Players

One of my favorite quotes is, " All the worlds a stage, and all the men and women merely players. " It has been paraphrased in several different ways, but the meaning is always the same. I like the simplicity of the opening line. I can see the logic in that thought clearly. It also leads me to think.
We are all actors upon this stage we call life, And each of us must play a role in it. How we play the role is what defines us. Also, to a certain degree, we choose the play we wish to be in. Drama or comedy. For me, in my younger years, I would have to say I chose comedy for the most part. I took little very seriously and a lot with a flippant attitude. The arrogance of youth. Now, as the years advance I find myself being a bit more dramatic. Still, I am guarded about taking things too seriously, myself included. Our lives are but a moment in time. The contrast to that statement is, there is that time between what is right and what is wrong, and that time is also just a moment. How many times do we say, but it worked a minute ago ? In a moment it was broken. It is in that moment that we realize all has changed. Perhaps it can be repaired, but it will never be the same again. That is true with objects as well as with people. A trust broken never fully mends. An opportunity for growth is presented with that as well. There are two sides to every coin.
I think the trick in life is not to overact. Do not be overly dramatic or comedic. A balance is required. It is a difficult state to achieve. We all want to be taken seriously ( respected ) and we all desire to liked by others (camaraderie ) and the balance between the two is called love. As in , Love your fellow man. The accomplished actor can achieve this balance.
Comedy is by far the easiest role to play, but for it you pay the highest price. The mental effort required to sustain that jovial state is very taxing. Outward appearances are deceiving. To remain the butt of the joke, or not having anything you say taken seriously, can be depressive. Those that live a very dramatic life, will often, by the very nature of their actions, become rejected by society. Over acting leads to not being credible. Isn't the purpose of acting to make others believe ?
Each of us are merely players. The author of the play is the only one that knows that final outcome. I do think we need to decide just who that author is and follow his direction. We make our entrance and exit upon his command. 

A warm summer day

All these bitter cold days have me thinking about the warm days of summer. Now I enjoy the changing of the seasons with the different colors and temperatures but this has been just a bit extreme. Maybe it is that I'm getting older and the cold bothers me more, after all, I am originally from New York. New Yorkers my age are thinking about heading south, if they haven't already done so. Is this an innate pull I have no control over? Mom and Dad went there years ago. My sister lives there now. One brother is down there. I am just north of the mason-dixon line so am fairly close. Truth is I don't have any plans to go any further south and this is just a phase brought on by this cold.

As I was thinking about the warm summer days my memory drifted back to Long Island. I was thinking about how I would go down to the bay for a dip or maybe do some clamming. That bay was surely a comfort on those hot summer days. The sand and the salt are definitely a tonic for the mind and body. The sun glistening off the water and a cool breeze on the beach goes a long way. Lying on a towel with that warm sand caressing you, ahh. Now that is refreshing ! This cold is just bracing.

The memory of sailing on the bay entered my thoughts as well. Growing up on Long Island ,surrounded by water, we just naturally had boats. Row boats, skiffs and dingys. Big boats and small boats. They were mostly power boats though, only the well to do had true sail boats. Interesting fact is it costs more to own and operate a sail boat than it does a regular boat. Tear a sail and wreck some rigging and you know about it quick. As a result I had no experience with sail boats. They did teach sailing at the summer camps but I never went to one of those, again, for the well to do folks.

There was a summer when someone started a rental service with those Sunfish sailboats. If I remember correctly it was down to an area called Maidstone. Seems like it cost about fifteen dollars to rent a boat for a couple hours. The details of the transaction are blurred over time but not the memory of the voyage. My best friend and I decided to rent one of those tiny sailboats. Neither of us knew anything about sailing but it only has one sail, how hard can it be ? We paid the man and got aboard. The fellow gave us a shove heading us offshore. We were underway. We raised the sail and headed out. The breeze was blowing out and so we moved along easily enough until we thought we would make a turn. I shifted that rudder to the left and tried to come about, as the saying goes. It didn't seem to be working very well though, that is when my friend said, I wonder what this board is for ? Yup, it is the centerboard and we hadn't put it in place. Well, that explained why we almost tipped over on our side and why we couldn't turn. Sliding that centerboard into the slot the boat straightened up and we were underway again. We got this now. 

We were headed out of the harbor and getting a good distance from Maidstone. It was decided we should turn around and start back. Ok, centerboard in place, a good amount of speed, this should be easy. Shouting to my friend, we are coming about, I swung the rudder sharply. That little sailboat responded immediately. A sharp list to the starboard and the sail spinning about. The boom caught my friend flush and overboard he went ! Well, I just straighten that boat up and had the sail back under control. I wasn't exactly sailing in the opposite direction but was moving off at a good clip. My friend is hollering at me to come back and get him. It was at this point I realized the value of " tacking " skills. Suffice to say it took a good while before I got back to him. In hindsight I should have just lowered the sail and let him swim over. 

It was a fun day on the water. It was the only time we went sailing. It was the only time I have sailed a boat. After that we rowed or used the outboard motor. It is a pretty sad commentary for an island boy. I will say I enjoyed it and when we were actually under sail and moving it was very nice, relaxing even. It is the turns that are tricky and that dang wind just doesn't blow the right direction when you need it to. No wonder it took Columbus so long to get here.

Want or need ?

Another television commercial, for a drug company, caught my attention. This "chemical additive" promises you a stable countenance. Should you suffer from Bi-Polar Depression just take this pill and you will be stabilized. I'm not saying that Bi-Polar isn't a genuine mental illness, or that depression doesn't exist, but do we really need to medicate ourselves when we don't feel happy ? Is not sadness within the realm of human emotions ? I have serious doubts about the necessity of advertising for this product. It would just seem to me the health care professionals would be aware of these products and prescribe them as necessary.
I read a little about this bi polar stuff. It said that it effects about 4% of the population. The article didn't say how they arrived at that conclusion. It did say that Bi-Polar is a mental condition marked by periods of high energy contrasted by periods of depression. In other words, some days we're happy and others we're sad. Sounds like my life. The problem lies in the measurement of these values.
Dale Evans wrote it and Roy Rogers sang it, " Some days are happy ones, others are blue, it's the way you ride the trail that counts, here's a happy one for you. " Was Dale writing about Bi-Polar ? I don't think so.
I do question why a drug company would be pushing a product that would supposedly benefit,at the most, four per cent of the market. Probably even less than that if you exclude children. Advertising is done to increase profit margins. That is the simple truth of it no matter how much the drug companies wish to spin it otherwise. This particular commercial promises you a happy,stable life if it doesn't cause you to commit suicide or develop other serious, possibly life threatening disorders.
The purpose of the ad is to make you want the product. By describing , in a few brief sentences what the symptoms requiring this medicine may be, what is the purpose ? To make you seek trained professional help ? Would you not already have done that if the condition was severe ? A condition , whose diagnosis is generally dependent upon my testimony of the disorder, can be easily misdiagnosed. Going to a doctor is much like taking your car to the mechanic, seldom are you going to hear, nothing needs fixed. Seek a psychiatrist and present him with the symptoms, as presented in the commercial, and guess what his diagnosis will be ? I think we all know that answer. Almost all the drug commercials use that same strategy. List the symptoms, tell you to seek a health care professional, ( hopefully you will ask for there product ) and be treated. After that all is well. No need to learn to cope with adversity or feeling less than euphoric.
Perhaps it is an old fashioned notion, this self help attitude of mine. I don't believe in just medicating or masking our problems. Medication certainly is a benefit to humanity that can not be denied. I question however the necessity of a lot of these " treatments. " Should we not be teaching coping skills to put it in the modern phraseology ? Or just, deal with it, as our parents would say. All things in moderation my friends.
I've vented my frustration at this practice before and probably will again. I am anti drug advertising. I am for teaching people how to just deal with it and move on. If the stats are to be believed, four percent of the population suffers from Bi-Polar disorder. Before the advent of these chemicals these four per centers just walked among us sometimes happy and sometimes sad. We can change all that.
I will end this little rant by saying, I am thankful that for those that need it, that these products are available. That is the key however, the genuine need. Products that are necessities seldom require advertising. Advertising is an inducement to purchase ! Simple as that. 

Values

In a discussion with an anonymous online personality I was asked what is morality. More specifically what moral values should we use to guide our nation. My immediate response was, those traditional values of the United States of America. It was then that I was again asked for a further definition. I have given that some thought.
Morals are a result of basic human emotions. These emotions are the values we cherish such as, fairness, kindness and responsibility. In a larger sense, I would say morality cannot be defined, it must be lived. Our morals, or values if you wish to label it that way, are taught to us. Generally we follow the moral values of the society in which we live. We may question those values, we may even feel discomfort with those values, but we do find it difficult to reject those values. Our ability to empathize controls the acceptance or rejection of a moral precept. The closer you can empathize with a behavior, the more likely you are to adopt that behavior. It is the inability to empathize that causes unrest. Our failure to understand. Man is naturally afraid of those things he can not understand.
I do not think that understanding necessarily brings about acceptance. Understanding can remove the fear. Understanding something, the ability to empathize with it, does not make it correct. The behavior may very well remain immoral in our judgement. Moral values, proper behaviors in a society, are delineated by that society. What becomes acceptable will be passed to the next generation as moral. A look back through history and societal norms and that becomes evident immediately. Inequalities and perceived injustices of the past serve as reminders only. Each generation must define its' own moral compass.
It is also true that each generation feels a bit of uneasiness with these changes in values. What was scandalous forty years ago is now mainstream. Doesn't make it right, just accepted by society. I believe morals and values are in place to guide us. I get my values from my parents,associates,life experiences and most importantly my Bible.
Returning to the question of what morals this country should be using I have reached this conclusion. If we adopt a policy of everything is alright as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, or that it generates a significant amount of tax revenue, society will break down. We can not operate under a system of " unbridled self interest. " Everything isn't alright. There are consequences. Morality and values do not become antiquated. I suggest a return to those values cherished by our fathers and forefathers. They were the values that established this nation and those values have worked fairly well, don't you think ? 

The next step

This morning I find myself resting my mind. I have been fortunate in that several people left remarks and discussion on my blog yesterday. And so I need time to digest their thoughts. It is very pleasing to realize that something you write sparks a conversation. I should qualify that by saying, a pleasant discussion void of anger. I am always eager to hear the thoughts of others. I am not eager to fight about it ! The things I write about are my thoughts. I understand you may not think the same way. I do not write as a contest, for some things there are no right and wrong. The challenge for me is to write something of interest to others. It is not to be right or wrong. It is way too simple to just make controversial statements and start an argument. Anyone can do that. The real challenge is to inspire others to think.

I make no claims about the validity of my thoughts other to say, they are valid to me. I will say they are subject to change. We should never allow our minds to become stagnant. They require refreshing on a regular basis.

I have heard it said that life is a journey. Each journey begins with a single step. We must choose the path. The real question , the one we all would like the answer to is, what is the destination ? It is the destination that should determine the choices. I would have to say we alter our destination throughout our lifetime. The things we want as a child are far different than what we want as an adult. Throughout our adult lives we adjust the destination. But how can that be when we do not know the final destination ? The answer for some will be, there is no end, but life everlasting. That is certainly the most desirable option. For some life ends with death and that is all. And there are those that believe in fate. Those that say our destinations are predetermined. I find that hard to reconcile with the whole free will aspect. If that where so I have no choices at all. That idea doesn't sit well with me. I like to believe I have some influence in the grand scheme of things. I must serve a purpose. 

But I am resting my mind this morning and so will continue this discussion at another time. To those of you that added to yesterdays discussion, I thank you. 

Forgiveness

Forgive and forget. How any times have you heard that said ? The truth of the matter is you must first forget to forgive. As long as the wrong exists in your mind, forgiveness is impossible. True forgiveness is the provenience of God. Can we,as mortals truly forget ? We should certainly aspire to that goal but I feel most of us will fall short of the mark. Well, all of us will fall short. That being said another truth about forgiveness is that it is something we do for ourselves. We do not forgive the other person for their benefit, the benefactors are ourselves. If we truly value the other person as a friend,mentor,or partner we say we forgive them. The fact is we want them and are willing to overlook whatever transgression they committed against us. Forgiveness is not a reciprocal endeavor. Forgiveness is a gift, to yourself, for your own benefit.
What we extend to the other person is no more than conditional amnesty. Further offenses will result in the withdrawal of this amnesty. That is because we never truly forget the offenses of the past. The number and severity of these offenses determine at what point this conditional amnesty will be withheld entirely. When the nature of the offense is greater than the value I place upon you, that is the end.
These thoughts of mine may seem contradictory to the teaching of the Bible. Indeed the case could be made for that easily enough. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. I'm not talking about casting stones however, I am talking about the withholding of forgiveness. I am depriving myself of your company. The Bible does teach us we should love each other as we love ourselves. The Bible says ,turn the other cheek. I can offer no valid argument to the contrary for any of those precepts. The only explanation offered is, I am human. Remember I said, true forgiveness is the provenience of the Lord.
I am not saying if I do not forgive, I hate that person. I am not saying I wish that person any ill will of any kind. What I am saying is, I would rather exclude you, rather than include you, in my life. It is a choice on my part. There are instances where separation is the only thread that will bind the wound. As long as that wound exists in our mind, we tend to pick at it.
Some say forgiveness comes with understanding. The understanding of your motivations however does little to ease my pain. The injury to myself is not diminished by that knowledge. Others say I must forgive and I say why ? If I can continue to live my life without injury why should I not do so ? Forgiveness is for my own benefit. And so, for me, it comes down to a matter of risk and reward. Am I willing to risk further injury in exchange for whatever reward your company may provide ? If the answer is no, I will not forgive. I must first forget the injury, only then can forgiveness begin.

Making a choice

Those of us with religious convictions care about our souls. Is that not the purpose of living a moral and just life, the preservation of the soul ? That is as it should be. As for those that have no belief, I can not speak to their condition. It is not in me to understand the complete lack of concern with their souls. As to the disposition of their soul following their passing, I am also at a loss for an explanation. I believe in a caring and loving God. It would seem to me that as long as that individual led a moral and just life, their soul would be preserved. The central question would seem to be a simple one. Is God  punitive ? Will you be punished for failure to worship him ?  The answer is not so simple. Certainly ,as a believer, I would have to say failure to follow the laws of God would certainly result in some negative consequences. The sticky part comes in the definition of those laws. The " golden rule " pops to mind immediately. The Ten Commandments are imperative. The whole of the Bible both old and new testaments are full of guidelines for living a good and just life. If one was to follow all those laws, but deny the existence of God, would that person then be punished ? Are they condemned for that failure ?
I think you first must decide if this existence, this life we know here on earth, is all there is. Do you believe there is something further ? Or do you just pass away, return to nothing and all that is left is your memory ? In order to deny the existence of a God one must first deny the existence of a soul. That seems right to me. Are our souls nothing more than conscious ? Is that the guilt we feel or at least that we should feel ? When we say, is your conscious bothering you, do we mean God ?
These are all heady questions. There are no academic answers to any of these. It is beyond our comprehension. It all hinges upon faith. Is faith a revelation or nothing more than a big guilt trip ? The answer, for me, is that it really doesn't matter what you call it. It is the principles that are the substance. As long as you practice the principles of a good and moral life, your soul is saved. Is there a heaven and a hell ? That too, is a matter of faith. Really more a matter of trust. It has been taught that only true believers entire the kingdom of God. Those that fall short of that mark are condemned to hell. There is only one judge. If you believe you know all the answers you can proceed without faith. If you believe you do not know all the answers would it not be prudent to examine the questions closely ? The final exam really is quite final.
Let us assume that we each posses a soul. In our passing our souls joins a collective consciousness. This consciousnesses would, by necessity, have to contain all the forces of the universe. In it's simplest form, good and bad. Now suppose, with each passing , this force is increased, decreased or a balance achieved.. One of the three would have to happen. This consciousness would then create an affect. The effect would then have to be in one of the three categories. Either good (positive) bad (negative) or neutral (no change ). It is our choice, our free will, to determine the application of this force by the actions in our lives. The continuation of the world as we know it hinges upon this choice. The consciousness that we create can destroy as well as create.
I do think we all want the same thing. We all want a better future for our children,friends and families. We all want a positive outcome. I think we can all agree on what is a basic moral behavior, ie: The Golden Rule. Even the most ruthless of us have guilt. We may choose to ignore that guilt,rationalize it or attempt to medicate it away, but it exists in all of us. So maybe you want to call it guilt or having a conscious, I may call that God. Either way you look at it you do make a difference. You do influence the world. How you choose to influence is free will. I choose to make a positive impact. 

Enjoying Life

Yesterday I was writing about happiness. I wanted to add a few thoughts more I have on that subject. I feel like happiness is really contentment. I do think it is a habit that you can form. In addition I would add I think an examination of the things that make you happy is in order. Just what are the things that bring you lasting happiness ? Those are the things I am growing more concerned with. When we are young we think getting a gift makes us happy. When you reach a certain age, giving the gift becomes far more pleasurable. And then you discover the gift doesn't even have to be a thing. Seeing a smile on the face of a grandchild makes me happy. An old photograph and a memory shared. Just to go through a day without any drama, brings me happiness. A hot cup of coffee at the end of the day and being able to say, it was a good day. That is happy.
If you tie your happiness to material things, and the moods of others, you will often be disappointed. If you continually measure your own happiness by judging the happiness of others, you will be sad. By allowing the external to influence the internal, conflicts will arise. We can not control the actions of others anymore than we can control the weather. To allow others to decide your own happiness is just foolishness.
So what I wanted to add to yesterdays thoughts was this,examine the things that bring you happiness. Are they selfish ? They should be, to a point. They shouldn't infringe upon the happiness of others but, there is nothing wrong with something being just for you. Maybe it is reading a book or writing a poem. Doing a craft or cleaning the house. If you take an honest look at those things that make you smile, you will begin to see the path. When you begin to enjoy your own happiness it spills out and is shared with others. That is just a natural occurrence. We all know at least one person that we describe as, a happy person. We may think they are different or eccentric, or other adjectives not so flattering, but we still think of them as happy. That is not a bad descriptor to be labeled with. Happy. Contented. Lends an air to being in control of ones life, doesn't it ? We have a choice. Where we choose to make that happiness determines the outcome of success. Just like real estate, it is all about location. Live within the framework of morality and decency. Build upon a strong foundation. It is alright to be content. It doesn't mean you have no ambition, it does mean you have achieved a goal. Enjoying your success does bring contentment. 

Forming the Habit

Yesterday I posted, Obtaining true happiness is done like quitting a bad habit,one day at a time. I think you need to form the habit of being happy. People often speak of finding happiness but I don't think you find it, you make it. True happiness is achieved when you can live in harmony with nature and your fellow man. It is not am easy accomplishment. There are those that will never realize this, and sadly, there are those that will just quit trying. Happiness does not come overnight. True happiness is really more contentment. Contentment and satisfaction. The emotion we call happy is a fleeting thing, an aberration, a spike on a graph. Contentment is the base line, the norm.It is the establishment of this baseline that is the key to " finding " happiness. This must be well defined in order to proceed. As with anything else, if there is nothing to compare it to, or measure it against, how can we know ? We require a standard. The standard will vary for each of us. We need to recognize those things that bring us this feeling of contentment and satisfaction.
It is our everyday conduct that controls this. The way we act and react with nature and our fellow humans.
For me, the guide book is the Bible. The Bible pretty much tells us how we need to treat each other, our world and indeed ourselves. If we follow the precepts outlined in that book we can achieve all things. The amount we reference this book will also vary from individual to individual. That is okay. We do not need to all be Biblical scholars to understand the lessons. I also feel that this book does teach us , in actuality compel us, to spread the word. I do not think that it means I must hit you over the head with it each time we meet however. Following it's teaching should become a habit and habits take time to develop. It is an ironic mystery in the universe how bad habits develop so quickly, yet good ones so slowly. I think the answer has something to do with gratification rather than happiness. The old I want it now syndrome. It does take a number of years and a level of maturity to overcome that. Often I find myself struggling with just that dilemma. Patience is indeed a virtue.
Being happy is not being in conflict. To not be in conflict with yourself, your world or those around you. That is being happy. The possessing of material things is not happiness, although it does make it easier to cope, that can not be denied. No, happiness ( contentment ) comes with being comfortable with you who are. Once you can accept that, the rest becomes a little easier. The trick lies in accepting others first. Love thy brother as thyself. Sound familiar ? By accepting others you can begin to establish a baseline in our own life. You do need something to compare. Do not be fooled by material wealth or possessions of others. Those things will go away. Great wealth can be a distraction. Focus instead upon making your own happiness. There is no one that can give that to you. Form the habit of being happy. It can be done, one day at a time.

Something to say

Yesterday the grocery store were I work was quite busy. The impending snow and cold had'em out in droves. Good for business. It was also the day our truck delivers, so we had the groceries to put on the shelves. It was kind of a perfect storm. For the most part people were friendly and courteous. You always have a few that are in a minor panic and get a little hyper. A little pushing and shoving and sharp words were evident. That's nothing new,happens all the time.
Working with the public does have it's challenges. The customer is always right, yeah sure, but you have to smile and move on. Most people are really quite nice. The only thing is the topic of conversation is usually the same. I understand why that is. Casual conversation is almost always the weather or an exciting current event. The weather tops everything, by far. After the first four hours the stating of the obvious begins to grate on your nerves. I know it is new to you but I've heard it a hundred times by eleven o'clock. It's cold outside, yes it is, it's going to snow, that's a real news flash, and the winds blowing, really ? It is also daylight and the sky is blue ! Well I try to remain cheerful and respond politely. It is not always an easy task.
I was thinking about this, these awkward conversation starters,and wondering about a solution. Then I thought, what if we included a list of topics in the sale circular ? The shopper could just check the list and ask stuff like, what do you think, are brown eggs superior to white eggs ? Or maybe some other questions like, what is the meaning of life, or what is your favorite music. Maybe list some trivia facts for the shopper to consider. Things like, what does it mean if a green pepper has three bumps on the bottom ? What if it has four ? Don't know the answer just ask the produce person.
I'm just saying that having a conversation about the obvious is tedious at best. In this case, the current weather, I turn on the television news and what are they talking about ? You got it, the weather. A good ten minutes of local newscasters and weathermen stating the obvious over and over. I know it is cold outside,I know I need to be careful and I know I could get frostbite ! Arrg, Calgon take me away ! ( for those that remember that commercial ) if you don'r, You Tube it.
Good morning, may I help you ? You would like a bottle of soda ? That's great. Do you know what year carbonated soda was first sold in plastic bottles ? Why no, I don't. It was in 1973. A man named Nat Wyeth invented the process. Now isn't that better than, It is cold outside, yes it is.

Writing notes

Lately I have taken to writing things down in cursive. For years I have printed everything, by hand not machine, to ensure others could read it. The only person I know for sure that could read my cursive handwriting is my Mom. I'm not sure why that is but I know that it is so. I think it may be related to how a pharmacist could read the doctors prescriptions. It is some kind of secret training or intuitive thing, like a Jedi mind trick. At any rate, all of that is becoming a thing of the past. Cursive handwriting is becoming a hobby, like Calligraphy, and doctors just e-mail the scripts to the pharmacy these days. My granddaughter tells me she can't read cursive. If it is mine, at this point, I'm not surprised but she says all cursive. I'm not sure I believe that. It very well may be a lack of practice reading cursive but as far as just reading it I can see no problem. Both of my grandchildren,here in Maryland, are excellent and prolific readers.
I keep a note pad next to my computer. I write down odd facts and thoughts that just pop into my head on it. It is on this pad that I have taken to practicing my cursive handwriting skills. I will say I have seen some improvement in it's legibility. I wrote almost an entire page one day and looking at it became inspired by it. I have to say it just looked more professional and somehow more learned than the printing I normally used. That is when I became inspired to think about writing in cursive all the time. So far the most difficult part has been slowing down enough to form the letters, and  joining some letters. Going from the capital to the lower case is also proving to be troublesome. Somewhere in this mind of mine, tucked away in a dusty corner, Mrs. Flannery, my fifth grade teacher is telling me how it is done. There is also this nagging stereotype that only girls have good handwriting. Pretty handwriting is for girls. Seemed like all the girls had the best handwriting. All the boys had bad handwriting.
My idea is to develop my cursive writing skill to an acceptable level of legibility. When I reach that point I will begin to write my poems and some selected essays in a book. I will make several of these,all written by my hand in cursive, for the grandchildren. They will be a sort of legacy perhaps. Call it a notebook if you will. I have a few little things, a postcard, a couple of letters and some scraps of paper that have handwriting on them from my Dad and others. Whenever I see them or read them I feel a connection. That is my thought with this writing endeavor. I hope to give that connection to them and future generations as well. I'm thinking hand written pieces will become a lot more scarce in years to come. It is the same principle behind saving those school papers from your children in kindergarten. They are far more personal.
There are lesson you can take online in cursive handwriting. You can buy materials and practice books at the stores. I am not going to do either. I'm going to rely on Mrs. Flannery. If she was good enough then, about 1964 or so, it is good enough now. I should have paid closer attention, but you know how it is ? Mrs. Flannery always did say, " if you would just apply yourself " etc,etc,etc. I will apply myself to this task. It will no doubt be a slow methodical process. That's alright I have the time.

Finishing Up

I have been accused of not finishing things. Little projects left undone. It is true that I get all fired up about things and get started on them only to have my interest wane a bit later on. It just seems to me once I know I can accomplish the task I do lose interest in it. I like the challenge, but once the challenge is answered, well, I do get a little lazy and start thinking about the next thing. Before I know it I am fired up about something else. I come by this trait naturally. My father was the same way. Now he did finish a whole lot more projects than I have, but few of them were one hundred per cent complete. Mom would always complain about that. A piece of molding left off, or some painting left to do. Dad always had big plans and projects. At various times he had an airplane, in about a hundred pieces, an amphibious car ( needed work ) several boats and numerous projects for the house and yard. Dad was a man that believed in doing it yourself. If you want it done right, do it yourself was his mantra. In his defense, he was a man that could do it all. The only skill lacking in the trades for him was electronics. He didn't know much about that but mechanic,plumber,electrician,carpenter and even mason he had covered. In fact he worked in most of those trades at one time or another. Seemed like he lost interest a lot too. He always worked however. He was never out of a job. The only drawback was he never had a vacation either. I don't think he stayed with anyone long enough to earn that privilege. Of course this was back in the fifties and sixties and vacation times were not as liberal or common as they are today.
I have worked in several occupations myself. I had my Navy career that spanned twenty years so I can say I stuck to that. I will admit to having a wife that shall we say, encouraged that. I'm glad I listened. I did learn a lot of skills from Dad. I was also an Industrial Arts major in high school. Took every course that was offered with the exception of auto body shop. Would have taken that if it was possible but scheduling wouldn't allow that. For a short time I reupholstered furniture for a living. My favorite job and one where each project had to be completed without exception. Uh, maybe that is a message.
I have done a little self analysis about this. One theory is I have a fear of failure. If I do not finish the project I can not be called a failure. I can always just say, I wasn't finished yet ! That would seem to be obvious and a valid argument. Another theory says, I do not wish to finish the project because then it would end. The excitement and challenge would be over. I like to be open to possibilities and finishing closes the door on that. Finality is something I do not enjoy. There is a third possibility Maybe it is just that I lose interest. The completion of the project in my mind is enough to satisfy me. I do not feel the need to prove it to anyone, so the project just sits incomplete.
I do feel as though I have time. I do not feel rushed to complete anything. Some will tell you that is the attitude of the young. I can see that. I do know that my time is limited. I won't live forever. I think it is just a matter of motivation. It would be fair to say, I lack motivation in some areas, like finishing up. I do think it is a man thing though. Isn't that why they say behind every successful man is a woman pushing him ? So I can now rationalize why my projects don't get done. It is my wife's fault. Yup, think I'll go with that explanation.
Seriously though I do need to complete at least one major project. I think we should all do that. Whether it is building something,knitting something or some other craft is not important. We should all leave something behind. Something that future generations can hold. The quality of the project is not as important as the leaving it behind part. I don't think anyone will want to save an unfinished project so I had best get to it. The only thing left now is to decide upon what it should be. I'll think about that some more,tomorrow.

Practice

I have touched upon this subject before but I think it needs revisiting. In thinking about society today, social attitudes and behaviors, I'm thinking we have  become a little too relaxed about the whole thing. I think we should live our lives with a bit more formality. Living a good life is a serious business. It is something that should be approached with care and thought. Our childhood is a time of learning. During this period of development we should learn proper behaviors. We should learn the nuances of everyday life. Instruction in how to interact with others of differing cultures and viewpoints, should be learned. It is the responsibility of the adult to teach these behaviors. This ability is impaired if we all act as children.
Familiarity breeds contempt. I'm certain you have heard that phrase before. It is a simple truth. Once we become familiar with something, be it a person or a group, some of the mystery goes away. Our perception changes and contempt may creep in. Contempt is a lack of respect for something or someone. I see an awful lot of that everyday. Respect is a word thrown around a lot. Few understand just what respect is, in my opinion. Respect is consideration for others and their feelings, that is my definition. I can respect you without having to agree with you. That doesn't mean I can just say so, however. That is the considered part of the equation. I need to consider, to take into account, your feelings before I open my mouth. Also every time I feel as though I may have been disrespected it is not an invitation to go to war. Personally I will just disassociate myself from that person. I have found, many years ago, I can not recruit everyone to team Reichart. There are those that disagree with me. I know, hard to believe, but it is true.
I just think that if we reverted back to a more formal existence we all would benefit. By a more formal existence I am saying, polite. A simple thing like exercising the manners we were taught would go a long way to easing tensions. I much prefer to be in " polite company " rather than anarchy. A society of rules and social conventions is preferred. Living in a more formal society forces us to consider our actions, rather than just reacting. If you are just reacting to a stimulus, you are not thinking. They call that a conditioned response. We can condition ourselves to respond appropriately just as easily as inappropriately. It is a matter of repetition. Isn't that why Mom always said, practice your manners ? Ah, the old folks were wise.
For everything we do there is training. Whatever sport or occupation you can think of, there is a training regimen. It doesn't make any difference if it is physical or mental, it requires practice. Living in society is no different. We need to practice. We should take a measured and formal approach to it. You only get one shot at doing it right. There are no do overs for your life. So I would say this, practice your manners. Approach life as you would any exam. Study and prepare. Consider your response carefully and then commit to it. The final exam awaits, will you pass the test ? 

Just some thoughts

We really are the products of our environments. I was thinking about the time and place where I was raised. That time and place pretty much defines who I am. It is where I was taught morals and values. My social attitude and beliefs come from there. Sure they have been changed,refined and altered a little bit over the years, but the core remains the same. I came from a blue collar family. In my family higher education came second to being able to actually perform a task. Oh sure, good grades were encouraged and  " book learning " was a good thing but doing was the acid test. Talking didn't get the job done. Explaining how or why something worked was alright, but just doing it was better. Physical strength was valued over mental agility. Fact is, I was told there were a lot of educated fools out there. The reality is all a matter of perceptions. There is a little bit of truth,myth and legend associated with all this. That is why people will sometimes start claiming a heritage or identify with a group that has increased in popularity. The old jumping on the band wagon syndrome.
I do wonder if I had been raised in a different environment what my life would be like. What if I had been encouraged to pursue academics instead of learning a trade ? What if I had gone on to College and received a degree. What would I be doing ? I really can't imagine that. Everything I know is based on the things I learned as a child. Everything I am I learned from my contemporaries. They were blue collar folks just like me. Birds of a feather and all that. I do not feel like I was made to be anything. I chose what I wanted to do. I'm just saying that my environment was the major influence. I do think the expectations of my parents were consistent with their values. Their values did not include academics. There values are grounded in the grass roots. Such was their lot and that was transferred to me. I'm sure I have done the same with my own.
The question I find myself asking is , is there unrealized potential waiting inside of me ? The answer is , of course there is. There is potential in each of us that we may never realize, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I think we just have to be willing to explore those avenues. Take a chance and put it out there. It is easier to say than to do. I certainly don't want to look foolish. I have found that the older I get, the more willing I am to try though. Hopefully I am losing some of the pride of youth. It is that pride, at least for me, that has restricted me somewhat. That and the acceptance of rejection. It takes time to learn that it is okay if others do not like your work, whatever that work may be. It is the enjoyment of doing the work that is of importance. I have heard it said that youth is wasted on the young.I understand exactly what that means. Wisdom does come with age, to most of us anyway. But perhaps our " golden years " are intended to explore all those golden opportunities we had as a youth. The opportunity of examining ourselves and our motivations. Our lasting contribution to society is not material things. Not money,buildings or property of any kind. Those things will eventually fade and go away. Our contribution is the values, morals and beliefs that we pass to the next generation. The thing is , it is usually the grandchildren that receive the benefit of this wisdom. That is the function of age. Every other generation, a sort of balance. You could say a balance to the thinking of your youth. Remember when you knew all the answers ? I remember when I thought I did, and now I find myself just scratching my head. I am more considered in my responses these days. I am open to more possibilities.
Just what is the message I am trying to tell here ? I'm not sure I can answer that question. These are just a sharing of some random thoughts. Maybe you will find something useful in here, maybe not. My hope is that you do. It would seem like wisdom is wasted on the old folks ! I know I sure could have used some of these insights years ago. Oh well, maybe I'm a slow learner.

A change in consequence

I saw a cartoon like picture with an attached saying here on Facebook. The cartoon character is Yosemite Sam holding his six guns. The caption said something to the effect of, generations of kids watched gun violence every Saturday morning but never went and shot up there schools. What changed ? I left my casual comment along with others.
My comment was a simple one, as I like the simple answers, what has changed is consequences. Now when I was a kid I knew that Yosemite Sam shooting things up wasn't real. I knew that real guns killed things. I knew that once something was dead, it was dead. The best you could pray for was heaven and heaven isn't here on earth ! I and my contemporaries also knew that hitting someone with a hammer or blowing them up with dynamite wasn't really funny. We also knew about consequences for doing the things you should not do. These things included your homework,your chores,brushing your teeth,not paying attention,being disrespectful and using violence to solve a problem. Yes, there were consequences to be paid. Justice was swift and sure. Sometimes you received justice just for looking at Mom or Dad the wrong way. Don't you raise your eyebrows to me young man ! And you had best wipe that smirk off your face right now.
There was little arbitration. Things were quite direct. This what was expected and any shortfall of that mark was met with consequences. It is not enough to be held accountable, something you hear a lot about now a days, but the settling of the account is what is of importance. Suffering the consequences is how Mom always put it.
As children we were not told we would be treated any different when it came to these consequences. You would go to jail ! We weren't told about Juvenile courts and courts of our peers and all that stuff. We were not told we would be forgiven because we were just kids. No sir, you do something real bad, you're going to the big house. They are locking the door and you are never getting out. Going to prison was just that and it wasn't reserved for any specific age group ! You mess up and get a record boy and you will never get a decent job either. People don't hire criminals. You had best get with the program.
I also think we push the kids today into these competitive positions way too early. Kindergarten , a half day deal when I was a kid, at age five was enough stress. Now we are sending our children to pre-school,pre-K and even before that. We send them off to deal with strangers in a strange world. It is true that we all learn at different rates and mature at different rates. I just think we need to allow a little more time for social development before shipping them off to any " school. " The whole separation from Mom and the home is a big stress. On top of that they are being " graded " and don't think they aren't aware of it. They know who is being favored and who is not.
Yes I think the succeed at all costs attitude is partly responsible. The excusing of bad behaviors and not making the children pay for those mistakes contributes. Push them into a world of strangers and when they are home ignore them. Allow those children to become immersed in violent video games and combine that with the glorification of criminals. Show them, on the news, that the consequences aren't that bad. You will be, at worst, sent to a hospital for treatment of a disorder. You can kill but not be killed.
Yes my response is just that. What changed ? The consequences have changed.

Being American

I have been thinking lately about happiness. It seems to me the majority of the population is just not happy anymore. At least I hear a lot of complaining; about just about everything. I don't need to go down the litany of woes we all face each day, they are obvious. I was thinking we could start on a path to being happier if we all just agreed on one basic premise. We are all Americans ! That's right I said Americans. Not We are of native american heritage, African descent,European  or whatever. We are all Americans.
Yes it is nice to know about your ancestors. There are advantages to having that knowledge. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that heritage. When the forefathers came to this continent they at first tried to remain European. That whole deal didn't work out too well and we determined to form our own nation. We were no longer Europeans, we became Americans. After that the rest of the world wanted to immigrate to America. No one said I want to immigrate to European America. Yes I know a certain group of Africans were brought to America against there will. Thing is, they have had two hundred years to go back to Africa if they so choose, or just be an American. No it hasn't been an easy path for them and there are still prejudices but it is getting better.
What I'm trying to say here is we all need common ground. America and being American is that ground. That is what this nation was founded upon. Just as you share things in common with your closest friends so should we all share the commonality of being American. That does not mean we do not like anyone that isn't American. That doesn't mean we do not allow people to immigrate to our country, that's kinda what America is, the melting pot of the world. Yes we are made up of different nationalities but we are Americans. Were is that pride ? I hear a lot of people claim the American heritage when they want the protection of the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. I hear it when they start quoting from the Declaration of Independence. That quickly changes however when it is more convenient to be something different. When some sort of perceived advantage is to be had they quickly become a " hyphenated " American.
So just what is an American ? The answer to that question is not an easy one. How to define a nation ? I think we all have ideas about what an American is. These are good ideas and models for the world. All the good adjectives could be used to describe an American. We are kind,generous,freedom loving,fair,hard working and self sufficient ! What self sufficient ? Well maybe not so much anymore. And there are groups of Americans now that are can we say are less than hard working ? And just how did that come about ? Maybe it has something to do with the American Identity. Have we lost that identity ? I think we are in danger of doing so but we can reclaim it. It starts with you and I. I am an American. My grandmother was Swedish, I'm not. My grandfather was German, I'm not. I've got a family tree of over five thousands ancestors that I know of and could probably lay claim to just about every nationality there is. I'm an American. I'm happy about that.
Hey, it's a start.

Selfish Secrets ?

Every once and a while someone famous, or at least well known, will write a tell all book. I see these as a way to get the attention back on themselves. These books sell because we are just naturally curious about the sordid little details in someone else's life. We like to keep our own little secrets but are more than willing to learn yours. In that way we can sit smugly knowing how you messed up, and not have to admit to our own mistakes. Sometimes these tell all books are just telling about someone else. Now that is the best of both worlds isn't it ? I mean you get to tell everything you know without having to really reveal anything about your own shortcomings. Well, that is as long as you don't feel any moral obligation to whomever you are talking about. You can wait until they pass away, but then you have to be concerned with the family that is left, they might sue you.
Now I'm a person that has a tendency to share everything. I talk and offer my opinion on just about everything. I am a person of few secrets. Notice I did say,few. Yup, I got secrets too. There are things in my past I am not proud of and things I do not talk about. These are not necessarily of the " tell all " quality one would want for a book, but I don't want them out there for commentary either. Isn't that the truth about most of us ? There are things we have done or said that we wish we could just take back. We can't. But we can avoid commentary on the subject. The easiest way to do that is to just keep quiet about it. The old saying, learn to live with it, applies and it works well. The key there being try not live with a crowd, know what I mean ? Too many secrets are hard to keep, those skeletons will get out of the closet !
It is a relief to unburden ourselves of these little secrets. I am not of the Catholic faith, but I imagine that is what confession is all about. Not a bad idea and if you can't trust a priest, you can you trust ? I also think that is what a therapist really does, listen. In the movies it is a bartender that serves the same purpose. This telling of secrets relies on trust. When a feeling of guilt becomes too great a burden, that is when we begin to trust. Doesn't always work out though.
I have thought about this in the past. My thought was to write down all my little secrets and in some fashion not have them revealed until after my death. But my thought was to go a little farther than that. I wouldn't want any of those secrets known until the Grandkids were gone too. Well, until everyone that every knew me in the flesh was gone for that matter. I figure that way there can be no rebuttal. When there is no one left to dispute my claims. Also when there is no one left that these revelations may hurt or disappoint. No need in applying tarnish to a legend, eh ? In thinking about this I have come to a conclusion. There is no need to do that at all. The writing (telling) of those secrets would serve no purpose other than to relieve myself of those burdens. If I have passed on I'm guessing the burdens are gone too ! Other than to satisfy a future descendants curiosity, it would serve no function whatsoever. So, it really is a selfish thought. Or is it selfish not to share ? I'll have to think about this some more.

School-Time Continuum

Well the time thing got me again. Kinda caught me off guard as it where. I was browsing the postings on my Facebook page, yes, sometimes I just browse, and saw one about a high school class reunion being planned. I remembered my own class having one, seems recently, and I was unable to attend. Anyway, this was to be their fortieth . The class is from my old high school and they said it was the class of '75. Class of  '75 ? Wait a minute I was the class of '71 and the class of '75 is having a fortieth reunion ? How can that be ? They were still in middle school when I graduated. Those " kids " can't be that old, can they ? Dang, there it is , that time thing again. Now just how did those years slip past ? I just had to stop and scratch my head on that one.
I've written about this before, this phenomena of time. When you are young a week seems like forever and time just speeds up from there. When we were in high school a few years difference in age seemed like an awful lot. A senior compared to a freshman was like two different worlds. Us "seniors", and I didn't know how prophetic that term would become, thought underclassman were just that, under us ! A difference in age of just three years was a big deal back then. If I'm seventeen I'm certainly not dating a fourteen year old. I have now reached the age were it takes ten years to even notice a difference in ages. Fifty,sixty, what difference does it make ? Does when you see it on paper, or on the screen. Just how could this class of '75 have graduated forty years ago ?
It is funny how time slips away. That is the title to a song, and true words as well. In my mind the class of '75 are just some kids. When I travel back to 1971 and think about it, they weren't even in the same building as my class. We were in the new high school building. The first class to graduate from that building in fact. I haven't been back there since and so that building remains unchanged in my memory. Could it be that that many classes have graduated from that same building ? The " new " school is now the old high school, the school that Grandpa went to ! The one with blackboards. When you had to go to the library instead of Google ? That school ?
Every once and awhile something likes this happens. An innocent posting and one met with excitement for some. The posting was a whole different thing to me. Holy crap ! The class of '75 having a fortieth year reunion ? Just what is that posting saying about me, the class of '71 ? Doesn't seem possible somehow. Well I'll go with the whole time is relative theory. In this case time just doesn't apply. Darn kids. Class of '75 indeed.

A Polar Vortex ?

Last year we had a wind effect that the news started calling a Derecho. This year I hear we now have a Polar Vortex ! Oh my, that sounds a bit more serious now doesn't it ? That Derecho thing isn't much more than high winds associated with thunderstorms but a vortex ? Is all the warm air on the earth going to be sucked into this vortex ? And if it does just where is it going ? I figure it must be tied into this global warming thing I'm always hearing about. I guess that is where the heat is coming from, this vortex. The graphic I saw of it shows it at the north pole. A few weeks before this vortex shows up they were saying the the north and south poles are going to shift polarity in the near future. The experts said this happens every so often. I wonder if the vortex will shift along with it ? Then would we get global cooling ? Gee, maybe it is all part of the plan. Or maybe it is just that we don't know half as much as we think we do. Where was the vortex during the ice age ? What pole was what polarity ? In fact is the north pole positively charged or negatively charged ? How would we know ? Man assigned the names but the names could be backward. I wonder how come we keep coming up with new names to explain things. Polar vortex does sound official I have to admit. My old friend Google says it was first described in 1853. Google also says they can be called a cyclone or circumpolar whirl. The thing is it happens all the time. It is just stronger in the winter months in the northern hemisphere.
So I take another deep breath realizing the world isn't coming to an end after all. This polar vortex won't suck us all in. They can last a month or more but will calm down eventually. Seems as though this has been a part of the normal weather pattern all along. Funny how the universe seems to take of itself without any help from us.Could it be that we don't know it all ? Last year it was a derecho that threatened us and now a polar vortex. It can make a person nervous thinking about what may lie in store. Well the poles are going to shift polarity at some point, but we don't know when. I wonder will that happen instantaneously ? If it doesn't, then what ? And when it does happen won't all the compasses be pointing in the wrong direction ? So then up is down and north is south ? Oh, I hope it doesn't happen in my lifetime, I'm kinda used to things being the way they are.

Going Home

Certain songs or lyrics speak directly to our hearts. From the first time you hear them and over the years they remain. I think that is the job of the song writer. That is their intent, the same as a poet or a writer of fiction. Miranda Lambert did that for me with her song, The House that built me. The words of that song reflect my own thoughts so closely in places that it is almost prophetic. I could stand there and say, I bet you didn't know my favorite dog is buried under that old pine tree. She spoke of " finding herself " in that song and I think I know what she means. It is not so much as a finding of oneself as remembering where you came from. We often leave our little worlds of home and get lost in the larger world of life. We forget the lessons learned on our doorsteps. There are moments when all we want is to go back home. That is what I think she was singing about. Traveling back in time to a place of love and comfort. A place so familiar and warm and a place of safety. That overwhelming feeling of nostalgia.
Now that song has been around awhile, at least three years. It doesn't get played on the radio a whole lot. It peaked in popularity and then dropped from the charts. For me, however, it will remain in the top ten, I do have a penchant for sad songs. I also like story songs and she combined those two things beautifully. There are times when that song just hits me. That happened yesterday and is the impetus for this writing today. I was just getting dressed and the radio was on. I just stopped, sat down and listened. The reason for that reaction I can not tell, I really have no explanation for it.
Over fourteen years ago I did get the chance to go back to my childhood home. I had gone there to bury my Dad. We held the ceremony at Cedar Lawn Cemetery. In that cemetery lie a good portion of my ancestors. The majority of them are in close proximity to one another. I can wander about in there however and stumble across many relatives and friends from the past. Following that I went to the home were I was raised. I made a point of walking up that dirt road as I had done so many times in my youth. I went to the front door. Strange, going to the front door, as we seldom used that. I knocked and a lady answered. I told her who I was and she remembered my parents, whom she had bought the house from, and invited me in. She was kind enough to just leave me with my memories and I looked around a bit. The drawing on the wallpaper was still there and the stairs still creaked in that one spot. A felt a real sadness come over me and I left, thanking her for her time. I walked further up that dirt lane and visited the grave of my dog. Ladie boy was happy to see me.
Now every once in awhile, when I hear that song, that same feeling comes over me. I wonder if I will ever see that place again. Will it still exist if I do go back ? Sadly, I think the answer will be, no. That place only exists now in my memory. Oh, the house may stand and the ground still there but that isn't what made it home. And I think that is what Miranda Lambert was singing about. She says, " won't take anything but a memory,from the house,that built me. " Still, like she says in her song, I just needed to go there one last time. I didn't know there would be a song about that and it is one of those things that you can tell others about,but they won't believe you. It is true, I did just what she wrote about. Her words spoke directly to me.

                                                                               

Fractions in time

As my daughter in law was leaving my home last night, Morgan pointed out a picture on my wall and says, Mommy we don't take family portraits anymore. Maria just laughed and said, no we haven't done that in a few years. After they were gone I thought about that. It is true that they used to have a family picture each year as the children grew. I don't know what year that tradition ended. There on that same wall hangs a picture of myself and my siblings. We are all standing in a row in our matching " trap door " style footie pajamas I can be no more than three in that picture. My Mom has given me some other pictures with us kids all together but very few. I have never seen, nor do I think one  exists, of us as a family complete with Mom and Dad. I never had any taken with my own family either. I just never gave it a thought over the years. Shame too, can't go back and get the shot now.
In recent years I take a lot of shots with the kids and Grandma and their cousin. I have pictures with us ( Grandma and Grandpa ) with them at school. Those kids will be rich in pictures, that much is for sure. None of these pictures are professional studio pictures. I wonder if that isn't beginning to be a thing of the past. I see the studio at the Walmart but question the credentials of the photographers. I mean, technically, as long as you are being paid to take those pictures you are a professional, but what qualifications are required ? The ones that come to the school strike me the same way. The digital image is reviewed right there and you can approve or disapprove the shot. Don't like it, take another. That does relieve the necessity of having to get it right on the first try, so maybe I could hire a, let us say, a less talented photographer, at a more modest salary.
It is difficult for us to imagine a time when getting a family portrait or individual picture taken was a big deal. You had to go to the studio. I have several old photographs that were taken this way. One is my Great Grandfather in his Civil War uniform and another is Great Great Grandfather Abraham and his brother Oliver taken before a whaling journey. The later is in a small locket like frame that their mother carried with her. I have a family portrait taken in 1914 of my Swedish ancestors. Getting these photographs taken was an event. I think that is what Morgan meant when she said that to her Mom. Getting a family picture taken is an event. Everyone gets dressed up and spruced up to look their best. Then off to the studio. It was an outing and a special event. I think that is slowly going away however. Our pictures today are far more informal. Something that happens almost daily. Some of us are even taking " selfies ".  Yes, stopping by to get a family portrait at the Walmart doesn't hold quite the allure of a professionals studio.
In the big picture, pun intended, it really doesn't make any difference where the picture was taken. What does matter is that the picture is not just taken, but kept. We should make an effort to keep those photos together. I personally think they should all be displayed. I also think in today's world, where it so easy to get the shot, they are not as valued. Images from the past, priceless treasures that can never be replaced or recreated. Pictures capture a single moment in time. Just a few hundredths of a second but can give back years of enjoyment. Indeed, those fractions of time can travel generations.

One picture,a thousand words

It is one of my favorite pictures. An old black and white. The subject is two ladies sitting side by side. One seems to be speaking as the other is listening intently. They seem to be resting from their labors. They are my Great Grandmother and her mother. I have been unable to determine just when Great Great Grandmother Agnes left this world, so far it is a mystery. Hours on Ancestry.com have failed to provide that answer. Hours spent on other genealogy sites have yet to uncover the answer. Her husband, Abraham, was a 'round the world whaler. He made seven trips around the horn, as it is proudly recorded in the records. His sons were whalers too and brothers to my Great Grandmother. Great Grandmother Lucy, whose father was a veteran of the civil war. A man who served proudly with the 127th New York volunteers. He was there when the union flag was again raised at Fort Sumter. He was there for the grand parade down fifth avenue after the war. He was a lifelong member of the Grand Army of the Republic, the precursor to the Veterans of Foreign War. It was he and his companions that lobbied for and secured a pension for all the widows of that war. My own Great Grandmother was a recipient of that benefit at the rate of three dollars a month.
All these thoughts go through my mind as I look at that picture. Great Grandmother Lucy raised my father after the death of his own parents. Dad told me she was the only mother he ever knew. Great Grandmother Lucy passed away when I was three. I, of course, do not remember her but mt sister does. I am told that she did hold me in her arms. So I guess you could say I knew her. She does look like a kindly old lady. That she was religious I know well. I have her Bible and the pages are well worn and dogged eared. I was told she read it everyday.
This picture hangs on the wall above my desk. I will look at it at times and imagine what conversation they may be having. What they talk about in the first person would all be history to me. The thing is what history they could speak of. Their lives and times were full of new adventures and exploration. They may have been home, waiting for their men to return, but they were there. Just as we today look at yesterdays news and shrug our shoulders , so must they have. I can imagine mother telling daughter, when I was your age we had to do this or that, you have it pretty easy with all these modern conveniences. Or perhaps they are talking about the days of the first world war. Great Grandmother Lucy was born in 1880 and so saw the first world war and the second world war. She lived to see the Korean war as well. In fact she lived three years past the end of that war. Oh what the two of them could talk about. The triumphs and tragedies that were their lives. And somehow I feel that one picture has somehow captured all of that. It is an amazing thing. I do need to write the entire back story to accompany that photo for future generations to understand. One picture and a thousand words. Isn't that the saying ?

                                                                       

Agnes Terry on the right, her daughter Lucy Lester on the left.
Great Great Grandmother and Great Grandmother

On respect

Something I hear quite often are people complaining about being disrespected. I think the key is that those that feel that way also suffer from a lack of self respect. If I respect myself, my values and views enough, what others may say is of little consequence to me. Hateful words and attacking my character certainly offends me but will result in me withdrawing from you, rather than confronting you. When I was a young man I thought I had to defend my honor. Defending honor is indeed a young mans game. You must poses that self righteous attitude to embark upon those quests. And those quests, like many others, sometimes end in disappointment. All quests , no matter how noble the intent, do not lead to justification or vindication. Consider the Crusades, actually nine of them in total, noble quests, well intended, but definitely wrong in its' execution. Arrogance and brashness are attributes of the young, mature folks are measured and confident.
It is true that respect has to be earned. The earning of that respect does not guarantee reciprocity That has to be given. There are those that feel by giving that gift they are somehow reducing their own. The result is a lowering of the respect they have for themselves rather than an increase in respect for others.
Diplomacy is a form of respect. The ability to extract the desired response from others comes from within. If you can show the other person, group, or country for that matter, that your intentions are pure in spirit, you will most likely be successful. This can only be accomplished by those that believe in their own purity of spirit. It does not come with demands. An acknowledgement of your righteousness is not a requirement.
The phrase, I'm being disrespected, or a facsimile there of, has become one of those catch phrases. I dislike it as it really says nothing at all. What is the nature of the offense ? Did another person disagree with you ? Is that being disrespected ? Did I not address you correctly ? Just what was the nature of the disrespect ? It just seems like a rather subjective thing to say. I often hear it coming from those that display the least amount of respect towards others. I can only credit that to a lack of understanding on their part. That and a lack of self respect.
I think all this perceived disrespecting stems from childhood. When parents allow their child to disrespect them these same children grow up feeling disrespected. They have not learned the distinction between behavior that is merely rebellious, and that which is contemptuous. Young folks will naturally rebel as that is the nature of youth. It is the job of the parent to teach them how to express themselves without being impetuous or arrogant. One can learn to speak their minds without offending others. To put it simply, learn social skills like being polite. Learning how to listen to others is also a useful tool. Those that are the highly respected are not those that yell the loudest,reference the most facts or insist that everything be as they say. The most respected are those that speak their truths calmly and with compassion. That does not mean that they do not have passion however, just that they have learned to communicate.
Respect is a mutual exchange that must begin with yourself. Only then can you exchange respect with others.

 
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Original Thoughts ?

Random thoughts often enter my mind. There are times when I just jot those thoughts down without giving them additional consideration. After a while I may return to that thought only to discover it paraphrases something already having been stated. Often I am surprised by that. I hadn't thought of that at all. Or did I ? Is it plagiarism ? I don't think so, unless it is done intentionally. I have often thought that there are very few thoughts that haven't been thought of already. There is little left to say. Most things we say are just a rehashing of ideas or explanations we have heard or read somewhere. So the questions remains, are there any original thoughts left ?
Originality is often misconstrued as eccentric or downright insane behavior, unless it comes in the form of entertainment. Original thinking is often the subject of ridicule. Examples of this abound in history. Some are still debated today. A man named Darwin comes to mind. Galileo was thought to be nuts. His support of the Copernican theory got him twice charged with heresy. Being original means being different. Different is not always accepted. The rub comes in getting others to understand that originality. That is especially true if it requires the abandonment of previously held ideas.
Going back to my first thought, the original idea I had, is it plagiarism when you write or say something that has been said before, if you do so without any knowledge of the previous idea ? I think the answer would have to be no. To plagiarize is to knowingly do so. So what do you call it when that happens ? If the thought was pure and my own it would be an original thought to me. If I then share that thought and research shows another person,out of the millions and millions before me, also had that thought I am not given the credit. In fact if I attempt to publish that thought I may be subject to penalty.
There are plagiarism checkers online. I have tried a few of them and find they will tell you, more often than not, that your words are plagiarized. I'm thinking certain key phrasing or combination of words must trigger this. Surely even the internet cannot read and review every work that has ever been written. I try not to hijack anyone elses thoughts and claim them for my own. I can not always be certain that I haven't read the general theme of that thought at another time. I do try to credit others with whatever credit they are due. I suppose that is what journalist integrity is all about. Another instance of trying to legislate morality.
I am flattered when others like my words. I am disturbed when it is implied that I may have plagiarized anothers' work. I am surprised at times to learn that I have paraphrased a famous quote. All I can do is try to remain true to myself. Isn't that a goal we should all strive toward.

Thoughts on life and death

The mystery of death frightens us all, but why should that be ? In death there is no pain. Pain is a physical thing. Our bodies are nothing more than vehicles, vehicles of the soul. When they have carried our soul its' allotted time on this plane it's function is complete, and so it dies. Our souls do not. Perhaps it is this fear of death that makes us question life so much. We want to know why we are here. What is the purpose ? The purpose is much too vast for us to comprehend is my thought. Our lives here on this earth are no more than a breath in the life of the universe. The souls journey is infinite. Our soul stretches across time and space. That is why we can,at times, be aware of both past and future. That is why our spirits soar when we do right and fall when we do wrong. There is a celestial compass. Does this compass have a name ? The better question is , does it require a name ? It requires it in only so much as a reference. A matter of convenience.
We can not know our purpose. To know that purpose, the full intent, would be counter productive. If we did know, or could become fully aware, then we could by action or inaction effect the outcome. Or is that too a part of the plan ? I do believe I am here to serve a higher purpose. It is not my place to question that place but it is my place to fulfill it. If I pay attention to my celestial compass, and listen to the lessons of my heart, I will accomplish my part.
Wanting to know is an act of selfishness. It is not a favorable trait. We should not do this because of something we may receive in return, we should do it because it is what is right. If that lesson sounds familiar that is because it is. We are all taught this from childhood. The major religions of the world teach us this as well. It is a difficult thing however. This desire to know and understand our purpose, our very existence drives us forward. Man needs to know. Man is a selfish creature by nature. This need to know has given us all the knowledge and advancements we have achieved over the centuries. The question remains however, have we used this knowledge for the betterment of all ? Have we been selfish with our knowledge. And in the end to what use is this knowledge ? Where does it fit into the plan ?
This is something that is going to require more thought. I think we should spend more time contemplating these things and that will lead us, individually, to inner peace. I do think the destination is different for each of us. We are not all on the same path or at the same point in our journeys. Some souls are very old and some are new. Another mystery to be contemplated. If the souls never dies why would some be new and some old ? Wouldn't they all be old ? Perhaps it is just that some souls go through a period of zero growth due to the selfishness of the host. But who then decides what body will be the host to what soul ? Is that the free will that we are told we have been granted ?
Life is both complex and simple. Someone said, the value of our lives is measured by what we leave behind. Sounds like an unselfish act to me.
                   

“Everyone must leave something behind when he dies . . . Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die . . . It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away.” 
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

An Emperor and a Bonacker

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” 
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

I was thinking about this very quote the other day. It came to mind as I was talking with a co-worker. This person was complaining about things,as usual, and it was effecting my mood as well. I thought, why should I let this destroy my good mood ? The things he was complaining about had little to do with me. Then I remembered what Grandma would have said, don't let him rain on your parade. That is pretty much the same concept and I should just let that cloud be gone.
I think this happens to all of us. I do wonder why we allow that to happen. Why should we get upset by what others say or do that doesn't directly affect us. There are times when I get upset about things in the news that have happened in other countries ! I'm not talking about big civil rights issues or world hunger, just trivial little news items. Then I go off to work or wherever already in a bad mood.
Marcus Aurelius says it is your estimate of the item that causes this distress and you can revoke that at any time. That is the hard part though, the dismissal of it. I do think a lot of it has to do with empathy ? How closely you empathize with others. If you posses that quality, generally considered a quality to be admired, that will make it a lot more difficult to dismiss. But I think maybe that is what Marcus Aurelius was talking about when he says your estimation of it. You need to balance what is being taken in, empathize with it and then decide whether to retain it or not. Not every external thing is the cause of your discomfort but that discomfort comes from within. In other words, don't cry over spilled milk. Also do not fret over things you have no control over.
Those people that are very good at doing this are also often thought of as being aloof. And no one wants to be considered aloof. Well, I shouldn't say no one, there really are no absolutes in this world. The majority of us need and crave personal interaction with our fellow human beings. Empathizing with them is the quickest way to acceptance. We can get caught up in that trap and become unstable in our own behavior. Constantly reacting to the influence of others is not a good thing. And so where is that balance ? I think the balance lies in understanding. We need to understand that all feelings that are negative to others, are not necessarily negative to us. I may not enjoy exercise but its benefits can not be denied. This holds true for many areas in our lives. That is what makes us individual. So is Marcus Aurelius really saying that happiness comes from within ? I think he is. I can change my mood, my state of being at any time, and I should control that. I am responsible for my own happiness.
I do think that is as simple as making up your mind. You need to decide to be happy and content, or to be dissatisfied. Many causes and issues that we face in life have no right or wrong answers. It things were always that cut and dried life would be a lot easier, but not as fulfilling. We are told since we are children that we need to excel. We should always strive for more. More money,more education,a larger home or whatever. How often are we told to just enjoy the things we have ? That is reserved for greeting cards at Christmas or New Years. Or we are told that when we can not afford whatever it is we want. Be happy that you have a bicycle at all, I had to walk ! It is alright to be content with what you have. It is alright to not want more. More isn't always better. I do not need the things you have to make me happy. That is the understanding we all need to achieve. I can have empathy without the desire to fulfill your needs and not let your need effect my own.
That is quite a mouthful to say something so basic. I do like thinking about such things as sayings and quotes and just what they mean. I think they do mean different things depending upon your own life experience. My father often used a phrase I found amusing but addressed a simple issue. When a decision was to be made he would say, you either need to *hit or get off the pot ! In other words, decide ! I think Marcus Aurelius would concur with that statement.

Let's be fair

As quickly as the holidays have come, they are gone. It is the 5th of January and it seems like Christmas was a ways back there. New Years I don't really celebrate so that  just come and goes. Although, if I think about it hard enough, I can remember when New Years " hung " around ,at least for the first day of the year. I don't miss that. The Valentines day cakes and cookies are already in the stores and it is time to move on. The spring fashions will be on display very soon, if not already.
Now back in 1971 the government enacted the Uniform holidays act. That's the one combining presidents birthdays and moving the celebration of other holidays to Monday. I remember it well when a holiday could fall on any day of the week. Yes things were not always uniform, but then, life seldom is. I'm thinking it may be time for another adjustment,to make it all more convenient for everyone. We should have at least one major holiday every month. Think about it. We celebrate New Years five days after Christmas. We need to adjust that. We could either change the celebration of the birth of Christ, we don't know the real date anyway, or move New Years to when the weather is more favorable to watching the ball drop. That would take care of two months. The fourth of July could remain but what about June ? Nothing happening in June ? Maybe we could celebrate New Year then ? But that would leave January without a big celebration. Well isn't Kwanza a flexible thing ? Not to mention Hanukkah, which seems to move all over the place. Yes sounds like we need more uniformity, the government needs to take corrective action. How about the first Monday of every month is a holiday, a federal holiday. And it is required that we decorate our homes and places of business for that. That way we can spread out the celebrations in a uniform manner like civilized people should. Uniformity that is what is needed.
Everything should be the same for everyone. Oh, what's that ? Sounds like socialism ? No, no it is being fair. The government knows what is best for all of us. We elect these officials to decide that for us. Once elected we should accept their decisions without question. They are just doing what we elected them to do after all, decide for us. Once elected they have no further obligation to listen to the little man. There priorities lie with the corporate giants and financiers of the world. They must strive to quell any civil unrest. Best way to do that is to make everyone equal, well except for them that is. Let's be fair about it. A major holiday for every month ! And it is always on a Monday, no exceptions. That should take care of the after holiday blues we often hear about. It would give us something to look forward to every month. We have the Grand Old Party, the Democratic Party and lately the Tea Party well I say make that all uniform too and call it a Party. That is fair isn't it ?
  

Are you contributing ?

You often hear it said that older folks repeat themselves. I am aware of that and it is something I try to avoid. The mind and memory does play tricks upon you though and it happens. When it does all I can do is laugh, shrug my shoulders and quickly dismiss it. I do wonder why I choose to repeat certain things and others are discarded as fast as I say them. There doesn't seem to be a standard like importance or relevance. Some things are mere amusements, jokes and such, while others are facts. So the question I have is why do certain things seem to float to the surface of my mind ? Or, more importantly I suppose, why do I repeat them ? One answer would be, it is just what I find important or amusing. We all hope to contribute something of importance to the conversation that is life. Are these snippets of information what I feel important ? Given some of the repeated stories I tell, I certainly hope that isn't the case. But then again maybe it is the moral to the story that I am trying to share. Few people like to hear lectures on morality and proper conduct so are these stories my way of communicating that ? I like that idea so I'm going with that. It does seem plausible.
In the telling or sharing of any experience one wishes to convey their feelings. I want you to experience what I did. I also want you to draw the same conclusion about that experience. That is why we often talk about things that everyone is familiar with. The weather seems to top the list. It is too hot or too cold. Then we often discuss the various degrees of each and compare our experiences. Isn't that why we say we have kindred spirits ? Our spirits, our experiences, are closely related. We seldom tell others of mistakes we have made, at least not the really dumb ones ! Those are not something to share. Yes, they too have a moral, but not to others, only to ourselves. Some things you just have to learn that way. But getting back to repeating things. Maybe it is also a part of a sense of urgency. As we age we know our time here is limited. It is something we are all aware of. Some get fixated on it and others never do seem to grasp that reality. And then there is everyone else. The "normal " people if you want to use that term. We just go along taking life as it comes and persevere. We are the ones repeating stuff too. Are we trying to teach others by rote ? It can be an effective method or a very annoying one. Whatever the case may be I do try to avoid repeating myself as much as possible. I confess to trying to reword the same thoughts though. I do want to contribute to the conversation. Diversity in language is as important as diversity in life. Different things for different people. Our language, our method of communicating our thoughts and feelings should be constantly adjusted. The message we are trying to convey should be the same, for these are our life truths. We should strive however to state them in as many ways as possible, to share with others, just don't let them know about it. In other words, don't repeat the words, repeat the message.  

The Coffee is on

Last year 2012, not 2013, I received a peculator coffee pot for Christmas. I have been enjoying fresh perked coffee ever since and I love it. It is the best tasting of all, that's my opinion. Personally I use Folgers because that is the best part of waking up ! It is Folgers in your cup. Grandmother would have said, Maxwell house because it is good to the last drop. Whatever your taste in coffee the old fashioned way is still the best way. As I went back for another cup this morning for some reason I was reminded of how the coffee was always on at Grandmas house. Her old pot sat there always hot and ready. Funny thing is, she drank tea !
Now Grandmother Bennett was a laundress. Her big old kitchen was usually filled with wash tubs up on saw horses. Clothes were being soaked in one tub, scrubbed in another and rinsed in yet another. Laundry baskets sat on the floor and it was always hustle and bustle in there. The old coal stove sat in the corner heating water and warming those heavy flat irons. The air smelled of steam,bleach and laundry soap. But above it all you could smell that coffee when it was brewing. Sometimes in the morning when I smell that coffee I am reminded of her and it is a good memory.
The people she did the laundry for would come and go. With some, it was their servants that did that chore. A cup of coffee was always offered when any transaction took place. Dropping off clothes, have a cup of coffee. Picking up completed wash ? Have a cup of coffee. The pot was always on. This was back in the days of traveling salesman and assorted vendors that delivered to your door. The Dugan brothers, a bakery company, came and you could purchase bread,donuts,and cakes. Of course the Dugan man, as I called him, was offered a cup of coffee. Same with the mailman, or any other of a number of people.
Grandmother Bennett never drove a car in her life but she had a driveway. Her kitchen was where she ran her business. The door was always open and there were no days off. On wash days those tubs would be set up and Grandma was a busy camper let me tell you. Washing those clothes, all by hand, and then hanging them out to dry. When dry they needed to be brought in, separated by owner and staged for ironing. The ironing would take place in the evening or the next day. After they were ironed and folded they would be covered in brown paper and the bundle tied shut with white cotton string. The itemized bill would be written out and pinned to the bundle.
Busy,busy indeed, but always time for coffee. Conducting business with her was like talking with a friend. There was much work to do, but she always had time for the pleasantries. There are times when I go into a place of business and a free cup of coffee is offered. It is a rare thing these days. But I think people were a lot more social in the old days. Whether it was just human nature or social convention that dictated that behavior I'll leave to the sociologists. My thought is it was a combination of both. At any measure it was good business. 

better or worse ?

With every new year comes new laws. A few of the more controversial ones you hear about on the news. There are two that just jumped out at me . The first one was that Governor Christie of New Jersey signed a bill authorizing in state tuition for illegal aliens, er undocumented workers, er undocumented students or um those that are in the country illegally and living in New Jersey. The problem I have with that is, if my grandson, a born and bred American living in Maryland wishes to go to say, Princeton University he would be considered an alien to the state of New Jersey and not eligible for the reduced in state tuition. Is it just me or do you see the irony in that as well ? Those that sneak across the border or perhaps they were even smuggled across as a baby, not there fault right, get the reduced rate, basically a subsidy from the state but my grandson would not ! So if I am a tax payer in the state of New Jersey I am now paying for those that are illegal to get an education. Then when they get that education they can secure employment, and we must hire a certain segment of the minority population ( preferential treatment in my opinion ) and take the job of perhaps a born and bred American citizen. Makes sense doesn't it ? Enough said, talk to the hand.
And then I hear you can now buy marijuana for recreational use in the state of Colorado. Hmm, a state sponsored program to grow,sell and distribute marijuana. I hear about the potential revenue it could generate. I hear it will reduce crime and keep that money out of the hands of criminals ! Sounds like a real plan doesn't it ? Well hasn't the government demanded that the tobacco companies put a warning label on their products, since 1965 in fact, and continually raised the tax on those products ? And what is the reason they have been stating  ? Causes lung cancer, among other things. I guess smoking pot doesn't. Well at least if you smoke it like ex president Bill Clinton did and don't inhale it ! LOL. Give me a break. How many government and state sponsored programs are there to help people quit smoking ? I could go down a list. I could cite a bunch of facts and figures but you and I know all that costs a ton of money. And now the state of Colorado has added to that ! Yeah, it is easier to decriminalize than enforce a law. Yeah, it is easier to just collect the revenue and turn a blind eye to the possible social havoc this could cause. In a few years we can use the revenue to sponsor programs to help the pot heads find themselves. That's cool man. Yeah I know it is no worse than drinking but don't we have programs for that habit as well ? Isn't that a bit like comparing diseases, is one better than another ?
I just have concerns for the direction this country is taking. I know every preceding generation has said the same thing. I am no different. The best I can hope for is that at some point in the future some one reads these words and says, " boy was he wrong. "