going home

 A recent poll shows that less than half of all Americans say they belong to a church, synagogue or mosque. It is the lowest number in fifty years. This poll however didn't reflect how many people still believe in God, just if they attended services on a regular basis at a specific building. So, I'm not sure what the point actually was to that poll. I'm thinking like a great number of polls taken these days, the poll is focused on getting the response the author is looking for. In todays world especially, each word and phrase is examined closely. There is always a method of escape it seems, that is what it says, but that isn't what it means. Happens all the time and is growing increasingly worse in my opinion. Well, it is a way to justify whatever it is we wish to do. A personal favorite of mine is this idea that we should, as good Christians, allow others to do whatever they want to do without question, without calling them out on that. In that way you get to remain righteous without endangering yourself. I guess just knowing what is right is all that is required? 

 But this being Easter I am reminded and remember attending services in my church. I admit I do not have a church these days and seldom go to services at all. I would also say my faith today is stronger than it was back in my youth. Whether that is the result of wisdom or age can be debated. Some years back I went looking for a church but didn't find one. I quit looking when I realized I was looking for the past. The church , as I knew it, will not be found. I recalled a verse from the Bible where Jesus says, my fathers house contains many rooms. Jesus says he is going there to prepare a room for me. I think my room was prepared when I was a child, that is my church, my room. I also believe I was very fortunate to have done so. I vividly recall being informed by my mother that we would all be going to church, on a regular basis! The reason she arrived at that decision is a complicated one, and a story only she could tell. Suffice to say, she made the correct decision, a decision that has influenced me my entire life. 

 We did start attending services on a regular basis. As a kid I naturally looked for a way to escape that pew. Siting there listening to words I didn't really understand, then praying for my soul because I was doomed had an impression. In my day that is what church was, you were a sinner, needed salvation, and Gods help. And you could only pray for that! There were no guarantees. Well, God guaranteed he loved you and would give you forgiveness, but it was up to you to earn that! And that was the key I was taught, you had to EARN that. So, it was back to praying. You sang songs and praised his holy name in an expression of gratitude for the opportunity to do so. If you worked hard, tried your very best, you could earn that reward, everlasting life! If you didn't, there weren't any second chances. 

 I joined the junior choir. Had to go to practice on Saturday mornings but it got you out of the pew on Sunday. A small price to pay. Turned out the jr, choir was a pretty good deal after all, a social event. I enjoyed the friends and belonging to a group. We even got awards for perfect attendance. Once you put on that robe and joined in the processional you did feel a little special. Sitting closer to the altar, on the other side of the communal railing, made you feel just a bit more pious than the rest. My singing was atrocious but that didn't seem to matter a great deal. I will say I was never asked to solo. It was hinted a time or two that I sing solo, so low I couldn't be heard. (drum roll) After the choir I became an acolyte. At first carrying the flag in the processional and later, the lead spot, carrying the cross. When you carried the cross you also assisted the Reverend during Holy Communion. That was about as close to being a Priest as you could get without going to seminary school. It was a great sense of belonging. 

 All that ended when I joined the Navy. I went back to that church on the occasions I was home. I discovered that things had changed. I felt like a bit of an outsider. The old minister was still there but a new younger man was beginning to exert influence in the services. It was different, not what I was expecting. And that is what happened when I went looking for a new church here. The service, the practices and procedures are different than what I expect. I'm back in the pew. And the few experiences I have had were just foreign to me. I can't really explain it other than to say, it's different. I'm thinking that may be the reason church attendance is down. A far larger number of us have left our "home" church. We move around a lot today compared to fifty years ago. In doing so we leave those churches behind. We are reluctant to join in the foreign services. Perhaps that is why I get more of a celebratory feeling in these foreign churches than one of contrition. The few I have tried seemed more focused on entertainment than repentance. 

 Yes, I'd say I went to church to say, I'm sorry and pray for forgiveness. My faults were pointed out by the sermon. When the preacher was preaching, and you felt guilt, you knew you had done wrong! And you heard that directive, let he who is without sin cast the first stone! Still, your faults were pointed out to you, perhaps not directly, but you sure knew right from wrong! And all of that was comfortable to you. I was surrounded by friends and those that I knew. It was a family. I left that family never to return. That doesn't change the belief, just the practice. Perhaps the room that was prepared for me awaits yet, perhaps that room will look like the church of my youth. That's a comforting thought, especially on Easter Sunday. If I am successful I will rise too and go to my room, sorta like going back into the pew I suppose. Hey, maybe I'll join the choir, only next time I will be able to sing! All things are possible you know. Happy Easter.