being serious

 Living life with conviction. I got a phone call from a very old friend yesterday. The conversation picked up were we had left off maybe six months ago. That's the way it is with really close friends, they are never far away. As we chatted about the good old days and some of the adventures and misadventures we had shared we agreed, neither of us ever really embraced responsibility. Now, we both could handle responsibility and have both held positions of responsibility, and done well with it, but we would just as soon not. Enjoying the day was always a bit more of the focus rather than being responsible. Yes, we had a habit of clowning around, quite a bit. It wasn't that we weren't serious about our jobs and responsibilities, it was just that we didn't always present a professional demeanor. We both found it difficult to fully commit, to be convinced, that what we were doing was a vital part of living. Bad stuff happens to everyone, no need to get all excited. No need to be so serious. It'll be alright was a sort of mantra with us. And you know what, it always was. 

 That being said it is also true that we both seldom change our minds about something once we have made the decision. You could say, second guessing. No, we usually just stick with the first best guess. It's true that hasn't always worked out, but I can speak for myself when I say, I haven't experienced any major trauma or drama with that method. I suppose you could say that was conviction, or being stubborn, depending on your point of view. Seems to me the folks with false convictions are the ones that suffer the most. They are always dealing with some crisis or another. They get saved, saved again and still they fail. They were convinced about something, then they change their minds. Those folks think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. They climb over that fence. Doesn't take long to discover why the grass is so green though, it's been fertilized! Fertilizer is a good thing until you step in it! Happens to those folks all the time. And the thing is, it is usually on that second or third step. 

 True enjoyment comes in bringing joy to others. If you work hard all your life, exercise responsibility, stay concerned, keep your nose to the grindstone, will that bring joy to others? They may enjoy the fruits of your labors, that is true, but they probably won't think of you as a fun person. You are not entertaining. Clowns are entertaining. Of course some people are afraid of clowns too. That fear comes from them not knowing what to expect from that clown. A clown just might do anything for a laugh. In that regard, I could be somewhat of a clown, I do enjoy making others smile or laugh. I once got a permanent wave on a bet, it was hilarious. Another time, with the grandkids, we were at Walmart. While checking out one of them asks me, what time is it? I said loudly, It's Hammer Time, and started dancing. LOL, I thought the kids would die of embarrassment. And that is the fear of clowns really, isn't it? The unknown and unexpected. 

 That too is what life is all about, the unknown and the unexpected. I prefer to face it with a smile and a laugh. I could have spent these last fifty years in serious endeavors, saving for the future, cementing a legacy. I could have amassed a fortune perhaps, but to what end. As I said, true enjoyment comes from bringing joy to others. Still. I want to be here to enjoy it, see my point? If I spend all my time being Mr. responsibility, Mister serious, what fun is that? Today far too many people are concerned with living forever. That seems to be the big thing these days. Wear your helmets, pads, get your vaccines, eat healthy, get regular checkups, safety, safety, safety. Me I concern myself with living today, tomorrow will come, I can't be certain I will be there though. I am counting on it however. I remain convinced I will be. Not sure if I will know the difference either. Do you wake up to discover, I'm dead? Well crap, I was planning on going fishing today. 

 When I came into this world few were aware of my arrival. I expect only a few will be aware of my departure as well. So far fate has just shown me the part of bit player. I was here and there a bit. I have entered and left the room a few times. That was the result of my Naval career. Always moving about. Always an outsider. Even after more than thirty years in Greensboro, and my son being the Mayor, I'm still an outsider. That's just the way it works and I accept that. I'll just keep on smiling, and preaching too. Fact is, I'm a rather serious clown. Only the other clowns know that however. I'm convinced of that.