aging

 Having reached the age of sixty-nine, at least in a few more hours I will have, I have to say it isn't what I expected. First, I didn't think I'd make it this far and secondly if I did, I would be old! I don't feel old. Oh, I hear that I am all the time but that is always from those that are inexperienced. Kids really, what do they know? Well given time they will learn.

 Seriously though I was thinking about becoming sixty-nine and how that is supposed to be. Thinking back and remembering the "adults" in my past and how they were. I remember thinking they were old, they looked old, they moved like they were old, and by God they were old. A good many of them were in fact younger than I am today. Talking with me was always a bit awkward, they often laughed at the way I said things or told me how I was wrong. When I got older, I would know "better." I'm older but not sure I know "better" just know what hurts the most the next day. That's what I've learned to avoid mostly, getting hurt. And that hurt isn't physical, you learn to live with that, it is the emotional hurt you learn to control. 

 I didn't realize you spent so much time just thinking about things when you get old. It's almost like you begin living your life in review. All the what if's and what if I had's. But really it is just the baggage you learn to discard. You understand there is no point in carrying all that stuff around with you all the time. Old grudges, old heartaches, and old disappointments. Just leave those things behind. And I think that is the difference between young and old. When you are young you are concerned with "getting" stuff and when you are old you are concerned with getting "rid" of stuff. A sort of going back to the beginning. Sometimes that even happens in a physical way, another one of those things in life.

 It's just another day I tell myself. And indeed, it is just that. My thoughts go to an old friend, it's his birthday too, he was born just a few hours after myself. Several other old friends will be celebrating their birthdays over the next few days. Seems like there was a bit of a baby boom in July of '53 in old East Hampton. I'm happy to be able to say there are all still here too. That's the other thing about growing older, the frequency of saying that final goodbye. Often when you look at the age of those people it is sobering. They weren't old either. 

 So today I plan on cutting the grass, starting early before the heat of the day. I'll respond to all the birthday wishes; they are appreciated. I will have cake later today. Just another day. But it's a day I do get to hold a trump card. I can play that card whenever I want, it's my birthday. Not that it always works but it is still nice to have. LOL. No birthday week for me, no birthday weekend, just the one day. One day I'm holding the card. Takes years of experience to know how to deploy that card in the most effective way. All day I'll be watching for my chance. That is the exciting part for me. "But, it's my birthday." I've heard it said with age comes wisdom. I'm not aged enough for that, I guess. Still just a wise guy to most people.