Thursday, May 23, 2019

just old

 My grandson graduates high school in less than a week. Where has the time gone? It is another marker on the road, another signpost passed. He will be going off to college in the fall. He has enjoyed much success in his school years, academically and socially. Fact is, he's a good kid. He was voted most likely to become President. Yes, I can see that, his interest in government and politics in general has always been strong. But Greensboro, in Caroline county, is a small world and it is that I am thinking about this morning. Soon he will leave this world and enter into a much larger community. My concern is not that he will be influenced in a bad way, but rather that he will be unyielding. You do have to bend a bit if you wish to grow.
 Now Mark has been away from home before, it's really nothing new. He went, as a younger man, to a conference in Washington, D.C. for an entire week. He was on his own, a great deal of independence for one so young, and handled it wonderfully. He has gone to camp in the summer and done exceptionally well. He is ready for independence, that is not my concern. I am concerned about the actions of others. Are the others ready for independence? How will the others respond to unrestricted freedom? That is what I am concerned with.
 I think about that because I remember. I remember boarding the train and heading out into the world. I had joined the Navy and when I boarded that train you could say the lines were " cast off " to coin a Navy term. I was free from parental control, free to do as I pleased. But the reality was it was a structured environment. There was much guidance! It surely wasn't like going off to college, of that much I am certain. Meals, housing and medical care was provided. All you had to do was, as you were told. Not a difficult proposition for me, although it did seem difficult for some. Perhaps they had enjoyed more " freedom " that I had and felt stifled, I can't say for sure. Whatever the case, I didn't have an issue with any of that, I just breezed through. I can say I didn't leave basic training filled with patriotic spirit, I was just glad that was over. Next was school, and although I did have a bit more freedom it was still structured fairly tightly. Real freedom didn't arrive until I reached my first command. There, when granted liberty, I was free to do as I pleased. All I can say is I didn't make the best use of my time, or resources available to me. I had some aging to do.
 It was the interaction with others that I struggled with. I had come from a small town, much like Greensboro, and so was naive in some ways. I like to believe I wasn't as jaded as some of those boys from the big cities. There was much I had only heard about, but never experienced. Thing was, I never spent much time trying to fit in, I was there, take it or leave it. As a result I was often, odd man out. I did have a few friends, the others I just knew. It didn't really bother me much. Still it is something I remember. But that is what concerns me with Mark. He isn't one to go along with the crowd either. I know he isn't concerned at all. But I'm sitting here thinking about all of that. I have made that voyage and know the sea can be rough. I'm worried!
 I suppose this is all just the worry of a concerned grandparent. I do have to remind myself that I'm a grandfather! Just how that happened is a bit of a mystery, it kinda snuck up on me. I mean, sure the kids I went to school with got old, its' been 45 years, but I didn't think I had. And now I have a grandson heading out to college! I worry about those places! Yes they are places of higher education. Thing is I also understand that education has little to do with maturity. Some pretty foolish things happen in those places. Not that Mark would get involved in any of that, but he will be there. Sometimes you are guilty by association! Well, I felt the same way when he was going off to kindergarten. He'll be fine. I just wondering if I will be. All this maturity is making me worry! At least that is what I'm calling it, maturity, some say I'm just old. 

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