something

 A part of something. I think that is what we all want to be. Just what that something is, however, is far more difficult to define. How big a something do you want to belong too? I was a member of the United States Navy for over twenty years, that was a big something. In retrospect I never did feel like I belonged to that, I was just there, doing a job. Certainly, a job I took some pride in, one should take pride in whatever job they are doing, but it never defined me. I'd say it was the largest thing I was a part of. Prior to that I was just another kid in town, some would say the wrong side of town, but it was a small town. 

 I left that town never to return. That was over fifty years ago now, a fact that I find hard to believe at times. Moving about the country I was always, another sailor, in those Navy towns where I was stationed. I did live in Statesville, North Carolina when I was recruiter. That was how I was known also, the Navy recruiter. A bit of a curiosity in a landlocked area. A sailors reputation preceding me. My job was to get young people to commit themselves to at least a four year deal. But a recruiter carries the same reputation as a used car salesman, someone less than truthful in their sales pitch. The truth is I wasn't like that and as a result my "sales" were not very good. I moved on from that job and returned to the fleet. Just another sailor doing a job. 

 I have held several jobs since I retired from the Navy back in 1992. That's another date that I find hard to comprehend at times. I've been retired from the service far longer than I was in it. Not belonging to any of the fraternal organizations I seldom have reason or cause to talk about any of that. I did consider joining the VFW some years back but the local chapter was less than welcoming of the "new" guy. That post has since closed its' doors due to lack of membership. I've heard the Legion is much the same way here locally. Well, I get it, you want your local chapter to be local boys. I'm no local and that much is obvious to anyone that meets me. This is farm country and I'm no farmer. And that is the issue, I'm not a part of that. Without having a great deal of financial support to throw their way, there is no incentive to include me as a part of that. That's the way it works. 

 So I'm thinking about being a part of something. I'm trying to figure out what that something is. I think, to be honest about that, I am looking for recognition. To be recognized is to be validated. It's a sign that you belong to something, some group. Generally, we think of that group as your occupation. It really makes no difference what that is, how you make your money defines you to others. That's the rub though, it doesn't always define you to you! I claim no particular occupation at all. I have always felt like a jack of all trades. As a result, I have no occupational identity. And that is where I sit today. 

 Having no occupational identity how do I define myself? That's the question I am struggling with this morning. I have taken, over the last decade or so, to writing these blogs and a bit of poetry and prose. I have started on a book, several times, and made some progress on that. I can't identify as an author, at least not a published author, one recognized by monetary compensation. That's my feeling anyway. Painting a picture doesn't make one an artist or playing an instrument a musician. I'm talking about professions. What's the difference between a pro and an amateur? The pro gets paid. Yeah, I know that doesn't measure the quality of the work, but it defines it. 

 I wonder if a philosopher gets paid. I've never heard of that. The ancient Greek philosophers didn't get paid but received charity or were teachers. I understand you can get a degree in philosophy, but my question is, can you get a job philosophizing? What about being a sage? Wisdom, being wise or being intelligent are all subjective things and everyone has an opinion. I don't think I could call myself either one of those things. I hold no degrees in "my opinion" or "what I think" which is what philosophers that teach philosophy have. Same thing with mental health professionals. 

 I'm retired. That's the answer whenever I am asked, what do you do? What's that mean? The implication is that you don't do anything. The truth is you don't do anything you are getting paid to do. You get to choose what it is you want to do. Well, ideally that is the case anyway. The strange part of being retired is people asking you what you used to do. It's almost like they figure you can't still do that because, you're retired. 

 It is a question I struggle with. What do you do? I write blogs, I cut the grass, I am the handyman, I go to doctors, a lot. I give advice. I do ask myself, what do you do? The answer is uncomfortable at times, I don't do much. Thing is I don't feel compelled to just start doing things for the sake of doing things. When I am urged to join this or that, I don't feel any desire to do this or that. I question myself though, should I be doing something? I'm retired. I guess that is something.