the olden days

  I commented on a post yesterday and was surprised by the reaction I got from some. The post was a picture of Joe Biden kissing his son. At first glance I wasn't aware of who was in the picture but that it was an older guy kissing who was purported to be his son on the cheek. Okay, fair enough. The headline said Fathers' should kiss their sons. I didn't click on the link just assumed it was some "expert" talking about mental health or some such thing. So anyway, I just left a comment saying, not in my world. I said a firm handshake while looking each other straight in the eye, that's how it's done. That is all I said initially. To my surprise it was subsequently implied I was some kind of "sick *ss". The person implying that said Fathers that don't kiss their sons are homophobic! It wasn't said quite that bluntly but that was the explanation. That's what made them sick? 

 Now I responded to that comment, and perhaps I should have just remained quiet, but I couldn't help myself. I had to point out that I had made no mention of homosexuality and wondered why that person had gone there? I wasn't talking about any of that. I was simply talking about my tradition and pointed out to that person was entitled to theirs. We had a bit of an exchange, not the most polite or sociable. Yeah, I went there but I am a grumpy old man. That was brought out in me when it was pointed out that in "olden" times men didn't kiss each other. Yeah, I was raised in the "olden" days, back when men knew they were men, and women were aware they were women. We really did only have two genders in the olden days. Still do in my world. 

 Setting all of that aside I was just talking about tradition. It was the way I was raised. After a certain age, no set age you just knew when that was, you stopped kissing Daddy. I'm guess that happened about the same time you began calling him Dad. A firm handshake was all that was necessary when you wished to show affection or you were in agreement. Of course back in the "olden" days a mans' word and a handshake sealed the deal! That was all that was necessary. You know I read somewhere that the tradition of shaking hands began as a show of trust. I couldn't pull a weapon on you if you were holding my hand. It had nothing to do with affection, it was concerned with safety. With the native Americans raising your open palm in greeting served that same purpose. It is wise to keep strangers at arms length. 

 Now as far as the kissing thing I can't say I've ever read anything about that. I don't recall when I became interested in kissing the girls, but it was a natural thing. I expect when I was very small I kissed my Daddy, although I can honestly say I  recall a time I ever did. My point being it is dependent upon tradition. It is what you are taught and your acceptance of that teaching. Guys kiss girls, I saw that all the time at home, on television, in the movies. Guys don't kiss other guys, I never saw that, at least not until I was much older and that sort of thing went public. Oh, I saw the French guys "kissing" each other on each cheek in the movies but that was in France, foreigners, who knows what they might do next. I had heard that if an Italian guy kissed you that meant you were a dead man. The mafia would take care of you, the kiss of death. I stayed back from those Italian guys and my half-brothers were both Italian! But guys kissing each other as a sign of affection? Didn't happen in my world. Didn't have anything to do with sexuality, it had to do with tradition. 

 I have mentioned this before, this world where I was raised. Being in New England, living in quite the remote and rural area, the people there were of a stoic bend. That is to say practical, matter of fact, people. Emotions were restrained, logic and practicality ruled the day. Those folks could be blunt, forthright is a gentler term for that. Public displays of affection were reserved. A husband may peck his wife on the cheek, call her honey or dear, but that's about as far as that went. Men shook hands when it felt appropriate or necessary. They didn't embrace each other and they certainly didn't kiss one another. Could be Fathers were doing that with their sons, I can't say, but never saw that in public, not ever, not once. As a result that is my tradition and seeing something different does surprise me. It is "alien." It doesn't make it wrong, it doesn't indicate anything else, it is different. Of course that was in the "olden" days. 

 Now, I'm not referring to this kissing thing when I say this: if something was wrong yesterday, it is still wrong today. What I'm talking about are virtue, morals, and tradition. Traditions are formed in response to morals and virtue. What are the qualities the society admires the most? Their laws, their customs and traditions will evolve around them. If something was wrong in the "olden" days it is still wrong today, in the "modern" world. It is still wrong to the one that was raised in that world, in the "olden" days, because that world hasn't changed. I was surprised to read that quite a few people view that kissing thing as a natural and normal interaction between father and sons, and indeed between brothers and friends. I can only imagine the reaction I would have received from any of those had I attempted to kiss them. The truth is, as my father lie in his hospital bed, both of us knowing the end was near, when I went to say goodbye, I extended my hand. He took my hand with a renewed strength and I felt that familiar grip, it was strength. Strength of spirit is what I felt as we shook hands. I looked into his eyes and I could see pride and yes, love. No words needed to be spoken, no embrace, no kiss, just a firm handshake between men. And that is my tradition. A tradition from the "olden" days. It's a good one.