Thursday, November 30, 2017

my advice

 It is the hot topic this week, sexual assault. What I see is further attempts to legislate virtue and morality. For some they call it empowerment, at long last their voices are being heard. It is a change in the dynamics of society. Is it equality ? Yes it is, and long overdue. I was taught from an early age to keep my hands to myself. It was never acceptable to touch another person, of either sex, unless a  clear indication was received that it was okay. It is a policy I have adhered to my entire adult life. I may have misinterpreted some signals I received while under the influence of adult beverages but I was quickly corrected. At no time did I ever take no as anything but no ! I struggle to write about the obvious.
 Now sexual assault includes unwanted speech as well. Everything from the cat call to lewd comments can be construed as an assault. In speech I was taught one didn't use coarse or vulgar language in front of the ladies. The reason was simple, the use of such language was inherently wrong and we knew that. But men are men aren't they ? What does that mean you say ? It means that the alpha male needs to show his dominance. He can do that with either brute strength or cunning, strong language is an expression of dominance. The perception has always been that a woman desires a strong man. That is the long and short of it. That is the image. Is it the truth ? There are as many answers to that as there are people. Is any of that an excuse for an assault ? Absolutely not.
 I can offer no explanation for the actions of these men. Does power wealth and fame cause this ? Do they do these things because they feel they can get away with it ? I can only guess and say, yeah that's probably it. As to why, I just don't understand. Are signals being sent ? All these ladies reporting these assaults certainly don't believe they have signaled anything. In fact almost all say they didn't report anything because of fear. Whether that fear was of losing their jobs or social consequences isn't the point. They all felt helpless.
 I can't help but wonder if a portion of this stems from the society we are living in today. The dynamic interaction between the sexes has certainly changed a good bit in the last fifty years. I'm not defending anything here, just trying to point some things out. Morality and virtue are viewed differently today. When society accepts, indeed embraces, promiscuity and gender neutrality the message does change. When " things " are openly discussed and become familiar, barriers are torn down. Subjects that were once only discussed in an intimate setting are now on billboards ! Even something as seemingly innocuous as words can have an impact. Consider the language in common use today. The ladies may use those terms that men only whispered among themselves. By doing so they are expressing their equality with men. Isn't that the intent ? Yes, I'd say that it was.
 I'm not saying women are asking for it. That is not the thinking here at all. What I am saying is that making certain choices opens the door. Again, I'm not saying women are asking for it, and I'm not saying it is alright for any man to walk through that door, just that an unintended signal is being sent.   The real issue is that women are not guys. Seem obvious enough to me. I expect it has changed somewhat because of social attitudes but as a general rule a man doesn't make unwanted advances towards another man. The reason is simple, there is no attraction there and getting punched in the mouth isn't pleasant. So what can a woman do ? I don't have an answer for any of it. As I said I was taught to just keep my hands to myself and watch my language around the ladies. Yes, ladies are different and should be treated accordingly. I don't know, as a man, I just don't get it. Just what makes them think any of this is alright ? I can't say for certain as I haven't won the lottery or anything but I seriously doubt that wealth or fame would change my morals or alter my conception of virtue.
 Well how long before men start complaining about women assaulting them ? It can't be far off. A few men have claimed to be raped but you don't hear much about that. Occasionally you hear about school teachers abusing students. If any gay guys have complained about their bosses requesting favors from them I haven't heard about that. If you think about it we have been attempting to legislate behaviors that were once understood clearly. Those behaviors were delineated in our religious texts. Morality and virtuous actions. Now we have begun to dismiss all of that in favor of legislation. That was the foundation. The erosion of that foundation will bring the whole deal down. History has borne that out and I see no reason it won't continue. There are extremes in everything. Chauvinists and Feminists. Still the fact remains despite all else, there are boys and girls. They are fundamentally different because their strength comes from different positions.
 I don't know, keep your hands to your self and keep your mouth shut. That's my advice. 

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