Its' been near eight months since my sister passed away and I think about her daily. No surprise there, she has always been a part of my life. She was, after all, here when I arrived. That she had to leave early is something I have no answer for. I try to take comfort in knowing that things are the way they are supposed to be. That's not always easy, I do like to control things, as we all do. But there are times when that loss is felt more strongly than others. Holidays, special occasions and things like that. There are markers and milestones in our lives that define the past and lead us to tomorrow.
Yesterday I felt a longing to just call my sister and have a chat. That happens every now and again and I expect it always will. My wife tells me she feels the same way about her sister, that's why she still has messages from her on her phone. It's a comfort to hear her voice. I don't have my sister on my phone however, she seldom left a message, we usually just talked away, sometimes for an hour or more! But that's alright I don't feel a need for that. I think what I do feel a need for is; validation. I think there are times when we just want to hear someone else say what we are thinking, and my sister was great at that. She always seemed to know what was on my mind before I even told her. She would say what I was thinking! I don't know how to explain that, but that is what I feel.
There were many years that we didn't see each other at all. I was busy living my life and she was buy with hers. It didn't have anything to do with anything else. It is just where the path took us. We always walked our own paths, her and I. Those that knew us well would attest to that. But we were joined by the love of brother to sister and sister to brother. We were there for each other whenever it was needed. She walked a great path and did so with honor and dignity her entire life. If you needed a model, an example to follow, you would be well advised to follow hers. I admired her as a child and I admire her still. She spoke her truth quietly and with conviction.
I would call her when I was troubled and receive calm. I wasn't aware at the time but it came from her understanding. What I mean by that is that she knew what I was thinking. I didn't have to tell her my conclusions, often I didn't know I even had one, but she would tell me. She didn't always agree with that conclusion but she knew what it was. There were times when she gently chided me. There were times when I needed that. There were times when she offered encouragement. There were even times when we both seemed stymied! What's a person to do. But she was there when I wanted to listen, or to talk. And that is the crux of it all. I think that is what separates friends from those we love. Our friends will listen to us, our friends will talk with us, but those that love, do either, equally and without question. Those that we love, and that love us in return, know what is required at the time, like a sixth sense. My sister was like that. No matter if we hadn't spoken in years, or in hours. She always knew. It was a comfort. I miss that comfort, that luxury. Yes, having her for my sister was a luxury I enjoyed fully. I miss her. You know you could say: I know what she would say, but it isn't the same as her saying it. Do you know what I mean? A luxury lost.
Yesterday I felt a longing to just call my sister and have a chat. That happens every now and again and I expect it always will. My wife tells me she feels the same way about her sister, that's why she still has messages from her on her phone. It's a comfort to hear her voice. I don't have my sister on my phone however, she seldom left a message, we usually just talked away, sometimes for an hour or more! But that's alright I don't feel a need for that. I think what I do feel a need for is; validation. I think there are times when we just want to hear someone else say what we are thinking, and my sister was great at that. She always seemed to know what was on my mind before I even told her. She would say what I was thinking! I don't know how to explain that, but that is what I feel.
There were many years that we didn't see each other at all. I was busy living my life and she was buy with hers. It didn't have anything to do with anything else. It is just where the path took us. We always walked our own paths, her and I. Those that knew us well would attest to that. But we were joined by the love of brother to sister and sister to brother. We were there for each other whenever it was needed. She walked a great path and did so with honor and dignity her entire life. If you needed a model, an example to follow, you would be well advised to follow hers. I admired her as a child and I admire her still. She spoke her truth quietly and with conviction.
I would call her when I was troubled and receive calm. I wasn't aware at the time but it came from her understanding. What I mean by that is that she knew what I was thinking. I didn't have to tell her my conclusions, often I didn't know I even had one, but she would tell me. She didn't always agree with that conclusion but she knew what it was. There were times when she gently chided me. There were times when I needed that. There were times when she offered encouragement. There were even times when we both seemed stymied! What's a person to do. But she was there when I wanted to listen, or to talk. And that is the crux of it all. I think that is what separates friends from those we love. Our friends will listen to us, our friends will talk with us, but those that love, do either, equally and without question. Those that we love, and that love us in return, know what is required at the time, like a sixth sense. My sister was like that. No matter if we hadn't spoken in years, or in hours. She always knew. It was a comfort. I miss that comfort, that luxury. Yes, having her for my sister was a luxury I enjoyed fully. I miss her. You know you could say: I know what she would say, but it isn't the same as her saying it. Do you know what I mean? A luxury lost.
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