Time will tell

  I saw a bit of fall grass while cutting the lawn. It's the first sign of fall that I've noticed this year. Can the geese be far behind? I do enjoy the changing of the seasons although I don't always enjoy the seasons as much as I used to, still, it is a sign of all is well in the world. For me, climate change would be when the climate doesn't change. But I'm in a good mood this morning and will just leave that topic alone. I did see a few school buses out and about, another sign. I was reminded of all the years I would met the grandkids at the bus stop when they finished their days. Oh, those were good days for sure. Seems they always had something to tell, to share about the day. Yes there were days when they weren't too happy about those events as well, but left me amused anyway, even when I tried not to show that. Now Mark is off to college and Morgan is a senior driving herself to school, no picking her up at the bus stop, and the sharing is far more limited. So what is the fall season now? Preparing for the harshness of winter is the answer to that. Packing away the summer. And with all this coronavirus it hasn't been much of a summer. I haven't gone fishing, not even once. I could have just never got around to it. Something I have noticed, when you aren't in a hurry, time goes faster. It's a kind of cruel joke isn't it? You work to provide for yourself and raise a family. Then you look forward to retirement, you can just relax. And what happens? The clock speeds up and you are old, just like that! You're not so old you can't do stuff, just old enough to not be in a hurry and discover by not being in a hurry, you missed stuff. It's rather a paradox.    This isn't the first year for this scenario, but this is the first year it has become obvious. Once again I realize the "kids" have grown up. I had sorta forgotten about that. I mean my own children having been gone, raising their families and all. Of course I was still busy being busy those days. I wasn't really paying attention I guess. Then I had the grandkids that kept me distracted. I was still going to work, kids in school, and life continued on. Sure it was a limited thing as far as the kids went but that wasn't a bad thing. The grandkids are wonderful, not doubt about that, in fact had I known grandkids were that great I would have had them first! But now, now all that is past.                                                                               I guess some of this was brought on by my redecorating the bedroom. It was time for a fresh coat of paint and a bit of rearranging. It was taking all the pictures down that inspired this. I saw those fresh young faces in school pictures. The years printed in the corner of those pictures serving as a vehicle, was it really that long ago? It sure doesn't seem like it and I remember when they wore that particular outfit. Then picking and choosing what pictures to put back up, and what order to put them in. I have collected quite a number over the years, the walls were crowded with them. And not just photographs, no, there are the little things that wind up there over time. Construction paper cut-outs, little signs proclaiming the worlds greatest Grandpa, and dollar store figurines scattered about. I wouldn't call it clutter, rather collected memories. But it is time for a reset. A time to pick only the finest jewels to display and carefully pack the others away. Well, that's what grandparents do you know, grandparents are the keeper of memories. It is time, and time alone, that imparts meaning and sentiment into objects. The things that survive life and the living of it. The monetary value is not of importance, it is the sentiment that counts, a sentiment sealed with a memory.                                                                                                                 With the arrival of fall the holidays come to mind. They will soon be rushing at us all. Halloween has lost its' luster for me, no little children to be excited with. Halloween began losing that a few years back, when the safety concerns began to override the fun. And when the kids, even while trick or treating said, "that's enough" let's go home. When children tell you they have had enough fun, that means it wasn't that much fun to begin with. Thanksgiving will come and go in a huff. With family spread across the country like butter on bread their is no chance for us all to be together. That will have to relegated to those Hallmark movies. And Christmas, Christmas just isn't the same anymore, and for the same reason. We can't even be certain of seeing the grandkids on Christmas day this year. They have begun living independent lives. They have plans. And time goes on, ever faster it seems. You really do have to be "older" to understand that relationship. The thing that I find myself focusing on sometimes is the sudden stop! It isn't the stopping that worries me, it is packing for the journey. But I have decided it isn't what you take with you, it is what you leave behind. And what you leave behind only exists when the living hold onto that, and that is the concern. What part of me will survive? Will I hang on the wall, be tucked away in the attic, or just discarded completely? Only time will tell, I'll be listening.