“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
I was thinking about this very quote the other day. It came to mind as I was talking with a co-worker. This person was complaining about things,as usual, and it was effecting my mood as well. I thought, why should I let this destroy my good mood ? The things he was complaining about had little to do with me. Then I remembered what Grandma would have said, don't let him rain on your parade. That is pretty much the same concept and I should just let that cloud be gone.
I think this happens to all of us. I do wonder why we allow that to happen. Why should we get upset by what others say or do that doesn't directly affect us. There are times when I get upset about things in the news that have happened in other countries ! I'm not talking about big civil rights issues or world hunger, just trivial little news items. Then I go off to work or wherever already in a bad mood.
Marcus Aurelius says it is your estimate of the item that causes this distress and you can revoke that at any time. That is the hard part though, the dismissal of it. I do think a lot of it has to do with empathy ? How closely you empathize with others. If you posses that quality, generally considered a quality to be admired, that will make it a lot more difficult to dismiss. But I think maybe that is what Marcus Aurelius was talking about when he says your estimation of it. You need to balance what is being taken in, empathize with it and then decide whether to retain it or not. Not every external thing is the cause of your discomfort but that discomfort comes from within. In other words, don't cry over spilled milk. Also do not fret over things you have no control over.
Those people that are very good at doing this are also often thought of as being aloof. And no one wants to be considered aloof. Well, I shouldn't say no one, there really are no absolutes in this world. The majority of us need and crave personal interaction with our fellow human beings. Empathizing with them is the quickest way to acceptance. We can get caught up in that trap and become unstable in our own behavior. Constantly reacting to the influence of others is not a good thing. And so where is that balance ? I think the balance lies in understanding. We need to understand that all feelings that are negative to others, are not necessarily negative to us. I may not enjoy exercise but its benefits can not be denied. This holds true for many areas in our lives. That is what makes us individual. So is Marcus Aurelius really saying that happiness comes from within ? I think he is. I can change my mood, my state of being at any time, and I should control that. I am responsible for my own happiness.
I do think that is as simple as making up your mind. You need to decide to be happy and content, or to be dissatisfied. Many causes and issues that we face in life have no right or wrong answers. It things were always that cut and dried life would be a lot easier, but not as fulfilling. We are told since we are children that we need to excel. We should always strive for more. More money,more education,a larger home or whatever. How often are we told to just enjoy the things we have ? That is reserved for greeting cards at Christmas or New Years. Or we are told that when we can not afford whatever it is we want. Be happy that you have a bicycle at all, I had to walk ! It is alright to be content with what you have. It is alright to not want more. More isn't always better. I do not need the things you have to make me happy. That is the understanding we all need to achieve. I can have empathy without the desire to fulfill your needs and not let your need effect my own.
That is quite a mouthful to say something so basic. I do like thinking about such things as sayings and quotes and just what they mean. I think they do mean different things depending upon your own life experience. My father often used a phrase I found amusing but addressed a simple issue. When a decision was to be made he would say, you either need to *hit or get off the pot ! In other words, decide ! I think Marcus Aurelius would concur with that statement.
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
I was thinking about this very quote the other day. It came to mind as I was talking with a co-worker. This person was complaining about things,as usual, and it was effecting my mood as well. I thought, why should I let this destroy my good mood ? The things he was complaining about had little to do with me. Then I remembered what Grandma would have said, don't let him rain on your parade. That is pretty much the same concept and I should just let that cloud be gone.
I think this happens to all of us. I do wonder why we allow that to happen. Why should we get upset by what others say or do that doesn't directly affect us. There are times when I get upset about things in the news that have happened in other countries ! I'm not talking about big civil rights issues or world hunger, just trivial little news items. Then I go off to work or wherever already in a bad mood.
Marcus Aurelius says it is your estimate of the item that causes this distress and you can revoke that at any time. That is the hard part though, the dismissal of it. I do think a lot of it has to do with empathy ? How closely you empathize with others. If you posses that quality, generally considered a quality to be admired, that will make it a lot more difficult to dismiss. But I think maybe that is what Marcus Aurelius was talking about when he says your estimation of it. You need to balance what is being taken in, empathize with it and then decide whether to retain it or not. Not every external thing is the cause of your discomfort but that discomfort comes from within. In other words, don't cry over spilled milk. Also do not fret over things you have no control over.
Those people that are very good at doing this are also often thought of as being aloof. And no one wants to be considered aloof. Well, I shouldn't say no one, there really are no absolutes in this world. The majority of us need and crave personal interaction with our fellow human beings. Empathizing with them is the quickest way to acceptance. We can get caught up in that trap and become unstable in our own behavior. Constantly reacting to the influence of others is not a good thing. And so where is that balance ? I think the balance lies in understanding. We need to understand that all feelings that are negative to others, are not necessarily negative to us. I may not enjoy exercise but its benefits can not be denied. This holds true for many areas in our lives. That is what makes us individual. So is Marcus Aurelius really saying that happiness comes from within ? I think he is. I can change my mood, my state of being at any time, and I should control that. I am responsible for my own happiness.
I do think that is as simple as making up your mind. You need to decide to be happy and content, or to be dissatisfied. Many causes and issues that we face in life have no right or wrong answers. It things were always that cut and dried life would be a lot easier, but not as fulfilling. We are told since we are children that we need to excel. We should always strive for more. More money,more education,a larger home or whatever. How often are we told to just enjoy the things we have ? That is reserved for greeting cards at Christmas or New Years. Or we are told that when we can not afford whatever it is we want. Be happy that you have a bicycle at all, I had to walk ! It is alright to be content with what you have. It is alright to not want more. More isn't always better. I do not need the things you have to make me happy. That is the understanding we all need to achieve. I can have empathy without the desire to fulfill your needs and not let your need effect my own.
That is quite a mouthful to say something so basic. I do like thinking about such things as sayings and quotes and just what they mean. I think they do mean different things depending upon your own life experience. My father often used a phrase I found amusing but addressed a simple issue. When a decision was to be made he would say, you either need to *hit or get off the pot ! In other words, decide ! I think Marcus Aurelius would concur with that statement.
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