Just Me

Just Me
Look,I'm just sayin'

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Ridin' the pine

 A few weeks back I decided to retire. My stated reason at the time was the aggravation was greater than the compensation. That was not a complaint about the monetary aspect however, it was about how I was feeling. When your personal contribution just doesn't seem worth it, it is time to walk away. Is that what they call, loving your job ? Yes, I think that it is. Up until this point in my life I never had that option, to just walk away. Did I love all the jobs I have had. The answer is no. I did what was necessary. That doesn't make me a hero or anything, just responsible. And it should be noted that being responsible doesn't always mean doing your best. It does mean doing enough. It doesn't include quitting ! Is retiring quitting ? No, I don't think that it is, I think it is more like sitting on the bench. I'm still here and available should the need arise. In baseball jargon they call it " riding the pine. " You are either getting a bit old or just not quite good enough, but you have potential.
 As with every change we make it takes time to adjust. I have been busy taking a vacation, something different and not part of the normal routine. The question is, what is the normal routine when you are retired ? Oh I have projects and plans to keep me occupied, that isn't an issue, but what will be the compensation ? That is to say, what will I gain ? I do believe we should be productive our entire lives. We were not placed here to just take up space. Each life is a miracle and a gift and should not be squandered on selfish desires. We need to contribute. The secret is to receive personal satisfaction from that contribution. Wouldn't that be selfish ? It seems like a bit of a quandary. You could say, I earned it. Have I ? Another question to ponder.
 So early on in this " retirement " phase of living I am feeling like I'm sitting on the bench. I'm not a part of the team anymore , more like a player you would pick up on waivers. When the need becomes desperate, send me in. The " pinch " hitter. I'm not 100% but the odds are good I'll get the job done. I'm certain that will change over time. After some time has passed you will become nothing but a memory to your former team. The sentences will begin with I remember and I used to. I expect that is a part of aging. The longer we are around the more we use those phrases. Am I really ready to say, I used to ? Speaking in the past tense is generally a melancholy thing. Some would call it resting on your laurels, but I find it to be an uneasy feeling. What is expected of you in retirement ? I'm not feeling confident in that role yet. I know, give it time. It is one of those things you have to figure out for yourself. All the good advice and helpful suggestions will not satisfy. I need to find my new role for myself. It is only when that happens when I'll know how to play the part.