like that

  Familiarity breeds contempt. It's a phrase we have all heard at one time or another. Butker used that in his speech and caused quite a stir. But what does it really mean? Yes, the end result may very well be contempt, but it exposes your weaknesses and shortcomings to others. That is where the problem lies when "leaders" become too familiar with those they are leading. It isn't a good thing to be friends with the boss. Well, it isn't good if you are the boss, and that is something I can speak too from experience.

 As most of you reading will know I did serve in the Navy for a period of twenty years. Along the way I rose in rank and responsibility. And yes, I enjoyed certain privilege in doing so. That's how it works. We had a saying for that, "he's got it like that" to explain what seemed to others to be an unfair situation. That was an indication to others to just get over it, that's the way it is. Quit cryin".

 Now over the course of time as I rose through the ranks, as the saying goes, I had friends, shipmates, coworkers or whatever you wish to call them that didn't rise at the same time or pace. One day I was their equal, the next, "I got it like that." Now I'm telling them what to do. Often that didn't work out very well at all, feelings got hurt. There was a saying for that as well, stay in your paygrade. During my time in the service hanging out with your inferiors was frowned upon, by your superiors. It is bad management. You are their leader, their boss, and not their friend! You need to set that example. It's all about discipline. 

 When you are too familiar with your subordinates they tend to lose respect for your authority. It isn't contempt, it is a lack of respect for authority. You just happen to be that authority. It is a loss of discipline. Now those that were equal to you, or perhaps a paygrade above would tell you this: "you can tell you are doing your job when you find your name on the bathroom wall." Yeah, it wasn't stated quite that way, but the message was the same. I did see my name on the wall more than once. Let just say they weren't accolades or words of encouragement and support. You might say they were "verbal bullying" but I was just amused by them. It comes with the job, the price you pay for that position of authority, the price of "having it like that." 

 All of that is what Butker was saying in his address when speaking about church leadership. The "bosses" are becoming too friendly with the "worker" bees. That isn't the bast way to run things at all. By being that "familiar" with the congregation, being their friend, all chummy and everything, you are exposing your own shortcomings, weakness and failures. All of that is just fodder for your parishioners to use against your teachings. Very difficult to expect others to do what you want them to do when you aren't doing that yourself! Yes, it is all about perception and the reality may indeed be a different thing altogether. By doing so, you lose the respect of those people. Image isn't everything, but it is near the top! 

 " Tragically, so many priests revolve their happiness from the adulation they receive from their parishioners, and in searching for this, they let their guard down and become overly familiar. This undue familiarity will prove to be problematic every time, because as my teammate's girlfriend says, Familiarity breeds contempt."  (Harrison Butker) 

  Like it or not, he is correct in that. Trying to be the popular boss, the good guy, always comes back to bite you in the butt! It's why you should be a parent to your child, not their playmate. It is why you respect authority. A conservative narrative? Many are being told that is what it is, mostly by those that want to control what you can say and do. Those that are trying to be "your best friend" in the attempt to get whatever it is they want. They are trying to get you to lower your guard. Once that is accomplished, they will strike. Then "your best friend" becomes your worst enemy. But it is too late, you have "empowered" them by being too familiar, they have the playbook, know everything about you and will use that knowledge to defeat you. Your name winds up on the *hithouse wall. And the answer will be, "he's got it like that"