barve enough

 As I was going through some of my files and piles of papers I found a certificate. This certificate had been sent to my mom after my fathers' passing. Dad was a WW2 veteran. This certificate, I'm assuming all veteran get one, was presented on behalf of a grateful nation. It was sent from the White house and signed by President Bush, #41. My mother must have given it to me at some point in time. Anyway, having rediscovered this certificate I determined it should be displayed. I went and secured a frame and placed it on the wall next to my dads' military decorations. I placed those in a shadow box some years back. So after thirty years this certificate is now being displayed. 

 I have quite a collection of certificates that I was awarded during my naval career. To those of you that served you will know that the majority of there are " letters of appreciation " awarded for performing certain actions. It could be as simple as repairing a piece of equipment in a timely manner to during something almost heroic, but not quite heroic enough for a medal or commendation. Anyway, to those that served you will understand what I mean. I do have a few certificates displayed that I particularity like. I have my plank owner, Suez safari, and hovernaut certificates. I have my retirement certificate displayed. Those items were tucked away for a number of years before finding there way on the wall. I'm beginning to understand why old men tend to display those items. It isn't to show off, it isn't vanity, it's for the memories. That's because other than myself there is no one that would remember what that certificate was really for. Only I know that story. Others looking at those things are left to speculate. Take those letters of appreciation as an example. If you don't know what the are you may be impressed with them. If you were the one getting it you may or may not remember exactly what you got it for. But, they do look good. 

 I haven't the desire or the wall space to display all that stuff. When you consider I also have favorite photographs and other memories to display I would certainly need a much larger space. I have the things my children made, the things the grandchildren made, and they all deserve being on display. Also the reason I expect old peoples houses begin to look like museums. I have begun to minimize the amount of stuff I have in the house. What I mean is, junk. I've been getting rid of some junk lately questioning why I have kept it as long as I have. It's not an easy thing to do however, wouldn't want to discard a priceless treasure, even if that treasure may not find its' worth for another hundred years. I saw where one comic book sold for fifteen thousand dollars! It was an old Batman. That does give me hope that some of my stuff might be valuable to someone, someday. But, that's another topic. 

 Anyway, now I'm feeling like I'm starting to gather my life around me. Do you know what I mean? It's an unsettling feeling in a way. On the one hand I want these things to be seen, to be shared and enjoyed. On the other hand I feel like I'm preparing for something to happen, that's the unsettling part. I don't want to create a self fulfilling prophecy. A while back I did have quite a number of photographs on the wall around my desk. I took them down when I purchased a new desk and have yet to put them back up. I did enjoy them and the few visitors I get seemed to enjoy them as well. I think perhaps this is best summed up with a quote I read somewhere, I'm not certain who to credit with this, it's not my original thought, but I agree. " Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we'll ever do. " I am concerned with telling that story, my story. The difficulty lies in assigning importance to that story. Am I brave enough?