There are times when I feel unqualified. When I was asked to say a few words at the Veterans day ceremony, I did feel a little unqualified. I was honored to be asked and justified the acceptance of that honor by the knowledge that Veterans day is for all Veterans. I'm one of those alright. Still, I feel a bit unqualified. I served for twenty years and retired. The qualification that is lacking ? I remain untested. The closet I came to battle was transiting the straights of Hormuz during operation desert shield/desert storm. We sat ready, at battle stations in case of missile attack. We weren't attacked. Not much of a test.
I joined the Navy in 1971 as the war in Vietnam was winding down. I had seen men leave and never come back. The evening news started showing the horrific results of war in real time, for the first time in history. I knew many that were protesting that war, I saw how those vets that were lucky enough to return were treated. Yes, it was a tumultuous time in America. In truth, when hasn't it been ? My ship sailed off the coast of Vietnam supplying oil to other vessels engaged in the battle. I was safely back, the Vietnamese had no ships to threaten us and certainly no air power. I was safe enough. It wasn't until years later that I sailed in harms way. Even then the odds of anything happening where pretty slim. It wasn't much of a risk. A sacrifice ? I hardly view it in that way. It was more of an inconvenience. I was compensated for my time and service. I had signed the contract, all I needed to do was what I was directed to do. Pretty easy. Blind luck or divine intervention ? That is a tough one. If God were truly protecting me, he would have also had to protect all those around me. I myself not being the most devout Christian, and some I knew around me denying his very existence, that would seem improbable. I wasn't thinking about that at the time. Today my philosophy is that God doesn't directly interfere in our life. Through belief and prayer you will be guided, but God won't grab your hand and walk you ! You have been given free will to act as you please. But setting aside philosophy, I do feel unqualified at times.
Now I never wanted to rush into battle, nothing so glorious as that. I have never had that desire that so many young men seem to have. I never felt that I had to prove myself. Now, having been unproven in battle I feel a little lacking. I joined the Navy for the opportunity it offered. It was also an honorable choice. I would get to display a bit of bravado without being in too much danger. That thought had entered my thinking when making the choice. GI Joe was fun to watch on television and in those war movies, but I was aware of the reality as well. Was it rational thought or a bit of cowardice ? That is the question I still struggle with to this day. That is why I cringe at the word, hero. I'm no hero. How can you be a hero if you have not been tested in battle, in a life and death struggle ? I've done nothing heroic ! I did exactly what I obligated myself to do. Even that I didn't do flawlessly, I made poor choices at times. It wasn't all Anchors Aweigh and sailing into harms way. I can say I would have responded had the need arisen. But how would I react ? That is the question left unanswered. It is also a question that will never be answered. My time has past. I do have to thank my God for his protection.
I have to look back upon those years of service as a lesson in humility. It is a difficult lesson. I made my decisions based on my needs. That is the truth of it. I stumbled upon this quote by Charles Caleb Cotton that made me think. " The greatest friend of Truth is time, her greatest enemy is Prejudice, and her constant companion is Humility. " Was it humility that inspired my thoughts and actions over the years ? Well, that sounds better than self preservation. Should I take pride in my service ? The immediate response is always, yes. I fulfilled every obligation. I did my duty. I can be proud of that. When I hear that word pride, I remember this statement, " Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real. " ( Thomas Merton ) I understand that sentiment exactly. It is my thinking that pride should be replaced with contentment. Contentment is what brings us peace. For some of us that peace is a long time coming. Time is how we measure understanding. And understanding will come in time.
I joined the Navy in 1971 as the war in Vietnam was winding down. I had seen men leave and never come back. The evening news started showing the horrific results of war in real time, for the first time in history. I knew many that were protesting that war, I saw how those vets that were lucky enough to return were treated. Yes, it was a tumultuous time in America. In truth, when hasn't it been ? My ship sailed off the coast of Vietnam supplying oil to other vessels engaged in the battle. I was safely back, the Vietnamese had no ships to threaten us and certainly no air power. I was safe enough. It wasn't until years later that I sailed in harms way. Even then the odds of anything happening where pretty slim. It wasn't much of a risk. A sacrifice ? I hardly view it in that way. It was more of an inconvenience. I was compensated for my time and service. I had signed the contract, all I needed to do was what I was directed to do. Pretty easy. Blind luck or divine intervention ? That is a tough one. If God were truly protecting me, he would have also had to protect all those around me. I myself not being the most devout Christian, and some I knew around me denying his very existence, that would seem improbable. I wasn't thinking about that at the time. Today my philosophy is that God doesn't directly interfere in our life. Through belief and prayer you will be guided, but God won't grab your hand and walk you ! You have been given free will to act as you please. But setting aside philosophy, I do feel unqualified at times.
Now I never wanted to rush into battle, nothing so glorious as that. I have never had that desire that so many young men seem to have. I never felt that I had to prove myself. Now, having been unproven in battle I feel a little lacking. I joined the Navy for the opportunity it offered. It was also an honorable choice. I would get to display a bit of bravado without being in too much danger. That thought had entered my thinking when making the choice. GI Joe was fun to watch on television and in those war movies, but I was aware of the reality as well. Was it rational thought or a bit of cowardice ? That is the question I still struggle with to this day. That is why I cringe at the word, hero. I'm no hero. How can you be a hero if you have not been tested in battle, in a life and death struggle ? I've done nothing heroic ! I did exactly what I obligated myself to do. Even that I didn't do flawlessly, I made poor choices at times. It wasn't all Anchors Aweigh and sailing into harms way. I can say I would have responded had the need arisen. But how would I react ? That is the question left unanswered. It is also a question that will never be answered. My time has past. I do have to thank my God for his protection.
I have to look back upon those years of service as a lesson in humility. It is a difficult lesson. I made my decisions based on my needs. That is the truth of it. I stumbled upon this quote by Charles Caleb Cotton that made me think. " The greatest friend of Truth is time, her greatest enemy is Prejudice, and her constant companion is Humility. " Was it humility that inspired my thoughts and actions over the years ? Well, that sounds better than self preservation. Should I take pride in my service ? The immediate response is always, yes. I fulfilled every obligation. I did my duty. I can be proud of that. When I hear that word pride, I remember this statement, " Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real. " ( Thomas Merton ) I understand that sentiment exactly. It is my thinking that pride should be replaced with contentment. Contentment is what brings us peace. For some of us that peace is a long time coming. Time is how we measure understanding. And understanding will come in time.
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