My sister shared a quote with me from one of her favorite authors. " Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposed to be, and embracing who we are. " ( Brene Brown.) This lady is the author of four New York times best sellers. For lack of a better description they are self help books. Ms. Brown is a social scholar. I haven't read any of those books though and likely never will. I do believe she would be an interesting person to have a discussion with, depending upon who she thinks she is. You can't know that until you meet face to face and have a chat. Public appearances and talks rarely expose the real person. I believe we all have two sides. I say this knowing the way I write my thoughts isn't always the way I would say them. I do think I write better than I speak simply because writing takes longer. Something I find annoying are those that speak one word at a time. Do you know what I mean ? When they make a statement with a slight pause between each word, as though they are carefully selecting every syllable. Makes me question the sincerity of those words. But anyway, I wrote that quote on a notepad next to my computer and have been considering those words.
Ms. Brown says to let go of who we think we are supposed to be and embrace who we are. After a few readings I began to question that advice. I believe you would have to qualify that statement quite a bit and that it doesn't stand alone. As I said, I haven't read any of her books and so I can't say if she qualifies that statement or not. It can be a bad thing to take quotes out of context. This is an example of that. To begin with, who are we supposed to be ? That a good question all by itself. I would say first and foremost we should be a good citizen of the world. We should be a good person. How that " goodness " is defined certainly varies from culture to culture. What is good ? Following that she adds, embracing who we are. Well, what if we are a bad person ? Should we embrace that ? Is that the advice, be the best you can be, as long as you are authentic ? I don't think that is what she means though, as I said, context is important here.
I'm thinking that Ms. Brown is really saying to be authentic you have to understand and admit to your limitations. Embracing who you are is accepting that. That isn't to say we shouldn't try to do the things that please us, just understand your limits. I mean, like writing for instance, I enjoy writing and so pursue that, all the while realizing I'm no Mark Twain, nor likely to become one. As I have gotten older I have learned to embrace that more, not being embarrassed to have my works read by others. That could be said about any number of things. We often label them hobbies. Hobbies are the things we do, not expecting others to take them seriously. If whatever we do is met with criticism, we can dismiss that with the statement, it's just a hobby.
The big question in all of this is knowing who we are supposed to be. Do we even get to choose ? Well, we are a product of our choices right ? If we only make good choices only good things will happen, right ? Wrong, we all know that isn't the case. Bad things happen to good people. I'm thinking that Ms. Brown should have said, let go of what you feel is expected of you , rather than, letting go of who you think you are supposed to be. I say that because we often feel like we are expected to be one thing but feel we are another. Why do we feel this need to fill the expectations of others ? We do so because we want to be liked and/or loved. Friendships are measured in expectations. When others do not meet our expectations, or we fail to meet theirs, the friendship fades away. That is the truth of it, however harsh it may sound. That is authentic. That is letting go. There are friendships that reach a plateau where we no longer expect anything, those are the ones that last a lifetime, through distance and time. Love has no expectations and so is not measured against that standard.
Do we have a right to expect anything ? Stephen Hawking said, " When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have. " I don't agree with everything that Hawking says, or thinks, but I do with this one. No doubt he is a smart guy. I think what is being said is letting go of expectations is the key to true happiness. It really is as Grandma said, expect nothing and you won't be disappointed. Amazing isn't it how we say the same things over and over again and yet they appear as an inspiration ?
Ms. Brown says to let go of who we think we are supposed to be and embrace who we are. After a few readings I began to question that advice. I believe you would have to qualify that statement quite a bit and that it doesn't stand alone. As I said, I haven't read any of her books and so I can't say if she qualifies that statement or not. It can be a bad thing to take quotes out of context. This is an example of that. To begin with, who are we supposed to be ? That a good question all by itself. I would say first and foremost we should be a good citizen of the world. We should be a good person. How that " goodness " is defined certainly varies from culture to culture. What is good ? Following that she adds, embracing who we are. Well, what if we are a bad person ? Should we embrace that ? Is that the advice, be the best you can be, as long as you are authentic ? I don't think that is what she means though, as I said, context is important here.
I'm thinking that Ms. Brown is really saying to be authentic you have to understand and admit to your limitations. Embracing who you are is accepting that. That isn't to say we shouldn't try to do the things that please us, just understand your limits. I mean, like writing for instance, I enjoy writing and so pursue that, all the while realizing I'm no Mark Twain, nor likely to become one. As I have gotten older I have learned to embrace that more, not being embarrassed to have my works read by others. That could be said about any number of things. We often label them hobbies. Hobbies are the things we do, not expecting others to take them seriously. If whatever we do is met with criticism, we can dismiss that with the statement, it's just a hobby.
The big question in all of this is knowing who we are supposed to be. Do we even get to choose ? Well, we are a product of our choices right ? If we only make good choices only good things will happen, right ? Wrong, we all know that isn't the case. Bad things happen to good people. I'm thinking that Ms. Brown should have said, let go of what you feel is expected of you , rather than, letting go of who you think you are supposed to be. I say that because we often feel like we are expected to be one thing but feel we are another. Why do we feel this need to fill the expectations of others ? We do so because we want to be liked and/or loved. Friendships are measured in expectations. When others do not meet our expectations, or we fail to meet theirs, the friendship fades away. That is the truth of it, however harsh it may sound. That is authentic. That is letting go. There are friendships that reach a plateau where we no longer expect anything, those are the ones that last a lifetime, through distance and time. Love has no expectations and so is not measured against that standard.
Do we have a right to expect anything ? Stephen Hawking said, " When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have. " I don't agree with everything that Hawking says, or thinks, but I do with this one. No doubt he is a smart guy. I think what is being said is letting go of expectations is the key to true happiness. It really is as Grandma said, expect nothing and you won't be disappointed. Amazing isn't it how we say the same things over and over again and yet they appear as an inspiration ?
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