taken for granted

 Went out and bought some clams yesterday. The wife and I will enjoy them on the half shell. In doing so I was reminded of the days I used to go dig'em down to Hands Creek. It is an old saying and a true one, you really don't appreciate what you have till it's gone.  Now my wife didn't grow up in the town of my youth and so doesn't really know the area, in fact, she has never been there. We do share a mutual love of clams though. I was telling her how I would go dig some clams anytime the mood struck me. This was back in a time when you didn't need any permits and such to do that. If you got hungry just go dig some clams or go catch a fish or two. It really was a simpler time. While I was telling the tale I realized what good stewards of the water and land we were. It wasn't a conscious thing either, you just took what you wanted and nothing more. Whether on land or in the water you just naturally picked up after yourself too. Fact is, we didn't have a lot to throw away as we seldom took much with us. Might take a thermos with something cold to drink in it, remember those with the little spout on them, or a few sandwiches wrapped in waxed paper. We sure didn't take any where near the stuff along that folks do today. I do believe a lot of this " stewardship " came from the fact the resources were always available to us. What I mean is, it wasn't a novelty or a big deal to go fishing or clamming or whatever. You could always go again tomorrow. It is something I still think about, there are no more tomorrows for me in that place and time. It's something that happens to us all.
 Taken for granted is the phrase that best describes that situation. I did take for granted all those wonderful things. There was something to be harvested year ground if you were of a mind to. I wasn't aware of it at that time but you could really live off the land, and water, back then. I'm not saying it would have been a life of ease and luxury, but it would have been possible. Well possible as far as having something to eat that is, housing and the like is a different thing altogether. I didn't live in the wilderness.  There were taxes to be paid and building permits and certificates of occupancy and all those regulations in place. In the end our very subsistence has been regulated. The quest for the almighty dollar did make a great deal of those regulation a necessity. People started taking a lot more than what was necessary. They did so in the quest for the dollar ! What was worse was when the " sportsmen " converged on the area. There had always been a certain amount of these " sportsmen " that came out to fish and hunt in the unspoiled land I grew up in. They were mostly the wealthy folks seeking a little adventure. It was an adventure to them, just everyday living to us. It didn't take that many years, relatively speaking, for the " sportsmen " to destroy everything. It was these " sportsmen " that stripped the living from the locals and made it their sport. Bureaucrats and businessmen regulated everything making it all a for profit enterprise. It has been my observation when people have to pay for entertainment they don't expect to have to clean up after themselves or maintain the area either. The attitude becomes, I'm paying for a good time and I'll just party away. In a way they are taking for granted that someone else will be responsible.
 All of this should serve as a reminder to not take for granted whatever it is you have today. It can all be gone tomorrow. I know that is an old cliché but it is so true. I'm not talking about you dying but the stuff you enjoy being regulated out of existence. I do believe it is something all of us need to pay more attention to. Regulations are normally created to benefit someone. The government line will always be it is for your own good, for your protection. I suggest you consider all of that carefully before casting your ballot. This is especially true when it comes to local government. You had best be paying attention to what is going on around you. Businessmen and bureaucrats will enact regulations that restrict your ability to continue the lifestyle you have been accustomed too. They will tell you it is of benefit to you ! To coin another old phrase, take that with a grain of salt. The big catch phrase these days in politics is " grass roots " movements. What does that mean ? It means it starts with you. Government does start with the people. At least our government does. All I'm saying here is, pay attention !   

Honest diplomacy ?

 It is sometimes difficult to reconcile the loss of yesterday with the promise of tomorrow. This becomes increasingly difficult as we age. The reason is a simple one, tomorrows begin to run short. You do have to accept that fact. We are doing everything we can to extend that time, increase our tomorrows. You can say it is reaching the point of obsession with some. But I don't think it is longer life that they are becoming obsessed with, rather the regaining of youth. The products advertised on television and in magazines are directed at that. Magic pills to return youth and vigor ! Usually marketed as essential to your " quality of life. " The subliminal message is, life is between twenty and forty years old. If you can't " perform " as you did back then your quality of life is being negatively impacted. I tend to disagree with that message. " The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts: therefore, guard accordingly, and take care that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature " ( Marcus Aurelius. ) I believe he is saying do not try to remain young, be reasonable and behave in a mature fashion, nurturing wisdom as you age. In short, don't be an old fool !
 Ponce De Leon  went in search of the fountain of youth. That is telling isn't it. He wasn't searching for a fountain to make you live longer, no he wanted to be young again. I guess the thinking was to be young and never age. It is an interesting thought anyway. I just don't think you would enjoy the things of your youth in quite the same way when you are, say sixty. You do have to factor in the mental aspects of life. The excitement of discovery does wane after you have made that discovery ! After you have climbed the same mountain a hundred times it isn't very challenging. Perhaps that is why our bodies begin to fail us, to present us with the challenge of living ! The challenge becomes more of a mental exercise doesn't it ? Sadly some of us will lose our mental facilities. I can't help but feel that perhaps that is a blessing in disguise. Could it be that the metal anguish of lost youth and fewer tomorrows has that effect upon some of us. Science is trying to determine that answer. I do believe that physical changes can occur simply by mental power. It could also be that those same mental powers act subconsciously. I do believe that the brain is a muscle like any other and needs to be exercised regularly. It is important to keep our thoughts young and fit. If you spend more time reliving the past than living for today, wouldn't that become self fulfilling ? I 'm thinking that may be the case.
 The fountain of youth does exist. It exists in our memories. Those memories need to be shared with others to be of any benefit. That is why I feel it is so important that we share them with anyone that will listen. You can never tell when a nugget of wisdom could mean a fortune to another. Call it luck, coincidence, or an act of providence but the smallest thing can make a big difference. The sharing of experience is one of the most human things you can do. I'm not talking about the imposition of your way of doing business, rather just sharing your experience with that same business. The sharing of the results of your actions is what is important. A completely honest disclosure of actions taken and results achieved. The old saying, there is more than one way to skin a cat, is very true. Do not get stuck with believing only one way will get results. What worked for you may not work for another.
 It is this sharing of ourselves that keep us " young. " That is my thinking anyway. I knew my great grandfather quite well. He was a man I admired because of his frank honesty. He just told it like he saw it. He wasn't mean, just blunt. There wasn't a diplomatic bone in his body, although I suspect that wasn't always the case. It is my belief that he learned to set aside diplomacy in favor of truth and an honest assessment of the current situation. Yes there are those that would disagree with me wholeheartedly on that one, I'm sure of that. I won't say they are wrong, just mistaken. He spoke his mind and let the chips fall where they may. He certainly wasn't concerned with being popular. I would say he was a presence. It was up to you to decide if that presence was good or bad. As I said Gramp didn't have a diplomatic bone in his body, but he was honest. Can they co-exist ? Diplomacy and honesty ?  I just don't know about that.
 

bits and pieces

 Having spent twenty years in the Navy I often find my past is in bits and pieces. There are times when this is troubling. I do feel like I missed out on some things because of that. The old motto join the Navy and see the world is like most motto's , more hype than reality. I did see a great portion of the world that much is true, most of it is water though. Now I'm not complaining I saw quite a few different countries as well. At the time I didn't write them all down and so I can only guess at them now. I can't remember everywhere I went and certainly can't remember all the people I served with. There were literally thousands of them. I always chuckled when I was on active duty and would meet someone that would ask me if I knew, so and so. Yeah sure, I know everybody in the Navy. Well, it is a natural questions to ask, a conversation starter. The other person wanting me to know they know somebody that is also in the Navy. So many names without faces over the years. It is in that I find a sense of loss on occasion. We , the wife, children and I moved every two to three years. Each move was another little piece in time. There is no sense of continuity in that. That is why I say I find my past in bits and pieces.
 In the big picture I think most of would say ages 18 to 38 are the prime of our lives. At least they are the physical prime of our lives if not the most, how should I say this, intellectual ? Let's just say a certain degree of immaturity still exists during those years, and impulsive behaviors are not that uncommon either. With each move there were new challenges and new friends to make. It does take a while for you to get the lay of the land so to speak. Some places embrace a serviceman and other loathe your presence. It's a part of human nature I guess. In areas were there are large concentrations of sailors or soldiers for that matter, the general population aren't too happy about it. Even though it is that population , the servicemen, that provide the greatest impact on the economy of the area. It is like a tourist in a tourist town. You are necessary but not really welcomed. I have been to areas where the opposite was true as well. That was the case in Statesville North Carolina where I was the only Navy man in town. The other service members present, all three of them or so, where at the recruiting office next door to me. We all got a lot of respect and a welcoming feeling in that place.
 None of this is meant to be in the way of complaining. I have no complaints about the path I took. I've had good fortune along the way. I did meet and work with a lot of very fine people over the years. And it is the people I miss more than anything else. Still having moved around all the time it does leave a period of time unsettled. While others were building their homes, attending all the school plays and recitals I was often gone, off to sea somewhere. My wife was left alone to care for the kids and didn't have anyone to really share with. Back in my day, letter writing was all we had until we reached a port where I could use the phone. A lot of events, those that may seem small or insignificant in hindsight, went by without my knowledge. At the time those events were not small or insignificant at all. Events like the kids getting an " A " on their school report card or getting the part in the play. So many little life events missed. I'm thinking that unless you have experienced something similar it is hard to understand. It may sound exciting and fun, an adventure even. That was another slogan the Navy used at one time, it's not just a job, it's an adventure. Strangely I didn't feel too adventurous at the time I was doing it. Mostly I just followed orders ! You had to temper your " adventures " with common sense. Contrary to popular belief sailors don't have a lot of money to just party with in every port. Well, some of the single guys had disposable incomes, but not those of us that were married. We were supporting our families same as anyone else, with a few extra expenses thrown in for good measure. I will say the paycheck was a steady one though.
 I often think about writing a book. I believe a lot of us do that. I have even made a few tentative attempts at beginning that process. If I were to write that book about my life and experiences the Navy would only get a few pages. I know quite a few veterans, as you would expect, and some have so many stories to tell. I don't find my twenty two years of active duty service all that much to write about. I can't find much in there that I feel would be of interest to anyone else. There are only bits and pieces that bring a smile or warm memory. The majority of the time it was monotony. I think I would struggle to write a chapter on that time period in my life. The long and short of it is I left home to see the world. After I was done looking, home wasn't where I left it ! But on the upside I have found a new home in Greensboro, Md. The old urge to wander still exists but my wandering days ended over twenty years ago. As we age we all tend to get nostalgic. Funny I don't feel a bit nostalgic for those years I was in the Navy. Oh, I have a little spurt of pride every now and again. I will walk in a parade or advocate for fellow vets. I don't regret having served , not one bit. I also don't want to go back and do it again. I do believe you have to enjoy your life as an whole, not in bits and pieces. Look at the big picture. My life isn't a masterpiece but then I'm not done painting either. I'm still fitting together all the bits and pieces. I just wonder why twenty two years doesn't seem like such a big piece ? It is almost a third of my life so far. Well two thirds is a solid majority, so I'll continue to write about that.

hate and disappointment

 Why is it even when we knew the true character of a person, or peoples, we are still disappointed ? Is it because we all harbor hope that these folks will change ? I think that is the case with me anyway. I am somewhat of a sucker in that regard. I'm all about giving others a second chance. Well, most of the time I am anyway, there are instances where that doesn't apply. I remember many years back a neighbor, and a person I considered a friend had been drinking. To make a long story short he punched me so hard he knocked me out ! It was a punch out of nowhere, totally unexpected. I never gave him another chance ! Oh, he knocked on my door the next day all apologetic but that apology wasn't accepted. It was the first time I realized the true nature of that person. What I am thinking about are those that disappoint repeatedly. I don't know if the frustration is with myself or with them.
 It is a difficult thing to process. When you are convinced in your beliefs and when others are telling you are wrong the wise man does question himself. I try to give others the benefit of the doubt but find it hard to extend that courtesy to myself. I guess that is because I don't have any doubt. Then I have to question that based on the way it sounds. Sounds conceited doesn't it ? Is it conceit if you are correct though ? Strangely it comes off as a disappointment to me. I was right all along and now I am disappointed. That is this feeling I am trying to come to grips with. I do feel the worst that can happen to a person is to be ignored, to be considered inconsequential. We all need to feel valued.  I know that is true with myself and feel bad when I impose that feeling on others. I wonder if it is a mutual thing though. I mean, do others feel the same way about that as I do ? Can you just blatantly ignore others if those others were at one time important to you ? Can you just dismiss someone ? I admit to having an issue with that. The only way I can dismiss someone completely is when they make me angry. I just don't stay that mad for very long. I wonder about people that do. I always find I have to let it go at some point. I expect if I met that man that punched me today I would shake his hand and say hello. I'm still a little mad about that but it has changed from anger into being leery. I certainly wouldn't trust him. Anger is the breeding ground for hate. I do get mad but I don't believe I hate. I can dislike someone but that doesn't mean I hate them, it means I disagree with them. Hate is when you take action against someone for nothing more than personal satisfaction. I mean, it serves no purpose whatsoever other than to gratify you.
 I'm thinking these feelings are coming to surface now because of the current situation in our country. I sense a whole lot of anger, from everyone. Anger does breed hate ! Hate is not a good thing at anytime and only feeds into the unrest. Hate will drive folks to take unreasonable actions. We all need to find a way to dismiss the hate. The only way that can happen is through discussion. We have stopped talking to each other and are just yelling ! That only serves to get attention, not solve the problem. You know it could be that is Trumps purpose, to get all of our attention. In that I would have to say he has been successful. Alright, our attention has been gained, now what are we going to do ? That is the question each of us need to answer. Quit yelling, quit being angry and let's talk this over rationally. If we don't, it'll come to hate. Hate is a selfish thing.  

erasing history ?

 I was reading about the removal of four confederate monuments from the city of New Orleans. Here in Maryland there has been an ongoing fight about the " Peace cross " that was erected to commemorate 49 soldiers lost in battle from Prince George's county in WW1. Opponents claim it is on public land and that the cross is offensive to Atheists. As of this writing the Cross still stands as it makes it way through the judicial system. Thousands of dollars being spent by both sides in the ongoing battle that could be otherwise be put to good use. I was wondering how many tax dollars were wasted in deciding to remove the four monuments in New Orleans. I expect the cost is considerable.
 Now I'm a Yankee through and through. I was born in the north and Great Great Grandfather Terry served with the 127th New York Infantry during the late war. There are a number of monuments commemorating the Union victory. That is as it should be. The whole thing to me is the Rebels have that same right of remembrance as we do. What is a monument ? It is a building, structure or statue dedicated to the remembrance of a person or event. That is what they are. In my mind certain ones are akin to a gravestone. They deserve the same respect and shouldn't be tampered with. This notion that the past is offensive is just more liberal dribble ! You can not erase the past no matter how many monuments you remove. In fact you are going to accomplish nothing more than drawing the attention and ire of those folks that feel as I do. I fail to see how anything constructive can be achieved in this fashion. Oh, but you say, those monuments are symbols of hate and bigotry. No, they are reminders of those men and women that fought and died for a cause. Basically the cause was an economic one and concerned with the notion of centralization of power but these liberals can't seem to grasp true history. No, these folks want to rewrite history to suit their own agenda. No matter the cause, the monument is not to the cause, it is to the people. There are many " offensive " people interred in cemeteries throughout our nation. Shall we go and remove their headstones ? Shall we erase their memory from earth ? The Egyptians tried to do that didn't they ? That was over five thousand years ago and we still talk about it ! So I would say, duh, learn from history do not attempt to erase it.
 Another question in all of this is any war noble ? Is one war more politically correct than another ? How should we decide which wars to commemorate ? Really, are we commemorating the war ? No, as I said we are commemorating the people that fought in that war. This idea that we should vilify an entire generation of folks based on their political motivation is just crazy. And make no mistake about it, it was politics that started that war. The same as it is today. the politicians put a spin on that to motivate the people. We went into WW1 reluctantly. Britain and several other European nations were heavily in debt to the United States. If they lost the war we wouldn't get paid back. Then the Germans sank the Lusitania killing 128 Americans and further declared unrestricted submarine warfare. That meant they would sink any ship from any nation. So, the United States entered the war in defense of the world ! Was it the debt owed or the lives lost ? In WW2 the Japanese attacked us, leaving little choice. But what of all the wars and conflicts that have followed ? Were they all noble causes for the sake of humanity ? No, that's the short answer. And so I say, shall we tear down all the monuments to all the men and women that have fought and died in any war ? After all, war in and of itself is offensive. Why should we be reminded of that ? I hope you see the ridiculousness of that last statement.
 It just infuriates me when I see what is going on. Tearing down monuments to the fallen. And this coming from the folks that declare their heritage and choices as PRIDE. We have lesbians, gays, transvestites, bi-sexuals and queer or questioning, you choose what the Q stands for because they don't, holding these parades. They are flying their rainbow flag and insist that isn't offensive to anyone. Their agenda is inclusiveness unless you fought for the confederacy that is, then you are just offensive. Talk about being a hypocrite ! Then you have these liberal folks that are always preaching equality. Everyone is equal, even when they are not equal, they are equal. We will adjust the scale to make it appear that everyone is equal if need be. Equality at all costs, even inequality ! Well except if it is a monument or flag from 1861 to 1865 that would be offensive. Those four years of conflict must be erased from history. You can't take any pride in any of that. Well if you are from the north and it is a northern monument that is alright. Now that's inclusive.
 Enough ranting for today, it'll change nothing in the long run. It is all about politics as usual anyway. If we want the votes we will capitulate to the lobbyists. Make no mistake about that, it is money that is fueling this agenda. Those " white devils "  from 1861 to 1865 need to be eliminated from the conversation. Nothing there but symbols of repression ! If we remove those monuments everyone will just forget about all that stuff. I would think it would be far better to be reminded. There was a price paid for you to be able to act as you do. It was those folks whose monuments you wish to destroy that cemented that right, and you would erase them from memory ! Ingrates and pathetic fools. That's my feelings about that.

Government or God

 I left a comment on a video posting and am left scratching my head. This video was some pundit declaring that Christianity in America wasn't under attack. That is the gest of what he was saying. He was complaining about being " hit over the head with the bible " as a means of governing behavior. He cited some " facts " that really weren't very convincing. One fact that stood out to me was rather silly. He was pointing out that the majority of our legislators were Christians and so overrepresented in Government ! Well, duh, a recent Gallup poll says 77% of Americans identify as Christians so shouldn't that be expected ? So, I don't get the point he was trying to make there. Whatever, but the comment I made was about establishing a moral and ethical code. I was saying that the purpose of all religions was to do just that. I went on to say that the separation of church and state did not mean the absence of moral, ethical or religious belief in government. All that was meant by that separation was the founding fathers felt it important for the government to not endorse a particular denomination of Christianity. A point of view I understand is not shared nor understood by many of these liberal thinking people in America. And my comment was answered by one of those. This person feels there should be no religion at all ! Well, to be precise you should have the freedom ( legally ) to practice any religion you want, that is what is meant by freedom of religion. In other words, if any religion forbids a practice that religion is wrong, it's imposing their belief on you ! And that is where the confusion comes in. Religious beliefs and practices should be allowed even when they are completely at odds with the betterment of society. If it's wrong, it's right ? That is tolerance, compassion and understanding ? Well it is non-confrontational that much I could agree with.
 What I am scratching my head about is on what shall we base our moral and ethical behaviors if we don't establish some baseline for them ? We can't use religion , remember ? So how do we codify what is moral and what is not ? Take human sacrifice for instance. My religion says it is a requirement, I am supposed to be allowed to practice my religion, unfettered, that is the argument. Does that mean I can then sacrifice someone ? Take this religion of Islam, you know the one we are supposed to tolerant, even embrace. They believe in female genital mutilation should that be allowed ? A doctor in America was recently arrested for performing such actions, her defense will be religious freedom. My point here is, if we are writing laws to establish moral and ethical behaviors just what are we going to base those laws on ? The simple answer is a majority opinion. Just whatever we decide at the time ? And in that we find the reasoning of the liberals. Let us not restrict ourselves to what we know is basic human rights but expand those rights to include whatever we want. We mustn't deny ourselves anything. The very mention of any religious restrictions must be removed from the conversation. The very mention of religion must be removed from government. In that way we can " legalize " any aberrant behaviors that become inconvenient to enforce. Without any religious restrictions on our behavior we are " free " to act as we please without judgement right ? If it is " legal " it is justified. Never mind about the truths we hold to be self evident, we will legalize whatever makes a profit and appeases the general population. It is easier to just let them do whatever they please isn't it ! Mustn't offend anyone or hurt their feelings by telling them they are wrong ! Worse still to punish them for those actions.
 One doesn't have to look very hard to see many examples of this in society today. The liberals are pushing their agenda of non confrontation by confronting the religious left ! They are saying that it is religion that is wrong. That having moral and ethical behaviors enforced by the government is just wrong altogether. Only government can decide what is right or wrong. They accuse those with religious beliefs of being modern day Pharisees. The truth is they wish to establish the government as that institution ! And the " religion " is money. Hey the government is collecting the taxes right. The government is imposing their idea of morality on the population. How is that different from those Pharisees in the Bible ? Follow our laws or be killed. If you so much as speak against our law, we will vilify you in the name of freedom. You will be accused of wrongdoing, imprisoned, or maybe even killed outright ! Just be silent and the government will provide you with whatever you need to be happy. The government knows what is best. You can practice your religion, in private, that is your right, guaranteed by the constitution of the United States. Thing is you aren't supposed to really believe it or tell anyone else about it. Just be quiet about your faith. It is wrong to state your beliefs publically and incite others to perhaps follow your idea. That would be just " hitting them over the head " with the Bible ! Of course holding parades, rallies, and protests about not getting your way isn't wrong that is freedom. Yes, restrictions on our moral and ethical behaviors and beliefs just aren't going to make us enough money. In response we will just allow it all. That's freedom.
 This has been a rather long and confusing thought. Maybe now you know why I'm scratching my head. Just how can you have to both ways at the same time ? You can't use religion as a basis for morality or ethical behaviors, yet you are free to practice your religion as long as it doesn't impose a moral or ethical standard on anyone else. I can believe something is wrong as long as I don't tell you that it is. So what you're trying to tell me is that all truth is subjective ? There are no universal truths ? I don't have any rights unless those rights are granted to me by government ? At the same time government is guaranteeing my right to follow my religion which is in contradiction to the very rights they are imposing ? Well, that's confusing isn't it ? Now, if we all agree that there are " universal truths just what entity delineated those truths ? ? Was it government or God ?

learning to live

 Like most things learning to live takes time. I was scrolling down my timeline or wall, whatever you call that page on Facebook where you post stuff, looking at the photographs. Some of those pictures are children and grandchildren, smiling young faces full of hope. They were posted by proud parents and grandparents. There are pictures of old friends and classmates there as well. Funny how those folks didn't look that old just a few years ago, neither did I. And then there are the sad posts about those that have passed on. I saw one of those just this morning. I read a comment someone posted that said, you can either cry because she is gone or smile because you knew her. I thought that was a wonderful sentiment describing the two ways of grieving. I subscribe to I'll cry because you are gone. I know in more modern times we celebrate their life, but I just can't find much cause for celebration of any kind. Perhaps it is a selfish thing, this internal grief with little outward display, but it is what I feel. Perhaps too I like to believe there will be sorrow associated with my passing, not a celebration. 
 It was as I scrolled along that I realized how long it takes to learn to live. When we are young everything is immediate. We want it now and when we don't get it we are disappointed. I don't mean to say we are spoiled but we haven't learned patience yet. Patience is indeed a virtue and one that needs to be learned. If you were ever in the military, or went to the department of motor vehicles,  you learned patience. Hurry up and wait is the motto of the day most times. On the heels of patience follows understanding. Understanding takes a while to get a handle on. Before we can fully understand we must have experience, First hand experience is best but in some situations that isn't possible so we have to develop empathy as well. For instance, I can't experience childbirth but I can empathize with the pain of that. I've stubbed my toe before ! As a man I know pain ! The point being it is a learning experience.
 The last step in learning to live is the acquisition of wisdom. Wisdom isn't so much being smart as being able to make good decisions. The ability to see what is important in any given situation. The situation here is life. We learn that life isn't about us and the here and now. There is only one way our life can continue, and that is through others. Only truth is carried forward. That bit of wisdom takes time to learn and understand. You can pretend to be something you are not, but sooner or later you will be exposed. In order to be carried forward, with another life, you must first be a part of that life. That which is untrue will be discarded. It is ironic how we must get old to understand all of that. By the time most of us understand far too many have already passed. It is that sorrow that I feel. Melancholy is the correct word to describe what I feel when I hear of the passing of someone I have known. This is especially true of someone I love. I don't say " loved " because my love doesn't die with them. I do become pensive, reflecting upon the past. Good mornings I should have said or goodbyes unspoken.
 I am still learning to live. Life is a lifetime pursuit after all. I mean it takes a lifetime to accomplish right ? I do believe I have learned some things along the way. I could be more patient. My empathy is sometimes lacking, and wisdom, well wisdom I just don't know much about. I do know a wise old farmer told me, the more you know, the less you think you know.That sounds about right to me. I have learned to be true. Shakespeare wrote, " to thy own self be true " and I have heard that quoted many times in my life. I believe it means to know yourself. In short, don't kid yourself, be honest in your thoughts and dealings with others. Remember, only the truth is carried forward. Did not Jesus say, " I am the way, the truth, and the light" ? And what was the truth he was talking about ? His word. And what is the promise ? Eternal life, so there you have it. At least that is what I think.

Pain is a part of healing

 There are times when I wake up with a thought and not much more. This is one of those days. I woke up thinking, pain is part of healing. That thought is a result of my granddaughter having had surgery. I just know that she is hurting and there isn't much you can do about that. Yes, the doctors prescribe pain killers, masks is all they are, temporary reprieve from the pain and a good thing. Still, the pain is there and can be felt. And that got me to thinking. All pain is like that, physical and emotional. Pain is a part of healing. Once the pain subsides we will continue on. Medications make that passage bearable. For some they never want to leave that medication, whether it is prescribed or self medicated, they have a dependence on that. It is something to guard against. For my granddaughter it has only been two days, yet I have concerns. My concern is to relieve that pain only to a manageable level. Not that I have any control over any of that but it is still a concern.
 I do wonder if we have a tendency to over medicate these days. In the past the drugs we had weren't quite as effective or readily available. I think we can all agree that the pharmaceutical companies are doing a booming business. Now not everything they are pedaling relieves pain that is true but it does plant a seed of dependence. What I mean to say is, we are much quicker to reach for the " magic formula " to relieve our suffering. It is really no different than the " snake oil " salesman of the past. Hey, Coca-Cola started out that way when they still put cocaine in the formula. It really did make you feel great ! Very refreshing indeed. How many pills are prescribed to ease nervousness, tension, anxiety and any number of maladies, real or perceived ? Far too many is my thinking. It is a tricky balancing act for sure.
 I'm not saying my granddaughter shouldn't be getting some pain meds at this point. I'm not saying anyone should be denied relief from pain. I do think that pain is a part of healing. If we mask all that pain, all the time, can we ever really heal ? I just don't think we will. I think we will reach for that magic pill or powder to return us to that state we enjoyed prior to the pain. With physical pain we should understand that we will not feel terrific every day, all day. Aches and pains are a normal part of everyday living. Pain can serve as a warning signal, do we really want to turn the signal off ! I don't think it is a good idea to silence the alarm. Emotional pain is much the same way. You do have to learn to live with hardship, disappointment, sorrow and loss. It is all a part of life. The pharmaceutical companies, along with those pedaling alcohol offer an alternative. Just dull your senses. I'm not opposed to a little relief, but I firmly believe all things in moderation.
 All of this must be balanced with our desire to see those we love and care for be comfortable. No one wants to see others in pain. Hey we all would ease the suffering of anyone, if we could. Are we doing them any favor though if we continue in that pursuit by artificial means ? I think it is our job to bear some of that pain for them. That pain for us is making the right choices. I would pamper and spoil her, give in to her every whim, if I didn't believe doing so would be harmful. And so in this situation all I can do is offer encouragement and support. I have to remember the pain is hers, not mine. I must do what is best for her. It sure is difficult to hear of her pain and know that she must go through that. I try to take comfort in that knowledge, the knowledge that pain is a part of healing. a necessary thing. I sure wish I could bear the pain for her but that's not the way it works. I am confident that she will come out stronger than she went in and that is the goal.       

chasing the future

 There are those that plan their lives far into the future. At least so I've heard. I have never been one of them. I've always been a more of a one thing at a time sorta guy. First thing I remember planning on was graduating high school. I was to be the first one of us kids to do so. Isn't that an amazing " old time " time thing when you think about it. Both my older brothers and my sister left high school to pursue careers. Well, that is what we would call it now but back then it was to just to make money. Whatever job was available at the time would suffice. My sister did go to trade school, cosmetician. Mom told me that was a fancy name for a hairdresser. I guess you could say my sister did pursue a career. She did that right up till she got married. My oldest brother held many different occupations during his lifetime and brother Dan learned to be a butcher. I did graduate from high school. I was the first in my family to walk across that stage in cap and gown, a proud moment. Afterwards I joined the Navy. I hadn't really planned on that move. The fact is it was decided by a coin toss. I had two friends that had decided to join the service following graduation and one was to go Army and one Navy. I choose which one to accompany by the flip of a coin. I have often looked back and chuckled about that, that was some way to choose a career move. Well it worked out all right I guess, I did wind up retiring from the Navy after only one interruption. Funny thing is I never planned on that until after fourteen years of service. By then I had gained enough sense not to quit and throw that time away. Well, I did have a wife that gave good advice ! I had learned by then it was best to just listen and do as you are told ! Ah, the secrets to a good marriage can take awhile to understand.
 I was thinking about this after writing yesterdays piece on expectations. I'm thinking I have never set my expectations too high or too far into the future. It wasn't and still isn't a conscious thing on my part. I believe it just stems from the way I was raised. To us folks b'low the bridge, same as other side of the tracks to others, you learned to enjoy what you had today. You didn't set much store by what might happen tomorrow, or in some distant future. Reality had a way of smacking you in the face. Advanced education was a great thing, and admired, but first you had best know how to make a living. A college diploma didn't get you more to eat or fix the roof. At least not were I lived it didn't, that was for those folks on the other side. Yup, those other folks made great plans all the time and chased the future ! We were just busy trying to survive until next week let alone worry about next year. Life b'low the bridge was immediate. You live and you die. The time in between you spend working. That is what I was taught anyway. You got married and raised a family that was life. Success meant grandchildren. To have your family all around you enjoying life together was the plan. That is what you worked for, not for money. Money was just a vehicle to get you there. I guess it all depends on what you figure you need. I always figured basic transportation was good enough, didn't need any luxury vehicle to get me there. It is like vacationing, doesn't matter how you got to the resort, you still enjoy the resort. It has been my experience that you don't want to get too comfortable anyway. Comfort leads to complacency. You start getting complacent about things and bad things will happen. You need to pay attention in life ! Concentrate on today. My grandmother had a saying, " don't worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself. " Now that, of course, was paraphrased from the Bible. Mathew said, " Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. " And just what does that mean ? You have enough challenges to face today, trust God to help you tomorrow, as he will today. You can't really plan for something that hasn't happened yet. Take care of your business today.
 I'm thinking that may be the basis of my philosophy in life. Tomorrow will come and bring the day with it. The best I can do is what is right. If I am doing right it will be just as right tomorrow as it is today. Right doesn't change with the day. So I do the best I can each day. Tomorrow will wait its' turn, no need to worry about that. You can chase the future all you want but you will never catch up to it. In the end, all you will find there, is the past.  
 

what did you expect ?

 Expectation is the fuel of action. Fulfilled expectations gives us satisfaction. It makes little difference if the result is judged good or bad by others. That understanding seems to be lost on many. Yes, I was told to expect nothing and you won't be disappointed, and I understand that thinking perfectly well. What it is saying is expect nothing from " others " and you won't be disappointed. Of course we can disappoint ourselves, I know I have done that on more than one occasion. That disappointment stems from incorrect actions. It usually results from reacting to emotion rather than logic. Emotions are bad decision makers although very strong motivators. I believe a lack of expectation will leave you unhappy. The fulfillment we seek is within ourselves and doesn't reside elsewhere. Ah yes, we say by doing for others we can be fulfilled. That is true only if that is your true expectation. I submit that isn't true in many people, myself included. When I do good deeds for others I do expect a return. That return doesn't have to come from the person that was the recipient of my good deed, but a return is expected. It is the old question revisited, why do bad things happen to good people ? I have no answer for that and won't attempt one either.
 I was thinking it is far better to know what is expected of you than not. But how to identify those expectations ? In the old days we all knew what was expected of men and women. Our roles were clearly defined by society. Were those expectations fair and just ?  Really it is, do you accept your lot in life ? I didn't get a choice of gender, so I believe I need to learn to live with what I got. Contrary to some peoples belief today, I don't get to decide that, ever ! It really doesn't matter what I feel like, it is what I am. I just need to adjust my expectations a bit. I wanted to play professional baseball when I was twelve, I've had to adjust that expectation since. Is it fair ? Doesn't matter does it ? But it is this trend of vague expectations that lend itself to the confusion we see in society today. Just what is expected of men and women ? Or the broader question is, what is expected of humanity ? The Bible tells us to love one another as we love ourselves. So then what is the expectation ? It is to be treated fairly by your set of standards. And that is the key isn't it ? Your set of standards, your expectations ? If a society doesn't establish a set of standards we each have our own and chaos and confusion results. Yet when those standards are clearly defined there is dissention. If your expectations aren't met, you are unhappy ! See how that works ?
 Now all of that seems rather confusing doesn't it ? I'm not quite certain I understand just what I am trying to say here. I just know that there is a lot of confusion in the world today. I believe it was far easier when everyone knew what was expected of them. Failure to live up to those expectations was a cause for concern but at least you knew what direction you should be going. Now it seems like the destination isn't as clear. If you don't know where you're going, how will you know when you get there ? How can you possibly be happy ? The secret is to know what your own expectations are and find peace with that. What do you expect from life ? I'm not asking what you want, that is altogether different, I'm asking what do you expect ? Do you expect fairness ? Well you're not going to get that all the time. How much are you willing to adjust that expectation ?  We must adjust our expectations to meet reality. You can't base standards on aberrations. That is what is being attempted today. It isn't going to work. As for me I expect I'll be disappointed in what others choose to do. That is unless they all decide to do what I want that is. I think that is a pretty universal sentiment. I don't expect others to change to suit me, it would be wise of them, but I don't expect it. Seriously though,our happiness is intertwined with our our expectations. It is why we say, what did you expect ?

strength of conviction

 I don't believe we never know the strength of our convictions until they are put to the test. I believe that to be true for each and every one of us. These are my thoughts as I read the commentary on social media about the various events and happenings. It does sadden me to think that many of these folks do not have strong convictions at all. Seems like they are convicted to only one thing, changing their opinion with the tide of popularity. If the old saying, misery loves company is true, these folks sure have a crowd around them. Truly they must live a miserable existence.
 These are times that are testing our convictions. I would say America is going through a rough patch. America is like a big family. All families go through tough times. I'd say we are having quite the squabble right about now. There are those that just want to help the neighbors and others that have had enough of them. Are we going to build a bigger fence ? It's a big problem isn't it ? Then we are being threatened by others, foreigners and out of towners. What are we going to do about that ? Are we just going to continue talking, being conciliatory and meek ? Or is it time to just give them a good smack ! Yes, there is a time to act.
 Yes I'd say the problem is America, as a family, can't decide upon our convictions at all. You can't believe, I mean truly believe, opposite views and act as a family. You could say the President is the father of the family. Our latest father is a bit of a disciplinarian wouldn't you say ? He isn't afraid to say whatever is on his mind and I don't believe he believes in spare the rod, spoil the child philosophy either. I won't dispute that perhaps we have elected more than we asked for but he was elected fair and square. Yeah, I know the Russians helped him and WikiLeaks too. Not the point. I do believe that America does need to straighten up.  Just what does America stand for is the real question here. Are we willing to act upon our conviction ? That is the test of strength I'm talking about.
 America has always answered the call to action. We have always joined together to defeat the forces that would destroy us. It has been the strength of our convictions that took us to victory. It is true that those conviction have been less than defined following WW2. That is the last war we fought with true conviction. That is also why we can't really claim " victory " over our enemies since. History has bourn that truth out. Korea, Vietnam, Afghanistan, Syria and the list goes on. In each instance we fought and lost lives. That is what happens in war and conflict, people die. Some die because of the strength of their conviction and some die as incidental participants. Was victory ever achieved ? Sadly the answer is no. It was one week after my own birth that the Korean War ended. I'm 63 right now and what is the threat now ? North Korea ! History is a sobering study of humanity. For 63 years we have stood guard at the DMZ and watched. What are we seeing now ? And yet there are many in the family that say, talk to them and we can settle this peacefully. Why I am less than hopeful ? I don't think it takes a genius to figure out that answer ?
 The time for talking is over. The time for swift and decisive action is upon us. Do we still posses the strength of  conviction that formed our nation in the first place ? Or has the family become weak, divided into factions without a common goal ? And that is what is required, a common goal. Just what is that commonality that will inspire us once again ? I pray that it becomes apparent soon. Without it America is lost. The strength of our collective conviction is being tested as a nation and that must be answered. I'm willing to do my part, set aside any squabble we are having in the family, and answer this threat. How about you ? In the past the motto was " for God and Country " My thinking it is the absence of God from that motto that is causing the confusion among the family. For God requires belief. I believe in America and I believe in God. Those are my convictions. The belief in God was far more " common " in years past. Is that the commonality we should be seeking ? I say, absolutely. Sounds trite doesn't it ? It does if you allow yourself to be deceived by the truth. The truth is, belief, strength of conviction is the strongest motivator there is. It is also why we are concerned with those " radicalized " people. Their beliefs, their strength of conviction is strong as well. It really isn't about whose God is better is it ? No, it is about who believes the strongest. Who is willing to test that strength with action ? In the ultimate irony the one with the strongest conviction of all would stand idle and do nothing. Turn the other cheek is the commandment. Not many of us have that strength of conviction do we ? No, we are human after all. And so we must test our strength of conviction in defense of our family. The American family. That's what I believe.

talking about it

 I do occasionally involve myself with comments on Facebook with folks I don't know. You know those posting making political statements. Opposing views is on of those sites that draws my attention. They are very good at pushing the buttons. Well that is what they get paid to do. I left a brief comment on that particular site yesterday and was amused by the responses. Those responses came mostly from the far left somewhere and are real eye openers. I can't but wonder what country those folks must have grown up in or what they were taught in school. Their answers are so far out of touch with reality that it does cause pause. I'm really hoping these folks aren't serious but just pulling our collective chain. If they really believe what they are writing we all in very deep trouble.
 The conversation started with Trump refusing to release his tax returns. Now that seems to be a big problem for some of these folks. They are demanding to see his returns because, well, they can't give a real reason other than every other president has. Some felt that as soon as you become president you have no right to privacy in your personal business. Complete and utter disclosure is required. That doesn't apply to those running for president though that's why Hillary and her deleted e-mails aren't important. If she had won then she would have had to show us what those e-mails were all about. When I pointed out that they were deleted that point was considered irrelevant. That was the first point of logic I got lost in. The focus of the conversation quickly changed though. It shifted to Trump wanting to start WW3 to increase his families profits. The fact that that Korean dictator is launching test missiles has nothing to do with it. We should just talk to him about that. That is what I kept reading, we need to talk about it. The only war that should ever happen is a war of words ! Of course if you are listening to Pelosi or Warren you would want to just surrender. Those gals are wearing their knitted hats too tight !
 I did have several people agree that something needs to be done. Those same folks agreed it shouldn't be us and no one should get killed. Military action may be necessary but surely no one dying. Hmm, interesting idea a war without casualties. One person felt it would be wrong to attack North Korea because all the people are being forced to do what that dictator says. Using that theory why did we ever retaliate against the Japanese, they were just doing what their dictator ( Emperor ) told them right ? How unfair of us to kill those people. We should have had a good talk with them. I even had a total stranger telling me what a big talker I was because I didn't have anyone in harms way. I did have to inform this person that he was incorrect. I have had a family member, on occasion several at a time, in every war and conflict this nation has been involved in beginning with the revolution. I told him fact is, I personally was involved in several. I didn't hear any more comments from the peanut gallery on that one. I wonder why anyone would make personal statements about a total stranger ? I have no idea whether that person ever served or even knows anyone that did. But that is the type of stuff that makes me wonder. The left is quick to assume things and quicker to deny the truth.
 The whole point here is I do enjoy reading what others are thinking. It does sometime cause a great deal of concern. I can only hope these folks are either just kidding or just trying to be politically correct. Surely that can't be that many naïve people in this country. Where did these folks attend school ? Sadly many claim to have advanced degrees and yet talk like complete fools. They do seem to have difficulty separating reality from wishful thinking. People die in wars ! I do think I am beginning to understand their thinking somewhat. I think you have to start with a " victim " mentality. You have to believe that everything that happens to you is because you are the victim. A " victim " can seek retribution, after all they are justified in that action. Victims can't be proactive though because that may cause you to be viewed as aggressive ! Oh my, we mustn't be intolerant of others, even when the others want to kill us ! We will just talk to them about that. If they should cause us physical harm we are " victims " and can react. Mostly we will react by using stronger language and we won't play with you anymore. We will head for our safe spaces, maybe the playground has a buddy bench. Anyone got the crayons and coloring books ? We could drop them into North Korea much like the propaganda pamphlets the Germans used in WW2. That should calm that mean dictator down.
 So you see that is the problem as I see it. I'm not a victim of anything. I have made my choices in life and so must live with them. That's simply the way it works. I'm not complaining about it. Yeah there are times I wish I had chosen something different. That doesn't mean you should have to change your choices to suit me. We create most of the circumstances we find ourselves in. In a larger sense the United States is in the situation it is in now because of inaction on the part of the last administration. All that administration did was talk a lot and issue warnings. We will " sanction " you. Yeah, you see how that worked out. Personally I am tired of America being a victim. It is time to stand up and be accountable. We are supposed to be the leaders of the free world. We need to do a lot more than talk about it. Let's get'er done.

Obliged to move

 Trump has been President for 87 days. The protests have died down some but those on the left are still pretty upset. I guess there will be more protests today about his tax returns. I do wonder why they are of such interest. I would venture to say 95% of those demanding to see them wouldn't have a clue about them in the first place. I know I'm not an accountant and certainly not one specializing in tax laws. Personally I don't think there is anyone that can decipher the tax code as it is written now anyway. But, they have to complain about something I suppose. Of course Al Sharpton owes millions but he is there little pet so that's alright. The notion that Trump owes money to the Russians, Chinese or North Korea is a troubling one isn't it ? It could be very well be. I'm not awfully concerned though.
 I have said all along that I didn't vote for Trump. That is just a historical fact. I am also not protesting against him. Like it or not he is the leader of our country, our commander in chief. Being a retired navy man I'd say he was the captain of the ship. I would also say, I may not like him but I not going to make him run us aground ! No, I'll do what I can to make sure we have smooth sailing. Presidents are like Captains, they change and with them so does policy. I have to admit that so far this Captain is more to my liking than the last. He doesn't seem afraid to sail into a storm, although he is approaching it with caution. Hey, at least he calls our enemies out on their nonsense. He is not afraid to remove the covers from the rifles ! I agree with a show of strength and letting these folks know we ain't fooling around. Call him crazy if you like but I like a man that will stand up and be counted.
 I don't want to see any more conflict in the world than what already exists. I also don't think it is wise to just talk about it and do nothing. Economic and political sanctions have done nothing but embolden those that would seize opportunity. That fat little Korean dictator needs to be put in his place. Whether China does it or the United States, it needs to be done. The guy is a dangerous man. I said it before and I'll repeat it, it is my hope that his own generals caused the failure of that last missile to launch. Yeah, some are saying we sabotaged it, but I don't believe that. I do think China will step in, there is too much money at stake here. That is always the reason behind wars and conflicts, money. North Korea doesn't have any money but they have coal that China needs. It's been fine for China with that dictator practically starving his people to death to feed his weapons programs. China has been getting their coal at reasonable prices because North Korea doesn't have to pay the workers much and safety and all that stuff is non-existent, just keep digging coal boys. But if he goes too far that supply could be interrupted, business would suffer and we can't have that. So maybe China will take care of it. I wouldn't say I am happy to hear it but I do think it is time the President of the United States stood up and said, enough talk, we're going to take care of business.
 Presidents are measured by their first hundred days. For whatever reason that has always been so. I can't remember a president that has been under such an assault his first 87 days. And it has been an assault. The press has attacked him at every chance. Social media has done nothing but vilify his every action. His family has been attacked like no other first family. SNL has made their living off lampooning him. It hasn't been a smooth transition of power that much is certain. In my opinion the left has made a laughing stock out of America. Pink knitted hats and safe spaces ! Just what image is being projected. It most certainly isn't one of strength ! Well I say it is time to flex our muscles just a bit. I do think Trump is the man that will do that. He may be judged harshly for that by the liberals. It may lead to his removal from office. I think that depends upon the resolve of the American people themselves. Are we going to allow it ?  Or will we, as Americans, stand our ground, impose our will, and take charge of the situation once again. I believe America was created to lead the world and lead we shall ! Our last " leader " was weak and spineless. He wouldn't call terrorists , terrorists for fear of offending someone. I'm going to say it, he was just some punk. A lot of talk but no real courage.  He and his administration did more harm to America than any other administration in my lifetime. I'm not saying Trump will be our saving grace but he has earned the privilege of trying. He won the election ! That's the bottom line in all of this. He is now the Captain I must sail with, I'm not abandoning ship ! That doesn't mean I agree with everything he does but I am bound to follow orders. It is my job as a citizen. Citizenship is granted by the power of the government, by the law of the land. Citizenship carries with it obligations. You are obligated to perform certain functions within that framework. The first and certainly not the least of these obligation s is to vote. Having voted your obligation then becomes respecting the outcome of that process. It doesn't include getting a do-over when your candidate doesn't win, that will come in time, two to four years depending on the office for which we are voting. In the meantime your obligation is to support the current administration. If all you can manage is not staging violent protests, that's what it is. If all you can manage is common decency, that is then your obligation. I am obliged to offer as much support as I can muster in the defense of my country. If you can't support the nation then get out ! That's my feeling about it. The time for talk is over. On the television show " The Rifleman " Lucas McCain, the dad says to his son, " son, a man doesn't run to a fight, but he doesn't run from one either. " Words to live by. America has been running towards the fight. Have many Americans have we lost ? Collateral loses ? Collateral for what gain ? Think about that for just a minute. What have we gained in the last eight years ? Prestige, admiration, or respect on the international stage ? I don't think so. I think the opposite is true. I'm tired of that. Stand up America and stand your ground ! There does come a time when you just have to decide ! Either *hit or get off the pot, as my dad was fond of saying. Pence called it strategic patience but that is exactly what he meant. America has been sitting on the pot far too long. Time for a movement !

stronger than time

 It is a difficult thing at times, this realization of time. We all say it, time flies and it certainly seems to. Strange how we live it and yet it goes by us so quickly. Einstein theorized about the space/time continuum and I think it is the same thing. Einstein was trying to figure it out and now it is Stephen Hawking. Both of those guys are pretty smart alright but I don' think either understand it anymore than I do. Seems to me time is a relative thing. There are times when it is very fast and others when it is slow. Determining the average is almost impossible. Man has divided time up into minutes, hours, days, weeks and months. Months form years and years make decades and on and on but we still can't really measure time. When did time begin ? Will time end ? That's the problem with this time deal isn't it ? How can you measure something without a beginning or an end.
 I began to think about this time thing when writing a blog posting about Easter. I was remembering how we used to get new clothes for Easter. Those clothes were our " Sunday " clothes. Mostly a new suit, or at the very least, a new suit jacket for the guys and a new dress for the girls. The decade I grew up in the 1950's that is how it went. We also got new clothes when school began, yup, our school clothes. Christmas was a time you would receive the more frivolous pieces of clothing , those " name brand sneakers " or another "name brand  " article. Of course you also got new underwear,  tee shirts and socks. I didn't hear about designer clothing until the 1970's or so. My birthday is in July and I might have gotten some new clothes then. That was pretty much how it went as I remember it. We didn't get new clothes throughout the year. I began thinking maybe that is why the Easter outfits became such a tradition. It was the time to get those new Sunday clothes.
 I was never one to admire new clothes. I realize some folks really enjoy dressing up and all of that. Fashion is important to some. Me, I'm all for being comfortable. I didn't like getting those new clothes. First off, with my new Easter suit all I heard was, be careful, don't get them all dirty, that jacket has to be dry cleaned you know, quit running, if you fall you'll get grass stains on those pants. And with school clothes you had to change as soon as you got home. New clothes are just a pain. New clothes aren't very comfortable either. I couldn't wait until Mom relaxed her rules on those school clothes. It usually only lasted for the first month of school or so. There was the repeat performance following Christmas though.
 As I was thinking about Easter and all those traditions growing up I was thinking about time. That's when I realized all that was fifty years ago. Fifty years ! Now where did that time go ? Strange how memory doesn't know about time. Memory is always in the present. Isn't that last statement what is called an oxymoron ? I can't help but feel it is the truth. Our memories are in the present to us because we relive that time with the memory of it. See, now we know why Einstein and Hawking can't figure it out either. Does it make sense ? No, not really. Still, a time and place say forty years in the past is alive and well in our memory. That is true even when that place no longer exists ! Memories are timeless. But what of memories lost ? Where do those memories go ? Do they go anywhere at all ? Or is that they no longer exist in this time, but in another ? I suppose that would be a matter of belief. If you believe your soul lives forever wouldn't that soul contain all your memories ? I think it would. Merle Haggard said in a song, " memories are stronger than time " and I think he is correct about that. The ability to share those memories with others has nothing to do with the strength of those memories is my feeling. I don't believe Alzheimer's or any other diseases like that rob people of their memory, only the ability to share those memories in this time. Perhaps there is a reason for this beyond the physical. God does work in mysterious ways, ways we can't understand.  Are those memories required some place else ? It's a comforting thought to me. If you've ever looked into the eyes of someone in that condition, not remembering, they do look distant. That may be the reason, they are.
 I do believe as we age we gain an awareness of time. Some of us gain that awareness sooner than others. These are the folks we say have an old soul. I do think you can be born that way. I also believe it is something you can gain through experience and meditation. Life should be a learning experience from beginning to end. Meditation is something we should all practice. It doesn't have to be a formal ritual just a contemplation. Where does time go ? It's a good question to think about. Is time nothing more than a circle without end ? Are we destined to repeat ? My thinking is this. Our physical selves are finite in nature. This we know without question. Yes we have extended the " life " of the body and will continue to do so. The other part, our soul or energy, whichever you prefer to call it, is infinite. Time would then have to be infinite for the soul to exist. So, time and our souls are one and the same. That is the reason we can't understand time. If we understood time we would understand that energy we call our soul. That soul is God ! I don't believe we can ever understand God. If we did we could recreate God, duplicate him. No, I don't think we will ever do that.         

Easter

 Easter a day of rebirth and new beginnings. That belief is based in the Christian tradition as everyone knows. It is the fulfillment of a promise. That is what I was taught. Yes, when I was little it was Easter bunnies and candy.  When I got up on Easter morning those baskets would be there. I got to admire all the goodies and sample just a little. First you had to get ready for church though. That was the routine while I was growing up. The church would be filled with Easter Lilies and everyone dressed in their best. The ladies wore a bonnet and white gloves. The guys would be in a suit and tie. It was all gaiety and laughter, we were celebrating the rising of the Christ, we had been saved ! That was the message.
 I remember at some point in time the sunrise services began. They were held on the beach. The old folks, my parents and grandparents, didn't think too much of that. It was all a little hippy dippy to them. I can recall going and listening to the preacher as the surf rolled in behind him. It was crisp and cool but very stirring as well. We didn't wear our finest clothes that morning, after all, you're at the beach with all that sand. Still, I felt as though I was properly dressed for the occasion. The reverend wore his vestments, no change as far as I could tell. Honestly I don't recall how the ceremony went and if there was a collection taken. I only attended those services two or three times. Personally I saw nothing " sacrilegious " about them. I expect folks that live by the sea have done so long before we started doing that.
 I was thinking and remembering the other day about all our traditions. Each generation does modify the tradition just a bit. Most times we call it progress. The truth is most of the time it is for convenience. Those old traditions can get to be a burden can't they ? I mean getting up at the crack of dawn to go to services and all. Even wearing our " outfits " that may be less than the most comfortable and relaxed fitting can become too much effort. We excuse that by saying, God doesn't care what we wear. I'm certain of that truth but it isn't an excuse to be less respectful. Dressing up in our finest is a show of respect. Ah well, life has become a lot less formal in modern times. I don't like it much and have said so on many occasions. I think life is a formal affair and one should dress for it. I can't help but think maybe that is why we are moving toward the secular. Those reminders on the calendar are slowly being removed. Holidays, especially religious ones,  are not given the attention they were in the past. How can we expect future generations to understand the significance if we don't acknowledge that significance ourselves ? Just remembering the way it used to be isn't going to get it done. But, I should be scolding myself on that account, I write and talk a lot but my actions belie those words. I'm as guilty as anyone else.
 The predominant thinking today is get the folks in church. That is the primary objective. Fact is, it always has been. Then the church began instituting rituals. Rituals are requirements. It was expected of the parishioners. Tithes are among these rituals and requirements. Tithes are a necessary thing, the Priests, Ministers, and Pastors have to eat and have a place to live. The church building and grounds have to be maintained. Over the years requirements both written and implied have been relaxed. The services themselves have been modified and relaxed. Come as you are. The traditional hymns are being replaced with modern " praise " songs. Rock and roll song is what they are with a Christian message. I don't feel there is anything wrong with that, but it does send a mixed message in my opinion. Worship to me is a solemn occasion. We are talking about life and death after all. Pretty serious business in my book. There is a time and place for everything. I just don't think Gods' house is the place to have a party. Of course, I'm old school in that regard. I did write about that feeling in a blog post called Celebrant or Supplicant. They really are opposite ways to worship. I go as a supplicant, asking for forgiveness. The hope is I will celebrate in the afterlife.
 Today we should be grateful that the promise was kept. It should reassure us all that life will continue. Only Jesus could return to give us the message, the proof, if you want to look at it that way. The message is we can all have eternal life. All we have to do is believe. It is only man that complicates things. Just believe, it really is as simple as that. Happy Easter, he is risen, he is risen indeed.    

grounded

 For me the telling of a story is supposed to be first entertaining and then instructive. That is the way I usually heard them growing up. I believe that is simply because I was raised in a different time. Oh, I'm not saying I am that old, only 63, big plans as that lady in the commercial says, but before children were entertained twenty four/ seven. No, I was raised where children were to be seen and not heard. When children were included it was usually to teach you something, receive some sort of instruction or guidance. The best way to do that was with stories or as they called them in the Bible, parables. I was certainly taught moral lessons in that fashion but it wasn't Jesus doing the talking. The intent was the same however, to catch your attention and teach you some valuable lesson at the same time. I suppose that is why a great number of my stories state my opinion on whatever.
 All families have stories that are told and retold. They become like old friends to us, comforting in their familiarity. You know the kind I'm thinking about, little incidents in time. You get together and that story will be told sooner or later. If you are the butt of that story you dread it but accept the inevitable. One from my childhood is " ground it. " My father was a mechanic and like most men of his generation he repaired his own vehicles and equipment. He also assumed that others knew what he was talking about. Dad was a man that was used to issuing orders and you followed them. That is how it worked in my house anyway. A sort of dictatorship ! Well, Mom could intervene with some success on occasion, but rarely interfered. Anyway, the starter motor on Dad's old Ford needed replacing. Times were tight and so he got a replacement starter at the junkyard for a few dollars. He wanted to test it before installing it and that is where I got involved.  He called me over to the car and handed me this piece of wire. He told me he was going to test this starter and I was to " ground it " when told to do so.  Now, I had no idea what he was talking about but you just don't question him when he is doing something, especially so when he is cussing and mumbling. So, he got that starter tucked under his arm with another wire going to the battery post, it was a tricky balancing act. Then he says to me, " ground it. " I just give him a dumb look which immediately infuriates him and he yells again, " GROUND IT " I instantly take that wire I am holding and jam into the ground as hard as I can. Dad throws down the starter and wire he was holding and goes storming off, muttering something about an idiot. Mom is standing on the front porch watching the show and begins laughing. Dad wasn't amused at all. After a bit he calms down and explains what grounding it means.  We test that starter and put it on the car. It was my introduction to basic electricity and I have never forgotten. You see it is a sort of parable. The moral of the story is, if you don't know, ask. Far better to admit you don't know something than to pretend that you do. A good lesson.
 That is the way my childhood went. And it wasn't just with my father, it could be anyone older than me. That is how we learned things back in the old days. The information was passed from one generation to the other. Lessons were often harsh, some would say cruel in a way, but you learned. Stories were told of showing the folly of certain actions. Stories of fights won and lost. All of those stories did carry a lesson with them. The lesson sometimes didn't become clear to me for years. I have even  " discovered " the truth in some of those old stories recently. That is what was so great about growing up when and where I did. There were generations of knowledge being shared. Today families are spread out and much knowledge is lost. Today we say, don't tell those old embarrassing stories, stories of failure and bad decision making. We wouldn't want to offend anyone or hurt their feelings. I understand the sentiment but it does contribute to the weakness I see in a lot of these young folks today. Could be that is why they are heading for safe spaces. In my youth we just learned to deal with it. We all learned what could be the most valuable lesson of all, if you can't laugh at yourself, you'll never learn to laugh " with " others.
 Yes, when I was growing up and in the town I lived we had characters. It is something you will often hear, this notion of characters. Characters are always thought of in a humorous way, almost in a condescending fashion.  Isn't that what we mean when we say, he or she is a character ? Well characters are what make the story come to life. Without characters you just don't have much do you ? What this world need right now are more characters and less actors. We have an abundance of people " acting " like they are sincere. These folks act they way they believe society wants them to act. They respond with all the " correct " answers. Yes, the world is full of " actors. " I find myself missing those characters of my youth. We laughed, we loved and we learned. It was a great time in America. Most of all I think we were all " grounded. " We were grounded in the truth and the acceptance of reality. Men were men, ladies were ladies and there was no question of which bathroom to use. Simple times ? Maybe, but we were grounded, that much is sure.

what it's all about

   Today is Good Friday. Growing up I recall three o'clock being a sacred time. This was common knowledge you might say, that it is the hour that Christ died on the cross. At least that is what I was taught. Now I attended church more as a matter of course than any strongly held religious belief and that is the simple truth of it. I went for the social aspects as much as the spiritual. I believe that was true for the majority of the congregation and probably still is. But I have also watched as America moves to a more secular society. I watch that " progress " with a sad heart and a sense of foreboding. The old ways and old traditions are being cast aside. I wonder how many children today know the significance of this day. I would venture to say it is fewer than in years past.
 As I said I went to church more because Mom said so than any desire to worship. That was true, at least in the very beginning but I did grow to find comfort within the body of the church. The seed was planted and I believe that is the purpose of sending your children to church and attending church school. The seed was planted in me and I admit it has been a slow growth. Especially during my early twenties and into my thirties a little " miracle " grow may have worked wonders ! LOl, but seriously the seed had been planted. And now when these religious holidays and observances come along I am aware. I do miss some of the old traditions. I tried one year buying the Easter outfits for the grandchildren but it wasn't a tradition to them and so meant little. Very few, if any of their friends, followed that old tradition. I wonder why that is ? Have we just become so relaxed in our worship, so casual, that it doesn't matter at all ? I guess that is the attitude and I admit I don't believe God cares one bit how you are dressed. Still, it was a reminder and a rebirth in its' own way. We got our new " Sunday go to meeting " clothes for Easter every year. And that was the only time we did, they had to last till next year. Fifty two wears at the most !
 Good Friday and you don't eat meat on Good Friday. Everyone knows that. When I was in elementary school no Catholic was supposed to eat meat on Friday. The school cafeteria didn't serve any meat products on that day, seems like we usually had welsh rarebit. Of course we called it Rabbit and I didn't know that wasn't the name until I looked up the recipe. I expect in schools today they don't worry about such things as religious fare. In 1966 it was generally thought that Catholics could now eat meat on Friday if they so desired. The part about having to do a penance in its' place seems to have been overlooked for the most part. I'm not a Catholic and so know little about this other than what I read. The point being that this religious observance was honored by our society in general and no one complained about not getting a burger on Friday. Different times indeed. It also seems to me that some places of business would be closed from noon to three on good Friday. That memory is a vague one but I believe true. Of course I remember when you couldn't buy alcohol until after one on Sundays. Like I said, we have moved more toward a secular society.
 The church and its' traditions are a part of my raising. Those things were ingrained into my conscience. I was made aware of circumstance and consequence. More importantly I was made aware that consequences were far more than what happens here on this earth. Consequences extend beyond the mere mortals lifespan. Consequences are eternal, simply explained, you can't change the past so you had better do the right thing the first time around. Forgiveness could be had, but forgiveness doesn't change the action or the result. Jesus was nailed to that cross as a result of circumstance. He died as a result. But, he rose again just as he said he would and forgave the world. What a powerful message that is. Good Friday is a very sad occasion to me, even knowing the way of it doesn't offer much consolation.
 Well in todays world, in our country it is just business as usual these days. That I find rather sad as well. Now I'm not saying we should all be in our churches praying and lamenting our loss. No, I feel a sadness for what I perceive as a lack of awareness. There was a general acknowledgement of the gravity of this day in years past that is lost on many today. No meat, three hours of silence and prayers offered. Things of the past ? I pray for a return, it has happened before and can happen again.  Eternity, that is what it is all about.     

step right up

 As I sit in my little corner of the world and the news comes in I am often amused. Oh sure world events and the like can be a sobering reality but there is humor out there as well. Yesterday that news arrived in the form of an advertisement on Facebook. I read with great amusement of a tour one can take for 75 dollars and it's narrated. Why would that be so amusing you ask ? Well, because the tour is of my hometown ! Yes, it's true you can take a tour of East Hampton, including the villages of Amagansett and Montauk. I wonder if it is a three hour tour. If not it should be because it is a situation comedy in my thinking. The ad does say there will be wine tasting, beer tasting and food. I'd have to be drunk to pay 75 dollars to take that tour. LOl, I can't stop laughing. Just what are they going to show these folks ? Oh I know there are a few historic attractions. Let's see, Home Sweet Home is there. There are five windmills and the Lighthouse at Montauk Point. Hmm, nothing in between comes to mind unless you count riding by somebody's' house. I mean some famous people have lived there and still do but no one you can knock on the door and actually meet. I heard that Seinfeld is especially inhospitable to drop in guests. Well, guess the beer and wine is supposed to make up for that.
  On a much sadder note for me is this notion of a " historic " tour, although I don't think it was advertised as such. But to me, taking a tour of a place is to see either what it is now, or what it used to be. Seeing as how East Hampton is a real living and thriving town without any real modern attractions other than shopping and nightclubs, the party scene is what East Hampton, indeed, all  the Hamptons is all about these days, I'd have to believe that tour is about what was. I suppose you could say it is about tasting the beer and wine and so you shouldn't be driving and that is why the tour bus. Okay, I'll concede that much but why wouldn't you just advertise that ? A tour of the wineries and breweries. I don't know not having lived there since about 1975 I really can't say what it is like any more. I remember what it used to be. It is that memory that brings a sense of sadness and one of " anger " to the surface. Although initially an amusing thought this taking a tour of the old hometown it quickly turned to something else. I haven't quite put my finger on it but it has been nagging at me ever since I first read that advertisement. Is my past, and my parents and grandparents past an attraction ? Is that something to have narrated to you while you ride in a tour bus ? For those of you that may have watched the Jerry Seinfeld show it reminds me of when Kramer had the J Peterman reality tour  episode. Is my past and all the generations before me worth the price of admission ? NO, well there is beer and wine tasting. And of course we can say how rich and famous people lived here and still do as that is a big deal. Maybe the locals will dress up for you  and you could throw them a few sheckles from the window of the tour bus. But, I'm not going to get all upset by this, it is what it is. I will stay amused by it all, like a side show. Dad was right, a fool and his money soon part company.

 As I said in my comments yesterday on that posting I am reminded of a George Jones song, The Grand Tour. Step right up, take the tour, if you liked to see the things that used to be. Here's the clamrake I used to make a living with and a dried net lying on the floor. A rusty Dodge truck with a winch in the bed and a dory rotting in the yard. Yes sir, step right up. 

lessons for living

 There are questions I think about every now and again that I just can't decide the answer too. When we're dead, will we know that we are dead ? The assumption is that we will, but why ? Why should we assume that other than the fact we wish it to be so ? I guess the question is does our spirit have a brain ? Or if it does is it the same one we have now ? I kinda hope that isn't the case because that could mean trouble. What I mean is, if I do manage to get past the pearly gates with the way my brain works, it'll be trouble. On the other hand I'm afraid St. Peter might meet me at the gate and say, you're kidding right ? See, that's how my mind works. I think about everything. I really do wonder if we will know we died.
 I know that most folks are afraid of dying, or at the least, don't want it to happen. Problem is, it will.  Now I'm not afraid of dying that doesn't scare me but not knowing what to expect is bothersome. Yes I have my faith that there is life after death. I do believe the spirit lives on. There are times when I think heaven is here on earth and hell is being alive ! You have to admit it is a pretty nice place to be, it is just the living part that is hard. The hardest part of all is watching as those we love depart. That is something I believe we all question, the why of that. I don't offer any answer to that one because frankly I don't understand it at all. Other than everything happens for a reason I just don't know. And that is why I ask, do we know that we died ?
 I've read the accounts and saw it in a movie once, the near death experience. Seeing a light and all that and I won't discount it. In a scientific way I would think our brain would go into overload if things start getting real bad. It would have to be an overwhelming bit of information for the brain to process. But that is the mechanic in me thinking about such things. It could just as easily be that we do see the " light " and for whatever reason turn around. I'd have to say we don't get a choice although Stephen King wrote a short story about all of that. The title escapes me but the plot of the tale was before you go into heaven you do get to choose between two doors. One door leads to heaven and the other takes you back to earth to start over. You are born to the same parents and all of that, but you get to start over with everything else being the same. That's why we experience deju vu. I don't think that is the case however because I do believe God has a plan. There has to be a plan doesn't there ? If there isn't all that is left is chaos. Seeing how ordered our universe is one can't possibly believe it is all an accident. So, yes there is a plan. Are our lives and deaths part of the plan ? Yes, I have to say they are, couldn't be any other way. The problem for us is a simple one, we aren't in charge ! We don't get to make the plan. We are given free will to do as we please that is true enough but whatever we do, or plan, isn't going to change a thing in the big plan. Well unless of course we screw things up so bad the plan gets scrapped ! If you are a person of faith that has happened a couple times that we know of. The great flood was one of them. Then there was Sodom and Gomorrah. The man changed whatever plan he had on those two occasions, wiped the slate clean and started over. Hey, could be that was his plan in the first place, lesson plans for man !
 Well, like I said I like to think about these questions from time to time. There is no answer that is right or wrong. I can't decide if I will know whether I'm dead or not. I'm leaning toward I'd rather not know. If I knew and could do anything about it I would be a restless spirit for sure. There are some I'd like to haunt ! Not to do harm to them, just mess with them. Maybe we can and that is what ghosts are all about. When we got tired of doing that we could just move, on is my thinking. Some just hang around longer than others. For some saying goodbye can take a while. Me, I don't like long goodbyes. Like removing a Band-Aid I want to do it as quickly as possible. So for me I guess it will depend upon whether dying hurts or not. Won't know that until it happens though. I don't think it will although whatever kills me might. Hmm, I'll have think about this.   

free to dream

 It doesn't take much to get me started. Yesterday a friend posted a short video about the free tuition thing in New York State. Hooray, more free stuff for the deserving. In this case those families making less than 100,000 a year.  you know, the poor folks. Yes, the rich, those making more than 100,000 a year and the poor that don't have any children to send to college will foot the bill. What a win for the middle class. How very progressive. Now those poor middle class children that have been clamoring to attend college, struggling and yearning for education, can finally achieve their dreams. They won't have to work for it any more. no, it's a right ! Of course they do have to stay in New York state for two to four years after they graduate. But, what the hell, sacrifice two to four years of your liberty for a free ride ain't such a bad deal. Hey, you can always collect unemployment because your liberal arts degree won't get you a job. Or maybe you can work at McDonalds, should be getting 15 an hour by then, and become the manager ! Yeah, you could have done that with a high school diploma but you would have missed out on the party. Maybe the state will hire you to keep track of all those graduates and make sure they don't sneak across the border, to another state ! We do have a problem with that in the United Sates you know. Only in this case it would be documented citizens ! Imagine that. Why he went to New Jersey, I saw him ! No school for you ! Or you have to pay back the tuition that you didn't pay in the first place, or well, what are we going to do ?
 I told you it didn't take much to get me started. I no longer live in the great state of New York but if I did I would be more upset than a Hillary supporter ! I'd probably knit a funny hat and start a few riots ! Maybe organize a march or two, go on CNN and whine. I do think it is totally ridiculous. Wouldn't the state, and those potential students, be better served if tuition costs were just brought down to a manageable level ? What I mean, they still have to pay, no free ride. Students should be held accountable for their actions. You know, that is the way it works in the real world right ?  If you get a job and need an apartment, one isn't just given to you. You do have to earn and pay for goods and services. Just how many kids are going to flock to college for the free ride ? Oh I know they have to pay for books and maybe the dorm, although that stuff will be provided in the not too distant future I'm sure of that, and no one to answer to. Hey, it's free what difference does it make if I pass or not ? Is the college going to care ? I doubt that as long as the checks keep coming in. But, you say, the professors and administration are worried about enriching the lives of their students, it's all about teaching. Yeah, right and Hillary Clinton don't lie either ! It's all about money. That's why we have thousands of kids with college degrees right now that can't find a job. It's because those same educators filled those kids heads with tales of grandeur ! Get this liberal arts degree and you'll make 80 or 100 thousand a year easy. Yes, a business degree is just what you need. A college degree ensures you won't have to get your hands dirty and associate with those peasants doing manual labor.
 What of those that want to go to a trade school ? They want to learn a skilled trade to actually get a job and earn their keep, do they get free tuition ? There was no mention of that. Guess those poor folks can just pay for that themselves. That is, after they fund the education of other peoples kids that is. You do have to have priorities. What if I get a job after high school but can't afford to rent a place to live. Will the state pay my rent for four years ? Hey, I promise to stay in New York for two to four years afterwards. Seems fair to me.
 Yeah, it sounds good on the surface of things doesn't it ? Free tuition for the poor folks. Well because everyone should have a degree. I agree, everyone should have a degree, a degree of common sense that is. When things become free, the value goes down. I ain't never took no economics class like them there college fellas but I reckon I know that much. It'll be a boom for the colleges and universities that much is for sure. I don't think they will raising the bar any, bad for business you know. No, we will just adjust the curriculum to promote standards easily achievable. Well because you know, a mind is a terrible thing to waste. Education is subjective right ? It would just be unfair to set standards, we can't have standards ! Standards are prejudicial and oppressive. If you don't believe me just look at what they are teaching in those colleges today. Remember they now have their " safe spaces " where they hand out crayons and coloring books to deal with stress. The " no judgment zones " where no matter how much of an idiot you make out of yourself it's acceptable. I guess you shouldn't have to pay for that after all. Being an idiot is free ! Educated idiots are the best kind. Educated damn fools is what my father would have said. I don't disagree.