Just Me

Just Me
Look,I'm just sayin'

Monday, August 22, 2016

talking to myself

 I'm getting out of rhythm. I don't know what it is exactly, but I can feel it. A change is coming on. Maybe I'm getting ready for a change in the seasons, or maybe it is something more. I'm just feeling a bit sporadic is all. Funny how I will complain about being in a rut but find it unsettling when I am not. I don't think it is going to be anything major, some minor adjustment in the internal time clock. I'm a big believer in paying attention to that internal mechanism. Your body will tell you what to do, if you listen. There is a corner of your brain that regulates that. Problems usually arise when we fail to listen. Sometimes we listen to the other part of our brains, the portion that controls vanity. That is when we may make those decisions that are just plain unwise. You also have to be careful when listening to others, they don't have access to that information. Their concern or encouragement may be well intended but contrary to what your body is telling you.
 Another factor in making changes, even small ones, is finding support. Of course some folks require more support than others. Personally I would just as soon people didn't notice. I'm not one much for having cheerleaders. I prefer to save the celebration until after the game is won. When I decided it was time to quit smoking, I just quit. I didn't wear any patches or seek support groups and such. I didn't want anyone to even speak of it. I chose to dismiss that habit from my life. I hear the commercials on television where folks are saying it took them three months to quit. That isn't true at all. It took one moment, one final decision to not smoke the next minute, hour or day. May have taken them three months to make the decision though, took me almost forty years. For me, any mention of it, any cheerleading is just a distraction. It is counter productive to me. The will to make change has to come from within yourself to be effective. At least that is my opinion.
 I can feel a change coming on. My guess it is related to being recently retired. I no longer have that routine in my life. I don't miss that and that is the truth. I do miss the personal interaction that came with working in retail. I do enjoy talking to folks, well some folks anyway, there are those I can do without ! I don't think this change has anything to do with that particular aspect though. I am enjoying that freedom that comes with not having to be anywhere I don't want to. I make my own schedule now and can change it on a whim. I like that. There is a part of me that does require some structure. I'm thinking maybe that is the change I am experiencing. Perhaps I need a self imposed structure, an activity. Not a hobby, that is a different action altogether, a hobby is done for the fun of it. I'm thinking more of a " forced " activity. The change would be, forcing myself to comply. Hmm. I wonder if I am adult enough for that. I did accomplish that at least once, when I quit smoking. I did force that action upon myself, a self imposed action. It is true that I wanted to do it. This is a little different from that. I don't know what it is I want or need. Guess the first thing to decide is whether it is a want or a need.
 In reading back over my thoughts I have concluded it is a need. That explains why I feel compelled to act. Now all I need do is decide upon that action. I'll have to listen a bit more closely to hear the answer. It is there. I just don't like being told what to do, even by myself ! Growing up is hard to do. I'll keep trying.