Just Me

Just Me
Look,I'm just sayin'

Monday, October 17, 2016

frustrated

 I find myself out of sync and out of time. A string of events has left me in this state. The days and time are all jumbled up. Here it is almost ten in the morning and I have just sat down to write. Crazy, should have been done with this hours ago. It will have an effect on my writing of that I am sure. I have already had to interact with people and that alone will change your attitude. I will say my interactions so far have been pleasant ones and that is a plus. The chores outside my home have been accomplished and I'm ready to settle in. But alas, their are distractions inside as well. To sum it up, it feels like a long time since I have been home. Does that make any sense to you ? I'm home but not home. I have a friend that probably shares a similar experience, although a lot more intensely than I. I'll be home on Tuesday afternoon. At least that is my hope.
 One of the things is while I'm trying to write I keep getting interrupted by banter. I don't mind someone asking a question but it should be obvious that I am trying to compose something over here. I sometimes feel as though it is quite rude, like interrupting a conversation. Well, it is, I'm pretty much having a conversation with myself when I write my blogs. I have said before, I look at it almost like therapy. Physician heal thyself ! Except in this case I need a shrink !! Was a day when I would have reached for some " medication " in a bottle but those days are long gone. There are times when I wish I hadn't " wised " up and remained foolish. If I am to believe all the hype I guess I should take up smoking dope, that seems to be the cure all of choice these days. Safer than alcohol is what I read. The truth is it is just a mask to cover up things. Doesn't really matter what you use the result will be the same. In the end you'll be no better off. If it doesn't kill you or cure you what is the purpose ? Well, I don't want to get into that discussion. I already know how I feel about it.
 What I'm dealing with here is frustration, the feeling of being upset or annoyed, especially because of inability to change or achieve something. That is what it is alright and I feel better for having written it. Once we understand the issue we can begin to deal with it. Now I can choose to change my circumstance and alleviate some of this frustration. The choices I face are not ones I want however, that is a part of it. I could go and do other things, productive things, but I just want to relax at home. That is the frustration. Nothing to be done about it except wait for the circumstances to change. So, that is what I will do ; maybe. I might talk myself into doing something else to distract myself from this frustration. I have the ability to change the situation, at least temporarily.
 I find it no longer possible to string together coherent thoughts. I must close for today. Maybe a nice walk in the park.