I have things to do and places to go.