One year ago today my sister left this earth and I miss her presence every day. It's as though the world has become unbalanced. The world doesn't turn as it used to. My sister was a constant in my life. after all she was here two years before me. From July 20th 1953 until December 4th 2018 there wasn't a day without her. True I wasn't always in her physical presence, true there were days, months, and even years when we weren't in the physical presence of each other but the knowledge she was here was enough. I still struggle with the knowledge that she is gone. The struggle is for myself, my own wants and needs. I miss her.
I was blessed to have spent Thanksgiving with her last year, her last on earth. Her spirit was strong even then, what I took for optimism actually being resolve. She was aware and accepting of fate with never a cross word for anyone or anything. Her inner strength was amazing. She lie there, weak and facing death, worried about others. Her genuine concern was not for herself, it was for others, and that was her hallmark. She was always, first and foremost, concerned with others. A kind and generous spirit. She did speak softly and never did I see her wield a stick!
I struggle for words to say. My thoughts are with her and all the years past. We often say, they never leave us, and that is true in a sense. My sister is a part of me and a part of me is missing. I am aware. The sorrow I feel is for myself, my sister lies peacefully asleep, a piece of the universe, a piece of a larger world. Her influence is still felt, her life an example to me. Oh but could I emulate her inner strength I would be a better man for it. I shall try. We did travel different roads together. Our roads meeting once again towards what turned out to be the end of her journey. Neither of us could have known that. We talked, often for hours, over those last miles. I don't believe anything was left unsaid. It is a comfort. We talked, we shared, and we never criticized. We were on the " same page " as the saying goes. It has been difficult for me to turn the page, it isn't a hesitation, it's a reluctance. But the world keeps on turning, I can't stop it. I too have to accept fate, whatever fate has to offer. My sister has shown me how to do that, my sister taught me a lot of things. Well, that's what big sister's are for.
I was blessed to have spent Thanksgiving with her last year, her last on earth. Her spirit was strong even then, what I took for optimism actually being resolve. She was aware and accepting of fate with never a cross word for anyone or anything. Her inner strength was amazing. She lie there, weak and facing death, worried about others. Her genuine concern was not for herself, it was for others, and that was her hallmark. She was always, first and foremost, concerned with others. A kind and generous spirit. She did speak softly and never did I see her wield a stick!
I struggle for words to say. My thoughts are with her and all the years past. We often say, they never leave us, and that is true in a sense. My sister is a part of me and a part of me is missing. I am aware. The sorrow I feel is for myself, my sister lies peacefully asleep, a piece of the universe, a piece of a larger world. Her influence is still felt, her life an example to me. Oh but could I emulate her inner strength I would be a better man for it. I shall try. We did travel different roads together. Our roads meeting once again towards what turned out to be the end of her journey. Neither of us could have known that. We talked, often for hours, over those last miles. I don't believe anything was left unsaid. It is a comfort. We talked, we shared, and we never criticized. We were on the " same page " as the saying goes. It has been difficult for me to turn the page, it isn't a hesitation, it's a reluctance. But the world keeps on turning, I can't stop it. I too have to accept fate, whatever fate has to offer. My sister has shown me how to do that, my sister taught me a lot of things. Well, that's what big sister's are for.
No comments:
Post a Comment